proteinshake25 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I have a pain in my chest, everytime I think of the good memories. Im starting to think the only way to move on is to actually move out of state. My ex is with another guy, which doesnt bother me too much. It bothers me when I do things like working out. and she's at another gym elsewhere. I have no idea how she could not be hurting when she does the activities that we used to do together. I even wonder how she can wear the same jewelry that I bought her. If she moved on this well, then I cant help but think I should loose hope with getting back with her. I mean, how do you love someone so deeply, and just keep them out of your mind even when your doing the same activities, wearing the same jewelry that you used to wear. Maybe this is a good sign?..who knows Link to post Share on other sites
Bito Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 when I find myself thinking about the things I miss I just try to think about all the things I disliked about her. That and I feel the pain she caused me. If she really loved you the same way that you love her then she would be with you or feel the pain as well. But she doesn't and because of that she does not deserve your love. Keep telling yourself this and you will improve! Link to post Share on other sites
samm84 Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Although its hard to accept, things becomes easier once all hope of getting her back is lost. I know what you mean about remembering all of the good things, and it really doesn't take much to set it all off. I suggest you make a point of following every good memory with a bad one, a bad memory that relates to the good one if possible. For example, me and my ex used to love our lazy nights in on the sofa, now it only takes a familiar tv show or film to make me feel sad. Just before the sadness sets in, I catch myself and try to remember all of the arguments we used to have on that sofa. Facing a good memory with a polar opposite really does help. Link to post Share on other sites
Karala Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I suggest you make a point of following every good memory with a bad one, a bad memory that relates to the good one if possible. For example, me and my ex used to love our lazy nights in on the sofa, now it only takes a familiar tv show or film to make me feel sad. Just before the sadness sets in, I catch myself and try to remember all of the arguments we used to have on that sofa. Facing a good memory with a polar opposite really does help. That's a good one :] Link to post Share on other sites
Lil1 Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 How do I deal with the good memories? I try to think about them in a positive light, i.e. be thankful that I have such beautiful memories. I also view memories of my ex as experiences I've had that have helped me learn more about myself. Yes, it is sad that my ex is no longer in my life and that we are no longer creating good memories together, but I view being in love as a transient emotion, it comes and goes and therefore memories are the only real thing that are everlasting. In other words, the people I love, and the love they give me never really belong to me. Therefore when they (and the love they give me) are gone from my life, I can't really be mad that I have 'lost' something since it was never really mine to begin with. That person and their feelings didn't belong to me, the love they shared with me and the bond we created, as strong as it was, was only momentary. None of my exes will ever be a part of my life again, so all I can do to honor the relationships and the love they shared with me is to take those memories we created and learn from them, grow with them, let them into my heart and remember them with kindness. Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 My own belief is that during the grieving period it's helpful and even important to think about the good memories for what they are without necessarily clouding them with negativity. Just let yourself go through it, feel the beauty of each moment that comes to mind, feel the pain of realising moments like that are gone forever, cry, release, and repeat...after a while the grip these memories have on your psyche will fade. I know it doesn't feel like it - for me every time I walked through my house I was overcome by sadness - "There's the spot where he fell asleep on the floor while charging his mobile phone", "There's the bathroom where we used to brush our teeth together while making goofy faces", and so on. But I let myself be sad, and now it's over. Besides, letting yourself be truly and purely, achingly sad is kind of a beautiful thing in itself. It might sound weird, but a few moments of crying about exes in my life have actually become rather special, lovely memories in their own right. So, in my opinion, if it is part of a healthy, longer-term process of moving on, then real, true sadness (i.e. not sadness, but I'll meet someone else, sadness, but he wasn't that great anyway) but just sadness because something amazing in your life has gone and there's no way nor need to spin that positively at this moment - that can be a very good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
giuliano-3 Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 One thing that has helped me a little bit is actually embracing those good memories. I used to try and think of negative events right afterwards, but that only made my experience more of an emotional roller coaster. What I do now is think about something we did (movies we loved, places we travelled etc) and then think about watching those movies or going to those places with someone new. I mean, I used to think "I'll never meet another girl who likes X,Y,Z" but the reality is you probably will. Maybe not the same way as she did, but maybe it will be even better than before. Take those good memories and chalk them up to experience, good experiences can only make us stronger moving forward into the next relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil1 Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 thelovingkind reading your post brought me to tears... but not in a bad way! It's just that you put into words what I feel and I completely understand how truly sad it is to break bonds. Yet it is something that is inevitable in life. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 (edited) Live for yourself. Your ex is worthless at this point in your life. Don't waste it away thinking of turd memories. Life YOUR life to the fullest and have fun Edited July 22, 2011 by BlindRage Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 when I find myself thinking about the things I miss I just try to think about all the things I disliked about her. That and I feel the pain she caused me. If she really loved you the same way that you love her then she would be with you or feel the pain as well. But she doesn't and because of that she does not deserve your love. Keep telling yourself this and you will improve! This is what I keep trying to tell myself about my ex bf. As I struggle to imagine how he can do all the things we used to do together and be seemingly happier without me too. But Bito is spot on here, if she loved you like you love her than she would feel that same hurt and want to be with you again, in the same way that if my ex really loved me like I love him then he would feel the hurt I do and want me back. But he doesn't, so I have to keep telling myself that he no longer deserves my love, no matter how intense my love for him may still be and no matter how much I want him to be happier without me, really he has hurt me so much by leaving me to cope with such tremendous heartache alone and make me feel solely responsible for losing him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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