Emails

[brewster]

A while back I found an email my gf had written to another guy. The email was basically a fantasy she was sharing with him and she responded with another. I confronted her on it and she played it off as something that happened before we were dating when in truth it happened while we were together.

A lot of time passed and I happened to notice another one of these emails in her account even after she had said she wouldnt do this again. After this email, there was another one with the same guy saying how they never got to finish their conversation the other day and basically saying that she has always loved him and wants to be with him and thinks someday they will end up together. This guy lives over seas so nothing is going to happen at the moment. I consider this to be cheating am I right?

So we talked about the situation again and I was so upset and ready to walk out but she explained that she has this fear of being alone and she doesnt know why she did it and she feels like an idiot and all that.

So this all happens and we agree that she wont do this again and that I wont check her email again. The thing is I asked her to email this guy and tell him that she is very happy in a relationship and she doesnt know what she was thinking sending him these emails. A week went by and she still hadnt done it and I realized she wasnt going to and we talked about it and that was that.

 

Now I am stuck in this situation where I am supposed to move in with her but I really don't trust her at all. I want to believe that she has stopped doing this behind my back but I really don't.

 

Has anyone else had to deal with a situation like this? I can see myself spending a lot more time with her and this has been a good long relationship for both of us. I just don't know how to get past the lack of trust or if I even should.

[Darren Steez]

Do you honestly buy that an intelligent woman "didn't know what she was thinking" when she wrote to another man saying whatever she said? And you bought this? And on top of this she writes to him saying they'll eventually be together? He's overseas now, what if he comes to visit? you think she wont go?

That's besides the point..

She knew full well when she got in contact with him, thought about what she was going to write to him,which probably involved consciously thinking about an elaborate fantasy scenario involving another man, took time to write it all down and send it to him.

And then again she got in contact or replied to his message, and then wrote about them being together eventually (not where are you in this picture)..so these are not all the machinations of someone who didn't know what she was thinking, in fact I think she was thinking too much and that should worry you..not some half asses answer because she knows you'll probably give her a half assed ultimatum like don't write to him or write to him and tell him we're ok, and when you find out she has no intention of ever doing that..what are you going to do..write to LS!

You obviously have no self respect and that is a shame because unless such actions are met with real deterrents, the next beautiful man to chat her up in a bar or when Mr "We will be together" flies into town, it's not going to be fantasy, it's going to get very real, and you will be right there..nowhere near the picture. Out of sight, out of mind

[brewster]

Thanks Darren,

 

This is exactly what I needed to hear. It's one of those things where you don't even want to ask your friends about it because you know what they will say and for some reason it is easier to hear from a stranger.

 

Thanks

[Corydm]

This girl will cheat on you.

 

She already IS cheating on you, emotionally.

 

If she doesn't cheat on you physically with this guy, because he's overseas, she will physically cheat on you with someone else closer.

 

She has proven that she has the capacity to do it, and she will, sooner or later.

 

Unfortunately, you need to not listen to her lame excuses, and give her the boot.

[azsinglegal]

This girl will cheat on you.

 

She already IS cheating on you, emotionally.

 

If she doesn't cheat on you physically with this guy, because he's overseas, she will physically cheat on you with someone else closer.

 

She has proven that she has the capacity to do it, and she will, sooner or later.

 

Unfortunately, you need to not listen to her lame excuses, and give her the boot.

 

^^ Agreed.

 

Don't move in. End it. Emotional cheating is worse the physical cheating IMO. She should be sending YOU those emails, not another man.

 

Plus, I can tell you from personal experience, my ex is overseas, meets girls online from here in the states and the FIRST thing he asks them is if they have a passport so they can travel and meet him. It's not uncommon.

[Memphis Raines]

After this email, there was another one with the same guy saying how they never got to finish their conversation the other day and basically saying that she has always loved him and wants to be with him and thinks someday they will end up together.

 

 

thats all you need to tell us right there.

 

dump the two-timing tart. no sense in wasting any more of your time with a girl that thinks she is going to end up with someone else.

[Bito]

Everybody in here is correct. This girl will only cause you heartbreak if you stay. Tell her its over and go no contact.

[Bryanp]

I am sorry my friend but she is playing you for a fool. You know she is still lying to you because she began this when she is in the relationship with you and not before. She is totally disrespecting you and your relationship. If the roles had been reversed do you think she would have been so accepting as you have been?

 

You judge a person by their actions and her actions speak volumes about her disrespect toward you and your relationship. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[jnj express]

Whatever you do---don't move in with her, or co-mingle any finances with her---she has no problem with cheating

 

You have handled this all wrong-----go and read all the websites, that discuss cheating---NOTHING is ever accomplished by the betrayed, unless they handle the situation very, very hard, and they place consequences out there for their spouse/partner-----You need to tell her she sends the NC letter, and make it a NC letter, not a nice little how are you--leave me alone letter----Tell her she sends it, and you are to be there when it goes, and it goes YESTERDAY----and don't be nice about it----if she really wants you she will comply---if she won't comply---then you know what you need to do.