Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[loveflower]

Yea, it might suck to be Brad. He dumped his similar age, perfectly healthy attractive wife for a good looking, younger, genetic bad bet... Who also chose to pass on her genes. Not responsible.

 

Then there is the much older husband of the young woman who moved to Oregon so she could have an assisted suicide. He is in his forties and she was in her twenties. I dunno. There is something sadly justifying about that. Like, marrying a youngster is no guarantee, and there goes your baby machine, dude.

 

For the record, even though I generally dislike homewrecker, but I don't think Angelina is one. I think they will divorced eventually without her, judging from Brad's interview much earlier.

 

As much as I don't get Angelina's wild past, actually I most definitely got turned off by those sorts of thing, I still really impressed by her beauty and most of all I do admire this woman. she is just that very memorizing and different.

 

I don't dislike Jennifer either. she does come across as boring though.

 

I think Brad knew her family's cancer history because her mother was dying. but he still choose to be with her.

 

I don't know. if you really love someone, I guess gene and age don't matter at all.

 

I really don't want to nose these celebrities choices and businesses. I just wanted to use the gene as example. I am not judging she has bad or good.

Edited October 9, 2015 by loveflower

[joystickd]

The reason some people get wound up about it is because they assume that every case of older/younger fits into their tiny skewed sample. "I know two young women who dated older creeps, so every man who wants to date a woman more than 5 years younger than him is a predator."

 

It's basically projecting, triggering, and latent anger.

 

It's the same way I see it. The younger woman is the enemy. You never see a man giving a speech about how it's a problem women date younger men. Why is that ladies?

[GorillaTheater]

You never see a man giving a speech about how it's a problem women date younger men. Why is that ladies?

 

Because we like to be sexually exploited?

[allofyou]

Got hit on by a 45 yo when I was 22. I am not sexist but damn, what makes these narcisstic old men think they have a shot? Sure older men are richer, more mature, experienced and charismatic. I'd really rather not feel like im f**king my dad. An age difference > 15 is just not for me

[allofyou]

Yes, we do

 

I was surprised to reach 42 and realize I don't look all that different from 22. Older, yes, but no big difference in a bikini.

 

When people make the claim that people in their 40s are not as attractive as people in their 20s, I think that's a shame and they should meet some more attractive 40 year olds!

 

 

Talking about the body of a 40 yo woman. I am always put off by the idea of having a baby because of the impacts it will have on my body. Looking at my friend's post pregnancy pics is just horrendous. however she was quite big before having a baby.

[loveflower]

Talking about the body of a 40 yo woman. I am always put off by the idea of having a baby because of the impacts it will have on my body. Looking at my friend's post pregnancy pics is just horrendous. however she was quite big before having a baby.

 

I have been wondering why some women have sagging boobs while some don't. Maybe pregnancy does the trick?

[readynow]

Yea, it might suck to be Brad. He dumped his similar age, perfectly healthy attractive wife for a good looking, younger, genetic bad bet... Who also chose to pass on her genes. Not responsible.

 

I was enjoying reading this thread until I saw this. You know I always respect others opinion especially as mine are usually very different but this statement must be the worst and most insensitive thing I've read in peace time. A genetic bad bet? Was it her fault (or those of other cancer sufferers) that she had those genes? Look around at the world and all the people with disabilities from million types of fauly genes. Don't they deserve love? Should they be chosen last after all the healthy ones have gone? Speak to the men sitting by the beds of their wives undergoing chemo. I work with them daily and they'd marry their women again in a heartbeat even if they knew before hand that they had anything wrong with them.

 

On a lighter note, I doubt Brad dumped Jen because Angelina was younger. I love Jennifer Aniston and funnily enough, I 'hate' Brad Pitt for leaving her because she's just the most lovely woman in the world (I think), but could it be that he found her too safe and boring? Maybe he wanted more out of life than sitting at home looking cute and drinking smoothies. If Angelina and Jennifer were the same age, I know tons of men who would rather be with a daring and 'different' woman like Angelina than with a safe, lovely, ordinary and boring woman like Jennifer. So I don't think it had anything to do with her age.

 

But yeah, that 'genetic bad bet' statement threw me :-o

[readynow]

For the record, even though I generally dislike homewrecker, but I don't think Angelina is one. I think they will divorced eventually without her, judging from Brad's interview much earlier.

As much as I don't get Angelina's wild past, actually I most definitely got turned off by those sorts of thing, I still really impressed by her beauty and most of all I do admire this woman. she is just that very memorizing and different.

I don't dislike Jennifer either. she does come across as boring though.

I think Brad knew her family's cancer history because her mother was dying. but he still choose to be with her.

I don't know. if you really love someone, I guess gene and age don't matter at all.

.

 

I didn't read your post before I posted mine but yes, this is exactly how I saw it too.

[RedRobin]

The reason some people get wound up about it is because they assume that every case of older/younger fits into their tiny skewed sample. "I know two young women who dated older creeps, so every man who wants to date a woman more than 5 years younger than him is a predator."

 

It's basically projecting, triggering, and latent anger.

 

Anger at being hit on by much older men who should know better, sure. Who think they are entitled. Sure. I think that anger is justified. It's just one more thing women have to deal with when they are trying to make their way in the world that most men don't have to deal with. Then again, I work around all men. Sounds like you don't, so you wouldn't know what I am talking about.

 

as for your tiny, skewed sample statement... The reality is that the vast majority of LTRs and marriages are between similar age people. The tiny skewed sample would be those people who have large age gaps... Likely for a reason. Most well adjusted people aren't effing relative children or parents. I personally believe that it is up to the older person to demonstrate some character and responsibility...

[xxoo]

Talking about the body of a 40 yo woman. I am always put off by the idea of having a baby because of the impacts it will have on my body. Looking at my friend's post pregnancy pics is just horrendous. however she was quite big before having a baby.

 

That's how you talk about your friend's body??

 

Ever heard of a MILF? Pregnancy is not the end of sexiness

[RedRobin]

I was enjoying reading this thread until I saw this. You know I always respect others opinion especially as mine are usually very different but this statement must be the worst and most insensitive thing I've read in peace time. A genetic bad bet? Was it her fault (or those of other cancer sufferers) that she had those genes? Look around at the world and all the people with disabilities from million types of fauly genes. Don't they deserve love? Should they be chosen last after all the healthy ones have gone? Speak to the men sitting by the beds of their wives undergoing chemo. I work with them daily and they'd marry their women again in a heartbeat even if they knew before hand that they had anything wrong with them.

 

On a lighter note, I doubt Brad dumped Jen because Angelina was younger. I love Jennifer Aniston and funnily enough, I 'hate' Brad Pitt for leaving her because she's just the most lovely woman in the world (I think), but could it be that he found her too safe and boring? Maybe he wanted more out of life than sitting at home looking cute and drinking smoothies. If Angelina and Jennifer were the same age, I know tons of men who would rather be with a daring and 'different' woman like Angelina than with a safe, lovely, ordinary and boring woman like Jennifer. So I don't think it had anything to do with her age.

 

But yeah, that 'genetic bad bet' statement threw me :-o

 

I don't admire Angelina. Given her family history, she had no business giving birth herself... Knowing this in advance. I do consider her a selfish home wrecker. Not someone to admire. My BFs ex wife has a strong family history of cancer and she had her tubes tied. They adopted three kids. Better and more responsible decision.

 

As for Brad and Jennifer... It sounded like she wasn't keen on having a big family. I am no fan of monkey branchers though. Brad is a monkey brancher and a cheater. Sorry. Just is. If he wanted a different life, he could have divorced Jennifer before. I dunno. Maybe losing the genetic lottery in Brads case is what he gets for being a monkey branching cheater. Life is full of choices. Yep.

[Woggle]

If most marriages are between people of around the same age why get so mad about the few that aren't? Let people live their lives. Why do the actions of consenting adults bother people so much?

[thefooloftheyear]

I have been wondering why some women have sagging boobs while some don't. Maybe pregnancy does the trick?

 

 

Its more about exercise and not just eating whatever you want, gaining a lot of extra weight unnecessarily by to stuffing their faces and and using the excuse of pregnancy...

 

Most of the fit women I know have had children and look like they never did and actually look wayyyyy better than most that never did...

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

If most marriages are between people of around the same age why get so mad about the few that aren't? Let people live their lives. Why do the actions of consenting adults bother people so much?

 

Its the same argument why do women fight with each other over attention from men they don't even have any feelings for or would never date or enter a relationship with...

 

Its a known fact that women are the biggest critics of women...They just flat out hate the competition and will fire bottles at any chance they get..

 

Its nuts and Ive never fully understood that..

 

TFY

Edited October 10, 2015 by thefooloftheyear

[Woggle]

It reminds me of people who get mad over interracial relationships as it is their right to dictate who other person does and doesn't date.

[Quiet Storm]

It reminds me of people who get mad over interracial relationships as it is their right to dictate who other person does and doesn't date.

 

I agree.

 

"I can't believe this old guy had the audacity to flirt with me! What makes this narcissistic old guy think he has a shot! Gross!"

 

"I can't believe this black guy had the audacity to flirt with me! What makes this narcissistic black guy think he has a shot! Gross!"

 

See how judgemental and awful that sounds just by replacing one word? If both people are happy, who GAF?

[Woggle]

I had old women flirt with me all the time when I was a bartender. I never minded and I especially didn't mind of they were generous tippers.

[hellohellohello]

Why do some people get so wound up about other people who date with big age gaps?? I don't even get it. I can't get upset about other people's dating and relationship choices. I guess when I get old if I were single and kept seeing my age guys only going with young women it might hurt my feelings but sais la vie we all have our young years and if we're lucky we have our old years too!! To do with what and with who we want!!

 

Framing this issue as a case of older women being jealous of younger women only feeds into the widely spread (but false) narrative that women are catty and hate each other, and that just isn't true. Of course there will be older women who ARE jealous of younger women, but their mere existence doesn't negate the fact that most arguments here don't even have nothing to do with that; we simply know what it was like to be legally an adult but without the life experience of a full-grown adult and want these younger women to be spared from the icky experience with older men who would take advantage of the loopholes in the legal system.*

 

I had issues when my 30-year-old brother started dating an 18-year-old girl, and believe me, my thought process was nowhere near "what a slut, I wish he'd date me instead."

 

 

*It's interesting that some men seem to take pride in the fact that they're "minding their own business." This approach can easily be viewed as men not caring much about anyone other than themselves and men not wanting others to benefit from their own experience.

 

I agree.

 

"I can't believe this old guy had the audacity to flirt with me! What makes this narcissistic old guy think he has a shot! Gross!"

 

"I can't believe this black guy had the audacity to flirt with me! What makes this narcissistic black guy think he has a shot! Gross!"

 

See how judgemental and awful that sounds just by replacing one word? If both people are happy, who GAF?

 

Most of the replies to this thread isn't even from the perspective of a young woman being asked out by an older man. If you can't understand something as simple as that, then we can't have a discussion without you continuously twisting everyone's words and presenting a ridiculous viewpoint as if it was something anyone had been arguing for all along.

Edited October 10, 2015 by hellohellohello

[Quiet Storm]

Framing this issue as a case of older women being jealous of younger women only feeds into the widely spread (but false) narrative that women are catty and hate each other, and that just isn't true. Of course there will be older women who ARE jealous of younger women, but their mere existence doesn't negate the fact that most arguments here don't even have nothing to do with that; we simply know what it was like to be legally an adult but without the life experience of a full-grown adult and want these younger women to be spared from the icky experience with older men who would take advantage of the loopholes in the legal system.*

 

I had issues when my 30-year-old brother started dating an 18-year-old girl, and believe me, my thought process was nowhere near "what a slut, I wish he'd date me instead."

 

 

*It's interesting that some men seem to take pride in the fact that they're "minding their own business." This approach can easily be viewed as men not caring much about anyone other than themselves and men not wanting others to benefit from their own experience.

 

 

 

Most of the replies to this thread isn't even from the perspective of a young woman being asked out by an older man. If you can't understand something as simple as that, then we can't have a discussion without you continuously twisting everyone's words and presenting a ridiculous viewpoint as if it was something anyone had been arguing for all along.

 

I'm not talking about the old players who are manipulating young women into bed. I'm defending age gap relationships where there is no manipulation, just two people who are genuinely interested in each other. That does happen.

 

You say it's icky, but that's just your opinion. Many young women do find older guys attractive and genuinely like them. I was a young woman once, and I think it does a disservice to treat young women like delicate flowers who can't look out for themselves. If they are that sheltered and naive, then nobody prepared them for the real world.

 

We need to teach our daughters to recognize manipulation and not to assume everyone has good intentions. Yeah, it sucks there are old guys out there who don't take the hint. But the reality of the world we live in is that many men lust after young women. That's never going to change. So we as women need to arm ourselves and our daughters with knowledge and pass down our wisdom, so that they don't get taken advantage of. Their fathers need to be real with their daughters about how some men are. We need to teach our daughters to be assertive and have strong boundaries. (As well as teaching our sons go be respectful and honest).

 

As a young woman, I was hit on by old guys and I shut them down quick. It would be nice if we could erase all the scumbags from the planet, but it's unrealistic. We will meet many people over the course of our lives who have ulterior motives and shady characters.

 

Regarding my comparison to interracial relationships, it's not ridiculous. My husband's black, I'm white- we have nearly 25 years together. I know how it feels to be judged for loving someone that doesn't fit other people's view of how things are supposed to be. If two adults are attracted to each other and its legal, what is the problem?

[RedRobin]

If most marriages are between people of around the same age why get so mad about the few that aren't? Let people live their lives. Why do the actions of consenting adults bother people so much?

 

 

Because this is a discussion forum, and the appropriate place to discuss things like this.

 

 

I feel the older man/younger woman thing is shoved down women's throats constantly in media and it is crap we have to put up with our whole lives, really... Mostly pitched by male writers, directors, and journalists.

 

 

if a woman happens to be in a male dominated field, they get to put up with it from co-workers, bosses, professors, their family doctor... you name it.

 

 

If she wants to try OLD, they can put their chosen age range down, and it still gets ignored. If I didn't have better things to do, I'd write something mean back to every a-hole guy who emailed me in spite of my age range.

 

 

What I'm talking about is the assumption by many men that they are entitled to hitting on younger women... often much younger women. I, and many other women ARE NOT consenting to being hit on by men old enough to be our fathers and grandfathers. Lots of us are really not interested in men who might be as little as 5 years older.

 

 

The fact that a minute percentage of these couples end up working out doesn't discourage these, um, 'men' from doing it.

 

 

So no, this isn't about 'consenting adults'. Read the OP. This is about male entitlement and everything that goes with it. Not to mention the garbage that younger women are fed by (wait for it) society and the media about how older men are somehow more mature, or commitment minded, blah blah. When they aren't. Age doesn't equal good values, or manners, or anything else.

 

 

I think every woman who has gotten hit on by much older men has every right to be pissed. To me, it has its roots in pedophilia, and the motive (by that guy) is not that far removed (psychologically) from it either.

 

 

... it is not a coincidence that the women who often end up with these older men have been abused by men in their own family. And the cycle continues.

 

 

All the men I know who ended up with much older women had similarly poor relationships with their mothers. But at least we can say that most women aren't out chumming the waters for young'ins.... unlike some men.

[RedRobin]

I'm not talking about the old players who are manipulating young women into bed. I'm defending age gap relationships where there is no manipulation, just two people who are genuinely interested in each other. That does happen.

 

You say it's icky, but that's just your opinion. Many young women do find older guys attractive and genuinely like them. I was a young woman once, and I think it does a disservice to treat young women like delicate flowers who can't look out for themselves. If they are that sheltered and naive, then nobody prepared them for the real world.

 

We need to teach our daughters to recognize manipulation and not to assume everyone has good intentions. Yeah, it sucks there are old guys out there who don't take the hint. But the reality of the world we live in is that many men lust after young women. That's never going to change. So we as women need to arm ourselves and our daughters with knowledge and pass down our wisdom, so that they don't get taken advantage of. Their fathers need to be real with their daughters about how some men are. We need to teach our daughters to be assertive and have strong boundaries. (As well as teaching our sons go be respectful and honest).

 

As a young woman, I was hit on by old guys and I shut them down quick. It would be nice if we could erase all the scumbags from the planet, but it's unrealistic. We will meet many people over the course of our lives who have ulterior motives and shady characters.

 

Regarding my comparison to interracial relationships, it's not ridiculous. My husband's black, I'm white- we have nearly 25 years together. I know how it feels to be judged for loving someone that doesn't fit other people's view of how things are supposed to be. If two adults are attracted to each other and its legal, what is the problem?

 

 

I don't see any correlation between age gap relationships and interracial relationships at all. The vast majority of age gap, 'relationships' absolutely are manipulative by default. The fact that the very rare case where one or the other or both have not been abused, or aren't being manipulated, or don't have some mental disability doesn't change that fact.

 

 

That's not my observation in interracial relationships at all.

 

 

I resent the notion that it is women who constantly are being asked to adapt to some men's shyty behavior... instead of men being expected to change their behavior. Such a low bar we, as a society, set for men that we can't expect them to avoid being douchebags.

 

 

I resent the notion that a young woman has to be 'prepared' at a young age to deal with crap that very few men have to deal with at ANY age.

 

 

I think it is some men who need to get over the idea that they are entitled to hit on anything that walks.... of any age.

[autumnnight]

I'm not talking about the old players who are manipulating young women into bed. I'm defending age gap relationships where there is no manipulation, just two people who are genuinely interested in each other. That does happen.

 

Exactly

 

It take a lot of arrogance to assume that what "I" deem inherently icky and predatory actually IS.

[Timshel]

There is no question really, among adults, that some older men will take a chance with younger women. There are some older women, particularly within the past decade, that will seek out younger men. I refuse to use the word to define an older woman seeking the pleasure of a younger man because there has not been one assigned to older men seeking younger women.

 

There is a line that conscientious men and women don't cross. The argument may be more about the people who cross the line, who are manipulative, than compatible dating.

 

The age gap is an issue if a person, male or female, is being taken advantage of in some way.

[William]

Fortunately, due to our guidelines prohibiting use of names to berate any particular gender, we'd love to know about those names so we can take generous care of the members using them. I re-read the original post and they weren't asking for names of people who chose to date younger people, rather had an example of a dating profile of a 37 year old male. While age difference in dating is a more generalized topic and discussion of it is appropriate, name-calling is decidedly not, nor is discussion of it as a topic. So, let's move on.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Framing this issue as a case of older women being jealous of younger women only feeds into the widely spread (but false) narrative that women are catty and hate each other, and that just isn't true.

I don't think that way at all, but there are a few women who are oldish here who write a great deal about how HORRIBLE it is if an older man and a younger woman are dating. I have NO idea why they should care so much unless they are taking it personally?? :(

 

Most of the replies to this thread isn't even from the perspective of a young woman being asked out by an older man. If you can't understand something as simple as that, then we can't have a discussion without you continuously twisting everyone's words and presenting a ridiculous viewpoint as if it was something anyone had been arguing for all along.

I AM a young woman (24), I have ZERO interest in dating any old men, I think it's funny when old men try to hit on me, I think it's depressing when I read about old men who only are interested in young girls - but inspite of ALL THAT I am NOT upset by couples with age gaps and also I don't think that a girl just like me who feels alot differently than I do, and who actually WANTS to date old guys, is to be pitied or seen as a victim!!! I don't understand her taste, that's all!