Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[Woggle]

I don't think anyone's life experiences are invalid. I suppose I just think the misdirection is funny. Like when you said you would not be interested in a pimply faced, gangly, awkward kid. As if that young man's age is what deterred you from dating him. A pimply faced, gangly, awkward guy in his 20's or 30's is probably striking out with the ladies as well. The situation changes when that 18 year old is a very attractive guy, with a great attitude, funny, in great physical shape.

 

I have noticed a theme on here lately, and that is to condemn a man for pretty much any dating preference he may have. Man prefer a non-promiscuous woman? He's a sexist. Man prefers a woman that is not overweight? He's shallow. And fat shaming! Man prefers a younger woman? That's creepy and disgusting. Not all the ladies on here are like this, but there are quite a few.

 

Yup. I am not even stuck on age like some but women have their preferences and men have ours. As long as everybody is a legal and consenting adult people need to mind their own business. Even though I have never dated much younger I have had some women who seemed to resent the fact that I could get attractive women as if I was getting something I somehow didn't deserve.

[SummerDreams]

No, not always.

 

If I was on a dating site, I would choose a younger age bracket, specifically because of what I stated above in my last post here.

 

Its compatibility.

 

Simply put, I need a younger women because I live that way. I am very active for my age, very fit, and my mind is also sharp and I am more compatible with a woman who is the same.

 

And to be honest, thats why younger women do it for me.

 

Ses is sex, older or younger, that doesn't come into play.

 

I see what you are saying, but I can't not wonder, why would a young, fit, loyal, sharp, ready for commitment woman choose you over a man in her age or a little older - or even younger? I mean, I get you can manage to be with someone that much younger, but I don't hear what you bring to the table that will make her choose you. Don't take it the wrong way, I'm just wondering.

 

Regarding the guys from OLD who want women that much younger than them, I find it is a good filter to sort out the ones who want to have some fun and those who are serious and look for a relationship. In my eyes a man who really wants a serious relationship won't care for the age.

[ThugLifing]

I'm 28 and prefer women my age or a little older. I don't have anything in common with a girl just graduating highschool or even college at 21 ish. I think about where my mental state was at a younger age and know I couldn't date much younger than me.

[lollipopspot]

I have noticed a theme on here lately, and that is to condemn a man for pretty much any dating preference he may have. Man prefer a non-promiscuous woman? He's a sexist. Man prefers a woman that is not overweight? He's shallow. And fat shaming! Man prefers a younger woman? That's creepy and disgusting. Not all the ladies on here are like this, but there are quite a few.

 

Oh come on.

 

A woman want a taller guy? She's shallow. A woman prefers a man who can take care of himself and a family? She's a gold digger. A woman doesn't give the intense socially awkward guy who pursues her a chance? She's too picky and entitled, and just wait until she passes her "prime" age and gets too old - she'll be begging for attention then... I don't give a **** about any of that, but I do notice that often the guys who prefer non promiscuous women on here have quite the history themselves, so they're hypocrites at best.

[NGC1300]

just browse some online profiles ...this guy really caught my eyes...good looking, educated and athletic...and he does skiing and snowboarding which are my favorites...

 

guess what? his criteria is : age between 18 and 40, and he is age 37.

 

18...that's like half of his age. I suppose that is the true color of the majority of men? the younger the better, as long as it's legal?

 

actually, this seems the norm...just browsed this another guy: age 25-36, he is 36!

 

Eh, 25 and 36 doesn't seem too drastic.

 

18 and 40 = lol

[NewLeaf512]

My parents were more than 26 years apart. They shouldn't have been married or had children.

[loveflower]

Eh, 25 and 36 doesn't seem too drastic.

 

18 and 40 = lol

 

while 25 and 36 seems not too drastic, but actually it is more gender discriminatory. because in this case, 11 younger is OK for him, but 1 year older is not OK for him.

 

Is this gender difference in choosing mate purely biological or socially conditioned? or both? so is female inherently disadvantageous with age? it seems to be the case.

[edgygirl]

Neither would I when I was 27. I wouldn't even look at men over 30 back then

 

Older guys don't get it Usually younger women who go for them have some kind of issue... Be it daddy issues, monetary issues, psychological issues.

 

Keep kidding yourselves.

 

No offense guys but as a 27 year old, I wouldn't date a 36 year old man unless he looked exceptionally young. That's too old even for me. At 18, it would have creeped me out since that would have been within five years of my father's age.

 

[RedRobin]

I think you have to keep in mind, OP, that a lot of people doing OLD are more or less trophy hunting.

 

 

For men, a lot of them don't care all that much for the woman's personality characteristics (although they would say otherwise... actions speak louder than words, lol)... they just want to have a young, hot thing to take to parties and brag to their friends. If she's a hot mess, it's ok, as long as her hot messiness doesn't unduly interfere with his daily life... and since OLD is also a lot of churn, there is always the option of just having sex or trying to have sex with lots of women outside their normal social circle who don't have the benefit of knowing what an a-hole he is or has been.

 

 

Same rule applies for alot of women doing OLD, but with different criteria.

 

 

For anyone (man or woman) looking for a sincere, long-term relationship, OLD can be very tough.

 

 

It took me awhile, but I eventually learned the 'code' that the non-serious guys are giving out, even subtly. One of them is the skewed age range. Some others would be totally obvious, like shirtless pics, being wishy-washy about goals in their profile... all criteria that any woman looking for a relationship would be wise to screen out.

[xxoo]

It was very common, even in the over-50 set. It isn’t that I got upset about it. It was just the equivalent of someone with body odor picking his nose in front of me- instant repulsion. I politely and generically said no to them because we clearly didn’t have the same priorities and values. If they pressed me for a reason I just explained that I wasn’t comfortable dating someone who’d be sexually interested in my daughters. (Imagine that sitting at your table for Thanksgiving dinner!) .

 

This is exactly how I would feel. Squick!

 

Now, that comes from my perspective as a parent, rubbing elbows with other parents. The men in my life aged 40-50s are generally parenting teenagers, not dating them. The men in my life aged 40-50s, as parents of teenagers, are on high alert around men their age who date teenagers. That's not the kind of buddy you bring to high school football games because your kid is cheering, kwim?

 

So I don't run into that sort of man often IRL, and it doesn't seem normal to me at all. It seems like life and peers passed that guy by somehow. We'd have absolutely nothing in common, and he wouldn't fit in with my crowd.

[Els]

This is exactly how I would feel. Squick!

 

Now, that comes from my perspective as a parent, rubbing elbows with other parents. The men in my life aged 40-50s are generally parenting teenagers, not dating them. The men in my life aged 40-50s, as parents of teenagers, are on high alert around men their age who date teenagers. That's not the kind of buddy you bring to high school football games because your kid is cheering, kwim?

 

So I don't run into that sort of man often IRL, and it doesn't seem normal to me at all. It seems like life and peers passed that guy by somehow. We'd have absolutely nothing in common, and he wouldn't fit in with my crowd.

 

Right.

 

Also IMO there is a vast difference between a ~10 year age gap (which tends to be the limit even for women who desire older men) and a 30+ year age gap. While I wouldn't necessarily advise the former since there are only rare cases of it working for the long term, it isn't really squick-worthy (in my perception) either. A few of my friends are with men 7-10 yrs older than them and they seem to be happy, so good for them.

 

But a 50 or 60 yo man with a 18 yo girl is an entirely different kettle of fish. I'm not even a parent and I'd feel an instinctive, visceral revulsion towards that. Contrary to what some of the male posters here believe, it isn't 'sour grapes' - I would rather be single than pair up with a man like that even if he was the last guy left on earth. And yes when I was in my late teens I did hit on by a few men that age. It was just disgusting, not flattering at all.

[Els]

You just...proved my point.

 

Biologically (it's coded into our instincts that go beyond morals and social norms, mores, etc etc) they want that "young flesh" because it speaks to the fact that they're more likely to be healthy. Let's remember our sexual desires are something we don't have 100% control over and go back to basic reproduction. This is just nature doing it's thing when presenting a male with a plethora of 'options'. We are animals after all.

 

It's seriously nothing to get upset about.

 

I assume you'll have no issues with this 'logic' being used to defend a woman who cheats on her husband and then eventually leaves him just because a richer and taller man expressed interest in her, right? I mean, that's what the majority of female pack animals do (they all sleep with the most powerful male, and when he is vanquished they just move right on and sleep with the new most powerful male), therefore it must be right - it's all about the 'urges' after all! Rationality and ethics be damned.

[Frank2thepoint]

Eh, genetics are a copout. A mature man or woman of depth is plenty able to find a 40 year old man or woman very attractive.

 

I guess I'm one of the few men that wants a woman in his age range. I can't see myself dating a woman more than 6-8 years my junior. It would be hard because she wouldn't know anything about the 80s.

 

 

I'm sure there are also 5' women there who have profiles requiring men to be above 6'. So... meh. If you go into the most shallow of places looking for shallow people I'm sure you are bound to find plenty.

 

I was going to point something like this out. A man that wants a young girl is no different from a woman that wants a really tall guy.

 

 

Yes, it's not bad but a 36 year old is too old for my normal dating range of within five years. But I'd make an exception for Tom Hiddleston who's 34 and only because there's no one like him.

 

Translation: If you are hot enough - and maybe have enough social status - she would date the man if he was outside of her 5 year age difference range.

[autumnnight]

I have no problem wth relationship age differences. A 50 year old man can definitely fall in love with a 30 year old woman. And the reverse can happen too.

 

My only sarcastic chuckle with regard to age difference is the cliche man who is a legend in his own mind at 50 who buys the sports car (or Aston Martin), tans every week, manscapes, and has the quintessential 22 year old bimbo on his arm. I'm not jealous of her (she can have him). But yeah, I kinda laugh. Just being honest.

 

The funny thing is that most men who fit the above cliche tend to despise actual women. Maybe their wife was a nag or didn't give them any, so they cope by trolling the sorority house or the ads in the back of Playboy.

 

I feel the same way about the former soccer moms whose douche hubby dumped them, and so at 55 they tan, go blonde, and lurk around the frat house.

[loveflower]

I think you have to keep in mind, OP, that a lot of people doing OLD are more or less trophy hunting.

 

 

For men, a lot of them don't care all that much for the woman's personality characteristics (although they would say otherwise... actions speak louder than words, lol)... they just want to have a young, hot thing to take to parties and brag to their friends. If she's a hot mess, it's ok, as long as her hot messiness doesn't unduly interfere with his daily life... and since OLD is also a lot of churn, there is always the option of just having sex or trying to have sex with lots of women outside their normal social circle who don't have the benefit of knowing what an a-hole he is or has been.

 

 

Same rule applies for alot of women doing OLD, but with different criteria.

 

 

For anyone (man or woman) looking for a sincere, long-term relationship, OLD can be very tough.

 

 

It took me awhile, but I eventually learned the 'code' that the non-serious guys are giving out, even subtly. One of them is the skewed age range. Some others would be totally obvious, like shirtless pics, being wishy-washy about goals in their profile... all criteria that any woman looking for a relationship would be wise to screen out.

 

Action speak louder than words.......I generally assumed people are honest with their intents. So, when they say they are looking for a relationship and I will just assume so.

 

but anyway, I gave up OLD long ago. been on a few coffee 'dates' and that was it. I just occasionally browse the pof site when I get bored using an anonymous profile. I don't think I can find what I am looking for online... not IRL too I guess...

[anduina]

Neither would I when I was 27. I wouldn't even look at men over 30 back then

 

Older guys don't get it Usually younger women who go for them have some kind of issue... Be it daddy issues, monetary issues, psychological issues.

 

Keep kidding yourselves.

It's weird how these guys believe that a 36 year old guy who's dating 18 year olds is a-okay. But at 27, I would not date these supposedly hot 18 year old actors. They look like babies to me, ones I should be baking cookies for and serving with a glass of milk.

 

http://www.shineon-media.com/wp-content/uploads/michaelbolten.jpg

 

http://cdn.theatlantic.com/assets/media/img/posts/2014/07/1billy/b9a38d678.jpg

 

http://media.bigshinyrobot.com/uploads/2010/02/loganlerman.jpg

[Els]

Are you trying to make the argument that women are biologically incapable of remaining faithful to men?

 

Sure, if she only thinks with her sexual organs and is devoid of any rational capabilities or ethics or morals or ability to feel love at all. Which is the sort of ridiculousness that the poster I quoted was suggesting we accept in men.

[anduina]

Translation: If you are hot enough - and maybe have enough social status - she would date the man if he was outside of her 5 year age difference range.

Hot and young looking enough. Social status isn't relevant.

 

If you look at Hiddleston next to Hemsworth, Hemsworth is the better looking guy. But in my opinion, Hiddleston is far hotter since he's so smooth where Hemsworth is the beer, pizza and monster truck kind of guy.

 

http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1505067.1383444416!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/77072084.jpg

[loveflower]

OK, another twist for me. I suppose that is the real reason I mind this issue so much.

 

IRL, I am attracted to this guy who I believe is at least 8 years younger than me. But, he seems more mature than me, career and life experience wise. and I probably look his age...of course, I definitely should forget about this person, as he is not even in this city now. but he might come back...he shows up in my 'people you may know' list in facebook often...

Edited September 28, 2015 by loveflower

[madjac74]

OK, another twist for me. I suppose that is the real reason I mind this issue so much.

 

IRL, I am attracted to this guy who I believe is at least 8 years younger than me. But, he seems more mature than me, career and life experience wise. and I probably look his age...of course, I definitely should forget about this person, as he is not even in this city now. but he might come back...he shows up in my 'people you may know' list in facebook often...

 

The fact that you keep relating age to maturity just proves that he probably is more mature than you. But you look his age so i am sure he would be attracted to you

[Els]

OK, another twist for me. I suppose that is the real reason I mind this issue so much.

 

IRL, I am attracted to this guy who I believe is at least 8 years younger than me. But, he seems more mature than me, career and life experience wise. and I probably look his age...of course, I definitely should forget about this person, as he is not even in this city now. but he might come back...he shows up in my 'people you may know' list in facebook often...

 

You should just talk to him if you see him again. 8 years is not really a big deal, most of the people expressing disgust at large age gap Rs here are talking about old people being with youngsters less than half or even a third of their age.

 

But why is he more mature than you in terms of career and life experience despite being at least 8 years younger? That is the more pressing Q here.

[Frank2thepoint]

Hot and young looking enough. Social status isn't relevant.

 

For you it is. You are willing to overlook your 5 year age difference range for a man that is attractive to a lot of women, and is a celebrity.

[autumnnight]

All I can say is...when this man becomes your role model, it is time to examine your priorities and character and latent self-esteem issues.....

 

http://www.betcheslovethis.com/files/uploads/images/o-HUGH-HEFNER-CRYSTAL-HARRIS-facebook.jpg

[Woggle]

I don't agree with everything he did but Hugh Hefner in many ways is a role model. He started from nothing and created a publication that influenced the world and Playboy for all it's sex and sleaze is actually a very intelligent magazine. He was also a major civil rights supporter before civil rights were a thing. There is a lot good about him.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Let's be honest. Let's compare the body of a 22 year old female versus the body of a 42 year old female.

 

Yeah let's do that. And if we are not talking about some 22 year old model, sportswoman or actress, we will see a lot of 22 year old chubby overweight badly dressed immature "women" (or rather teenagers in the body of a 22 year old). Who drink too much, eat unhealthy and do not take care of themselves.

And we will see quite a few very fit, slim, elegant, smart 42-year old women who have their ***** together.

 

There is genetics, yes, but there is also what you do with the genetics you got. I would not underestimate the women over 40. A lot of them take very good care of themselves and look fabulous.