Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[xxoo]

Yeah let's do that. And if we are not talking about some 22 year old model, sportswoman or actress, we will see a lot of 22 year old chubby overweight badly dressed immature "women" (or rather teenagers in the body of a 22 year old). Who drink too much, eat unhealthy and do not take care of themselves.

And we will see quite a few very fit, slim, elegant, smart 42-year old women who have their ***** together.

 

There is genetics, yes, but there is also what you do with the genetics you got. I would not underestimate the women over 40. A lot of them take very good care of themselves and look fabulous.

 

Yes, we do

 

I was surprised to reach 42 and realize I don't look all that different from 22. Older, yes, but no big difference in a bikini.

 

When people make the claim that people in their 40s are not as attractive as people in their 20s, I think that's a shame and they should meet some more attractive 40 year olds!

[autumnnight]

Yeah let's do that. And if we are not talking about some 22 year old model, sportswoman or actress, we will see a lot of 22 year old chubby overweight badly dressed immature "women" (or rather teenagers in the body of a 22 year old). Who drink too much, eat unhealthy and do not take care of themselves.

And we will see quite a few very fit, slim, elegant, smart 42-year old women who have their ***** together.

 

There is genetics, yes, but there is also what you do with the genetics you got. I would not underestimate the women over 40. A lot of them take very good care of themselves and look fabulous.

 

I'll confess. My body doesn't look like a 22 year old model's.

 

I also don't yell too loudly when I'm drunk, I don;t use the word "like" profusely. I know that chicken of the sea is actually tuna, and I am not a Woo Girl who pulls up my shirt from the back of a pickup truck.

 

I have found that most mature men appreciate those things.

[GunslingerRoland]

Personally if I was single and doing online dating, I'd have my profile set up to do a bare minimum of filters. It seems like too many people these days, think you could quantify what you are looking for in another person. When really you can someone who is statistically perfect for you who you can't stand, and you can get someone who on paper isn't your type but is your perfect match.

 

That being said, I don't think I'd look for an 18 year old for a serious relationship... even for a fling I'd feel weird dating someone that young.

[EricaH329]

I've been on an OLD site for a couple of months now, and about 95% of the men who message me are 15+ years older than me.

 

Personally, I don't follow up with them. Being a 28 year old, and having 40-something-year olds trying to date me says two things. 1 - They believe we are on the same maturity level (which doesn't say much about a man who is closer to my fathers age than my own), and 2 - They think we have something in common (which speaks volumes about their experiences in life).

 

It might be for some people, but it's not for me.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Older, yes, but no big difference in a bikini.

 

I'm 50 and I can tell you that not a lot of women in their thirties have my bikini body. Have always been slim but with curves in proportion. Breasts still perky and no muffin top (especially if I have been doing yoga recently).

 

They might be younger but they ain't firmer !

 

I have good genes and eat healthy, and try to move sufficiently (is the hardest part because of a demanding job).

[PinkInTheLimo]

On topic. My impression is that there are not so many guys who indicate a preference for a woman who is really much younger (like the 50 year old guy going for women between 20 and 30).

There are more guys - and they irritate the hell out of me - who have a preference for women who are maximum a couple of years younger than them. Example: the 54 year old guy who mentions that he wants to meet a woman between 38 and 46). So I am younger than that guy by 4 years but still he won't consider me because I might be younger but not younger enough. Now what difference does it make if a woman is 45 or 50 since she is younger anyway.

 

This said at 39 I would never have been interested in a guy of 54. I would at 46 already have doubts about a guy of 54. Between 5 years older or 5 years younger is my preference. Unfortunately many of those won't give the light of the day to a woman who is their own age. And I have to say that I actually got more reactions from the ones who were a bit younger than me (like 2-3 years) than the ones a bit older than me. Is it because guys in their fifties are so afraid of the confrontation with their age when looking at a woman their age?

 

Whatever it is, I find it pathetic and I am not really interested in these guys. I mean, if you have not accepted that you are older when you are in your fifties, then when will you?

[GunslingerRoland]

I'm 50 and I can tell you that not a lot of women in their thirties have my bikini body. Have always been slim but with curves in proportion. Breasts still perky and no muffin top (especially if I have been doing yoga recently).

 

They might be younger but they ain't firmer !

 

I have good genes and eat healthy, and try to move sufficiently (is the hardest part because of a demanding job).

 

Not to doubt you (although I can't confirm without pictures.

 

But the key isn't that there are 40,50, 60 year old women with amazing bodies out there.... it's the odds of them.

 

If you took a 100 18 year old girls, how many of them would have figures that fit the average western view of a "sexy body"? 70-80% maybe?

 

Now by the time you get to 28 you are going to go down by a lot... maybe you are at 50-70%... keep going up in age and it's going to keep dropping.

 

So yeah, there are maybe 10-20% of women who at 50 have a great bikini body... but that is way less odds than going for an 18 year old... and if that is your top criteria in a lover.. it's hard to put, must look great in a bikini as a filter on your dating profile.

[autumnnight]

Not to doubt you (although I can't confirm without pictures.

 

But the key isn't that there are 40,50, 60 year old women with amazing bodies out there.... it's the odds of them.

 

If you took a 100 18 year old girls, how many of them would have figures that fit the average western view of a "sexy body"? 70-80% maybe?

 

Now by the time you get to 28 you are going to go down by a lot... maybe you are at 50-70%... keep going up in age and it's going to keep dropping.

 

So yeah, there are maybe 10-20% of women who at 50 have a great bikini body... but that is way less odds than going for an 18 year old... and if that is your top criteria in a lover.. it's hard to put, must look great in a bikini as a filter on your dating profile.

 

If this is a man's criteria for a deep and meaningful relationship.....

 

Bless his heart

[PinkInTheLimo]

But the key isn't that there are 40,50, 60 year old women with amazing bodies out there.... it's the odds of them.

 

If you took a 100 18 year old girls, how many of them would have figures that fit the average western view of a "sexy body"? 70-80% maybe?

 

Now by the time you get to 28 you are going to go down by a lot... maybe you are at 50-70%... keep going up in age and it's going to keep dropping.

 

So yeah, there are maybe 10-20% of women who at 50 have a great bikini body... but that is way less odds than going for an 18 year old... and if that is your top criteria in a lover.. it's hard to put, must look great in a bikini as a filter on your dating profile.

 

What are the odds of finding a 40, 50, 60... year old guy with a great body? Not so big either... Women of 40, 50, 60... accept that the guys their age have grown older, they accept their changing bodies. Why can't guys do the same? Where does this entitlement come from? This feeling that they have the right to a young woman with a beautiful body if they can't offer the same? Don't tell me it is because these younger women are more fertile because most of the 40, 50, 60... year old guys do not want kids (most of the time they already have them).

[GunslingerRoland]

What are the odds of finding a 40, 50, 60... year old guy with a great body? Not so big either... Women of 40, 50, 60... accept that the guys their age have grown older, they accept their changing bodies. Why can't guys do the same? Where does this entitlement come from? This feeling that they have the right to a young woman with a beautiful body if they can't offer the same? Don't tell me it is because these younger women are more fertile because most of the 40, 50, 60... year old guys do not want kids (most of the time they already have them).

 

You realize there is a difference between being biologically attracted to fertile looking women has absolutely nothing to do wanting to have kids right?

 

But yeah I don't disagree at all with you about men's bodies changing in the same fashion... but like you said... most women just don't care as much.

[Quiet Storm]

I think as long as it's legal and both sides are honest, then age differences are OK. There are some people that think it's gross that I'm white and married to a black guy. Or that same sex relationships are gross. If you are someone in a relationship that is sometimes judged or criticized, you need a who GAF attitude. Let it roll off your back...we are in love, get over it, people.

 

I do feel its wrong if a guy is exploiting a young girl's naivete. I think since we can't eradicate all the liars and players, we can teach our daughters to recognize them. We can arm them with knowledge- red flags, being smart, not being slaves to their emotions.

 

We also should teach our sons to respect women and value women for more than just their looks, and to be honest and considerate. As mothers, as women- I believe we can instill that in our sons. We may not be able to control that biological primal desire for young and hot girls, but we can arm them with knowledge and help them to empathize with women's issues, view us as equals, value traits besides looks, etc.

[edgygirl]

That's exactly my point of view! 80s! You summed it up

 

I guess I'm one of the few men that wants a woman in his age range. I can't see myself dating a woman more than 6-8 years my junior. It would be hard because she wouldn't know anything about the 80s.

[edgygirl]

It's a shame you have to chose between the two. Perhaps you're looking in the wrong places.

 

As a man, I would happily accept a lady with daddy, or monetary issues over the many of the women that seem to hate men these days.

[edgygirl]

I was wondering the same thing, thank you for pointing this out, I feel less crazy. I am younger than you but when I see a 55 yo guy chosing 30-50 as his age limit I feel like

 

On the other hand, something happens to me regarding men of a certain age, and I wonder if that might be the case with these guys. There is something about men above 52 that doesn't attract me. Sometimes I try to up the age to that, but time after time I look at these men and feel zero attraction. But I'd hope people around the same age feel attraction to each other. Seems like more often than not, online men are not that attracted to women their age when they pass 50, or just want a trophy young thing.

 

On topic. My impression is that there are not so many guys who indicate a preference for a woman who is really much younger (like the 50 year old guy going for women between 20 and 30).

There are more guys - and they irritate the hell out of me - who have a preference for women who are maximum a couple of years younger than them. Example: the 54 year old guy who mentions that he wants to meet a woman between 38 and 46). So I am younger than that guy by 4 years but still he won't consider me because I might be younger but not younger enough. Now what difference does it make if a woman is 45 or 50 since she is younger anyway.

 

This said at 39 I would never have been interested in a guy of 54. I would at 46 already have doubts about a guy of 54. Between 5 years older or 5 years younger is my preference. Unfortunately many of those won't give the light of the day to a woman who is their own age. And I have to say that I actually got more reactions from the ones who were a bit younger than me (like 2-3 years) than the ones a bit older than me. Is it because guys in their fifties are so afraid of the confrontation with their age when looking at a woman their age?

 

Whatever it is, I find it pathetic and I am not really interested in these guys. I mean, if you have not accepted that you are older when you are in your fifties, then when will you?

[loveflower]

You should just talk to him if you see him again. 8 years is not really a big deal, most of the people expressing disgust at large age gap Rs here are talking about old people being with youngsters less than half or even a third of their age.

 

But why is he more mature than you in terms of career and life experience despite being at least 8 years younger? That is the more pressing Q here.

 

 

Thanks. No sure how to have the courage though...um...anyway, probably will never see him again. who know, maybe he already found someone in that cold, now snowing place?

 

obviously this person is very into experiencing and examining life? otherwise, why would he went to a place no one really want to go? especially for someone so educated? That's what make this person so fascinating to me. I mean he is good looking, but I have seen many more 'handsome' guys in my life. but many handsome guys don't attract to me. I guess it's about the way the person looks, the vibe and the energy a person radiates that makes him attractive to me.

 

Well, we grew up in different place, time and environment.

 

I grew up in a village. my daily routine mainly consisted of going to school and go back home...I grew up climbing trees. I was a tomboy. I grew up believing that man and woman should keep a distance from each other, and people should only date when they have the intention of marriage. I didn't even aware of things like premarital sex and cohabitation.

 

while he grew up in a metropolitan and the most liberal culture in the world. He has resource and he is smart, which I don't. for example, he has a recreational pilot license, while I only managed to have a motorcycle one (car licence is a given). He trotted around the globe and have lived in this and that part of the world to experience different cultures and languages, while I can only stuck in one place. so don't you think he has life experience than me?

 

career, this person is quite accomplished while mine is stagnant. I guess I am just not smart and hard working enough. heck, I don't even know what I want to do anymore. I thought finished 2 degrees will get me somewhere, but they don't.

Edited September 29, 2015 by loveflower

[Got it]

I was wondering the same thing, thank you for pointing this out, I feel less crazy. I am younger than you but when I see a 55 yo guy chosing 30-50 as his age limit I feel like

 

On the other hand, something happens to me regarding men of a certain age, and I wonder if that might be the case with these guys. There is something about men above 52 that doesn't attract me. Sometimes I try to up the age to that, but time after time I look at these men and feel zero attraction. But I'd hope people around the same age feel attraction to each other. Seems like more often than not, online men are not that attracted to women their age when they pass 50, or just want a trophy young thing.

 

Umm, because they are old, saggy and their sense of humor has some how morphed into "dad jokes" that is funny to no one but themselves?

[Frank2thepoint]

but I refuse to try and date a woman that requires me to "prove" to her that I am not "like other guys," which is always a negative experience.

 

I strongly agree with this. But from my experience, it transcends age. There are young women just as older women that have this expectation of proof. Regardless, I'm not sure why it occurs, when such a woman meets a new man in her life. It's understandable to be cautious, but when the new guy is doing time for the crimes of her exes, then that's a really bad experience.

[autumnnight]

I strongly agree with this. But from my experience, it transcends age. There are young women just as older women that have this expectation of proof. Regardless, I'm not sure why it occurs, when such a woman meets a new man in her life. It's understandable to be cautious, but when the new guy is doing time for the crimes of her exes, then that's a really bad experience.

 

It boils down to choice. I had a sexless, lonely marriage with a passive aggressive man who couldn't stay employed. I was played by a playah who then went after me online. I was with someone I loved completely for a long time only to discover he had cheated on me for an undetermined amount of time.

 

I still believe most men are trying their best, there are many good men out there, and none of them should have to pay for a past man's mistakes.

 

I CHOOSE to have that outlook because I CHOOSE not to live as a victim.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

You realize there is a difference between being biologically attracted to fertile looking women has absolutely nothing to do wanting to have kids right?

 

 

 

 

Gunslinger, do you even know what that statement is supposed to mean?

 

 

It makes minimal sense as written, and IF what you were trying to suggest is that "being biologically attracted to fertile-looking women has absolutely nothing to do with wanting to have kids", then what you (meant) is simply wrong.

 

 

It is OK for you yourself to be attracted to "fertile-looking" women and to want nothing to do with (fathering their) children.

 

But (men) being biologically attracted (as in instinctively) to fertile-looking women has, and will always have a whole lot to do with procreation.

 

Thus the reason we're all here!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

just browse some online profiles ...this guy really caught my eyes...good looking, educated and athletic...and he does skiing and snowboarding which are my favorites...

 

guess what? his criteria is : age between 18 and 40, and he is age 37.

 

18...that's like half of his age. I suppose that is the true color of the majority of men? the younger the better, as long as it's legal?

 

actually, this seems the norm...just browsed this another guy: age 25-36, he is 36!

 

 

 

During the first half of the 1990's, a study was done by asking men of all ages what the "ideal age in a mate" for him would be.

 

Rather than present the data as a meaningless average of all of the purely random numbers offered, and tell you "(37.28514 years of age is ideal in a woman)", they presented the data from the survey in terms relative to the age of the respondents.

 

 

The answer was: "half his own age plus seven years" (was the average response from adult males of all ages who answered the survey)

 

Thus the 36yo cited above was right on the button when landing on the 25yo in his age range.

 

 

The hundred-year-old at the geriatric center... his mind is thinking: "57".

 

 

Now of course these were presented as "male ideals" rather than (reality)... but until there is some reality, the ideals can be whatever variable they want.

[RedRobin]

I think women should be more concerned about finding a guy who meets their criteria than worrying about what a guy's criteria is.

 

They should also be concerned if the guy holds double standards or is hypocritical, because I believe they will find that guy excuses himself from all manner of bad behavior while insisting that she still comply. Long term, those guys don't make good partners. Subjective 'it's ok for me but not for you' values don't fly with me.

 

A guy with skewed age criteria who uses biology as an excuse for bad behavior falls into that category for me and is an instant deal breaker. That is one of the good things about online dating. There are lots of giveaways they don't even know they are giving away. If you met them out and about in the real world, you'd not likely find out how hypocritical they were until sometime down the road, or you would have to be skilled in the art of discussion... Enough for them to reveal those, um, preferences. Not terribly hard to uncover either... But so much easier when they give it away on a profile...

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

Is this gender difference in choosing mate purely biological or socially conditioned? or both? so is female inherently disadvantageous with age? it seems to be the case.

 

 

Those are fair questions to ponder.

 

 

The reality is that where it concerns mating possibilities, nobody has it better than do young females. They hold all the aces for some small-but-workable period of time... and then, with time, their options diminish at a slow-but-steady pace.

 

Young (straight) males have lots of social competition from the start, and IF they shun/survive that struggle, and instead focus on getting somewhere in career and the rest of life, then, later, they have increasing social options with time.

 

(that latter increase is only relative to what they used to have as young adults - women still continue to hold far better social cards than do like-aged men for a very long while)

 

Women well into life who complain about these realities are significantly overlapping the set of women who wish they'd have done a lot more with the wide-open playing field when it was theirs in their 20's.

 

 

How often do you see women who took their sweet time and mated well, in their early 20's when the lot was theirs from which to select, complaining at age 40 about this same old subject which doesn't really apply to them, because they mated well in the first place?

[RedRobin]

Edited: if those guys consider that 'man hating' it's only because they hold such a low bar for their own and other men's behavior... Some younger women haven't learned how to screen out the liars and users. That's why a lot of older men target them. A woman closer to their own age can see right through them, and lots of those guys find that very uncomfortable.

 

What I have discovered is that honorable people have high standards for their own and others behavior, and generally don't take exception to other honorable people taking their time to get to know them. They do that while still remaining friendly and sociable. It's just that there is a line you won't cross until you prove yourself. That's how most social networks operate.

[RedRobin]

Those are fair questions to ponder.

 

 

The reality is that where it concerns mating possibilities, nobody has it better than do young females. They hold all the aces for some small-but-workable period of time... and then, with time, their options diminish at a slow-but-steady pace.

 

Young (straight) males have lots of social competition from the start, and IF they shun/survive that struggle, and instead focus on getting somewhere in career and the rest of life, then, later, they have increasing social options with time.

 

(that latter increase is only relative to what they used to have as young adults - women still continue to hold far better social cards than do like-aged men for a very long while)

 

Women well into life who complain about these realities are significantly overlapping the set of women who wish they'd have done a lot more with the wide-open playing field when it was theirs in their 20's.

 

 

How often do you see women who took their sweet time and mated well, in their early 20's when the lot was theirs from which to select, complaining at age 40 about this same old subject which doesn't really apply to them, because they mated well in the first place?

 

Interesting... You are blaming women for men not being a good partner? Is that what I am hearing? You are blaming women who are a few years out of their teenage life for not being able to predict the lifelong future with a guy she has chosen?

 

This is the most preposterous thing I have ever heard.

 

Is there any point in life you hold men responsible? Or is it their perpetual liberty to suck away the lives of women in their twenties and there is no end in sight to the good times.... For men. Do you seriously believe that?

 

Oh, even better, you are slamming women who are not in their twenties, for what exactly? For them not holding the wisdom you allow men to acquire later on but not women? This I find incredibly repulsive, hypocritical, and sexist.

 

This is exactly the kind of attitude any woman should avoid at all cost when she is seeking a partner at any stage of her life. The attitude that her life trajectory must somehow be confined to a very small set of years in her extreme youth, and it must necessarily be focused on trapping a man 'or else'... But somehow, men get all the time they want...

 

Unfortunately, the world is full of men who thought they had forever too... Then they end up in their 40s trolling OLD sites for twenty something's claiming to want a family... And those women rightfully wondering WTF that guy did with HiS twenties and how he treated the women before her. When I was doing OLD, I skimmed right past the late thirties, early forties and beyond never married guys with the skewed age ranges seeking mommy material. I didnt care what his reasons were for waiting.

 

And... This... Didn't escape me...Somehow... HER twenties are considered a small but workable range to make a perfect life choice... But a man? Why not him? If you are holding a barely adult woman accountable, then why not those guys? This is 1940's thinking at best.

Edited October 4, 2015 by RedRobin

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Interesting... You are blaming women for men not being a good partner? Is that what I am hearing? You are blaming women who are a few years out of their teenage life for not being able to predict the lifelong future with a guy she has chosen?

 

This is the most preposterous thing I have ever heard.

 

Is there any point in life you hold men responsible? Or is it their perpetual liberty to suck away the lives of women in their twenties and there is no end in sight to the good times.... For men. Do you seriously believe that?

 

 

Of greater importance at this moment is:

 

 

Will YOU ever take responsibility for your own path??

 

 

Had you married well, or even appropriately, you simply would not be here grumbling about how it really IS.

 

 

Now who should be held responsible for your own path, if not you?