Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[Oregon_Dude]

The reality is that where it concerns mating possibilities, nobody has it better than do young females. They hold all the aces for some small-but-workable period of time... and then, with time, their options diminish at a slow-but-steady pace.

 

Young (straight) males have lots of social competition from the start, and IF they shun/survive that struggle, and instead focus on getting somewhere in career and the rest of life, then, later, they have increasing social options with time.

Completely correct. Louis CK has a great bit on this. When your age (as a man) matches their sh*tty circumstances... life is great! You just have to wait... until you're 44 years old.

 

Young women, even if they're just semi-attractive, will have d*ck literally thrown at them. Because of the endless amount of new faces and options, their fidelity is questionable. They are not relationship material usually, because they tend to get 'bored' and stray.

 

Good men who don't make tons of money and have model looks are often looked over in favor of the typical player/bad boy. Even women who say they want a good man will go for this type of guy. Attraction trumps all. There are lots of good men out there who have been rejected to the point of depression. They give up the game. They turn their focus elsewhere (career, hobbies, friends). They stop trying and resign to their fate.

 

This is the reality and anyone who says differently is just wrong.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Completely correct. Louis CK has a great bit on this. When your age (as a man) matches their sh*tty circumstances... life is great! You just have to wait... until you're 44 years old.

 

Young women, even if they're just semi-attractive, will have d*ck literally thrown at them. Because of the endless amount of new faces and options, their fidelity is questionable. They are not relationship material usually, because they tend to get 'bored' and stray.

 

Good men who don't make tons of money and have model looks are often looked over in favor of the typical player/bad boy. Even women who say they want a good man will go for this type of guy. Attraction trumps all. There are lots of good men out there who have been rejected to the point of depression. They give up the game. They turn their focus elsewhere (career, hobbies, friends). They stop trying and resign to their fate.

 

This is the reality and anyone who says differently is just wrong.

 

Do you really think the majority of young females is even remotely interested in a guy of 44? When I was 24 a guy of 44 was an OLD guy. When I was 24 I was attracted to guys of 24.

[Oregon_Dude]

Do you really think the majority of young females is even remotely interested in a guy of 44? When I was 24 a guy of 44 was an OLD guy. When I was 24 I was attracted to guys of 24.

I think you miss Louie's premise. He's saying that as he gets older, he gets more female attention, as women around him are getting divorced and/or finally giving "nice" guys a chance.

 

NOT the 24 year olds. The divorcee women in their 40s.

[GunslingerRoland]

Gunslinger, do you even know what that statement is supposed to mean?

 

 

It makes minimal sense as written, and IF what you were trying to suggest is that "being biologically attracted to fertile-looking women has absolutely nothing to do with wanting to have kids", then what you (meant) is simply wrong.

 

 

It is OK for you yourself to be attracted to "fertile-looking" women and to want nothing to do with (fathering their) children.

 

But (men) being biologically attracted (as in instinctively) to fertile-looking women has, and will always have a whole lot to do with procreation.

 

Thus the reason we're all here!

 

 

Of course it has to do with procreation... men are made to be attracted to women that are fertile for the purpose of trying to grow our species.

 

I never said differently. But just because that biological urge is there, that has nothing to do with those men actually wanting to have kids. If men were as driven to have kids by biology as they were to have sex with young women, we wouldn't have a declining birth rate.

[joseb]

OK, another twist for me. I suppose that is the real reason I mind this issue so much.

 

IRL, I am attracted to this guy who I believe is at least 8 years younger than me. But, he seems more mature than me, career and life experience wise. and I probably look his age...of course, I definitely should forget about this person, as he is not even in this city now. but he might come back...he shows up in my 'people you may know' list in facebook often...

 

Just ask him out. From my understanding too, if he is showing up a lot in 'people you may know' there is a good chance he is fb stalking you...

[joseb]

Yes, we do

 

I was surprised to reach 42 and realize I don't look all that different from 22. Older, yes, but no big difference in a bikini.

 

When people make the claim that people in their 40s are not as attractive as people in their 20s, I think that's a shame and they should meet some more attractive 40 year olds!

 

You are in the minority xxoo, but yeah eat well, look after yourself, exercise, and be a bit lucky with good genes and it's definitely possible:)

[joseb]

This topic comes up a bit on LS. I am always amazed how much vitriol seems to come from women on this topic.

It's really simple - guys are genetically driven to seek the most fertile looking mates. These tend to be younger women, probably with a mean age of around 20.

Most guys will balance this against the fact that they will have little in common with women half their age, so they tend to pick a bit older than the 'ideal' biological age. But if most guys are honest, they find younger women's bodies more attractive. I really don't know why this simple fact seems to anger people so much.

 

I know a few women who might be called 'cougars' (don't like the term myself) who are in their 40s but seeing guys in their 20s. I get it - the guys are hot, and would have better sperm quality so I can see the physical attraction. It does not bother me in the slightest. Why the heck should it?

[Lois_Griffin]

Unfortunately, the world is full of men who thought they had forever too... Then they end up in their 40s trolling OLD sites for twenty something's claiming to want a family... And those women rightfully wondering WTF that guy did with HiS twenties and how he treated the women before her.

When I was doing online dating, I was dating men in the 48-55 age range, basically.

 

I can't TELL you how many divorced men in their 50's were on that site, looking to date because their marriage to a younger woman didn't work out. Except now, they're divorced from their young wives AND saddled with 3 kids all under the age of 6. These guys will be in freakin wheelchairs when their kids graduate college.

 

Yeah, sign me up for some of THAT bullsh*t.

 

At that point in my life, my son was a grown adult and in his mid-20's, working his way up the corporate ladder and living in a big city 1000 miles from me. Why in the HELL would I want to deal with some middle-aged guy's late-in-life kids?

 

As if.

[thefooloftheyear]

I think what some of the ladies are referring to are the fat, out of shape, balding wrinkled up messes that a lot of middle aged guys are like...

 

But they arent all like that...

 

 

The dad (on the left-duh) is 53 years old .....You think a woman in her late 20's/30's wouldn't take a go at that?

 

Anyway...

 

Yes, they aren't that rare...There are a lot of middle aged guys that didn't decide to let themselves go and maintain a youthful appearance.....Sure, they may not be compatible on all levels, but i've seen it work out in my own circle of friends..

 

I mentioned it in the other thread....I think the reason you are seeing younger women going for older guys is that many younger guys, especially the Milennials, aren't the types that want all of the responsibilities involved with being a functioning partner...and they are tired of dealing with that...Ive even read stories on here where younger women mention that they are tired of it and going older...

 

.02

 

TFY

[loveflower]

Just ask him out. From my understanding too, if he is showing up a lot in 'people you may know' there is a good chance he is fb stalking you...

 

wow...for the life of me, I can't ask a guy out. I still think that's a man's job.

 

you sure? not necessary the case. there are many people I don't even know show up on the list.

 

anyway, might as well forget about him. I thought he still works for the employer in this city, he is just on assignment or something, like he used to do in the past. I just checked his Linkedin (anonymously) yesterday, he ended his employment with that employer as he started his new job in that remote area. God only knows when he want to leave and even if he leave, there is no particular reason he has to come back to this city. The world is his oyster, he could just work in Europe, u.s. Asia, like he used to do.

 

but boy, this guy is really exotic. he seems to have a fixation with my native culture. He lived there for many years in the past decade while I only spent a few weeks in all those years.

Edited October 6, 2015 by loveflower

[joseb]

wow...for the life of me, I can't ask a guy out. I still think that's a man's job.

 

you sure? not necessary the case. there are many people I don't even know show up on the list.

 

 

Well then continue with that outdated thinking and have no control of the situation. Or get some balls (sorry bad anology!) and do something about it. Afraid of rejection maybe? Welcome to our world! All the time.

 

Regarding showing up as people on fb, from my understanding the fb algorithm to show people uses their views as one of the criteria. But it's just one, and it might not even be the case anymore. So no, not sure. Bit I'm guessing it still is.

Edited October 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[No_Go]

Well it is a personal preference, my friend (45F) always dates younger (35-45). She likes not only the looks, but also the more cheerful outlook to life of younger men.

 

Me (almost 31F), never had interest in younger men... I find them too cheerful, airy ... Read immature. I think my last dating profile was set for 28-40M, but the 28-30 yo that contacted me were simply too young for me... Haha, I'm fr example not a fan of parties, clubs etc and if the guy would expect that from me, this will turn me off big time. Funnily, most of my friends are mouch older than me. My now BF is 7 years older but I still feel he's too young for me emotionally sometimes

 

That said, I guess for guys is not only looks too. And..... not PC but women after certain age can't reproduce anymore, which maybe another factor for men to look usually for younger....

 

 

just browse some online profiles ...this guy really caught my eyes...good looking, educated and athletic...and he does skiing and snowboarding which are my favorites...

 

guess what? his criteria is : age between 18 and 40, and he is age 37.

 

18...that's like half of his age. I suppose that is the true color of the majority of men? the younger the better, as long as it's legal?

 

actually, this seems the norm...just browsed this another guy: age 25-36, he is 36!

[joystickd]

Sometimes it's better to have a turnout than a burnout

[Stage5Clinger]

Not everyone is built the same. There may be an 18 year old out there who is totally worthwhile. Compatibility is the issue really. I don't suspect a relationship like that to workout for very long tho.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I think what some of the ladies are referring to are the fat, out of shape, balding wrinkled up messes that a lot of middle aged guys are like...

 

But they arent all like that...

 

 

The dad (on the left-duh) is 53 years old .....You think a woman in her late 20's/30's wouldn't take a go at that?

 

You must be kidding. The guy is 53 year old and he looks it! I think he looks horrible, I hate those overworked muscled bodies.

 

Even is a guy of 53 looks great, he is 53 and most women of 25-35 know he is a lot older than them and hence they are not interested in him as a sexual partner.

 

I mean, I have been a young woman and every guy older than 5 years than me was an older guy in my eyes and consequently not an object of sexual interest.

 

I think a lot of older guys enormously overestimate their attraction on younger women. Women, also younger ones know that age has nothing to do with maturity or wisdom. There's no fool like an old fool. The young guy who was an idiot at 25 will be an idiot at 60 if he has not done some inner work on himself.

[thefooloftheyear]

You must be kidding. The guy is 53 year old and he looks it! I think he looks horrible, I hate those overworked muscled bodies.

 

Get new glasses, granny....You can say he's not your type, but if you think he doesn't look good for a 53 year old man, then you are just being stupid..He's sitting right next to his own son(who is in early 20's, and actually he(the dad ) has a better physique..He's got his hair and teeth, no double chin, no wrinkles no jowls...But yes, I know, all women much prefer a 53 year old guy with a dad bod or a a beer gut that looks like he's 9 months pregnant, right?..

 

 

Even is a guy of 53 looks great, he is 53 and most women of 25-35 know he is a lot older than them and hence they are not interested in him as a sexual partner.

 

So says you...

I mean, I have been a young woman and every guy older than 5 years than me was an older guy in my eyes and consequently not an object of sexual interest.

 

So says you.....

 

I think a lot of older guys enormously overestimate their attraction on younger women. Women, also younger ones know that age has nothing to do with maturity or wisdom. There's no fool like an old fool. The young guy who was an idiot at 25 will be an idiot at 60 if he has not done some inner work on himself.

 

 

Not that its something I would do, but you have it all wrong...Younger women could be gamed FAR more easily than older women..I'd like to think I got a whole lot smarter as I aged..Perhaps you went the other way??

All kidding aside...

 

Look....

 

Women throw bottles...Older women throw bigger bottles..>I get it...They spend their entire lives cutting each other to pieces and ripping each other apart...They deny stuff, when its happening right under their noses.. They hate the competition and hate being marginalized...especially as they age...I get it...

 

Older guys actually,,,,,get ready for this one,,,you are not going to believe it........get hit on by much younger women...Happens all the time..So the thought that they are hanging around the malls and the clubs looking like a perved out predator, maybe isn't what you think...

 

TFY

Edited October 7, 2015 by thefooloftheyear

[chapter44]

You cant date a 18 year old if you're over 25 because when her dad answers the door you'd have some explaining to do!

[loveflower]

Another question: Is age more important than genetics?

 

you know, people from certain places generally look much younger than other people. for example, Asians generally look younger than Caucasians.

 

Also, good looking genes don't equal with healthy genes. for example, Angelia Jolie was/is practically the most beautiful woman in the world, but she has the cancer genes. Women from her maternal side had very short life.

 

so age vs gene? um...how do you choose?

[RedRobin]

Of greater importance at this moment is:

 

 

Will YOU ever take responsibility for your own path??

 

 

Had you married well, or even appropriately, you simply would not be here grumbling about how it really IS.

 

 

Now who should be held responsible for your own path, if not you?

 

You will have to talk to my ex H about that... He is still unmarried and still asks about me to this day... My first BF still tries to reestablish contact too every few years. Even though he is married with a kid. Weird.

 

Let's not forget the guy who I turned down for a marriage proposal after my fiancée died... He got married to someone else and tried to get me to cheat with him when their new marriage hit a rough spot. Then there was my fiancée. Who died.

 

So much for men's choices increasing with age... As for me, I seem to be having plenty of options at every stage of my life, dear. Thanks! In fact, now that I think of it, my choices and relationships have improved as I have gotten older. Which shouldn't be surprising. Only surprise maybe, is that there are still people out there who expect women to be fully perfect at 20 something while granting men all kinds of liberty with their life and choices.

 

Sorry. Doesn't really work that way. And insisting that it is really does a disservice to the guys you are trying to encourage by telling them they have time and women don't.

 

No one has forever to start a family, if they want one. No one has forever to find a life mate, if they want one.

Edited October 9, 2015 by RedRobin

[RedRobin]

Another question: Is age more important than genetics?

 

you know, people from certain places generally look much younger than other people. for example, Asians generally look younger than Caucasians.

 

Also, good looking genes don't equal with healthy genes. for example, Angelia Jolie was/is practically the most beautiful woman in the world, but she has the cancer genes. Women from her maternal side had very short life.

 

so age vs gene? um...how do you choose?

 

Yea, it might suck to be Brad. He dumped his similar age, perfectly healthy attractive wife for a good looking, younger, genetic bad bet... Who also chose to pass on her genes. Not responsible.

 

Then there is the much older husband of the young woman who moved to Oregon so she could have an assisted suicide. He is in his forties and she was in her twenties. I dunno. There is something sadly justifying about that. Like, marrying a youngster is no guarantee, and there goes your baby machine, dude.

Edited October 9, 2015 by RedRobin

[RedRobin]

Wow. That is some of the most screwed up nonsense I have ever read on here. A person having to assist their spouse commit suicide is a frickin tragedy. The age of the couple is irrelevant.

 

Hey, I am no stranger to death of a loved one. But I am also not out there chumming the waters for a young in so that *I* can cheat death... Unlike so many men here... Her H sure was... And maybe her death will teach him a lesson about that. Or maybe he will try to date an even younger woman next time. *shrug*

[RedRobin]

You assume much. Maybe they were just a happily married couple, totally in love with one another, and some poor soul had to watch his wife die. And you make light of it, as if he somehow deserves it for dating a younger woman. Considering you are no stranger to the death of a loved one, you of all people should be ashamed.

 

Considering the attitudes of most men I witness here and IRL who pursue much younger women... Yea, I think the occasional reality check is in order... And my conscience is just fine. thanks. I am not out there chasing much younger men like I am owed one... even though I have had the opportunity many times. Can't say that for lots of guys here. They have a lot of funny ideas of what they are owed... I guess it doesn't always turn out like they plan, and that's an important lesson for any guy who fetishizes youth or is ok taking another's (if you ask me).

[Rejected Rosebud]

Why do some people get so wound up about other people who date with big age gaps?? I don't even get it. I can't get upset about other people's dating and relationship choices. I guess when I get old if I were single and kept seeing my age guys only going with young women it might hurt my feelings but sais la vie we all have our young years and if we're lucky we have our old years too!! To do with what and with who we want!!

[RedRobin]

Why do some people get so wound up about other people who date with big age gaps?? I don't even get it. I can't get upset about other people's dating and relationship choices. I guess when I get old if I were single and kept seeing my age guys only going with young women it might hurt my feelings but sais la vie we all have our young years and if we're lucky we have our old years too!! To do with what and with who we want!!

 

It's not hurting my feelings. That's a popular misconception though. To think older people are jealous.

 

I feel sorry for the younger one. That's the truth.

Edited October 9, 2015 by RedRobin

[autumnnight]

The reason some people get wound up about it is because they assume that every case of older/younger fits into their tiny skewed sample. "I know two young women who dated older creeps, so every man who wants to date a woman more than 5 years younger than him is a predator."

 

It's basically projecting, triggering, and latent anger.