We love each other but will never see each other again.

[Buttercup84]

Sorry but the bit with the 3 foot chicken made me laugh.

 

 

I am so sorry you had to deal with this. I am not religious so I just can't understand why these things should be an issue.

 

It should not matter what race or religion you are , and parents should not influence their grown children like that. It is not like you were abusive and a slacker. You seem to be a great guy who would have really taken care of her and you have ambition and are educated.

 

Parents should just want their kids to be happy , she could meet a man from the same faith and background and he could be a total douche.

 

 

I would remain NC , and live your life and not wait for her as hard as it is. She should be strong enough to stand up to her parents and be with who she wants to be.

[SoDefeated]

Hey Buttercup,

Thanks for the response. People tend to fear that which is different. Her parents are from a very isolated part of Mississippi so I can't fault them too much for their doubts. What was the bit about the 3 foot chicken you mentioned ?

 

Here's a new update-

I stayed with at a girl's place this past Saturday night. Nothing really happened- we just kissed a bit. I have to be honest, it felt kinda gross. When I woke up the next morning, the girl was just an annoying mess.

 

This week was pretty tough. She was on my mind all day Tuesday. I was excited because this Wednesday was my first game with my new co-ed kickball team. A chick I used to know when I was in grad school (who is a competitive swimsuit model) asked me to go see Britney Spears tonight (free ticket.. why not?). And Saturday we are throwing a large going away party for one of my friends.

 

My rollercoaster of emotions have mellowed out considerably since last week's news, but I have still been a bit sad and my thoughts are with her. I still love her and the potential our relationship had.

 

I was walking back from lunch yesterday when I get a picture message from her. It was a picture of a nice hotel where we snuck into a private party/bar one night before a concert. She said "just got a snack here during my break. how did we ever sneak into here? haha!"

 

I just replied with a "the same way we got away with everything else" type text. She responded but I didn't feel the need to respond from there.

 

I guess this is what the loveshack posters consider the exgirlfriend's breadcrumbs. It seems like she contacts me once a week. I do NOT contact her - I only reply.

 

Strangely, it didn't really derail my day. It made me happy to know that I was on her mind and she remembered a good memory. Of course, I woke up at 5:00 this morning with the thought "she just texted me so it could diffuse the guilt in her mind about her new guy.. she's probably laying in bed next to him right now."

 

I'm not sure what to do now. I'd like to play it cool, but I'm afraid that one day I won't even get this weekly text/call.

 

Should No Contact mean not responding to her calls/texts?

Should I send her a text asking me for space the next time she contacts me?

Should I continue responding to her?

 

I feel like I'm in the middle of a chess match. If I don't respond or ask for space, the division between us will only get larger. If I continue to respond to her contact, I'll be friendzoned and she won't even walk away with guilt. I wish she hadn't defriended me on facebook so she could see that I appear to have moved on.

 

I feel like I'm reinforcing her decision with either "play."

 

And what's worse is that I should be focused on the hot swimsuit model who's taking me out on a date tonight! Haha.

[onyxangyll]

Just wanted to say that i'm sorry for what u are going through.. i really learned a lot about my own relationship from reading these posts. My relationship with my bf is in some ways like urs and ur ex's. I'm a 24 yr old girl and my bf is 30.. we've been together for almost a year and it's just not working out, although he has always made time for me and has been there for me when i needed him.

 

i can relate to ur story.. as i remember when he and i used to IM each other at 4 in the morning or when he would get all concerned and call 20 times a day when i fell sick..

 

A couple days ago i signed up for an account here and created a thread about our relationship because i didnt know what to do about it. here's the link to it - it has more details on why i feel like we have to break up

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t294063/

 

i hope you take the time to read it as you are a guy who really truly loved his gf and i would appreciate it tons if u could tell me if this relationship is worth saving.. and how.

[onyxangyll]

if your ex is still contacting u, it means she regrets (a least to a certain extent) breaking up with u... and has problems with letting go. she keeps texting u because she doesnt really want u to move on or forget about her.

[whichwayisup]

OMG, stop engaging conversations with her! It's not workin for you, at all! And, it's preventing you from moving on, getting her out of your heart. No good can come of this! She is either playing a game with you (I agree with the above poster, so she will be on your mind and it feeds her ego) or she's just being plain cruel on purpose, doesn't care that it hurts you.

 

You're dealing with someone who has control issues and is passive agressive.

 

CUT her out of your life. Delete her on facebook, she isn't your friend, she's your (recent) ex. The only way to get over her is to not see or speak to her again. Make your own closure by focussing on healing, and looking after yourself.

[fetish1980]

as much as i hate to admit it, the last 2 posters are right. As hard as it is, move on. She has control issues and as long as you still stay in contact w/ her, the longer you will be stuck with emotions around her.

 

fetish

[SoDefeated]

Thanks yall- I know all of you are correct. I know that RESPONDING to her conversation is just as bad as INITIATING conversation. She texted me again on Saturday asking if my sister was ok due to the recent hurricane and I texted her back 'they're unscathed, thanks.' She immediately responded and that was the end.

 

Of course with my luck, I had dinner with my parents on Tuesday and my mom told me she picked out a few scarves for the ex while they were in Paris. I had to tell them we weren't seeing each other anymore. (I didn't want to tell them before their trip because I didn't want them to worry about me.) Man, I tell you the urge to call her up went through the roof! Haha, part of me even wanted to ask her if she would for me to mail the gifts to her. Better judgement soon came to me (after about 20 minutes). Sadly, my ex is rather materialistic and probably would have accepted the gifts. She had no remorse for accepting a $600 birthday present while preparing to leave me/getting to know someone else. And she thought telling me a story a few weeks ago about how she lost that same gift but someone mailed it back to her was her way of 'extending a peace offering.'

 

Today I did the month end accounting for my new business and was shocked to see that it's now earning what I was making back when I was in her state. I was so elated to see that my dreams were coming together, especially when so many people tried to dissuade me from this decision. She provided alot of support while I was getting this business off the ground. AGAIN, that urge to give her the good news grew but I knew better than that.

 

As I said before, SHE deleted ME from facebook even though I was the victim in all this. And of course I went online today to see that she had posted a comment on one of my friend's status updates. This guy is one of my high school friends that she met twice when visiting me here. And she knows he and I spend an inordinate amount of time posting stupid links on each others walls. I felt that was rude. She claimed it hurt her too much to see my facebook yet she still posts on my friend's page. All this just points to her keeping information hidden about her new guy. She had a new profile pic of her and a girlfriend.. I guess she lied when she told me a few weeks back that she couldn't meet up any these past two weeks due to having to work.

 

Anyway, I'm just venting here. There is no real advice needed to be given. I just always feel better when I type this out instead of keeping it in my head/contacting her.

 

onyxangyll,

I read your story and relationship problem. You gotta understand that I have a bit of a jaded view of American 24 year olds right now. But I'll offer my advice-

Your guy lied to you about having money. Doesn't seem like too big of a deal after a year of dating. Money can define a guy's ego. I would really let that go if you can.

 

I just see 2 problems-

1- Yall are fighting all the time. I've been in a lot of relationships that were just toxic. Some were my fault. Some were the girl's. This is why this previous breakup stung so much is because we didn't fight. Even after 9 months, it felt like we couldn't wait to see each other at the first available moment. Hanging out wasn't work - it was what made our days enjoyable. The best way to describe our interpersonal relationship was- It was easy. We were so in tune with each other's wants and needs. So if you are in a relationship where you're constantly fighting with each other, then you should evaluate that.

2. If he's trying to make you jealous with other girls, then that's not really a sign of a mature relationship.

 

I would recommend this: Be honest with your guy and let him know that you have some make-or-break-issues about yall's relationship that you need to think about. Tell him the issues but do NOT assign blame to him. Tell him you need to take some time because this fighting is pushing you to break up with him. Tell him you love him, but you need to take a week or two to help clear the hate that's growing.

 

You obviously care alot for him. If you were to just walk into his place, break up with him, and walk out then you would wind up here typing out crazy long posts asking for more advice. If you care for him, atleast allow him understand what the pitfalls in your relationship are, let each of you spend some time apart and get a taste of what a breakup will feel like, and then see if yall can make amends. If the same problems reoccur, then break up with a clear conscience.

 

My advice may go against the traditional loveshack rationale, but my ex left me without telling me that her underlying family issues were getting to a boiling point. If I had known that, I would have tried to help her carry the burden she had to bear. Instead, I was a bit unaware and only offered a shoulder to cry on when her dad was ugly towards her.

 

And I definitely agree with this piece of advice that was given:

"If you love someone, you would do anything for that person. If you plan to break up with someone for doing anything short of infidelity, abuse, not loving you in return, etc... one might be inclined to question the depth of your love."

 

When someone gets dumped, they go into panic mode trying to fix the problem and it drives them crazy. They feel like the world will end if they don't fix the relationship ASAP. Likewise, when someone breaks up with their love, they often don't take the necessary steps to see if the relationship can be salvaged but by the time they've made their decision there is no logic/help that can change their mind. I think this lack of communication has really hurt our generation. Good luck and know that whatever happens with your guy that you are a truly loving person for seeking help to improve your relationship rather than just walking away. There are alot of guys that will be lucky to meet you.

 

Anyway, off to my weekly co-ed kickball game then a bachelor party this weekend. I feel better.. thanks for letting me vent!

Edited August 31, 2011 by SoDefeated