Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[RedRobin]

Where exactly did I say that?

 

You alluded to the fact that older guys that say they feel younger are kiding themselves.

I gave you my case for why I don't feel my age.[/Quote]

 

You are kidding yourself. You ARE your age, like it or not. So you are in shape and have active hobbies. How does that justify dating someone younger than you exactly? That is what some people here are trying to get through some if you guys thick skulls. Being in shape doesn't change your age... for the men who fetishize age, it is all about the number, what they tell their friends, and bragging about having a much younger girlfriend.

 

When a younger guy hits on me and says I look hot... And tells me 'are you really xx age? I say I am the age of someone who takes care of themselves. This is what that looks like. Not 'I should be with someone younger than me'. See the difference? No, probably not. Because I am not using my physical fitness to date much younger men.

 

I know plenty of women your age who enjoy those things. But since you are so wound up on needing to relate to the younger ones, you don't see it. You have your own blinders on. That's the entitlement and arrogance I am talking about.

 

I can only assume that the real reason for your anger is jealousy. Jealousy that older guys have no problem dating younger attractive women.

 

Oh, give it up already! The LAST thing I want is a guy who can't handle his aging process. i can't account for some younger woman's taste who can't see that. I feel sorry for them and I think they aren't acting in their own best interests, but what can ya do? None of my friends or female relatives are dating older men. The men I date don't date much younger women. It's only on LS and Hollywood that I see that.

 

My BF enjoys the things you do. He is exactly my age. So no. No jealousy there. Lol.

Edited October 16, 2015 by RedRobin

[Timshel]

Both William and Kate have to make sacrifices for their position. Has nothing to do with gender. The fact remains, he didn't marry a relative child. When he could have. I respect him 10x more than clooney.

 

Clooney is an ass. I could care less what his wife's job title is. If she has to marry someone that much older than him, something is wrong upstairs. He is no prize.

 

Clooney is a f*ing dream girl. George has it going on and don't mess with the man.

 

All of this splitting hairs over age is ridiculous. When it comes down to it, if you meet someone who makes your heart skip, that's it. A person is all done and age flies right out the window. Either it's real or it isn't. As far as older people trolling for younger people, well, as long as younger is the age of consent then they consented to shenanigans and it's not my business or anyone else.

 

I suspect that most of the time when out and about and see an age gap relationship, they are together because they can't see themselves apart and put up with some extra crap because of it. I'm not referring to the Hugh Hefner's/D. Trumps of the world, regular folk. Regular people don't take shyt for fun.

 

Also, Kate (of the monarchy) does a lot of good with her title and seems to enjoy it a great deal. I wouldn't knock her choices either.

 

We sure are nitpicky krumudgens around here.

[thefooloftheyear]

Clooney is a f*ing dream girl. George has it going on and don't mess with the man.

 

All of this splitting hairs over age is ridiculous. When it comes down to it, if you meet someone who makes your heart skip, that's it. A person is all done and age flies right out the window. Either it's real or it isn't. As far as older people trolling for younger people, well, as long as younger is the age of consent then they consented to shenanigans and it's not my business or anyone else.

 

I suspect that most of the time when out and about and see an age gap relationship, they are together because they can't see themselves apart and put up with some extra crap because of it. I'm not referring to the Hugh Hefner's/D. Trumps of the world, regular folk. Regular people don't take shyt for fun.

 

Also, Kate (of the monarchy) does a lot of good with her title and seems to enjoy it a great deal. I wouldn't knock her choices either.

 

We sure are nitpicky krumudgens around here.

 

 

Well said...

 

I just think some are getting issues confused...The man/woman that "fetishizes" a particular person, probably has some type of character flaw...But, even then....I mean there are probably some women that wouldn't be with a guy that wasn't well hung or tall...and there are guys that wouldn't be with a heavy or flat chested woman...etc...I dunno if that makes those people damaged or ? I dunno....

 

I just think with age gap r's that are successful, many times its because those people are "outliers" and maybe just don't march to the same beat as the rest of their peers...And why should they?

 

 

TFY

[autumnnight]

Are you talking about me? I don't think so.

 

Wanna know why there aren't any bottles thrown by men? I can't think of any threads started by a geriatric woman buying a 21 year old 'man'... Can't think of any threads from men where their much older female boss, co worker, professor or doctor was hitting on them and they were afraid of losing their job, failing a class, or ashamed that the doctor saw them naked.

 

Very interesting indeed that you insist the so called bottle throwing comes from a place of jealousy. I don't see any you go girl stuff going on to the above behavior in reverse... But I'll be damned if lots of you guys don't keep insisting on your male prerogative to keep the status quo, and keep things going on the older man younger woman dynamic. Wonder why that is? Entitlement? Habit? Embarrassment? Fear of change? Fear of aging?

 

 

I don't think it comes from jealousy. I think it comes from trauma that has been unaddressed, turned to bitterness, and is projected onto every man over 40.

[salparadise]

I could care less what his wife's job title is. If she has to marry someone that much older than him, something is wrong upstairs. He is no prize.

 

How does that justify dating someone younger than you exactly? That is what some people here are trying to get through some if you guys thick skulls.

 

 

The phraseology indicates inherent bias... you presume that a person would only be with someone of a different age of necessity, because they have no choice, that older equals lesser. Like knowingly choosing to date a narcissist, or someone with leprosy or a disfigurement. Even then it's a person's prerogative if that's what they choose.

 

Nobody has to justify their choice. Some people are just open-minded and choose another person because they're attracted, or because of their personality characteristics or ability to relate.

 

I don't think you can justify the assumption that it's somehow wrong. Not your preference, fine. But why are you so invested in convincing everyone else that it's evil?

Edited October 16, 2015 by salparadise

[autumnnight]

The phraseology indicates inherent bias... you presume that a person would only be with someone of a different age of necessity, because they have no choice, that older equals lesser. Like knowingly choosing to date a narcissist, or someone with leprosy or a disfigurement. Even then it's a person's prerogative if that's what they choose.

 

Nobody has to justify their choice. Some people are just open-minded and choose another person because they're attracted, or because of their personality characteristics or ability to relate.

 

I don't think you can justify the assumption that it's somehow wrong. Not your preference, fine. But why are you so invested in convincing everyone else that it's evil?

 

This is the million dollar question. I admit, I have never seen anything like this.

[Timshel]

I don't think it comes from jealousy. I think it comes from trauma that has been unaddressed, turned to bitterness, and is projected onto every man over 40.

 

Yes, concur. She's fiesty for a reason.......and you and I. The two of us have been humbled, love is our salvation.

 

I would ask RR where the vitrol is coming from but I'm sure she will work it out. Smart cookie.

 

TFY: Outliers, yes, I think so. I mean look at humanity, people are complex. There are always exceptions. I don't make assumptions anymore.

[joseb]

I don't think it comes from jealousy. I think it comes from trauma that has been unaddressed, turned to bitterness, and is projected onto every man over 40.

 

That was my original assumption, but as the OP was so adament that wasnt the case i thought of other options.

But the more she replies the more this seems likely.

Kind of feel sorry for her at this stage, as its unlikely she will ever address it.

[RedRobin]

I don't think it comes from jealousy. I think it comes from trauma that has been unaddressed, turned to bitterness, and is projected onto every man over 40.

 

Whatever. My BF is over 40. Most of my male relatives are over 40. I assure you that I have no hatred or animosity towards them at all. They also don't behave like some of the 'men' here.

 

You are right that there is a certain segment of the male population who engages in certain behavior that I dislike. Lucky for me it's not all men, or even most. At least not in my circle of friends and family members.

 

I do see the large age gap crap being shoved down women's throats more and more though. I guess all those baby boomer men feeling their age, and some cagey marketers trying to appeal to them, is my guess. just another way women get treated like objects.

[RedRobin]

That was my original assumption, but as the OP was so adament that wasnt the case i thought of other options.

But the more she replies the more this seems likely.

Kind of feel sorry for her at this stage, as its unlikely she will ever address it.

 

Yea, like the possibility that people supporting large age gap relationships have their own issues they have failed to address. Given the statistics, I'd say the weight of the evidence is on my side...

 

I have no intention of changing to be MORE dysfunctional. Or accepting of dysfunction. That's the job of people who can't seem to manage relationships with similar age peers.

[autumnnight]

Yea, like the possibility that people supporting large age gap relationships have their own issues they have failed to address. Given the statistics, I'd say the weight of the evidence is on my side...

 

I have no intention of changing to be MORE dysfunctional. Or accepting of dysfunction. That's the job of people who can't seem to manage relationships with similar age peers.

 

I'm still amazed that you cannot see the arrogance in your assumption of other people's dysfunction it is highly offensive

[thefooloftheyear]

Whatever. My BF is over 40. .

 

Good...

 

Now don't go running the poor guy off when you find out about the Hustler mag he had under the mattress back in '92....

 

:laugh:

 

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

Good...

 

Now don't go running the poor guy off when you find out about the Hustler mag he had under the mattress back in '92....

 

:laugh:

 

 

TFY

 

Sorry, you must be thinking of someone else. The OP is about men who try to date much younger women... Specifically in OLD.

 

Not sure what the above has to do with that. I have never cared about mags or porn, as long as it isn't in excess to the detriment of our sex life.

[RedRobin]

I'm still amazed that you cannot see the arrogance in your assumption of other people's dysfunction it is highly offensive

 

I don't see why anyone needs to take that personally. There is a reason why large age gap marriages end in divorce 95 to 172% of the time compared to same age marriages. I didn't make it up. That's basically saying that the odds of failure are 2X to 3X higher.

 

The definition of dysfunction is the lack of functioning... And statistically, large age gap relationships clearly aren't functioning most of the time. It really isn't personal. It just happens to be true.

 

i think that is very relevant information to give to anyone who is serious about finding a life partner. If they don't want a life partner, then so what. I guess we don't have statistics on that. So do whatever.

 

But don't be surprised either, if you are a guy and a woman or women treat you like %#}~ for trying. I think more women should. I really don't think it is up to women to always be nice when much older men are hitting on them. If I had a son and some old lady was trying to get in his pants, I'd tell him the same thing. I don't consider it cute or amusing from either gender.

[buck3200]

I don't see why anyone needs to take that personally. There is a reason why large age gap marriages end in divorce 95 to 172% of the time compared to same age marriages. I didn't make it up. That's basically saying that the odds of failure are 2X to 3X higher.

 

The definition of dysfunction is the lack of functioning... And statistically, large age gap relationships clearly aren't functioning most of the time. It really isn't personal. It just happens to be true.

 

i think that is very relevant information to give to anyone who is serious about finding a life partner. If they don't want a life partner, then so what. I guess we don't have statistics on that. So do whatever.

 

But don't be surprised either, if you are a guy and a woman or women treat you like %#}~ for trying. I think more women should. I really don't think it is up to women to always be nice when much older men are hitting on them. If I had a son and some old lady was trying to get in his pants, I'd tell him the same thing. I don't consider it cute or amusing from either gender.

 

Gee, wouldn't life be great if we based everything we did on statistics. Hell, we could just have a computer pick our lovers and friends for us. Who cares about that thing that just makes us like someone. We can't quantify it so it just must not exist.

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't see why anyone needs to take that personally. There is a reason why large age gap marriages end in divorce 95 to 172% of the time compared to same age marriages. I didn't make it up. That's basically saying that the odds of failure are 2X to 3X higher.

 

The definition of dysfunction is the lack of functioning... And statistically, large age gap relationships clearly aren't functioning most of the time. It really isn't personal. It just happens to be true.

 

i think that is very relevant information to give to anyone who is serious about finding a life partner. If they don't want a life partner, then so what. I guess we don't have statistics on that. So do whatever.

 

But don't be surprised either, if you are a guy and a woman or women treat you like %#}~ for trying. I think more women should. I really don't think it is up to women to always be nice when much older men are hitting on them. If I had a son and some old lady was trying to get in his pants, I'd tell him the same thing. I don't consider it cute or amusing from either gender.

 

With this logic, then no one should interracial date, Jews should never date gentiles, Irish should never date Italian, attractive shouldn't date unattractive,,etc...

 

Even HS sweethearts fail miserably...There are NO guarantees and no rules in this game,,,Ask someone in an "unconventional" relationship that 99% of their types fail..they will tell you they want to be the 1% that succeeds...

 

Why don't you stop being disingenuous and just be honest and say you have an agenda.??..The way you are coming off is no different than a racist using some stats to proclaim interracial relationships don't work..

 

TFY

[PinkInTheLimo]

I can only give you my perspective.

I'm 45. I did an Ironman in march. If you don't know what that is, it's a 2.6 mile swim, followed by 112 miles bike and a full Marathon (26 miles) run.

 

I did it with a bunch of mates mostly 10 years or more younger, and finished ahead of them all. And I'm not genetically gifted or anything, in my 20s I did a half marathon and didn't do very well.

 

If I go out with work colleagues I'm usually the last to leave the bar/club. I love socialising. I enjoy a drink but rarely to excess.

I eat well, most of the time. Even when not training I exercise most days.

I bike an hour to work and back.

 

So yeah, I do feel much younger then I am.

 

If you think that this bragging about your sporty achievements and how long you can club makes any impression on me, forget it. And I don't care whether you are 45 or 55 or 65. I really get turned off by men who brag like that. And I rarely see it in men under 40. But some guys over 40 absolutely have to "prove" that "they still have it". For me it indicates huge inner insecurity. And insecurity is a turn-off.

 

I know one thing. This bragging would not have made any impression on me when I was 25 or 30. I would have laughed at you and told you "Act normal man". And I still think most 25 or 30 year old women are simply not interested in an older guy even if he is the most sporty guy ever. And the reason is because you are so uptight about it. So "look how much younger I am than my real age". I honestly find that pathetic.

 

I know another thing. A lot of women of 30 are very unfit and live very unhealthy lives and there's probably quite a few women your age out there who are fitter than women 15-20 years younger. But would you give them the time of the day? The fit pretty women who are 15-20 years younger do not need the attention of older men, they will get plenty of attention of the younger men.

 

I am a 50 year old woman. I consider myself fit but I don't run marathons. I like walking, I like biking. I love running but an ongoing foot problem prevents me from running often. Instead I have taken up yoga which I love. I eat healthy. I hardly drink.

When I was younger I was an avid clubber because I love to dance. Now I need my sleep, among other things because I work a lot harder than when I was younger. What is wrong with that? Why want to act like 30 when you are 50?

 

I prefer a guy my age who accepts being his age. Of course it is important that he has a healthy lifestyle but you don't need to run marathons for that. Or go out till 4 at night. If you don't do those things it does not mean that you don't have a healthy active lifestyle.

 

If there are younger women who want to get together with an older guy, so be it. But I would not want to be together with someone much older (or younger) than myself. I could not be together with a 70 year old at 50. When George Clooney's wife will be 50 he will be 67. When she is 60 he will be 77. If that is what she want, good for her. But I would not want that. Especially not since men have health problems earlier in life and die earlier.

[xxoo]

 

The definition of dysfunction is the lack of functioning... And statistically, large age gap relationships clearly aren't functioning most of the time. It really isn't personal. It just happens to be true.

 

.

 

Function is more relevant than age gap. True, relationships with large age gaps statistically are less functional. But an age gap couple in a marriage that functions well is fine. The may be rare, but they exist.

 

I married at 20, to my hs sweetheart. Statistically, couples who marry young are less functional and more likely to divorce. As an individual result, h and I have always been outliers with deeper communication and connection than the average couple of any age. We've even married over 20 years and still enjoy a loving, passionate marriage. We beat the odds, but it wasn't all chance. The quality of our relationship (then and now) is why we beat the odds.

 

I personally suspect that people who intentionally seek age gap relationships will be less likely to have the kind of relationships that beat the odds. Issues carry over. But if two people organically meet and discover a profound connection with mutual respect and love, age gap alone won't make them dysfunctional.

[buck3200]

Why want to act like 30 at 50 ???????? So in this day and age your saying you have to stop doing what you enjoy just cause you reach a certain age. WOW

 

I don't get this obsession with long life anyway. What to they think, their gonna live forever.

 

I'd rather have 60 yrs of fun than 90 yrs of worrying about how I can squeeze out a few more yrs at the end.

[RedRobin]

Function is more relevant than age gap. True, relationships with large age gaps statistically are less functional. But an age gap couple in a marriage that functions well is fine. The may be rare, but they exist.

 

I married at 20, to my hs sweetheart. Statistically, couples who marry young are less functional and more likely to divorce. As an individual result, h and I have always been outliers with deeper communication and connection than the average couple of any age. We've even married over 20 years and still enjoy a loving, passionate marriage. We beat the odds, but it wasn't all chance. The quality of our relationship (then and now) is why we beat the odds.

 

I personally suspect that people who intentionally seek age gap relationships will be less likely to have the kind of relationships that beat the odds. Issues carry over. But if two people organically meet and discover a profound connection with mutual respect and love, age gap alone won't make them dysfunctional.

 

You have a point, however, the reasons for a marriage not working for those marrying young is not because of the age gap. It is for the other reasons that those with an age gap have to contend with being married to anyone... in addition to and on top of the issues that come with being far apart in age.

 

I should point out that the study did not single out the those who married young. the focus was strictly on the age gap... And that is why it is relevant. Even more relevant than the age they were when they first married.

 

Something I read about before... Second and subsequent marriages fail much more frequently than first marriages. First marriages tend to be among similar age peers. If a large age gap marriage is occurring between one or both people who have divorced before, then that would would potentially confound the results. In other words, is the marriage failing because it is not their first, or because of the age gap, or both?

[buck3200]

You have a point, however, the reasons for a marriage not working for those marrying young is not because of the age gap. It is for the other reasons that those with an age gap have to contend with being married to anyone... in addition to and on top of the issues that come with being far apart in age.

 

I should point out that the study did not single out the those who married young. the focus was strictly on the age gap... And that is why it is relevant. Even more relevant than the age they were when they first married.

 

Something I read about before... Second and subsequent marriages fail much more frequently than first marriages. First marriages tend to be among similar age peers. If a large age gap marriage is occurring between one or both people who have divorced before, then that would would potentially confound the results. In other words, is the marriage failing because it is not their first, or because of the age gap, or both?

 

Do you base every choice in life on an appropriate study ? What do you do if the decision in question has not been studied ?

[thefooloftheyear]

 

I personally suspect that people who intentionally seek age gap relationships will be less likely to have the kind of relationships that beat the odds..

 

 

True...

 

But then I guess you can say the same things about women who intentionally only seek 6'+ tall men and don't consider others....Or guys that intentionally only seek women with DD tits....

 

But here is the thing...

 

I guess you can say that for some though, age is just another preference like the others..They stack the preferences they seek to better their chances on being happy..

 

I mean think about it...If a fit guy only seeks fit women, then some other woman who isnt fit could be "the" right one for him in the end..

 

People want what they want...Show me a guy who prefers younger women and Ill show you a woman that prefers older men...Show me a petite woman that likes tall guys and ill show you a tall guy that like petite women..

 

If they connect, then who the hell is anyone to say?

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

With this logic, then no one should interracial date, Jews should never date gentiles, Irish should never date Italian, attractive shouldn't date unattractive,,etc...

 

Even HS sweethearts fail miserably...There are NO guarantees and no rules in this game,,,Ask someone in an "unconventional" relationship that 99% of their types fail..they will tell you they want to be the 1% that succeeds...

 

Why don't you stop being disingenuous and just be honest and say you have an agenda.??..The way you are coming off is no different than a racist using some stats to proclaim interracial relationships don't work..

 

TFY

 

I have not seen any statistics indicating that marriages between those who differ in other ways (sexual orientation, race, religion, financial status, etc) fail 95 to 172% more often than marriages without those differences.

 

Perhaps people might just have to admit that a large age gap LIKELY transcends any supposed 'connection', no matter how much they might feel otherwise.

 

...and as far as the decision to trust or not trust statistics... I for one am looking for a life partner. It seems extremely foolish to waste my time on relationships that have such a low chance of success. People are getting upset because men still want to believe they are the better choice for younger women... That's their ego talking. And Hollywood and the media making it look fascinating. It is not reality.

 

What is evil is pitching BS to young people, in this case, women... So that men can have a better life at her expense. That is what has been going on for eons. So yea, I can understand when people get upset. The women don't want to feel foolish for believing that crap, and men want things to stay the way they are... Ie, that somehow being with an older man will end up being more stable, more committed, more lasting...

 

When the truth is just the opposite.

[thefooloftheyear]

I have not seen any statistics indicating that marriages between those who differ in other ways (sexual orientation, race, religion, financial status, etc) fail 95 to 172% more often than marriages without those differences.

 

Perhaps people might just have to admit that a large age gap LIKELY transcends any supposed 'connection', no matter how much they might feel otherwise.

 

...and as far as the decision to trust or not trust statistics... I for one am looking for a life partner. It seems extremely foolish to waste my time on relationships that have such a low chance of success. People are getting upset because men still want to believe they are the better choice for younger women... That's their ego talking. And Hollywood and the media making it look fascinating. It is not reality.

 

What is evil is pitching BS to young people, in this case, women... So that men can have a better life at her expense. That is what has been going on for eons. So yea, I can understand when people get upset. The women don't want to feel foolish for believing that crap, and men want things to stay the way they are... Ie, that somehow being with an older man will end up being more stable, more committed, more lasting...

 

When the truth is just the opposite.

 

Who's pitching this?....Is there a PSA that I missed?

 

C'mon man...

 

TFY

[xxoo]

You have a point, however, the reasons for a marriage not working for those marrying young is not because of the age gap. It is for the other reasons that those with an age gap have to contend with being married to anyone... in addition to and on top of the issues that come with being far apart in age.

 

I should point out that the study did not single out the those who married young. the focus was strictly on the age gap... And that is why it is relevant. Even more relevant than the age they were when they first married.

 

Something I read about before... Second and subsequent marriages fail much more frequently than first marriages. First marriages tend to be among similar age peers. If a large age gap marriage is occurring between one or both people who have divorced before, then that would would potentially confound the results. In other words, is the marriage failing because it is not their first, or because of the age gap, or both?

 

Wasn't this the Emory study? I thought it was focused on the price of the ring and the wedding, and measured other factors as well. This study: ?A Diamond is Forever? and Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship between Wedding Expenses and Marriage Duration by Andrew M. Francis, Hugo M. Mialon :: SSRN

 

A study that focused on age gap relationships and the factors that contribute to their success or failure would be interesting. But I think it falls within the general predictors of marriage success: kindness and compatibility. It is probably rare for an age gap couple to be truly compatible. A lot of people think they are compatible with much older and younger partners, but in reality aren't. And the failure rates reflect that reality.