How do you really know when a guy is interested or just playing games?

[Petunia]

How can you tell? I have been dating this guy for 6 weeks and I never hear from him but on the weekends. I have to initiate everything. He tells me I'm his girlfriend and introduces me to all his friends as his girlfriend and there's no other women in his life, but during the week I don't hear from him. I call and leave him messages and email him but he doesn't return them. Sometimes he acts interested (also says he is) and sometimes he doesn't. We live some distance apart so its hard for us to get together other than on the weekends. So how can you really tell if they are interested or if they are just playing games?

[Jessie]

Why don't you propose to stay at his place during the week and see what his reaction is? You can test him this way, say you have a week off and see how he reacts.

How can you tell? I have been dating this guy for 6 weeks and I never hear from him but on the weekends. I have to initiate everything. He tells me I'm his girlfriend and introduces me to all his friends as his girlfriend and there's no other women in his life, but during the week I don't hear from him. I call and leave him messages and email him but he doesn't return them. Sometimes he acts interested (also says he is) and sometimes he doesn't. We live some distance apart so its hard for us to get together other than on the weekends. So how can you really tell if they are interested or if they are just playing games?

[Tony T]

Every guy is different. You can't use the same criteria for each guy to tell if he is interested.

 

Now, I do use the same criteria for rudeness and stupidity. If this guy does not return phone calls or Email on a semi-regular basis, he is rude and doesn't deserve your attention. The least he could do is let you know he's busy and unable to return calls or Email often.

 

Believe it or not, there are some guys (young ones) that really think girls are just for the weekends. The week consists of their other male activities, school, work, sports, etc. They just don't think of girls until the weekends. If this is the case with him, I put this in the stupidity category.

 

So you live some distance apart. How are you so sure he isn't seeing someone else during the week? He may not even be telling his friends...or his friends may just keep their mouths shut.

 

The bottom line is he is just being himself and you are tolerating it and staying around. Did he ask your permission for you to be his girlfriend? Do you consider yourself his girlfriend? Do you like the way this guy makes you feel so special by not returning your calls, Email and seeing you only on the weekends? If you consented to being his girlfriend knowing all this stuff, what are you complaining about?

 

Now if you don't consider yourself his official girlfriend, I would stop the Email, stop the phone calls, stop seeing him and search for a guy right around where you live. It's a whole lot better to travel a mile or two to be treated like crap than to depend on someone a distance away to do it.

 

I'm quite sure there are guys much closer than this chump who will treat you like a lady, show interest in you, and be considerate and respectful of your feelings. But before you find them, you have to start acting that way towards yourself and end the situation you are now in.

 

I don't think this guy is interested and I don't think he is playing games. I think he is severely mentally challenged.

[Petunia]

Well I have stayed on there a couple of times during the week, like just for the night. He just never comes to see me and the way he acts around me sometimes makes me question if he really likes me or if he's just one of these guys that don't want to hurt your feelings, therefore they play along. Its so hard to tell and we are both past the age of the game playing.

Why don't you propose to stay at his place during the week and see what his reaction is? You can test him this way, say you have a week off and see how he reacts.

[Petunia]

Well I don't know for sure about other women. However, girlfriends of his friends has told me there's noone else and his neighbor (we are really good friends) has told me I'm the first girl she's seen over there since he moved in which was last December. I would also have that natural instinct (from past experiences of being cheated on). All in all, I am definitely thinking about ending it with him... now its just a matter of what to say. He's really a cool guy to hang out with and all, but he's not affectionate nor does he show interest and when I bring this up he gets defensive and says that's just him. I agree some people are affectionate... some aren't, but atleast show some effort. Do I have a right to bitch about this to him... even though we've only been dating 6 weeks? How can I get him to listen to me.. I mean really listen?

Every guy is different. You can't use the same criteria for each guy to tell if he is interested.

 

Now, I do use the same criteria for rudeness and stupidity. If this guy does not return phone calls or Email on a semi-regular basis, he is rude and doesn't deserve your attention. The least he could do is let you know he's busy and unable to return calls or Email often. Believe it or not, there are some guys (young ones) that really think girls are just for the weekends. The week consists of their other male activities, school, work, sports, etc. They just don't think of girls until the weekends. If this is the case with him, I put this in the stupidity category. So you live some distance apart. How are you so sure he isn't seeing someone else during the week? He may not even be telling his friends...or his friends may just keep their mouths shut. The bottom line is he is just being himself and you are tolerating it and staying around. Did he ask your permission for you to be his girlfriend? Do you consider yourself his girlfriend? Do you like the way this guy makes you feel so special by not returning your calls, Email and seeing you only on the weekends? If you consented to being his girlfriend knowing all this stuff, what are you complaining about? Now if you don't consider yourself his official girlfriend, I would stop the Email, stop the phone calls, stop seeing him and search for a guy right around where you live. It's a whole lot better to travel a mile or two to be treated like crap than to depend on someone a distance away to do it. I'm quite sure there are guys much closer than this chump who will treat you like a lady, show interest in you, and be considerate and respectful of your feelings. But before you find them, you have to start acting that way towards yourself and end the situation you are now in. I don't think this guy is interested and I don't think he is playing games. I think he is severely mentally challenged.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Do I have a right to bitch about this to him... even though we've only been dating 6 weeks?"

 

No, you don't. You have addressed this with him and he has advised you that's just the way he is. As a free man, he is the only one than can opt to change if it's convenient for him. However, if that aspect of his personality is deeply engrained...more than likely learned within his family component during childhood...it will be very difficult for him to change.

 

Why is it that most women want to change men in some way rather than expend the energy to find one that more closely meets their needs?

 

You ask how you can get him to listen to you. He is listening, REALLY listening but he's not doing what you ask and that's what's bothering you. Your desire is to get him to listen to you and change according to your desires and that is entirely irrational to expect. He has his rights as a human being to act any way he wants within legal boundaries.

 

Accept him like he is or BOLT!!!

[Taressa]

No. I don't believe we ever have a RIGHT to bitch about anyone. If the relationship isn't working for you it's best to pack it up and call it quits.

 

The original excitement of the relationship has just worn off a little sooner than most and you've found some things you're not willing to tolerate. That's fine. Shake hands, give him your sweetest smile, and move on.

 

He has not misrepresented himself to you so you have no right to feel offended. It's just a sweet few weeks you shared that didn't work out as you had hoped. Pick up the lessons learned and next time you'll avoid choosing the same type of man.

 

Well I don't know for sure about other women. However, girlfriends of his friends has told me there's noone else and his neighbor (we are really good friends) has told me I'm the first girl she's seen over there since he moved in which was last December. I would also have that natural instinct (from past experiences of being cheated on). All in all, I am definitely thinking about ending it with him... now its just a matter of what to say. He's really a cool guy to hang out with and all, but he's not affectionate nor does he show interest and when I bring this up he gets defensive and says that's just him. I agree some people are affectionate... some aren't, but atleast show some effort. Do I have a right to bitch about this to him... even though we've only been dating 6 weeks? How can I get him to listen to me.. I mean really listen?

[billy the kid]

ask him.

How can you tell? I have been dating this guy for 6 weeks and I never hear from him but on the weekends. I have to initiate everything. He tells me I'm his girlfriend and introduces me to all his friends as his girlfriend and there's no other women in his life, but during the week I don't hear from him. I call and leave him messages and email him but he doesn't return them. Sometimes he acts interested (also says he is) and sometimes he doesn't. We live some distance apart so its hard for us to get together other than on the weekends. So how can you really tell if they are interested or if they are just playing games?

[Deejette]

It's counterproductive to bitch a man into being more affectionate, because it only turns him off and makes him more self-conscious about showing emotion.

 

Because we like someone so much, we want to mold them into what we want, regardless of their basic personality structure. I don't think it is ever a good thing to force another to be attentive or show affection. If they are not doing it, they don't feel like it and no matter how much nagging, they will not change.

No. I don't believe we ever have a RIGHT to bitch about anyone. If the relationship isn't working for you it's best to pack it up and call it quits. The original excitement of the relationship has just worn off a little sooner than most and you've found some things you're not willing to tolerate. That's fine. Shake hands, give him your sweetest smile, and move on. He has not misrepresented himself to you so you have no right to feel offended. It's just a sweet few weeks you shared that didn't work out as you had hoped. Pick up the lessons learned and next time you'll avoid choosing the same type of man.

[irene]

I have a very good guy friend, we go out and hang out together at school. the problem is that i like him and i think he likes me and eventhough i told him that i was open for a relationship ,he still hasn't asked me out to be his girldfriend. He told me once that nice girls like me are hard to find and we hold hands sometimes. He also said that he sees me having a guy around my finger. what does that mean? i think he was joking. what can i do in this situation? i'm getting confused , if we continue to hold hands other guys will think that i'm going out with him so my chances of dating would decrease. on the other hand, if i tell him to stop holding hands he might feel hurt and i don't want to lose him as a friend. what can i do?