looking at another

[Joel]

My wife and I recently had our first baby and my wife's 18 year old cousin has been staying with us to help out. Her cousin has told me how she feels very comfortable being around me. Well I've come to find out how comfortable she really is. She has no qualm about me seeing her in her nighttime attire, which consists of nothing more than a shirt that she holds closed by one, sometimes two buttons. It is always hanging open revealing that she wears nothing under this shirt. Without being to descriptive, I will say there's no part of her natural beauty that I haven't had the opportunity to view, and it's not just quick fleeting glances. It seems strange because both my wife and her cousin seem to either not notice or care what I may see. It's like I'm not even there. They both seem so pre-occupied with dealing with the baby. I have to confess, I enjoy the view and try to take every opportunity to be in the right place at the right time to see what I can. Is it wrong for me to take advantage of the situation?

[Tony T]

It depends on what to what degree you take advantage of the situation.

 

As long as your wife doesn't mind, what the hell. However, in my book, if your wife doesn't care that you see her young cousin's naked body...there is a problem somewhere and you'll just have to figure it out. But I have to tell you, I come from a generation that was much different than yours and our morals and principles as they apply to sexual matters were perhaps more conservative.

 

I guess then that I'm not one to be commenting on current morals of younger people today because things have changed so much. But, nevertheless, I really do think something stinks here.

 

Meanwhile, enjoy the view!!!

[Rivka]

I've noticed that some men begin cheating on their wifes, or start having these types of fantasies after a baby is born. Why is that? (I have no children) Why do men sometimes loose interest in having sex with pregant women or women who've just had babies?

 

This makes me worried about having babies because I never want to loose my sensualiy or seductive "powers". I also notice that some women seem to let their appearances go, or don't seem to care about it after having a baby. Is this the price we have to pay?

[Lucille]

It's one thing to have a harmless look at other women, it's another thing to be having a good old perve at a half naked 18 year old girl who's staying in your home and is related to your wife. Maybe she "feels comfortable" with you because she trusts you're not the kind of guy to do the kind of things you're doing. Has it occurred to you, that even if she doesn't seem to notice, that since it's inappropriate for you you should ask her to be a bit more modest while she's staying at your place? Show a bit of maturity and responsibility. Maybe your wife and her cousin are used to men who can handle a bit of nudity without losing control (as in France). I don't know. It certainly has nothing to do with morals. If you can't handle it, ask her to cover up.

 

I would love to run around half naked in public, I'm not ashamed of my body, but I soon learned as a young girl that men simply can't deal with it and if anything happened to me, from getting hit on to being raped, it would be blamed on on me and the way I was dressed. This is the basis behind religions who insist that women cover up their bodies, hair and sometimes their faces. Men will always somehow blame women for their lack of self-control.

 

As for men who have affairs when their wives have babies, Rivka, don't worry - there are mature men out there. Just make sure he is comfortable with natural bodily functions and finds you sexy when you are pregnant (there are ways to tell beforehand)and won't feel threatened when a baby takes your attention away from him for a few minutes. It's only the idiots who go off and have affairs at one of the most exciting times of both of your lives when you should both be thrilled at the new life you have created. The right guy will find you even more sexy when you have given birth to his child.

[Tony T]

I think Lucille said what I really wanted to say about this. However, I think the whole scene may be a mirror of the mindset of the people involved. But Lucille is absolutely right on all counts. I think the behavior is pretty trashy. But I will tell you, there aren't many men, including priests, monks, popes, etc., that wouldn't sneak a peak if some scantially clad lass was prancing around the room.

 

When I was a reporter, I noticed that when a call went out referencing a naked female, every squad car in the zone responded. I swore if anyone was ever breaking into my house, I would tell the dispatcher three naked ladies were trying to break in...to assure me of a very quick police response.

 

Underscoring what Lucille said, as a man I don't think I would ask a woman whose body I was enjoying observing to cover up. I would not go out of my way to look but if it was right in front of me... I mean, guys spend billions of dollars on the Internet and for magazines to see naked women's pictures on a screen or on paper. If you are so inclined and the real, three dimensional object is in front of you....

 

I have had women very casually pull out their breasts in front of me and feed their infant baby. Though not very sexually stimulating, I still feel very uncomfortable around this (I know it's beautiful part of life..both the breast and the baby) and I always go into another room.

 

As for infidelity during and after pregnancy, it has been my observation that a lot of men begin to wander DURING their wive's pregnancy. I really don't know what percentage but I notice it happening a lot, particularly in younger age groups, say under 30.

 

Elvis Presley began cheating on his wife, Pricilla, during her only pregnancy and refused to ever have sex with her afterwards, claiming it was impossible for him to have sex with the mother of his child. This may be rare but I don't think Elvis was totally alone in having this syndrome.

 

Married men will go out (work late???) particularly when the pregnancy has advanced and tell prospective cheating partners they are either single with no attachments, married but having many problems, in the process of a divorce or completely divorced. I have observed or been apprised of this behavior first hand more than just a few times.

 

There are even women that will just "accomodate" their married men friends during this time. Yeppers, believe it or not.

 

I would really hate to think this behavior was wholesale rampant in our society but conscience has devolved and more people seem to be guided by animal desires rather than what is right and proper.

 

Just wanted to add this, not to trouble any women (pregnant or not) but to let you know this happens sometimes and you ought to be aware of it.

[Deejette]

In Europe, when I was pregnant, many men hit on me and found me beautiful in my huge-bellied state. It is more of an American phenomenon to find the pregnant female unattractive, and to be obsessed with youth and skinniness. Also, in Europe, where people get undressed on the beach and go topless, there is less titillation regarding female breasts.

I think Lucille said what I really wanted to say about this. However, I think the whole scene may be a mirror of the mindset of the people involved. But Lucille is absolutely right on all counts. I think the behavior is pretty trashy. But I will tell you, there aren't many men, including priests, monks, popes, etc., that wouldn't sneak a peak if some scantially clad lass was prancing around the room. When I was a reporter, I noticed that when a call went out referencing a naked female, every squad car in the zone responded. I swore if anyone was ever breaking into my house, I would tell the dispatcher three naked ladies were trying to break in...to assure me of a very quick police response. Underscoring what Lucille said, as a man I don't think I would ask a woman whose body I was enjoying observing to cover up. I would not go out of my way to look but if it was right in front of me... I mean, guys spend billions of dollars on the Internet and for magazines to see naked women's pictures on a screen or on paper. If you are so inclined and the real, three dimensional object is in front of you.... I have had women very casually pull out their breasts in front of me and feed their infant baby. Though not very sexually stimulating, I still feel very uncomfortable around this (I know it's beautiful part of life..both the breast and the baby) and I always go into another room. As for infidelity during and after pregnancy, it has been my observation that a lot of men begin to wander DURING their wive's pregnancy. I really don't know what percentage but I notice it happening a lot, particularly in younger age groups, say under 30. Elvis Presley began cheating on his wife, Pricilla, during her only pregnancy and refused to ever have sex with her afterwards, claiming it was impossible for him to have sex with the mother of his child. This may be rare but I don't think Elvis was totally alone in having this syndrome.

 

Married men will go out (work late???) particularly when the pregnancy has advanced and tell prospective cheating partners they are either single with no attachments, married but having many problems, in the process of a divorce or completely divorced. I have observed or been apprised of this behavior first hand more than just a few times. There are even women that will just "accomodate" their married men friends during this time. Yeppers, believe it or not. I would really hate to think this behavior was wholesale rampant in our society but conscience has devolved and more people seem to be guided by animal desires rather than what is right and proper. Just wanted to add this, not to trouble any women (pregnant or not) but to let you know this happens sometimes and you ought to be aware of it.

[Lucille]

As a man who was rascist, virtually ate himself to death, and then finished it off with sleeping pills or whatever(forgive me for any historical inaccuracies, but you get the gist), I hardly think Elvis can be held up as an example of any kind of average man.

 

I think people are too often these days used to thinking that if most people do something (or if the famous are doing it), that it somehow makes it all right. So if it seems that the majority of men are perving or cheating, then it must be OK. I'd like to think I strive to do what the is right instead of what is popular. Lots of men may still go out and have affairs while their wives are pregnant or nursing, but that doesn't make it any less despicable. (how they can live with their consciences is another matter altogether)

[Tony T]

You write: "I hardly think Elvis can be held up as an example of any kind of average man."

 

I did not hold Elvis up as an average man. He was the KING!!! At the time his first child was born, he was NOT on drugs, prescribed or illicit; he did not overeat and was quite trim; he slept naturally without medical assists.

 

Not anywhere in my post did I condone or say cheating was right or proper. Actually, I made no judgements about it at all. But everything I wrote was factual and I think the naive who visit here should know the facts and be aware of what goes on in the world.

 

No where did I say most men cheated, as a matter of fact there is really no way in the world of EVER knowing the exact percentage. Research varies but my own personal observations indicate it is not a rare occurence.

 

In no place anywhere in my post did I even remotely indicate that people ought to do what everybody else is doing. That would be insane.

 

I am truly glad you expressed your feelings, though.