Texan27 Posted April 25, 2004 Share Posted April 25, 2004 After my brother died in September and my courseload began to pile up, everyone told me that I needed to learn to share my load with God. That when I feel there is too much going on to handle myself I should just let God take care of it. But I just don't understand how to. I also don't understand how they can say that after telling my that God will never give me more than I can handle. This whole subject of God helping me handle my grief and stress just seems too out there. I admit that I've lost a lot of my faith since my brother committed suicide... but I want that back. I feel like this is my first step to believing again. I just need a little help understanding this conflicting advice. Thx, Texas Link to post Share on other sites
little_hummingbird Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 I can totally relate to what you are going through Texas. My sister, my only sibling commited suicide in Jan. '99. Since your brother's passing is still relatively fresh, you may be running the course of grief. I'm sorry for your loss. People are telling you "share the load with God, that God doesn't give you more than you can handle" because most people don't know what to say.... I mean, most people don't have a sibling commit suicide. You may notice that it just doesn't feel like people really understand the pain, the feelings, the memories. While these words of advice are kind, it just doesn't sooth what your going through. Have you gone through any counsiling? I would say start working through the grief first. Your faith will come back in time... I personally had to work through feeling angry at God. Let me know if I can help.... Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 I can't really give you insight into what people mean when they say to hand it over to God, because although I was raised as a Christian (Episcopalian) and I still adhere to some extent to Christianity (I think the basic principles, as laid out by Jesus, are a fine way to go for any person or group), I have no experience with more charismatic stuff that is common in some evangelical churches. Sorry. But I can say this: when you have questions, look for answers. You've started with your post, and that's terrific. Maybe someone who can speak more knowledgably about "handing over to God" will chime in and you can hear what they have to say. And maybe it will help you. But don't stop until your questions are asked to your satisfaction. I think that every organized religion, even the one I'm still loosely affiliated with, have inconsistencies and require leaps of faith. You have to be comfortable with that, and I think that for an intelligent, curious person (which it seems you are), understanding will be necessary. Maybe you need to go a little further afield: talk to a Catholic priest. Talk to a Quaker. Or even (gasp!) an Episcopal priest. If you think you can benefit from taking in other religious perspectives, talk to a rabbi, or a Buddhist monk. You don't need to rely on just one source to seek the kind of spiritual guidance you need. Good luck. And I'm so sorry about your brother. That kind of loss takes a long time to heal from, and it's very normal to have doubts and need assitance in order to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Texan27 Posted April 26, 2004 Author Share Posted April 26, 2004 Hummingbird, My brother also committed suicide... which is why I don't understand what it means that God would give us more than we can handle. Obviously, that is a blatant lie... but somehow my parents still believe that and think its all part of God's plan. I just wish I had their understanding. I am in counseling and I'm supposed to go in to see a psychopharm soon. My parents go to a group that's for parents of children who have died. It seems to make their pain worse by listening to other horror stories. But I'm curious if it might help me to talk to other people in college that are going through the same thing with the same stresses. But I'm afraid that its just going to make things worse... which is what therapy is doing now. Its forcing me to deal with all of the abandonment, anger, etc. that I never did. I just don't know if the time is right or if I should wait until I'm stronger. Did you ever go to groups... what worked for you and how did you know it was working??? Thx, Tex Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 http://www.beyondindigo.com/ You might find some tools for dealing with your grief here. My children died, not from suicide, but they are both gone nonetheless. A friend of our committed suicide 1/1/00. Her family is still dealing with it and they have found Beyond Indigo very helpful. There is information and message boards. Explore the site a bit. There is faith-based healing help here too. Link to post Share on other sites
kgal Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 I'm terribly sorry to hear of what's happened, Texan. I pray that you do find the strength and the faith to help you deal with this. I know ..we don't understand alot of stuff....why it happens.....and I think anger is part of the greiving process...I know it is. It's normal to be angry...to not understand, afterall someone very precious to you is not here anymore. BUT...you have to remember..that God DOES love...and HE does care for you...and your family. THe reasons may never be known as to why your brother felt that ending his life was the answer...I would certainly not be able to comprehend or understand first hand why somebody would feel that way. I just know that the Lord will help you...all you have to do is ask and come before Him with a healable heart...willling to surrender and trust Him. Faith is so hard to grasp sometimes...and especially when something tramatic happens. I have not had a sibling pass away, and I pray that won't happen for a very long time. ..... Please know...that your brother is in God's hands now...and He (God) is upholding you through this..even if it seems your burdens are overwhelming. Have faith...trust Him...embrace the love He has for you and trust that His strength will pull you through this hard time. Matthew 11:28 - Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 5:4 - Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. God is not your enemy...in fact..He is the One person alone who can help and heal your wounded soul. I will pray for you, if you'd like. God bless and please, hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
winterwonderland Posted April 30, 2004 Share Posted April 30, 2004 Thanks Kgal for your words.......God is not your enemy.......I think we all need to hear those words. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 >>>After my brother died in September and my courseload began to pile up, everyone told me that I needed to learn to share my load with God. That when I feel there is too much going on to handle myself I should just let God take care of it. But I just don't understand how to. I also don't understand how they can say that after telling my that God will never give me more than I can handle. This whole subject of God helping me handle my grief and stress just seems too out there. I admit that I've lost a lot of my faith since my brother committed suicide... but I want that back. I feel like this is my first step to believing again. I just need a little help understanding this conflicting advice.<<< I can't tell you how to get your faith back. What I can tell you is that you should use this time to reflect about all that has happened in your life and in the lives of those around you. It's called "soul searching". It's a process we have to go through whenever we are confronted in life by situations that challenge us, like the death of a loved one or the breakup with a significant other (and no, I'm not comparing the two). My father died when I was 23, though I took comfort in the fact that he had lived long enough to go through all the major stages in life. My loss was/is different from yours. I knew at a young age that my father was going to die and it became more apparent as I grew up that his time was limited (he was almost 50 when I was born). Your brother's death is unfathomably devastating because it was so sudden, and I'm sure it's probably so seemingly unnecessary. I think the most important thing for you is to find out what happened. Where did it all go wrong? What does this event mean to you? How can you use this experience to make your life and the lives of those around you better? You've got to be completely honest with yourself about all of these questions, and I'm sure you'll have more questions to answer. It's going to take time to get through this, but this is the path you should take. Introspection, careful analysis and reaching out for some spiritual support along the way through your friends and family, the people who really know you and care about you. Link to post Share on other sites
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