! when girls play hard to get?

[volvos90xc]

I became friends with this girl in school. I start talking with her on facebook and she one day suddenly walks up to me. She does not talk as if hinting to make me make the first move. So I did talk with her during that time face to face. She seems to be interested. But sometimes I feel like she is testing me. I sat with her at lunch near end of the school year inside the cafeteria because she says I am welcomed to join her. I sat with her and her other friend. We had great time, especially the first two days where I really get to know her more and her other friend. Then after few weeks, she pissed me off by inviting another guy. Is like she tries to make me jealous or something. I stop eating with them after that and rarely join their tables.

 

Over the summer break, I randomly start talking with her. She always should lame in the beginning of a conversation and then get so enthusiastic. I ask for her phone number and got her number. I then text her if we can hang out together. She says we definitely should hang out. I texted her back eight days later (I told her I was on vacation and would be back 6 days later). I asked her if a particular day would work (July 14th). She texted that great to hear for you! I am not sure if I can hang out that day because I have to look for my younger brother. My parents would be out during the day and night. I texted her again and ask what day is the best for her. She said I am not sure. I then text her to text me anytime when she is free to hang out. I told her any days works for me so far. She never texted back for weeks now. I think she is playing hard to get.

 

Now a few days ago, she likes some of the stuff on my formspring and facebook. Is like she is coming back for me. So I liked some of her stuff on her websites too. The problem is I do not know what to do? Should I ask her out again? Maybe also let her to have her friends to go too if she feels awkward? My friend told me to be more assertive because I am too nice. I do have confidence, just lack of experience with relationships lol. I am planning to text her back. Any suggestions?

[supermonkeychick]

So everything seemed to go fairly well with that chick and her friend at lunch, but why'd she have to ruin it by making it awkward like that? Yeah, I'd be pissed off too. Trying to make you jealous is one factor, and so is testing your reaction.

 

And it must be frustrating how she keeps acting enthusiastic, but then pulls back afterwards. It seems as though she enjoys sorta being a tease/playing hard to get.

 

Here is the golden statement here:

"My friend told me to be more assertive because I am too nice."

 

Bingo. She's testing how assertive you are. Frankly, I think that has to do with the stereotype that Asian guys are passive. Maybe she wants to see that you're different?

 

Don't you want to be the exception, not the rule?

 

And maybe she's actually confused; wondering if you like her as more than friends, or if you're just being too nice and wanna be just friends.

 

And you want to be more than friends with her, don't you? Let her know that, in your own way.

 

Since this is clearly bothering you, and you plan on texting her back; do so, but be straightforward. Saying stuff like "I changed my mind. I don't want to HANG out with you. I want to GO out with you. See the difference? This might not be clear to you, but I'd like for us to be more than friends. I like you, so do you want to go out with me?"

 

That would let her know that your not just being nice. And she'd be impressed by the honesty. That would clear the fog.

 

BUT if she's still acting funny, and continues to play her games, she's wasting your time and you should cut her off. Worst case scenario, she's also juggling other guys around like toys. I hope that's not the case.

 

P.S. - It's been a couple of weeks since your post. Has anything happened with her since then? If you like, you can keep me updated if you have any more concerns.

[KathyM]

I became friends with this girl in school. I start talking with her on facebook and she one day suddenly walks up to me. She does not talk as if hinting to make me make the first move. So I did talk with her during that time face to face. She seems to be interested. But sometimes I feel like she is testing me. I sat with her at lunch near end of the school year inside the cafeteria because she says I am welcomed to join her. I sat with her and her other friend. We had great time, especially the first two days where I really get to know her more and her other friend. Then after few weeks, she pissed me off by inviting another guy. Is like she tries to make me jealous or something. I stop eating with them after that and rarely join their tables.

 

Over the summer break, I randomly start talking with her. She always should lame in the beginning of a conversation and then get so enthusiastic. I ask for her phone number and got her number. I then text her if we can hang out together. She says we definitely should hang out. I texted her back eight days later (I told her I was on vacation and would be back 6 days later). I asked her if a particular day would work (July 14th). She texted that great to hear for you! I am not sure if I can hang out that day because I have to look for my younger brother. My parents would be out during the day and night. I texted her again and ask what day is the best for her. She said I am not sure. I then text her to text me anytime when she is free to hang out. I told her any days works for me so far. She never texted back for weeks now. I think she is playing hard to get.

 

Now a few days ago, she likes some of the stuff on my formspring and facebook. Is like she is coming back for me. So I liked some of her stuff on her websites too. The problem is I do not know what to do? Should I ask her out again? Maybe also let her to have her friends to go too if she feels awkward? My friend told me to be more assertive because I am too nice. I do have confidence, just lack of experience with relationships lol. I am planning to text her back. Any suggestions?

She's not really into you. She's just stringing you along. If she was interested, she would have agreed to a date. Some women and girls like to "collect" men. They like to keep in contact with them from time to time just to keep them interested, but they are not really interested in the guy enough to date them. It's an ego thing. The more men that want them, the bigger ego they get. They just want the attention as an ego boost. Just stop contacting her. Spend your energies on finding someone that would be interested in dating you.

[smudge21]

Just stop texting altogether. If she wants to play games, then you play them too. Why are you giving her all the power?

 

This whole dating ritual of playing games can be fun at times but there has to be a cut off point. Sometimes it can be good for both sides to believe there's a challenge there (as we all like a challenge rather than something easy) but when one party is just totally ignoring the other, it's time to evaluate the situation.

 

Back off and let her do the chasing. If she texts, give it a day or two before you reply. Try to put yourself in her shoes: why should she make any effort when you do it all anyway. Personally, I would put money on her getting in touch after you've been quiet for a while.