Jump to content

She loves me but


Recommended Posts

My wife and I have been married for many years. Throughout the marriage I have worked heavy hours to pay for her large medical bills, to allow her to be a stay at home mom (great mom), and to give our family a good lifestyle. Most mornings I wake my wife with a kiss (she always give me a big smile). We are very affectionate with each other and often cuddle. We both watch our looks and weight has never been an issue with either of us. We are best friends that enjoy each other’s company. The big weakness in our marriage is the sex, or lack thereof.

 

Sex started out OK but over the years the quality and the frequency disintegrated. I am always ready, she is never ready. My wife’s health issues prevented me from strongly addressing the sex issue sooner, but now that she is finally healthy, I decided to tackle the problem head-on. In doing so I learned that although she loves me very much, she has not been romantically in love with me for many years. She blamed me by saying that I did not spend enough time with her, and that although she initially liked sex with me, my constant demands for sex even when she was not interested made her resent it rather than look forward to it. She went on to ask, “As long as I love you, and as long as I have never been in love with anyone else, why does it matter if I am not in love with you?” Wow, I went to fix a pot hole and found myself falling off a cliff.

 

My wife now regrets being so honest with me since she did not want to hurt me, but I told her that I needed to know so that we could finally address it. After long talks we decided to work on our relationship and on our sex life in the hope that the “in love” feelings would follow. First, we instituted regular date nights. Since it is hard to be romantic when she constantly brings up family and financial issues, she is banned from talking about those things on date night. Next, we instituted new things in our sex practices that focus more on getting her excited and increasing the frequency of sex but with a weekly cap of 1 or 2 times.

 

Things are getting better, sex is improving, but it is still a work in progress. Any ideas or comments would be appreciated.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You really seem like you're on the right track here.

 

I have a couple of suggestions.

 

When you are speaking to her on your date nights, try to refer back to the times when she was "in love" with you. Talk about your memories together, the time you fell in love with her, your first kiss. Tell funny stories.

 

Another thing you can do is ask her questions...you know truth or dare? Play that. Or just ask her things like, what are your hopes and dreams and fears. Try to get to know her again, or get to know her more.

 

Don't make her feel like you're doing all this to get in her pants! :p

Link to post
Share on other sites
scaredandalone1223

I agree with Kivu that you are on the right track. I love all of Kivu's suggestions as well. The only thing I would be cautious of is not to take too many trips down memory lane. If she is not feeling the same way you are too many of these may push her further away reminding her she no longer feels that way. Do little things when you are not looking for sex to help build strong attraction.

 

Walk up behind her, give her a gentle rub on the back or a kiss on the cheek and then walk away. When you're on the couch watching tv reach over and put your arm around her, pull her feet on the couch and give her a nice foot massage, play with her hair a little...If you wake up during the night reach over and give her a small kiss or a little rub then roll back over and go back to sleep...spend time in the bed just lying in each other's arms...no talking, no 'playing', just enjoying the moment...

 

Send a how is your day going text every now and then...a text with a funny inside joke....a text about what you're most looking forward to on your date...Leave a sticky note on the bathroom mirror saying 'Good morning gorgeous' or 'last night was amazing'...

 

Get up ahead of her and make the coffee and breakfast, even if it's just danish and fruit, on the weekends sometimes, if possible call her to have lunch one day during the week while you and/ or she is working

 

Leave an IOU somewhere for her to find. One that you'll be responsible for dinner one night, or you'll help with the next load of laundry, you'll take the kids out for the evening where she can have a nice long relaxing bath uninterrupted (you can leave a new bottle of body wash or a few new candles with this one), one that she has you're undivided attention to talk about whatever she chooses for one hour, whether it be something she read about, something funny she heard, some new juicy gossip you usually don't care to hear about or even if she has something that she is stressed about and just needs a few minutes to vent.

 

Read the thread 'I am a lucky gal' this will give you some insight on what husbands do that women go nuts for!! I can't emphasize enough it's the little things than mean the most. They help show respect and appreciation, which is much needed yet over the years so often falls off the radar. If you lead the way hopefully she will pick up and start doing the same type things for you and your bond will begin to recement itself and be stronger than ever.

 

Best of Luck!!

Edited by scaredandalone1223
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks you Kivu and Scaredandalone1223 for your ideas. I like the memory lane idea but will be careful how I use it.

Edited by Buddie
spelling correction
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...