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caught my husband"s FB chat with co-worker (they say its a joke!)

badet_112778

By badet_112778
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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badet_112778 Member

badet_112778

Posted
Posted (edited)

hi am newbie here..i just had a big fight with my husband when i checked his facebook chatbox..i saw numerous dates of his "intimate" chat with his co-worker..this happen when i got irritated of him after he came from work and while eating his dinner he's checking "whatever" on the computer..am too sleepy to ask so i went back to my sleep and thought of confronting him the next day..

 

So the next day,i open his Fb chatbox and saw it all..am so piss but tries to controll myself so as to get ready to work..my sister came and talk to her about it and told me i need to trust my instinct which i did..

 

So again i tried to open his FB and tried to look on the past and full conversation of it all..and TADA!!!!i was so shock while reading all of it..I hit him so hard while he's asleep and shouted at him F*** u!he got up so fast and ask what happened but i bang the door so loud after i went out of the room..

 

I couldn't cry..he called me and says its all a joke!!!!even when i confront the girl thru phone..its all a joke they both says..am i stupid???the msgs went almost a month..the girl on her chat say I LOVE YOU and my husband replied I LOVE YOU SO MUCH (is this a joke)

 

I don't know whats goin on..The girl was so afraid when i told her to F*** off my husband but told me notto be mad because she doesn't know..

 

I can't tell how many intimate msgs were those,but for me even if my husband say its all a joke i want them to present them to other colleagues and read it all..

 

Now i could not trust my husband and i don't know if could forgive him the second time around!

 

Thanks!

Edited by badet_112778
t_i Member

t_i

Posted
Posted

Doesn't sound like a joke to me. Was any of it sexual? I tell my friends that I love them all the time, even if they're male or female.

betterdeal Established Member

betterdeal

Posted
Posted

It was a joke is bollocks, frankly. You don't like his sense of humour. That he's not taking your upset seriously is the problem. So tell him that you're upset and you don't much like the way he's handling this.

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted

It certainly doesn't sound like a "joke". He's just not prepared to admit that he has done wrong. Calling you stupid is totally unacceptable. I would suggest filing for divorce, see if that wipes the smile from his face. If he then sees that you are serious and admits what he has done wrong and begs for forgiveness, then maybe you can try to work it out. But while he is lying and insulting you, no way.

reboot Established Member

reboot

Posted
Posted

If it was a joke why aren't you laughing?

betterdeal Established Member

betterdeal

Posted
Posted

Why don't you come over to my place and we can make love, for a joke?

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

Posted
Posted

That was no joke. You caught him red handed and now he's trying to whitewash it. He's having an emotional affair, and probably a physical one as well.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
hi am newbie here..i just had a big fight with my husband when i checked his facebook chatbox..i saw numerous dates of his "intimate" chat with his co-worker..this happen when i got irritated of him after he came from work and while eating his dinner he's checking "whatever" on the computer..am too sleepy to ask so i went back to my sleep and thought of confronting him the next day..

 

So the next day,i open his Fb chatbox and saw it all..am so piss but tries to controll myself so as to get ready to work..my sister came and talk to her about it and told me i need to trust my instinct which i did..

 

So again i tried to open his FB and tried to look on the past and full conversation of it all..and TADA!!!!i was so shock while reading all of it..I hit him so hard while he's asleep and shouted at him F*** u!he got up so fast and ask what happened but i bang the door so loud after i went out of the room..

 

I couldn't cry..he called me and says its all a joke!!!!even when i confront the girl thru phone..its all a joke they both says..am i stupid???the msgs went almost a month..the girl on her chat say I LOVE YOU and my husband replied I LOVE YOU SO MUCH (is this a joke)

 

I don't know whats goin on..The girl was so afraid when i told her to F*** off my husband but told me notto be mad because she doesn't know..

 

I can't tell how many intimate msgs were those,but for me even if my husband say its all a joke i want them to present them to other colleagues and read it all..

 

Now i could not trust my husband and i don't know if could forgive him the second time around!

 

Thanks!

 

You have every right to be upset, angry, feel hurt, feel betrayed. You don't have the right to smack your husband, let alone while he was sleeping. No matter what he did, as bad as his behaviour on facebook has been, you shouldn't have hit him! Imagine if he had hit YOU while you were sleeping! I'm sure you would have called the cops on him and have him arrested!

 

Anyway, obviously your husband is 'downplaying' the intimate sexy chat he's having with this OW.

 

Does he go out with this co worker as well? In the evenings or after work?

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badet_112778 Member

badet_112778

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks to all the replies..

 

yesterday,my husband been calling me whenever am free and convince me that is over and its nothing..he is asking for forgiveness like almost he wanted to kneel in front of me and beg..we we're both working on different place and he's wanting to win my heart back..i told him its not easy and it will take time for me to forget evrything..my friends listens and also shock because of my confrontation with that girl..its not actually,on my personality to do it..

 

even my husband i think is shock about what i did to his co-worker..he cried actually and its a lesson to learn for him..he really admits that he loves me so much and i'm the only girl for him..i am a toughie when it comes to love and cheating and my heart needs that long repair for me to forget it all..

 

i just wanna share this moment..

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badet_112778 Member

badet_112778

Posted
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Posted
Why don't you come over to my place and we can make love, for a joke?

 

If only i have the guts to that..am sori..

 

p.s.

 

Its funny though!;)

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badet_112778 Member

badet_112778

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You have every right to be upset, angry, feel hurt, feel betrayed. You don't have the right to smack your husband, let alone while he was sleeping. No matter what he did, as bad as his behaviour on facebook has been, you shouldn't have hit him! Imagine if he had hit YOU while you were sleeping! I'm sure you would have called the cops on him and have him arrested!

 

Anyway, obviously your husband is 'downplaying' the intimate sexy chat he's having with this OW.

 

Does he go out with this co worker as well? In the evenings or after work?

 

I did not smack him..i just hit his butt for him to wake up FAST!!!

 

he doesn't go out..he's only work n home..their shifts really drive me crazy..he's working like 12hours to 16hours..told me he's only having fun just to make the time goby faster..

K.K. Established Member

K.K.

Posted
Posted
Thanks to all the replies..

 

yesterday,my husband been calling me whenever am free and convince me that is over and its nothing..he is asking for forgiveness like almost he wanted to kneel in front of me and beg..we we're both working on different place and he's wanting to win my heart back..i told him its not easy and it will take time for me to forget evrything..my friends listens and also shock because of my confrontation with that girl..its not actually,on my personality to do it..

 

even my husband i think is shock about what i did to his co-worker..he cried actually and its a lesson to learn for him..he really admits that he loves me so much and i'm the only girl for him..i am a toughie when it comes to love and cheating and my heart needs that long repair for me to forget it all..

 

i just wanna share this moment..

 

Omg, how do people do this? Convince us that nothing is going on even when caught red handed. Love sucks! When I was in 10th grade umpteen years ago, my boyfriend at the time who i worshipped like a god, actually convinced me that my eyes were playing tricks on me and that I really didn't see him kissing another girl on the softball field. I knew that I did, but I WANTED to believe him so I chose to believe instead that my eyes ****ed me over.. .. hey k.k. stupid much?

 

badet- you can let him convince you of anything you want to but the fact of the matter is that NOBODY plays jokes like telling each other that they love each other on facebook for no reason. WHY would they????? He's a cheat. Period. sorry.

betterdeal Established Member

betterdeal

Posted
Posted
Thanks to all the replies..

 

yesterday,my husband been calling me whenever am free and convince me that is over and its nothing..he is asking for forgiveness like almost he wanted to kneel in front of me and beg..we we're both working on different place and he's wanting to win my heart back..i told him its not easy and it will take time for me to forget evrything..my friends listens and also shock because of my confrontation with that girl..its not actually,on my personality to do it..

 

even my husband i think is shock about what i did to his co-worker..he cried actually and its a lesson to learn for him..he really admits that he loves me so much and i'm the only girl for him..i am a toughie when it comes to love and cheating and my heart needs that long repair for me to forget it all..

 

i just wanna share this moment..

 

Then that sounds like a good start. You two just need to play this out as it comes to you. Good luck and take care.

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badet_112778 Member

badet_112778

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Omg, how do people do this? Convince us that nothing is going on even when caught red handed. Love sucks! When I was in 10th grade umpteen years ago, my boyfriend at the time who i worshipped like a god, actually convinced me that my eyes were playing tricks on me and that I really didn't see him kissing another girl on the softball field. I knew that I did, but I WANTED to believe him so I chose to believe instead that my eyes ****ed me over.. .. hey k.k. stupid much?

 

badet- you can let him convince you of anything you want to but the fact of the matter is that NOBODY plays jokes like telling each other that they love each other on facebook for no reason. WHY would they????? He's a cheat. Period. sorry.

 

i know what u mean..he is now trying to win me back..he is begging and admitting his fault..living me a lot of heart warming msgs..i cried a lot..and do pray for this..thanks by the way to ur msg..

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badet_112778 Member

badet_112778

Posted
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Posted
Then that sounds like a good start. You two just need to play this out as it comes to you. Good luck and take care.

 

Thanks!!!

 

really needs a positive vibe..

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

Posted
Posted

he cheated. he needs to REPAIR the damage he caused.

 

quit his job! give you passwords to everything. call her husband if she has one.

 

he could be seeing her while he's working.

 

if he wants to make it up to you - he will do anything you ask, without questioning your request.

 

go to counseling, he needs to determine why he did this (it's not you - it's him) and how to never do this again.

 

he acts like he's sorry he got caught. maybe not sorry he did it.

 

don't be so quick to forgive and forget, he harmed your marriage. he should have a consequence for his behavior.

 

and don't discount that he was physical with her - remember - he lied about the chats - he can lie about having sex with her too. get tested for STD's.

 

hugs

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

Posted
Posted

he told her he loved her = they had sex, a LOT!!!

HeavenOrHell Established Member

HeavenOrHell

Posted
Posted

Uhm, no, you said you 'hit him hard'.

Hitting someone is never appropriate.

And he shouldn't have been having intimate chats with another woman.

 

What did you do to his co-worker?

 

Hope you can work through it together.

 

 

I did not smack him..i just hit his butt for him to wake up FAST!!!

 

he doesn't go out..he's only work n home..their shifts really drive me crazy..he's working like 12hours to 16hours..told me he's only having fun just to make the time goby faster..

HeavenOrHell Established Member

HeavenOrHell

Posted
Posted

Not necessarily, people have told me they love me, and I have them, and we've not had sex, it doesn't necessarily follow.

 

 

he told her he loved her = they had sex, a LOT!!!
2sunny Established Member

2sunny

Posted
Posted
Not necessarily, people have told me they love me, and I have them, and we've not had sex, it doesn't necessarily follow.

 

are these people you send tons of FB messages to and hide it from your spouse?

 

i have tons of friends tell me they love me - but i'm never hiding anything from anyone... i never participate inappropriately tho, i don't participate to raise suspicion, i operate from sheer loving behavior.

 

the fact that it was a "secret" tells everything he wasn't planning to say...

bittersweet memories Established Member

bittersweet memories

Posted
Posted
Not necessarily, people have told me they love me, and I have them, and we've not had sex, it doesn't necessarily follow.

 

Are you married? This guy is married and he's telling a co-worker this. Give me a break.

 

I bet you once the wife has forgiven him. Looks like she already did. Within one/two weeks he will go back to this full blown affair he's having.

Forever Learning Established Member

Forever Learning

Posted
Posted
he cheated. he needs to REPAIR the damage he caused.

 

quit his job! give you passwords to everything. call her husband if she has one.

 

he could be seeing her while he's working.

 

if he wants to make it up to you - he will do anything you ask, without questioning your request.

 

go to counseling, he needs to determine why he did this (it's not you - it's him) and how to never do this again.

 

he acts like he's sorry he got caught. maybe not sorry he did it.

 

don't be so quick to forgive and forget, he harmed your marriage. he should have a consequence for his behavior.

 

and don't discount that he was physical with her - remember - he lied about the chats - he can lie about having sex with her too. get tested for STD's.

 

hugs

 

Good advice....... IF you even want to continue in a relationship with this douche.

 

Are you married? This guy is married and he's telling a co-worker this. Give me a break.

 

I bet you once the wife has forgiven him. Looks like she already did. Within one/two weeks he will go back to this full blown affair he's having.

 

Most likely, once the dust settles and he thinks you are back to trusting him, he'll go back to banging her behind your back.

 

Step one get a key stroke logger on your computer.

 

Step two tell co-worker's husband what is going on, with hard copy back up.

 

Step three install a program on his cell to hack receive all the text msgs he sends and receives along with phone conversations.

 

Step four put a tracking device in his vehicle to monitor his whereabouts.

 

Step five show up unexpectedly unannouced at his workplace to bring him lunch, etc. Do this often and at different times. Watch to see if he hates this and asks you to stop.

 

Step six research divorce laws in your area, become very familiar and talk to a good attorney.

 

Finally, if you do all these things and find no other problems for the next year, you may have a reformed man on your hands. If not, you will know for sure that you have a liar for a husband without wasting years being Gas Lighted (lied to).

 

Good luck and all the best to you!

JackTar Member

JackTar

Posted
Posted

Well, while it certainly looks bad, it may not be. I was in a similar situation once with an old (female) friend of mine when I left the chat window open. My wife went ballistic. What she didn't know was that we had always said things like "I love you." This was nothing new. She was practically my sister, in fact we were probably closer than I am with my sister. We had never been romantically involved nor do I have any desire to. The fact was I had had a couple drinks and spilled my guts about how awful I felt about some things that had happened to her years (8 or 9 maybe) before. Mainly, that I had jknown, but had failed to do anything. Regardless, it looked awful, infact my wife thought I was having an affair, which I was certainly not. Long story short, investigate further, things may look bad, but they may not be.

 

JackTar

JackTar Member

JackTar

Posted
Posted

Wow, I just read forever learning's post. Do you stalk people full time or only on the weekends?

keepsmilin74 Established Member

keepsmilin74

Posted
Posted

They may sound stalkerish and I've found those suggestions are quite common to read here. I found it shocking at first too but unfortunately these people have been around to see the depths that liars and cheaters can sink to, seriously :( Being "gaslighted" is hard to break out of without tangible proof cos good people just can NOT believe someone they love can hurt them so badly.

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