is my wiffe a sex addict?

[je]

My story is my wife and I both like porn but for her its out of control she masterbates just about every day and often don't want to have sex with me, i wondering if shes a sex addict and if i should be concerned. she hides it and also tells me "sorry your to late already took care of business" what should i do now tell her its my turn see ya in a few?

[FolderWife]

Goooooood question. There are TOOO MANY threads on here about husbands looking at porn and neglecting their wives.... So from my point of view, with my husband being rude and mean, and depriving me of sex with his porn addiction, I understand where you are coming from. Her comment of "I already took care of it" is very rude and mean for a woman to say to her sex starved husband.

 

The only advice I can give, is get porn out of the house! Also, don't get any pay per view channels, because she'll be wasting $9.99 a day on it like my sick husband does.

 

Now, I know for myself that I do EVERYTHING in bed. I get on top, I move any way he wants me to, I take control sometimes, and if he isn't satisfied when I'm finished, he gets a bj! So it's not like I'm neglecting him in bed. Given the amount of effort that I put into love making, I can understand her desire to masterbate instead of have sex...if you are like my husband is. If you are not like my husband, (totally selfish in bed...and we only do it when HE IS HORNY) then I don't know if I understand where she is coming from.

 

Do you do foreplay? Do you ever just pleasure HER? Have you ever walked through the door, gave her a grin, and headed between her legs?

 

In my experience, women need to feel sexy. Also, we need foreplay to get the engine running. My husband neglects foreplay for me. He negelects my needs completely. If I want sex, I have to wait for him to be in the mood. Just last night, I put on lingerie, and found him asleep on the couch. I woke him up, and tried to do sexy things to him, but he went straight to bed, rolled over, and went to sleep

 

Do you meet her needs?

 

There are soooooo many variables. I tried everything from with holding sex, to doing ANYTHING he wanted. My husband is an addict. One night, it was midnight, he was on vacation, but I had to work the next day. He started wanting to fool around, but I was exhausted. He got angry, and stormed out of the bedroom. I walked to the living room, and asked what he was doing. He said he was watching TV. Funny, he was the one who turned off the TV, and initiated coming to bed in the first place.

 

If I don't do it when he wants it, he gets angry at me. If he doesn't do it when I want it, then I'm just short on luck.

 

Are you like my husband, or is she? It's a little harder for me to give advice to a husband on the porn issue, because from my experience, the man is the selfish one.

 

Let me know!

[je]

monday thank you for your repley. I dont think I'm like your husban when we have sex its great I shower her with love. I don't want sex as much as her. she wants it all the time I just feel like we can have quality time together with out sex every time. I love my wife and I love the sex.

 

When I wrote she said "sorry to late" she does't do it mean, she thinks its fun and maybe a little sexy. Shes very open about her masterbation to me. She has told me that she didn't feel like sex just wanted to get off quick. As much as she is open shes hides it as well. I told her I was going to find a way to watch we she does't know so I could see what goes on. She got mad and said that would be invading her privacy and that would piss her off. I told her that would be a turn on for me to watch with out her knowing. She still didn't like that idea.

 

Some of what bothers me is I don't know when to pursue sex, if she just masterbated then she not interested. My timing as of late has not been good.

 

At this point she dosn't know its been bothering me. Its just been picking at me more and more so I was kind of wanting to get advise about it. I'm Interested in other peoples experences. woman who masterbates alot or men who have been in my shoes.

 

Thanks again. je

[VivianLee]

From what I've read about sex addicts, they are usually having sex with alot of partners as part of the symptoms...your wife seems to have a very healthy sexual appetite but she is being very, very selfish when she masturbates instead of being with you. That's where her "self-gratification" is wrong, in my opinion....if you were unable to have sex or refusing her, I could understand her reasons but y'all should be having a wonderful intimacy (one that people that are married would envy) since she has a sex drive that matches yours....I'd let her know it's hurting you and you feel it's very unfair...so in a nutshell, my opinion it's not so much addiction as it is selfish...maybe you can do a search about sex addictions to be sure though...

[FolderWife]

I hate to blame every sex issue on porn, but.........

 

I had this same problem with my husband being absolutely selfish, and I thought that he was either cheating or gay! Until I found porn. I know that military guys are away a lot, so they have no woman company, so they have to use porn a lot. Maybe since he uses porn when he's away, he's gotten used to it, and uses it instead? Can you check your computer history?

 

That's the only idea I can come up with. It sounds like the exact symptoms my husband had. Otherwise, it may be a medical condition...he may need to see a doctor or thereapist.

[Matilda]

op,

 

It sounds to me like there is something going on with your husband, that it's not just about sex. I have no idea what it might be, but perhaps something like depression, extreme stress, or some other emotional conflict. The night wakings seem significant to me, like something is keeping him from being intimate until at night when he is asleep, and his guard is down.

 

Just some thoughts.