Layzie89 Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Hey guys. So I woke up this morning, checked my phone and there it was...two unread messages from my ex. Hesitant to open it at first, but I did and here's what it said: "Hey...sorry about all those times I ****ed you over...I know its late and probably doesnt matter but I've found myself or who I wanna be and I hate what I did in the past. Especially after given a chance time and time again...im sorry. I hope your doing great." A really quick recap of how our breakup went down...she's 19, I'm 21. I leave the states to go back home for Christmas break. She broke up with me two days after I left to go home. When I got back out here with hopes of making things good again, she brushed me off like a piece of lint on dirty laundry and after chasing for two weeks I finally said screw this and went strict NC. About 3 weeks later, I find out she's been hooking up and was now dating this guy that I've always had my doubt about while we were together. Pictures of them at parties and such WHILE we were going out of them extremely close together and stuff, but I wanted to trust her so I did. Of course what I got was 'Don't worry babe...we're JUST FRIENDS'. Sure enough, she's started dating the kid a month after our breakup. So back to the original topic...the text...how should I handle this one? I don't want to continue NC and completely ignore it. It's been 6 months of NC and that's six months of healing...I know I'm ready to respond back without risking being hurt (if she doesn't reply back or whatever)...I do NOT want a friendship with her, nor do I wish to reconcile... but I DO want to open the lines of communication and let her know that what happened happened, it's in the past and that theres no bad vibes lingering. Help on how to respond? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
without Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 I'm not an expert like others here.but here's what i think: The most important thing is that you don't get hurt,you're saying that you won't so if you feel better by saying those things to her,and letting her know what she has done,I think it's okay,as long as you feel better after. Maybe getting things off your chest may kindda help you,too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layzie89 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 Thanks for the input without. It's not really a matter of what will make me feel better however, I don't know...this whole text caught me off guard really. I spent months and months enacting in my thoughts how I would respond if ever I got a text like this, and now that it actually happened I'm struck...it's funny to be honest Something in me is telling me to respond "Marvin Gaye - Just To Keep You Satisfied", just that alone...seeing as how that song pretty much sums up how I feel about it all, but is that too much? In need of a little direction please. Link to post Share on other sites
DontWorryBHappy Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 (edited) honestly, I would just respond, "Thank you (her name)". It wont sound like you are brushing her off as you would sound if you just said, "Thanks". And it's brief enough to not instigate further conversation, but not short enough to be viewed as cold or anything like that. In my opinion, if you say anything else, it will be saying too much. however: I should note that what I suggested may not hinder further communication from her either, so it is POSSIBLE that if you reply with what I suggested, that she may respond back again. So you need to be prepared to nicely cut her off if she responds a second time. In that case I would reply, "It was good to hear from you, but I don't feel it's in my best interest to communicate with you further. Good luck with everything." Edited July 23, 2011 by DontWorryBHappy Link to post Share on other sites
The_Good_Me Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Hi Layzie. Sounds to me like you've healed well over the last 6 months and you're in the perfect position to reply. If it were me in your position I would just reply with pretty much what you put at the end of your first post on this thread. In your own words thank her for the apology, tell her you're doing great and congratulate her on finding out who she wants to be. Finish the message by wishing her well. Keep it short and to the point. If this opens up the lines of communication in whatever way you want then great. I think at this point if it doesn't lead to anything then as you have already said, you won't be hurt. Well done for healing man! Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 ...I do NOT want a friendship with her, nor do I wish to reconcile... Thats all that matters so continue NC... Why acknowledge the text at all? There's no point. Shrug it off and continue moving forward Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layzie89 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 Thanks all for your input. I feel like if I were to reply just saying "Thank you (her name)" she would still get the feeling that I'm holding a grudge or something. Just a gut feeling. And for me to not reply at all as wilsonx said would send the message that I simply don't care anymore at all about her or anything going on in her life. I still DO care, I still wonder of course how she's doing and I still miss her but not enough to ever get back with her..I just don't want to leave the impression that I'm some stuck up prick that's still holding bad vibes by not responding. I think I'll go with DontWorryBHappy's advice and simply say what's on my mind, short, simple, sweet...nothing more. All input well received, thanks everybody. If any others are reading and have some advice to offer, I'm all ears. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layzie89 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 Also, how long should I wait before replying? Got the text at 9 am...tonight? Tomorrow? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 why would you care honestly? She didnt care when she dumped you and made you go NC from her for 6 months Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Give it 32 hours. 24 would be obvious. Something along the lines of, "Take care" would be sufficient without encouraging more contact. Then, immediately after sending the text, change your phone number. Call your provider and they can change them in an hour if you say it's because of nuisance calls. Link to post Share on other sites
TheVSilent Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 I don't know, dealing with NC right now, I also want advice. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Give it 32 hours. 24 would be obvious. Something along the lines of, "Take care" would be sufficient without encouraging more contact. Then, immediately after sending the text, change your phone number. Call your provider and they can change them in an hour if you say it's because of nuisance calls. If you are going to advise him to change his number right after responding, why respond in the first place? If you aren't looking for friends or for reconciliation, then silence is the only thing that matters. If you aren't looking for friends or anything, why open up the lines of communication? What kind of reasoning is that? That's like not wanting to eat fast food, but going to McDonald's. Since they were at night texts, count on them being drunk texts. If she really cared, she'd talk to you. Not gutlessly text you. You don't want friends and you don't want to date her again. What other kind of relationship is there between two people besides those two? Therefore, there is no need to respond. Link to post Share on other sites
love is dangerous Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Thanks for the input without. It's not really a matter of what will make me feel better however, I don't know...this whole text caught me off guard really. I spent months and months enacting in my thoughts how I would respond if ever I got a text like this, and now that it actually happened I'm struck...it's funny to be honest Something in me is telling me to respond "Marvin Gaye - Just To Keep You Satisfied", just that alone...seeing as how that song pretty much sums up how I feel about it all, but is that too much? In need of a little direction please. i wouldnt suggest you say a song looks like you been thinking about her and that song too much , and might creep her out to be honest, i wouldnt repsond why undo everything you done 6 months thats a long time and she only decides to contact you now, thats 6 months worth of pain, if you do respond say something like take care like another guy said . one word answer nothing big she needds to try a lot harder to get you. and all this taking over a day to respond i think it suggests that your thinking about it to much causr you obviously read the message in that time i would reply in like a couple hours thats just like your busy . Link to post Share on other sites
giuliano-3 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Obviously you've healed better than I did after 6 months, assuming you're being honest about everything. I also think this sounds suspiciously like a drunk text. I dunno what to tell you, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. Just know it is very possible to think you've healed and moved on but in reality haven't. The mind has a way of playing tricks on you. In my opinion, you probably want to know if she was cheating on you with that dude. Maybe its not eating you up anymore, but the curiosity is still there. So, tread lightly - if you contact her expect nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layzie89 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 I received the text at 9:26 AM yesterday so I doubt it was a drunk text...can't say I know anyone that's still up at 9AM drinking from the night before...or even someone that wakes up at 8 AM and is drunk by 9AM to send a drunk text haha... When she said "I know it's late..." in her text I believe she was talking to her having waited 6 months to make any sort of contact with me...which is also something that baffles me. Why after SIX MONTHS would she contact me saying she's sorry and she's changed and all...that's a long time to wait before contacting your former love to apologize...I guess I am a little bit curious as giuliano pointed out, but not about whether or not she cheated one me or is still dating the new guy...more so curious about what could have possibly happened that made her decide to pikc up the phone and send that text..you know? I couldn't care less about finding out what she did with him while I was with her...hell, she probably did. Thank you all for talking some sense into me. I'm not going to ignore the text, all I'm going to text back is "No worries, glad you're doing well." Leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 I would agree with some others here in recommending replying to here with a short courteous thanks. If the texts were sincere, then she's done some growing and is trying to....not necessarily make amends, but acknowledge that she's wronged you. I think that is something worth acknowledging, as she could easily have never reached out to you and owned up to her mistakes. Tell her thank you and you appreciate her apology, but that you have no interest in resuming any type of association with her, for the sake of your own well being. As for when to send the reply.....send it as soon as you decide that's what you want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 If you are going to advise him to change his number right after responding, why respond in the first place? Having the last word. But, he's decided and sent a no hard feelings message back, which is good in my view. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Having the last word. But, he's decided and sent a no hard feelings message back, which is good in my view. If the OP is concerned about having the "last word" then he is clearly not over her. If you are in the stage of indifference, nothing matters. Not the last word, nothing. You just look at the text, go ,"Oh, that's nice.", and move on with your life. No response is needed. She's contacting you because her other fling probably failed or is not all it cracked up to be since the 6 month honeymoon phase is ending. She wants to see if her little puppy still comes running like a fool when she calls your name. She wants to assuage her guilt. Trust me on this, that text has NOTHING to do with you or your feelings. It's all about making her feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
bdoggle Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 I agree with Ranger. I think she is just testing the waters to see if you are still there. A quick reply means you still care and would probably take her back if given the chance. Then you give her the power. If you really have healed and moved on from this it wouldn't be such a conflicting issue about responding. I believe that a response will leave you waiting for her to respond back and if that does not happen than you will feel crushed all over again. I had this happen to me...long time lapses with n/c and then lame txt messages saying how she is in love with me and still loves me...so sorry...I hate myself etc... When I responded, I only got silence and more pain. I called and got no answer. Its bs. If she wants to tell you something she should call or see you face to face so she cannot hide behind the control a txt msg allows her. Let us know what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Marianis Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 wow! .. i have a question for you... just for curiosity... what if after the text you sent her next she tells you she wants to be with you again?! .. would you say no?! .. you think that one day she woke up and just feel like sending you a text?! .. maybe she has been waiting and thinking about it for a long time... who knows but! ... hahaha keep her waiting!!!! ... hahaha i think she would be like cheking her phone every 30 min hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
carson2002 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 If the OP is concerned about having the "last word" then he is clearly not over her. If you are in the stage of indifference, nothing matters. Not the last word, nothing. You just look at the text, go ,"Oh, that's nice.", and move on with your life. No response is needed. She's contacting you because her other fling probably failed or is not all it cracked up to be since the 6 month honeymoon phase is ending. She wants to see if her little puppy still comes running like a fool when she calls your name. She wants to assuage her guilt. Trust me on this, that text has NOTHING to do with you or your feelings. It's all about making her feel better. Got to agree with WTRanger, this has nothing to do with you and everything about getting closure on her guilt. Why stroke her ego, you've moved on let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layzie89 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 Me wanting to respond has nothing to do with wanting to have the last word or anything like that. I get the jist of what you're saying Ranger and the rest of you, and I do believe her text to me was more about her clearing her conscience than anything but that doesn't phase me. I don't really care if that's what it is because I'm really not trying to get back with her or anything. If she needs it to clear her conscience and move on then so bet it, it doesn't bother me at all if that's what her purpose for contacting me was. I sent her a text, all it said was "No worries, glad you're doing well" That's it...totally nonchalant. I sent it with NO HOPES WHATSOEVER that she is going to reply as a matter of fact, I forget I even sent the text everytime I'm not on LS @Marianis I'm almost 100% certain she hasn't changed enough to be the girl I want so I would tell her no, politely of course. When I think about it, if even she did 'change' I don't think I can ever have a relationship with her again...we've had too turbulent a past for things to all be daisies if we were to try again. THanks everyone for chiming in. I'll be sure to keep you posted if anything comes up. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Well, to be honest it did phase you enough to seek advice on LS. If it really didn't matter, you wouldn't have given it a second thought, whatever your original intended course of action was to be. But something nagged you to seek advice. Even though I fully disagree with you responding, and I think you've just opened up a can of worms you don't want to deal with, what's done is done. After all of the crap that girl put you through, you were willing to help ease her guilt? Maybe I'm just overly jaded, but the ex's guilt is the ex's problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Marianis Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 @Marianis I'm almost 100% certain she hasn't changed enough to be the girl I want so I would tell her no, politely of course. When I think about it, if even she did 'change' I don't think I can ever have a relationship with her again...we've had too turbulent a past for things to all be daisies if we were to try again. welll.. congrats for that haha! i hope that if someday im in the same position i could be as strong as you! .. haha ... so its great you dont care about the text anymore and keep movin on as you been doing! Link to post Share on other sites
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