Leaving the children home alone

[scaredandalone1223]

My husband and I have two boys. The oldest will be 14 in 2 months and the youngest turned 7 this spring. For the past year we have been leaving them home alone a hour here or there during the day sometimes. I started out with leaving them for 15 mins if I ran to the store to pick up 1 or 2 items and have progressed to letting them stay home when I go grocery shopping or when my husband or I have a Dr. appt. 2 hours is prob. the longet we have left them alone.

 

My oldest is pretty mature for his age since he was an only child around mostly adults for the first 6 1/2 years of his life. They actually seem to get along even better when we leave them by themselves because they both know the oldest is fully in charge and that they have to make sure each other is safe. Usually one will stay in the LR watching tv or playing a video game while the other watches tv in the other room while we are gone.

 

Now to the big question....leaving them home alone at night for my husband and I to go on a date! We have never left them alone after dark. Until now we have always paid a babysitter for both of them. With me staying home now the $50 on top of the $100 we spend for a nice dinner and a movie adds up quick! It is not something we would want to do every weekend, probably only once every couple of/ few months.

 

I guess since they are both mine and in a way still feel they are both my babies I just don't know if I feel comfortable yet leaving them home alone after dark. My youngest pretty much goes to bed at 9 no matter what so if we left to eat at say 6 then caught a movie between 8 and 9 he would already be asleep when we got home.

 

I would appreciate any input, suggestions and/ or personal experiences about if and at what age you left/leave/would leave your children at home for a date night.

[GorillaTheater]

I think your oldest is old enough to watch his little brother for the evening. When I was 13, I started watching my little sister (8 years younger) on my parents' date nights. Similarly, my older kids watch the younger ones when my wife and I go out. I think they'd be fine.

[Afishwithabike]

By age 14, I was used to staying at home if my parents went out to dinner with friends. This was in the age before cell phones too.

We had the address and phone number of the place they were going to. I actually looked forward to those nights because it was nice to have the house to ourselves.

 

As long as your younger child listens to the older one and you don't have any concerns about the older child sneaking out while you're away, I would feel comfortable leaving both boys at home.

[KathyM]

My husband and I have two boys. The oldest will be 14 in 2 months and the youngest turned 7 this spring. For the past year we have been leaving them home alone a hour here or there during the day sometimes. I started out with leaving them for 15 mins if I ran to the store to pick up 1 or 2 items and have progressed to letting them stay home when I go grocery shopping or when my husband or I have a Dr. appt. 2 hours is prob. the longet we have left them alone.

 

My oldest is pretty mature for his age since he was an only child around mostly adults for the first 6 1/2 years of his life. They actually seem to get along even better when we leave them by themselves because they both know the oldest is fully in charge and that they have to make sure each other is safe. Usually one will stay in the LR watching tv or playing a video game while the other watches tv in the other room while we are gone.

 

Now to the big question....leaving them home alone at night for my husband and I to go on a date! We have never left them alone after dark. Until now we have always paid a babysitter for both of them. With me staying home now the $50 on top of the $100 we spend for a nice dinner and a movie adds up quick! It is not something we would want to do every weekend, probably only once every couple of/ few months.

 

I guess since they are both mine and in a way still feel they are both my babies I just don't know if I feel comfortable yet leaving them home alone after dark. My youngest pretty much goes to bed at 9 no matter what so if we left to eat at say 6 then caught a movie between 8 and 9 he would already be asleep when we got home.

 

I would appreciate any input, suggestions and/ or personal experiences about if and at what age you left/leave/would leave your children at home for a date night.

If your oldest son is a responsible 14 year old, he's certainly old enough to babysit for a few hours. I just wouldn't make it an overnight thing, that's all. It's good for your children to be allowed to feel comfortable without you always there. It gives them confidence when you show that you have confidence in them to be on their own for a while.

[reboot]

If he's a mature 14 year old, he's plenty old enough to babysit. And you should pay him a little something.

[Finch]

I was looking after both my younger sister and younger brother fairly consistently by the time I was 14, sometimes at night.

I was just thinking, would you feel more secure if your older son had some first aid training? In Canada the Red Cross offers a babysitting course that teaches first aid, CPR, and how to handle emergencies. The course even goes over how to prepare small meals, change diapers, or entertain younger children. And the person taking the course only needs to be 11 to sign up!

If your son is turning 14 then he'll be starting high school in the fall, correct? Many kids by that time are babysitting for their families, or even for other people, as a way to earn some extra money. If your son is responsible I think allowing him to look after his younger sibling for a few hours at night shows that you trust him and know he can be reliable.

[Stung]

I think it depends heavily on BOTH the individual children involved, the responsiveness and listening skills of the younger as well as the responsibility and maturity of the elder. With siblings, there can be a real power struggle dynamic and it might weigh heavily on the younger one to be left in his brother's charge. And where it would probably be fine to leave an average 14 year old home alone for an evening, it's a little different leaving him in charge of a 7 year old. Many 14 year olds are totally up for it, but many are not.

 

When I was twelve, I was babysitting my little cousins. My thirteen year old goddaughter babysits fairly regularly, she's extremely responsible with younger children. My stepdaughter is twelve and she's a very bright and well-intended girl who absolutely adores her little brother and is in advanced classes in math, science and music, but there is NO WAY she has the judgment or responsibility levels to actually babysit him. She does a great job of playing with him and keeping him busy sometimes so I can get something done in another room of the house, but that's when I'm within earshot, right around the corner. She's a great kid but let's face it, she makes the judgment calls and has the attention span of a kid too. Granted, in two years she might be much more mature.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

We started leaving my son alone for short periods of time when he was 11. He always did fine and we would check in with him periodically as well. One evening after leaving him alone for several hours during the day he came running into the kitchen standing at the sink beside me trying to throw water in his mouth. Initially, I thought he had something hot in his mouth then i realized he was choking. He had swallowed a red-hot ball. I was able to dislodge it but it put a whole new way of thinking into my mind. We live on a private road and know all of our neighbors very well, have ample security, ect... so I had always felt safe with him here.

 

We still continued to leave him alone but he was only allowed to eat pre approved things. We no longer have that in place as he is 14 now, but we do make him call us if he wants to put something in the oven so that I can call back to make sure he turned it off. When my daughter sat my son, they both received a little something for their efforts, IF we didn't get any complaints. That seemed to nip the power plays in the bud!

 

I was babysitting for 3 kids for whole weekends at 14 and making good money! If your children get along and you have basic rules for safety, I think they will be fine. Most local YMCA's offer a babysitting class that includes basic firstaid.

[Linda9999]

My oldest got his babysitting certificate when he was 11 and that's when I started leaving him in charge of his brother (2 yrs younger) and sister (4 yrs younger) for longer stretches.

 

I had the same agreement with him I had with my mom and babysitting my younger siblings: If I have to pay you now, you have to pay me to look after your kids later. So I never paid him.

[scaredandalone1223]

THANKS so much everyone!

 

For the most part I feel he is responsible enough I just really wanted some input as I feel the nighttime step is kind of a big one. We paid my husband's cousin to keep them few times when we went out when she was 13 & 14 but girls just seem to almost have a prematernal natural instinct that kicks in around 13!

 

@Kathy M I like that you mentioned the part about it giving them confidence and showing them I have confidence in them. I try to be open with my kids and let them have their own tastes and preferences. My grandparents raised me and I was never left home alone. I appreciate so much of what they did for me, but my grandma especially, smothered me in many ways causing major rebellion in my late teen years. I believe never being allowed to be self sufficient in any way when I was young caused many problems in my marriage for many years. I do NOT want that for my boys!

 

@afishwithabike. I don't really worry about him trying to sneak out as he is more the nerd/ geek type--both of those are terms of endearment in our home used quite often to describe both my oldest and my husband. BONUS: at school it completely takes away a bully's ammo when kids have tried to pick on him for it!

 

@Stung. They do have some sibling rivalry but MUCH IMPROVED over the last year or two.....a 7 & a 13 year old have more in common than a 2 & 9 or a 3 & 7. My youngest also minds extremely well. He is one of the most well mannered, loving, sharing and giving children I have ever met. He is on most levels definitely barely 7 but his generous attitude & caring nature are far beyond his years. When he knows big brother is in charge he listens well.

 

Our youngest also knows 911, our street address, mine and my husband's full names and our cell phone numbers. If something did happen with the oldest our youngest would know how to get in touch with us as well. They both know if it's a medical, fire, or other major emergency call 911 FIRST then call us--Plus we can actually can see a fire station from the end of our driveway!!

 

@ ifwisheswerehorses Even though he is an amazing cook, he's an aspiring chef, often prepares family meals and has never had an accident (he usually has to remind me to turn the oven off haha) he is only allowed to use the microwave when we are not home because we have gas.

 

@Finch, Ifwisheswerehorses, and Linda9999 I do really like the first aid classes idea. My husband interviews for a position on the other side of the country in 3 weeks. If he gets it and we move I'll be going back to work to cover our mortgag here and to keep the lights and water on until it sells. We've explained this means they will be staying a couple of hours each day by themselves and I would feel so much better knowing he had this formal training.

 

@reboot Good point about paying him although I love Linda9999's idea of I pay you now and you pay grandma & grandpa when you get older. Neither of our children get allowances now. They were both given the option of being paid to do their chores and then when they wanted to go to a movie or buy a highly anticipated new cd or video game or when they wanted to pick the restaurant they would pay or they could do their chores as their contribution to the household and when we decided to go to a movie we would pay and everyone would get to take turns at picking restaurants when we went out to eat and we would buy video games and cd's...there are firm limitations on the later two though as they do NOT get new games or cds on a regular basis.

 

THANKS again I really appreciate the feedback. You guys brought up some great ideas and points that I had not thought of which is exactly what I was looking for.