I still think a lot about you, but i won't bother you anymore. With love, X

[Kamila]

The ex is back, for the millionth time i get text messages. This one really tops it:

 

"In a couple of days it will be 1 year since we broke up. I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore, but i just want to know how you've been doing. I still think a lot about you, but i won't bother you anymore. With love, X".

 

I don't get men.

[wilsonx]

Women do it too. He's feeling bad for breaking up with you, just ignore it and dont care, its just a friendly text

[Kamila]

okay!

[Kilty]

Women do it too. He's feeling bad for breaking up with you, just ignore it and dont care, its just a friendly text

 

Possibly - but in my opinion feeling bad about the break up/ having regrets after a year and also being in repeated contact with the ex is unusual.

 

Firstly to the OP you would need to give us some more information on what the "millions" of texts since the break up have been about and how have you generally replied ?

 

The reason i ask this is that it is fairly unusual for a girl dumpee not to have cracked by this point and told the ex boyfriend to stop contacting her.

 

The way you word that millionth text gives the impression that it is bordering on harrassment but i guess you have not given him the ultimatum to stop contacting and or changed your numbers so it is not.

 

It could be that he is looking for an "in" back into the relationship

 

It could be that he is having regrets as Wilson says

 

It could be that you have given him signs that you may want to try again.

 

Who knows

 

The only way you get it to stop is you have it out with this guy and ask him what he wants.

 

You make it clear that you have no interest in being friends with him and you emphasise that he didnt want you in his life or give you any committment - so why is he persistantly contacting you.

 

I disagree with a lot of the posts that say when an ex says they miss you that they just want to be friends and or make themselves feel better.

 

Of course many do it for that reason

 

But as i said above it is often that they are looking for a way back and testing the water.

 

So really the only way to be sure is for ONE TIME ONLY to have it out with them and get to the bottom of it - then either think about reconciling or go no contact for eternity

 

Thats of course if you are receptive to the idea - if not then ignore all contact from the get go

 

Its the only way to be sure

 

If you want the contact to end you know what you have to do

[Kamille]

Hi Kamila. I have to post on this thread just because our user names are so similar. But I've definitely got you beat on the post count! (Or does that simply mean you have a life and I don't???)

 

That means I don't really have any brilliant insights on why your ex is texting you. I'm assuming it's bothering you because, even though you initiated the break up, you're still not over him. I read in your past thread that he didn't want to move things forward, so you decided to end the relationship.

 

What I can say is: well, if he was wishy washy then, this text is likely him being wishy-washy now. He knows what you want and why you broke up... And yet all he does is text? Smells like a guy who misses you but still isn't ready to commit to working on the relationship.

 

This lame attempt at staying in your life seems to indicate you did the right thing and should really just continue living your life.

[Kamila]

Possibly - but in my opinion feeling bad about the break up/ having regrets after a year and also being in repeated contact with the ex is unusual.

 

Firstly to the OP you would need to give us some more information on what the "millions" of texts since the break up have been about and how have you generally replied ?

 

The reason i ask this is that it is fairly unusual for a girl dumpee not to have cracked by this point and told the ex boyfriend to stop contacting her.

 

The way you word that millionth text gives the impression that it is bordering on harrassment but i guess you have not given him the ultimatum to stop contacting and or changed your numbers so it is not.

 

It could be that he is looking for an "in" back into the relationship

 

It could be that he is having regrets as Wilson says

 

It could be that you have given him signs that you may want to try again.

 

Who knows

 

The only way you get it to stop is you have it out with this guy and ask him what he wants.

 

You make it clear that you have no interest in being friends with him and you emphasise that he didnt want you in his life or give you any committment - so why is he persistantly contacting you.

 

I disagree with a lot of the posts that say when an ex says they miss you that they just want to be friends and or make themselves feel better.

 

Of course many do it for that reason

 

But as i said above it is often that they are looking for a way back and testing the water.

 

So really the only way to be sure is for ONE TIME ONLY to have it out with them and get to the bottom of it - then either think about reconciling or go no contact for eternity

 

Thats of course if you are receptive to the idea - if not then ignore all contact from the get go

 

Its the only way to be sure

 

If you want the contact to end you know what you have to do

 

Thanks for the elaborate reply.

 

Well, i'm obviously exaggerating when i'm mentioning the 'millionth' text message. It just feels like he is sending me too much messages for a breakup that happened 1 year ago. He sent me messages like: 'Happy new year, hope you find the right guy' , 'Happy birthday to you' , 'How are you doing?' , 'Are you alright?' , 'Have a nice holiday' , 'Do you want to meet up for a drink' etc... I haven't responded to his messages since January, because I wanted to go no contact. Before, I responded very short and to the point.

 

True, i should have told him i wanted to go no contact. But, wouldn't he get the message i'm sending by not responding to his text messages? And i'm also afraid of his response if i wanted to go no contact. So instead, he found out by my unresponsiveness and send me that last message and saying he's actually getting it.

 

Look, the week after we broke up, i pleaded him to see me. He shouted at the phone that now we're really over. At that moment i respected his wishes. He even told me that he had doubts about us for about a year ago, but he didn't do anything about it. I didn't ask him back, i just wept in front of him. But nothing on his part, he just accepted our break-up. That really broke my heart of how someone could just let you go. And from that moment on I just went on my own way. But the tables turned and he kept messaging me. I tried so hard getting over him, protecting my heart and not repeating that mistake again. The mistake of giving yourself wholeheartedly to someone and him taking you for granted. I lost all respect and trust in him, because he was capable of letting me go and crushed me in the process. That's maybe the reason why he doesn't deserve a response out of me. And also because i know someone that cold-hearted as him can handle that.

 

But deep-down, we both know what we really want. He wants me and i want him in a real committed way. That is the bottom-line. He keeps texting me for whatever reason of reconciliation. And i don't have the guts to tell him to leave me alone because i'm afraid that will cut him out of my life for good. I still believe he could change his mind and actually commit to me. But when he sends me something like 'i still think about you a lot and i won't bother you anymore' it seems like he's meaning something else.

 

I really don't know what to do. And if i make i choice, i'll have to live with it for the rest of my life.

[Kamila]

Hi Kamila. I have to post on this thread just because our user names are so similar. But I've definitely got you beat on the post count! (Or does that simply mean you have a life and I don't???)

 

That means I don't really have any brilliant insights on why your ex is texting you. I'm assuming it's bothering you because, even though you initiated the break up, you're still not over him. I read in your past thread that he didn't want to move things forward, so you decided to end the relationship.

 

What I can say is: well, if he was wishy washy then, this text is likely him being wishy-washy now. He knows what you want and why you broke up... And yet all he does is text? Smells like a guy who misses you but still isn't ready to commit to working on the relationship.

 

This lame attempt at staying in your life seems to indicate you did the right thing and should really just continue living your life.

 

That's a nice answer Kamille. I am also not getting why he's not picking up the phone and asking me things. If something is that important as wanting someone back and making a real comitment I would do it if i was a guy! But i'm not a guy and it's not my part to play. And i know he wouldn't like that, because he's such a macho.

 

Instead he's putting the ball in my court and wants me to make a decision. Him staying in my life or me moving on. I want him to decide for a change. Why isn't he leaving me alone and respecting the pact we made a year ago? OR why isn't he picking up the damn phone and telling me what he wants. It's because he can't commit to me. Damn, i know the answer already...

[Griffey]

I think more people should try to weigh in on this topic as there isn't much on the "year later contact situation."

 

I think you should talk to him once, and see what his deal is and if he can't commit or if he's being wishy washy tell him you're not looking for chatting and tell him to leave you alone for good.

[leoc1973]

here is my take on it. I am doing the no contact thing with my ex. Also I do send her a random text once in a while just to stay on her mind. The guy is still in love with you and praying every day for you to call him and tell him you want him back he just thinks if he does it you will have all the power and string him along. Why? because that is what most women do. If you really love this guy then ask him right out. I mean it can't hurt. you guys aren't together now anyways. I have tried everything with my ex from telling her to leave me alone to playing the field and every time she starts to show interest I ask her to try again and she just goes right back to playing games with me. I hate the games I mean you either want someone or not love is love. I hate that whole want what you can't have thing. Its really exhausting. The guy doesn't feel guilty at all he loves you. Give him a call and lay it out there for him. Don't let him use or take advantage of you tho. He is probably reading all the get your ex back stuff and thats why he is not just coming out and telling you how he feels.

[MidnightinMadrid]

Kamila gal!

 

I say give him just one text,it wouldnt hurt,do you know how many of us would love to get repeated texts from exes? Sure it may not always be the right thing,and yes many times those texrs are just breadcrrumbs they start and stop the minute you reply.

However if he has been messaging you non stop for a year...

 

Thats good you stuck to your guns,but there is nothing wrong with replying with a very short. I am doing well hope you are too.

 

Many people may say NC NC but if someone is trying to reach you,give him a small window to see what he has to say. Perhaps he knows that he messed up big time and since you aren't responding to his text,why risk calling? Hey its his fault for being callous during the breakup,most of us ,well especially I woud break down after one text or e-mail. But you kept strong,Good for you!

 

Its up to you however in cases like this,open the window a tad bit,see what he has to say,if its not good,go on with No contact.

 

Keep us posted and let us (I included,curiousity does kill the cat) know what you decide..

[NursingGirl]

Here's my experience:

 

I was engaged and ex fiance had an anxiety attack or an attack of cold feet? I don't know what it was but I was a week from moving in with him and he stopped talking to me. It was the weirdest thing and the biggest shock of my life.

 

So 5 months later the other day...I get a friend request from him on fb. LOL, what a lame way to contact an ex. So of course I did the dumbest thing and emailed him why I could never consider our relationship to be on a casual fb friend status and I will not add him. Then he started with the, "I'd do anything to get our relationship back to where it once was, biggest mistake of my life, yadayadayada. So I did something really crazy bold and said, "Well, we were about to be married so I'm free next weekend.:-)"

 

hahahahaha

 

So though I met with him over the weekend and he said 1-2 weeks, then 2 weeks, then 2 weeks or more...and he is fixing his front end loader today on his day off of work instead of marriage plans so wtf, he is full of sh*t.

 

I told him today (after hearing how I was ranking behind the front end loader in importance) that though I would love to see him every day, I am not investing in the relationship or seeing him or his little boy (broke my heart over that one) again until he is ready and I mean ready.

 

Dumb *ss.

[NursingGirl]

The point of my story is that if my ex and your ex had grown up while apart and were actually MEN now with SELF ESTEEM, they would stop contacting us in lame ways and make up their f*cking minds. They are proving to be as lame as they ever were. But sure, do what I did and send him a short text. He will probably keep texting for the rest of his life like mine, lol. Mine needs a babysitter or a personal counselor or a life coach or something.

[lana_sa]

If you love him then do something about it,,he sure is giving you the signals...i would give him an answer to his messages,short but still answers..he maybe is afraid of your reaction

[English-Rose]

Ask him outright, then you will know and can stop torturing yourself. Sounds to me like he's still in love with you. Wow I wish I was in your position! Good luck x

[Frank13]

Then he started with the, "I'd do anything to get our relationship back to where it once was, biggest mistake of my life, yadayadayada. So I did something really crazy bold and said, "Well, we were about to be married so I'm free next weekend.:-)"

 

 

I love that response! It was the perfect reply.

 

and he is fixing his front end loader today on his day off of work instead of marriage plans so wtf, he is full of sh*t.

 

I told him today (after hearing how I was ranking behind the front end loader in importance) that though I would love to see him every day, I am not investing in the relationship or seeing him or his little boy (broke my heart over that one) again until he is ready and I mean ready.

 

Dumb *ss.

 

Good for you. You handled this beautifully,

[NursingGirl]

I love that response! It was the perfect reply.

 

 

 

Good for you. You handled this beautifully,

 

 

Thank you! He had to work this weekend so could not get married, lol. (/sarcasm)

However, I am afraid I am holding out some hope that he will actually make plans but I have no desire to see him and begin the whole endless dating thing again. We had a great talk a few days ago and I actually got a $150 check in the mail from him so he is at least starting to make things right with my financial losses I incurred (thinking we were getting married). He has told his Dad, his Mom and his little boy that we are, indeed, getting married so he is a complete *ss if he told his little boy and doesn't follow through. He is not upset with me about refusing to see him until we get married. He said he needs to follow through with actions and not words, so I say bring 'em on! For now, I will continue my life but have to say that I'm holding out some hope and that already annoys me somewhat. I told him that we can not do this back and forth thing again. At some point, (like after this time) though we love each other, we are going to come to a point where it dies and there is no hope.

 

So...we will see.

[Kamila]

Kamila gal!

Keep us posted and let us (I included,curiousity does kill the cat) know what you decide..

 

I still haven't got a clue of what to decide. So I went on google and searched for advice and guess what, I ended up back on my post .

 

And I was amazed at all the replies.

 

The problem is not getting back together and loving each other, it's the more practical stuff like: where will we live, will we have kids, how will our daily days be like? And if he's not 'there' yet, then there's no point in getting back together. Even if we love each other. The question is: is it all worth it? Is it worth the pain of reopening a wound? Need more thinking to do.

[Frank13]

Thank you! He had to work this weekend so could not get married, lol. (/sarcasm)

 

Hahaha. You are so funny and make me laugh! Helps to cheer me up!

 

 

However, I am afraid I am holding out some hope that he will actually make plans but I have no desire to see him and begin the whole endless dating thing again. We had a great talk a few days ago and I actually got a $150 check in the mail from him so he is at least starting to make things right with my financial losses I incurred (thinking we were getting married). He has told his Dad, his Mom and his little boy that we are, indeed, getting married so he is a complete *ss if he told his little boy and doesn't follow through. He is not upset with me about refusing to see him until we get married. He said he needs to follow through with actions and not words, so I say bring 'em on! For now, I will continue my life but have to say that I'm holding out some hope and that already annoys me somewhat. I told him that we can not do this back and forth thing again. At some point, (like after this time) though we love each other, we are going to come to a point where it dies and there is no hope.

 

So...we will see.

 

Best of luck top you. He is crazy if he doesn't marry you, just for your sense of humor alone!

Edited August 18, 2011 by Frank13

[Nsweet]

"In a couple of days it will be 1 year since we broke up. I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore, but i just want to know how you've been doing. I still think a lot about you, but i won't bother you anymore. With love, X".

 

I don't get men.

 

Wow! People here have really misconstrued his text. Allow me to break thins down and clarify for you dear.

 

"In a couple of days it will be 1 year since we broke up."

-I haven't forgotten you. I think about you all the time and have this date on my calendar.

 

"I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore..."

-I respect your decision to have nothing to do with me. (emphasis on "have contact")

 

"...but i just want to know how you've been doing."

-I care for you.

 

"I still think a lot about you,..."

-I miss you.

 

"...but i won't bother you anymore."

-I'm sorry and still respect your decision to have nothing to do with me.

 

"With love, X"

-sincere fairwell

 

Also, with him contacting you so much this further shows that he misses you and wants tinge part of your life again. You're best to act quickly before you drive him off for good by saying something like, "I am not ignoring you, I just need some space for myself right now...:)".

 

I understand you need space which is healthy and so must come with NC, but you need let him know atleast once what you're feeling so you don't push him away or drive him crazy with great misunderstandings.

[vsmini]

Wow! People here have really misconstrued his text. Allow me to break thins down and clarify for you dear.

 

"In a couple of days it will be 1 year since we broke up."

-I haven't forgotten you. I think about you all the time and have this date on my calendar.

 

"I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore..."

-I respect your decision to have nothing to do with me. (emphasis on "have contact")

 

"...but i just want to know how you've been doing."

-I care for you.

 

"I still think a lot about you,..."

-I miss you.

 

"...but i won't bother you anymore."

-I'm sorry and still respect your decision to have nothing to do with me.

 

"With love, X"

-sincere fairwell

 

Also, with him contacting you so much this further shows that he misses you and wants tinge part of your life again. You're best to act quickly before you drive him off for good by saying something like, "I am not ignoring you, I just need some space for myself right now...:)".

 

I understand you need space which is healthy and so must come with NC, but you need let him know atleast once what you're feeling so you don't push him away or drive him crazy with great misunderstandings.

 

His text - broken down - is even more of a joke. Let me clarify for you.

"I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore..."

 

which he follows with:

 

"...but i just want to know how you've been doing."

 

Showing that he really doesn't understand that she no longer wants to have contact with him. And then followed by:

 

"...but i won't bother you anymore."

 

If she maintains NC and he still texts her again -it's 100% proof that he doesn't respect her boundaries of NC and he doesn't understand at all. It's just bait.

[NursingGirl]

His text - broken down - is even more of a joke. Let me clarify for you.

"I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore..."

 

which he follows with:

 

"...but i just want to know how you've been doing."

 

Showing that he really doesn't understand that she no longer wants to have contact with him. And then followed by:

 

"...but i won't bother you anymore."

 

If she maintains NC and he still texts her again -it's 100% proof that he doesn't respect her boundaries of NC and he doesn't understand at all. It's just bait.

 

 

 

Bravo bravo! Plus he's a big weanie like my ex. My ex is like a little boy who looks at his messy bedroom and says, "I need to clean my room." And then he goes down and lies on his bed and never cleans it. Ever. The end.

 

Well, here comes another weekend (and this one ex is not working) and no marriage. hahahah, and I was holding my breath!

 

Frank, you're awesome. No worries, your girl will come along and make your ex look like chopped liver.

[Frank13]

 

Well, here comes another weekend (and this one ex is not working) and no marriage. hahahah, and I was holding my breath!

 

I wonder what his excuse will be this weekend.

 

Frank, you're awesome. No worries, your girl will come along and make your ex look like chopped liver.

 

Thank you for the kind words! I hope so. Funny how we are in opposite situations. I would love it if my ex wanted to marry me. I wouldn't even wait for the weekend.

 

Keep us updated and keep your sense of humor. I wish I could look at my situation with the kind of humor you do.

[Kamila]

Wow! People here have really misconstrued his text. Allow me to break thins down and clarify for you dear.

 

"In a couple of days it will be 1 year since we broke up."

-I haven't forgotten you. I think about you all the time and have this date on my calendar.

 

"I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore..."

-I respect your decision to have nothing to do with me. (emphasis on "have contact")

 

"...but i just want to know how you've been doing."

-I care for you.

 

"I still think a lot about you,..."

-I miss you.

 

"...but i won't bother you anymore."

-I'm sorry and still respect your decision to have nothing to do with me.

 

"With love, X"

-sincere fairwell

 

Also, with him contacting you so much this further shows that he misses you and wants tinge part of your life again. You're best to act quickly before you drive him off for good by saying something like, "I am not ignoring you, I just need some space for myself right now...:)".

 

I understand you need space which is healthy and so must come with NC, but you need let him know atleast once what you're feeling so you don't push him away or drive him crazy with great misunderstandings.

 

I have been thinking a lot of answering him that i'm not ignoring him or something, but i don't know what my answer will provoke in him. I just don't want to think about it. I do indeed need space away from him, but does that imply that later in the future i could start contact with him again? Isn't that dangerous when you hold strong feelings for someone?

 

I just wish he would phone me and explain me what he's been thinking. And i do think i am in my right to ask that of him. He was the one that backed away from commitment, so if he has something to say, he should just pick up the phone. He knows what i feel about him, i showed it to him in a lot of ways. He could think that my feelings after a year have changed. If he really wants to know...

[Kamila]

His text - broken down - is even more of a joke. Let me clarify for you.

"I understand that you don't want to have contact with me anymore..."

 

which he follows with:

 

"...but i just want to know how you've been doing."

 

Showing that he really doesn't understand that she no longer wants to have contact with him. And then followed by:

 

"...but i won't bother you anymore."

 

If she maintains NC and he still texts her again -it's 100% proof that he doesn't respect her boundaries of NC and he doesn't understand at all. It's just bait.

 

Indeed, i also think he's joking with me, playing an emotional game: 'if you don't want to have contact with me, i'll leave you alone, for good.' Is he bluffing, or even warning me?

 

The way he says 'i won't disturb you' implies that he thinks that when he's contacting me he's prying into my life, almost negatively 'i'm sorry to disturb Her Highness, she's too good to contact me, i won't bother you with my presence again'. He's a bit mad at me? Should i feel guilty?

 

He softens up by ending 'with love'. In fact, i don't like this message, it's manipulative and confusing. Much like 'bait', like you said, i'm just not buying it.

 

I'm wondering if he'll keep his word.

[Frank13]

Indeed, i also think he's joking with me, playing an emotional game: 'if you don't want to have contact with me, i'll leave you alone, for good.' Is he bluffing, or even warning me?

 

Come on, he is playing the victim. He wants you to feel sorry for him. He is saying "I love you and want to be with you, but am not sure how you feel so will say I won't bother you, in hopes you will feel sorry for me and think I am adorable and want to get back wih me".