Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating

[Shanex]

What 123321 said.

 

Just as long as it's perfectly legal.

[Platinum Aura]

Age is but a number as long as it's legal, but there's a good chance that too big of an age gap can cause problems in the long run.

[Rydo]

haha, how old are you? I never other than twice but its been 50/50 in trying to get a 20 something year old to date an 18 year old. My ex told me (to his friend, but I found out) "her maturity rivals a 21 year old intellect" - at the time that was 5 years older than me, but I digress.

 

It's usual the "you're too young for me" conversation that doesn't get it passed casual dating

 

31, my gf is the closest to my age I've ever been with and is 27. Most girls I've dated were between 7-13 years younger.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I'm 18 for starters, and I've only been in a serious relationship with a 23 year old (at 16/17) and had a fling thing with a 26/27 year old at 17/18. Is it weird I'm always attracted to men who are 6-9 years older than me? What do guys think about dating women who are younger than them?

 

 

(storybook reply)

 

 

Where's your dad?????

 

 

(and do not say: "in the livingroom, in his arm chair" )

 

 

 

IS he a part of your life? - if not, where is he in relation to you?

[spmh1017]

I'm 37 and just cant fathom dating younger then 30.

 

I dont know, they would have to be VERY mature if younger.

 

I know for me dating a 31 year old I feel more mature sometimes I cant imagine what it would be like even younger.

 

I get tired of my 31 year olds addiction to her cell phone, facebook, instagram, etc... I can only imagine how much worse it is.

[Ami1uwant]

At 18 you really should stick with 23 and younger. Alot of mental growing still happens at this age where you find out what is important to you. You can change alot in the time.

 

Other issue is life changes in your mid 20s when you stRt your career and life's real responsibilities.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm woman who used to only date older men until I divorced 7 years ago and ended up back in the dating pool for the first time in 20 years. In the beginning I searched for men my age give or take 3-4 years on either side but couldn't land a date to save my life. Instead, I was bombarded by younger men both online and off and still am.

 

At first I wasn't even remotely interested but then realized why the hell not? What have I to lose? If men can date younger, why can't women? And I did and have been dating younger and am currently dating a man half my age.

 

It all depends on what you want. For me, I'm not interested in getting married again. I've done the white wedding and white picket fence and kids already. This time around it's about compatibility and being happy. Having said that, I would love to be in a long term committed relationship and see that happening more with a man closer to my age bracket BUT until that he shows up, I'm going to enjoy myself and the attention I get from men while I can

[daisyandroses]

(storybook reply)

 

 

Where's your dad?????

 

 

(and do not say: "in the livingroom, in his arm chair" )

 

 

 

IS he a part of your life? - if not, where is he in relation to you?

My dad is in my life, very very supportive actually. He's paying for my college and helps out with bills. Im the poster child for "daddy's girl". I'm the youngest "only child" (i have 4 older half siblings, but grew up an only child)

[TX-SC]

My wife is 5 years younger than me. The biggest age gap I ever had while dating was 23 (me) and 35 (her), so I guess that's 12 years older. We got along very well but were at different stages in our lives. Plus, I wanted kids and she didn't. Age can be a big problem as you grow older. It can also lead to differences in hobbies, music, etc. But, hell, have some fun.

[Popsicle]

I'm woman who used to only date older men until I divorced 7 years ago and ended up back in the dating pool for the first time in 20 years. In the beginning I searched for men my age give or take 3-4 years on either side but couldn't land a date to save my life. Instead, I was bombarded by younger men both online and off and still am.

 

At first I wasn't even remotely interested but then realized why the hell not? What have I to lose? If men can date younger, why can't women? And I did and have been dating younger and am currently dating a man half my age.

 

It all depends on what you want. For me, I'm not interested in getting married again. I've done the white wedding and white picket fence and kids already. This time around it's about compatibility and being happy. Having said that, I would love to be in a long term committed relationship and see that happening more with a man closer to my age bracket BUT until that he shows up, I'm going to enjoy myself and the attention I get from men while I can

 

Hmmmm... you sure make a convincing argument.

I might turn to dust waiting for a man my own age...

 

PS - I love Forrest Gump!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

My dad is in my life, very very supportive actually. He's paying for my college and helps out with bills. Im the poster child for "daddy's girl". I'm the youngest "only child" (i have 4 older half siblings, but grew up an only child)

 

 

Thank you so much for the answers.

 

They help to narrow the considerations.

 

 

Were your father not prominent in your life now, or in most of the past, then it would be more typical for you to have a strong interest in older men.

 

In your case, perhaps the mere lack of maturity in so many males your age is a major factor. And even when you would/do find the exception who is near your age, his friends might far too often bring him right down to their level at the worst times.

 

 

The challenge from your angle, is that, while you are, say, the equivalent to the very healthy and well-adjusted 3rd grader on the kick-ball diamond... the fifth-grade male who crosses the playfield to join in your game is often the UN-confident and not-so-healthy personality type who feels that he fits-in better in your game, than he does with his own classmates. (*because he feels more sure of himself, and of his relative abilities)

 

It is SO difficult to explain (and have younger partners believe) that it is perfectly healthy and normal for {younger partners} to be drawn right TO the attention of a significantly-older suitor while at the same time the older suitor is often showing signs of personality flaws when being drawn toward the younger person.

 

And man, that major attention from somebody who seems older, wiser, and more experienced is so compelling.

 

 

There is nothing wrong with getting it... and enjoying it... and there really ARE SOME out there who can find the recipe for equal partnerships and mutual respect in spite of a considerable age difference. But it is SO challenging to sift through them in search of that, when each time something tugs at your heart, you want so badly to give-in...

[daisyandroses]

Thank you so much for the answers.

 

They help to narrow the considerations.

 

 

Were your father not prominent in your life now, or in most of the past, then it would be more typical for you to have a strong interest in older men.

 

In your case, perhaps the mere lack of maturity in so many males your age is a major factor. And even when you would/do find the exception who is near your age, his friends might far too often bring him right down to their level at the worst times.

 

 

The challenge from your angle, is that, while you are, say, the equivalent to the very healthy and well-adjusted 3rd grader on the kick-ball diamond... the fifth-grade male who crosses the playfield to join in your game is often the UN-confident and not-so-healthy personality type who feels that he fits-in better in your game, than he does with his own classmates. (*because he feels more sure of himself, and of his relative abilities)

 

It is SO difficult to explain (and have younger partners believe) that it is perfectly healthy and normal for {younger partners} to be drawn right TO the attention of a significantly-older suitor while at the same time the older suitor is often showing signs of personality flaws when being drawn toward the younger person.

 

And man, that major attention from somebody who seems older, wiser, and more experienced is so compelling.

 

 

There is nothing wrong with getting it... and enjoying it... and there really ARE SOME out there who can find the recipe for equal partnerships and mutual respect in spite of a considerable age difference. But it is SO challenging to sift through them in search of that, when each time something tugs at your heart, you want so badly to give-in...

He was always in my life. It makes sense that I like the attention from older men, but I also connect better emotionally with them. Idk its weird. Its also more than just attention on the other side of the token because when things do end between me and the older man, I can't just hop on to the next older man, its hard to explain.

[joseb]

And yet is able to keep up with RR's looks standards? Unless they have been completely avoiding fast food, smoking, and alcohol like a plague in their younger years, they won't be able to match up at the end without some kind of surgery.

 

I don't drink and I definitely don't smoke but I do eat fast food on an average of 1.5 times every 2 days and, as a result, I do have some stomach fat on me. I could be clean for the next 4-5 years and STILL not be completely fit because it will not fix the health damage I did to my body for the past 10 years.

 

I got nothing against women and their standards but this is just another reason why I don't approach women lately. I am just not a match for them physically. I got a good amount of stomach fat for a 5ft 6in 170 pound guy and that will turn off quite a few women.

Cut that fast food down to 1.5 times a month. Replace it with lots of vegetables. Get some decent exercise at least every 2 days. Buy shoes with a bit if a heel, and/or walk with good posture (makes you look taller)

You might be surprised how much this will change you.

[erklat]

Hi, please don't misinterpret this thread as showing off.

 

Now will be a year since [an older woman] entered my life again, we started by some light topics and over time we grew

fond of each other. About half a year ago we started

dating and few months in she proposed that we get

into commited relationship. At first reluctant even though

we have a lot in common, I agreed and now I'm having

blast. Things are steady with her, career and education

progressing steadily, I have a son she's keen to

incorporate in her life when he will be older.

 

Thing is my perspective of women and relationships

is now irreversibly changed. First the horrible breakup

which is documented here, then I got my baby boy

and after that I met her. I don't look at younger women

as sexual objects any longer at all. Literally. I can't

imagine myself tutoring someone ever again.

 

What I like about her is that she's fully emancipated, I

can live with her the way the two of us see fit without

interference from our respective families, she doesn't

play stupid games. I find her capability to let me focus

on my career to the fullest. She won't leave me guessing because she will express her feelings of the bat.

 

What are your experiences? Why do you like [older women]?

Do you think it's easier to maintain such relationship?

What is the psychology behind this attraction? I'd like

to hear experiences from boy toys and cougs alike.

 

I'm latest twenties and she's 10 years my senior in this case.

Edited April 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Offensive language ~6

[fitnessfan365]

[] Glad it's going well! I pretty much dated older women exclusively for awhile. The first two women I got with were 28 and 35 (I was 18). Then I mainly focused on women in their late 30's to mid 40's. Once I even had a fling with a 52 year old.

 

However, drinking "fine wine" got to be tiresome after awhile. In my experience there was A LOT of insecurity on their part. They'd need constant re-assurance on how attracted I was, always worry they were robbing me of kids, etc.. Don't get me wrong. The communication tends to be better, I had more in common with women who were older interests wise, and of course the sex is good. But a few years ago I finally started dating my age and younger.

Edited April 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[erklat]

Yes. I notice that also because she wants reassurance. She's solid 8/10 with body all girls my age can only dream about at that age so she's stunning in every possible manner. Forgot to mention that. She doesn't do that often but sometimes I have to reassure her there is no going forward from her compared to women my age, only backwards. The best part is how they have their own interests and will make use of their time without your assistance. Total relief compared to my ex who couldn't function without her parents and me constantly nudging her to find some interests.

[lilmissjava]

[]

 

I dated someone literally half my age and it lasted about two and a half years.

 

The boy trapped in a man's body regressed emotionally to that of an 8 year old and I cared not to tend to these emotional tantrums. I raised my kids already right? Everything for the first year and a half was perfect and the last year I spent trying to get out. He was abusive on several levels and although I was eventually able to leave that relationship, it was only because someone was there waiting for him when I left. Previous attempts to leave were thwarted with threats of violence and ending his life. These threats left a severe emotional scarring In me - but I have since dealt with these things professionally.

 

Was not a fun time in the end, I learned that I became codependent and it took me several months (over a year) to address and get past that very toxic relationship.

 

I will never go back to dating a younger guy again.

Edited April 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Gloria25]

[]

 

I dated someone literally half my age and it lasted about two and a half years.

 

The boy trapped in a man's body regressed emotionally to that of an 8 year old and I cared not to tend to these emotional tantrums. I raised my kids already right? Everything for the first year and a half was perfect and the last year I spent trying to get out. He was abusive on several levels and although I was eventually able to leave that relationship, it was only because someone was there waiting for him when I left. Previous attempts to leave were thwarted with threats of violence and ending his life. These threats left a severe emotional scarring In me - but I have since dealt with these things professionally.

 

Was not a fun time in the end, I learned that I became codependent and it took me several months (over a year) to address and get past that very toxic relationship.

 

I will never go back to dating a younger guy again.

 

Lately I've been dabbling between getting with some younger guys and actually have made some attempts - but I guess they can sense my ambivalence.

 

Part of me could care less cuz unlike Demi Moore, Usher's ex, and Mariah Carey - I'm not delusional to think I can have something long term with a younger guy. But, part of me doesn't have time to play with silly boys. I also don't respect someone I can "control". Some older people seek out younger people cuz they want someone naive that they can control...not me.

 

I mean, you can be the hottest, most secure cougar in the world...but I feel biology takes over and these guys are gonna move onto someone closer to their age - with whom they can have "more" with (i.e. kids).

 

And, for the ones that do have kids with older women, I think those RLs fade cuz those older women are perhaps insecure and are trying tie them down, and they still wanna have fun and party and feel like the older woman is dragging them down....Geesh, like the Dateline story last nite...I felt sorry for that female, older officer, but she was kinda boring and dull. Her younger husband got bored out of his mind cuz all she wanted to do is settle and have kids...No going out to party, no fun. But, I think IMO, these older women who want to "domesticate" these cubs are doing something that girls the cub's age also wanna do with them too (marry, kids, boring)...but, with the age gap the cubs feel an extra stress that this old bag is trying to lock them into a life of boredom.

 

But in erklat's case, I think it may work out - unless he wants more kids. I go on OLD and I see a lot of single/divorced dads who want a woman who "likes kids" and/or "wants more kids" and sorry, I'm not down for that. I'm not watching some guy's kids - especially when those kids have a mother. If they're over, of course I'm gonna be polite and treat them well, but no, I'm not no one's maid/babysitter and I don't want kids - especially with a guy who already has a kid. I don't believe in bringing more kids into a situation like that, people don't get that it hurts the kid to see their parents run off, re-marry and make more kids. They feel like the third wheel and wonder why original mom and dad couldn't keep it together for them.

 

So if erklat is done with kids and just wants female company - maybe an older woman is right for him - especially if she's like me where she doesn't want kids and wants steady company...she's not looking for some guy to pay her bills and/or be responsible for her. She just wants a man to enjoy time with.

 

Now going back to lilmissjava's post - yes, IMO, guys who serially seek out older women (i.e. Susan Sarandon's latest guy) got something wrong with them. Maybe they got touched by their mommy or something. That guy Susan Sarandon is with just looks weird, like a screw is off up there.

 

So yea, while IMO, a lot of guys go to an "older woman" phase where the older woman "breaks them in", satisfies a temporary need they have, and/or is a "mistake" (i.e. Demi Moore, Usher, Mariah Carey) - there are some men who are not healthy and exclusively seek out older women RLs cuz a screw is loose there.

 

Ummm, I was watching some porn last nite and gosh, there was this one I had to watch twice. A hot babe was like married to this older guy and caught her son-in-law taking pics of her and she like "caught" him and showed him pretty much a time of his life. I liked that. Something sexy about a naive and young guy that you "break in".

Edited April 8, 2016 by Gloria25

[mikeylo]

Why do some women hate it when a guy who is closer to their own age, falls in love/ dates/ marries a younger woman? The age I'm talking about is when the guy is 45 and above and his lover is max 8 to 10 years younger.

 

When the women who are now 50, were 35 or 40 something, they too attracted the attention of older guys but when they are now 50 above , they don't like the guys who are 50, to fall for a younger one. What gives ?

 

How many guys here have younger gfs? Wives ? Do you feel or get nasty looks or comments ? How do you 'save' your partner from them?

[basil67]

I'm a woman who's pushing 50 and am unaware of this phenomena. An 8-10 year age difference is nothing when the woman is older than, say, 28. I know a number of couples who have this age difference and nobody has looked twice at them.

 

Is this something which you're experiencing?

[preraph]

I've found that people don't think it's too weird if the age gap isn't too much, like within 10 years (and that's with people in late 20s and above who are pretty fully matured). But where I see the derision is when the person they're choosing is obviously too immature for them or the relationship is really one-sided, or someone is after money or fame and that's why they're doing it.

 

If you are 50 and she is 40 and she is a mature woman on the same par with you intellectually, financially, etc, your equal, I doubt anyone would say a thing.

[newyorker1960]

I have a questions for the girls out there.

 

Which man would you prefer:

 

#1 A man who is about ten years older than you are but very plain looking, for example bald and overweight.

 

#2 A man who is about 25 years older than you are but looks great for his age, athletic, very health conscious, well groomed etc. Additionally he has a higher intelligence and nicer personality.

 

I am not criticizing anyone in anyway, however my impression is that the higher age would be the greater turn off for most women.

 

Thank you for your input.

[IfonlyIknew]

It seems like the older one takes care of himself a bit more that would be more attractive to me. My parents are 23 years apart so I kind of grew up with the whole "age is just a #" factor.

[smackie9]

None of them. I like them young/ hot with passion and energy....oh and has a nice a ss. This is no joke, I always liked the younger ones. The old ones are too set in their ways and usually not open to new things that takes them out of their comfort zone.

 

25 years older makes me go ick.

[newyorker1960]

I'm not saying that either of these choices are ideal or even good, but let's say these are your only two options, the last two men in the world or something.

Edited October 25, 2016 by newyorker1960