wilsonx Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 So funny thing happened. Last night I went and visited my parents. They live the next city over and I talked to my mom and dad for a few hours. They asked me how I was doing... I am better, my suffering is at a minimum. They asked me about my ex, and I dropped some lines about her insinuating I do not care but there was still anger when her name was brought up. My dad and I talked after my mom went to bed and he told me about mom and how she was broken when they met. The last couple of relationships I have been in are with people that did not have boundaries at all. They did not know who they were and usually mirrored me. I was like ah hah! I'm the same as my dad. The one girl that had her boundaries and knew who she was and I knew I was going to marry one day, I broke up with. I don't know why. What I have realize is that I am like my dad. I always want to fix something. If I cant fix it, it stresses me out, it drains me emotionally and what I figured out today is that it does this even if its not my problem. I was at work and I have this needed desire to email my ex and tell her she needs to fix a lot of things about herself. I COULD NOT figure out why I had this deep desire to break NC for her benefit. And then I remembered what about my parents use to stress me out, their financial situation. I quit visiting them because I almost resented them for where they are today. I felt the need to help them out but I cant and it actually use to hurt me bad when I could not help my parents out because I had over 30k in hospital/medical bills. Instead of working on me, I was always focused on fixing other people or at least trying to. And guess what happened, I have no more anxiety, I have free control over my thoughts and refocus my mind if I think about my ex. Things that use to bother me like terrible drivers and bad tips dont bother me anymore. We forfeited our kickball game tonight because not enough people showed up, didn't bother me. These are all things that I can not control. My friend and I got into an argument about his belief in population control. I did something I haven't done in a long time, I was watching myself talk to him and the conversation was going no where. He was arguing to win and I exited the argument stating lets agree to disagree. He did not like that at all. He then actually started boundary crashing me and my passions in life and asked where they were and I pointed at me and said that I am my passion in life. I told him that this discussion is over and I walked away. Normally I would have argued to win but today, I saw there was no right or wrong answer to our argument and I exited it gracefully. I'm starting to be happy again and it feels good. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 Congrats to you!!! Weird that you and me both had the desire to initiate contact with our ex's to tell them all the things they need to fix haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wilsonx Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 yea... isnt that weird Link to post Share on other sites
without Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 So why did you break up with her?for the fixing thing?..i didn't get that part. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 ya no its not your responsibilities to fix them. its their problems not you. hope they find somebody that can live with them and their problems. good luck, that all you have to say. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I was at work and I have this needed desire to email my ex and tell her she needs to fix a lot of things about herself. I COULD NOT figure out why I had this deep desire to break NC for her benefit. Don't. She will take it as an insult and it will not be considered helpful. I have struggled at times with this very same urge and managed to resist. It won't have the effect that you want. She will essentially take it as you being vain and not wanting the ego hit of being rejected, so therefore you think something must be wrong with her. In the case of my ex, I firmly believe that something was and is deeply amiss with her to walk away from a man that was good to her and good for her without warning and without mutual dysfunction in our relationship, but me telling her to go to counseling will not accomplish anything. She has to figure that out on her own, just like your ex. If you're religious, I think the best thing you can do for you ex is to pray for her. Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy1984 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 The last couple of relationships I have been in are with people that did not have boundaries at all. They did not know who they were and usually mirrored me....I always want to fix something. If I cant fix it, it stresses me out, it drains me emotionally I can relate to this and my ex mirrored me which pissed me off towards the end. I was always trying to fix her. Link to post Share on other sites
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