Surfer203 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 My wife is still living at home.. look at all of the effort she is putting in... PFFT! Bulls***. Does not mean anything, just means she may need a place to live and likes the comforts that your home provides. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 i know for a fact she is missing him! not easy for me but i suppose if i really want to have her i must tollerate it. for the short term anyway! he has made her feel good about herself and thats the problem although she is still the bad person doing the cheating i would still have her in my life but only if im able to trust her again this might sound a bit sad or like im being used , only time will tell im not specificly looking for advice rather other peoples experiences to help me make my own decisions about my marriage. the latest update is she has confessed seeing him a lot, almost everyday during her 30 minute breaks off work, in addition she did call him in my presence and tell him its over,and that she would be trying to patch things up with her husband, had him on loud speaker so i heard everything, all passwords and things have been passed over for me to inspect and sim card changed in her phone.. i suppose i can only wait and see if anything else transpires or if she gives him her new number! needless to say if she does then i will be throwing her out and going 100% NC, contacting a lawer etc... she is actually not financially reliant on me, she has a well paid job, she pays the morgage in full although it is my name due to her credit history. we split the bills and she pays for all her own clothes and whatnot, we basically have our own finances and generally live seperatley when it comes to money so im not worried about anything like that, she simply doent need me when it comes to money! i want to thank you all for your thoughts they have all been very helpful. im sure it doesnt finish here though so i will be updating over the comeing days/weeks. we may stay together we may not, but with the help of this forum i have been able to get thing more clear in my mind and have more informed decisions. Ohh your in the UK, If I was you I'd seek the advice of a lawyer rapidly. Don't tell her just do it. Action needs to be taken and fast. Ohh then pack her stuff in boxes, don't be nasty or anything. I suggest " Wife I understand you want to be with OM so go for it, I'll even help you move out" Then just drop her like a bad habit, remove yourself as an option. Sorry to say it, your nothing but her plan B at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author openmind Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) Openmind, listen to all the advice you are getting here (specially Steadfast). My story is somewhat similar to yours, right down to not being able to have babies being an issue (you can read it here if interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t281581/). It has been 7 weeks since our separation and I my eyes have been opened wide now. There is a saying that goes "when someone shows you who they are, believe them". We have had no/little contact for 7 weeks now. She is moved on, has a ****ty shoebox for a studio and is having major financial problems already. That is the life she wanted. I have joined the gym (lost 20 pounds already) bought new clothes, go out all the time with friends and I'm taking an european tour in a few months. This is not what I wanted but I'm making the best of it. Don't get me wrong. It's hard. Damn hard and there are some dark days but overall, I know I will be more than ok later on. Don't take forever to learn what I learned the last 7 weeks: you are worth a hell of a lot more than the way you are being treated. A hell of a lot more. Thanks to everyone for all your excellent advice! i finaly got the balls to tell her to leave and never come back, and to be honest im feeling pretty good about it after 4 weeks:laugh: i could never trust her again and this become apparent within a few days of her coming back, in addition i dont believe she ever called it off with the OM. i have been doing all the things that you recommend AudentesFortuna, i also have the advantage of having my own gym in my house so have been smashing the weights and getting back to my ideal weight. i have been in a state of denial through out the past 6 months and i cant believe i have been such a push over, i mean in all other aspects of life im a pretty pushy and vigorous person when it comes to getting what i want, i suppose i had been suckered in by her and wanted to believe rather than seeing the truth which is she is a lying , scemeing bitch! and thats very hard to admit about someone you have been with for 10 years. The two weeks she was here was a nightmare, she seemed to avoid me in the house when ever she could , and my hadred for her started! within days it got much worse and i could not even look at her without being infuriated. after two weeks i almost snapped:mad: her head off! So she had to go. anyway enough of her and more about me:o i have been on a couple of dates in the past 4 weeks, joined a couple of dating websites, which are very good by the way! be careful if any of you do join as there are lots of scammers out there! kept myself busy as can be and been out partying a lot at the weekend! i sold all our gold that we had collected over the years and got the tidy sum of £6000 for it, purchased myself a very nice jaguar! thats the car not the cat:laugh: there have been a couple of dark moments but im pushing them aside and im not going to dwell on what could have been! i can find out what could be with a newer, younger, fitter,all improved partner! and thats exactly what i intend to do. AudentesFortuna have a good trip to Europe and drop me a line if you come to the UK! To everyone else thanks again for your support and im interested in any further comments you have and advice for the future.. Edited September 7, 2011 by openmind Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Bravo OM, (standing and clapping) Link to post Share on other sites
sadhubby Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 omg reading this was like seeing myself and how i was and how i took all the blame i wanted to just shake this guy untill i got to the end and saw he woke up lol.. and um yeah lexy your FIRED. Link to post Share on other sites
Author openmind Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 Well its been almost a year and im on the the right road again! Just thought i would update all you guys. got myself a new girlfriend for about 2 months now, 15 years my junior and the wife is livid ,haha once she found out about the new gf im getting calls by the hour begging to be forgiven and let her come home, fat chance of that. off to thailand with gf in a few weeks for a couple of months and my divorce is in the pipeline. For anyone reading this thread do not act as i have , if you find out she is cheating toss her aside in an instant , she will not change , she will lie and decieve you any way she can to keep control. i only wish i had been clued up before i put myself throught hell in the early stages. on a funnier note i actually got her to dump this guy a few months ago with the promise of giving her another chance, later the same day i told her that i was only joking and i did not think she would take me seriously , hopefully he will see her for the fickle whore she really is....oh well tough luck to her. :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FreeNow Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 You've done very well, sir! Next step... complete indifference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Nicely done!! I just read oyur thread today and was worried it would be crazy making all the way to the end. I'm glad you saw the truth. Have a great trip to Thailand. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elfman Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 (edited) Wow, thought post was newer, was replying to the first set of circumstances... Glad you worked it out. E. Edited March 28, 2012 by elfman out of time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 So glad to hear of your new life. It is surprising how often the cheating wife sees the light and wants to reconcile as soon as the husband finds someone new. Mine had been living with the OM for over a month, and came by our place to rub my nose in it, while the OM and her partied with the neighbor. When she figured out that I had had company the previous night and screwed somebody else in our bed she went ballastic. She immediately threw the OM under the bus by publicly yelling at the top of her lungs out so that the whole neighborhood could hear all of his miscomings in the bedroom She then turned on the water hose of tears begging to reconcile. My words were to the effect, "Oh Gee, that's too bad!" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I remember you openmind. I remember how hard you tried to not believe the worst and save your marriage...how hard you tried to give it time. Instead of gloating (which is understandable) you should relay your story to people who find themselves in a similar situation. Weren't you told when a woman says her feelings have changed they hardly ever change back? Even when they regret or try to backtrack. That isn't enlightenment, it's a manifestation of the selfishness that caused them to cheat in the first place. True remorse and true love centers around the needs of others and honoring the commitment one makes to spouse and family. A change of heart. Before a marriage can be reconciled or broken for good, one must come to grips with freedom of choice. Forgiveness brings true healing. I am glad you saw her for what she is, but like a previous poster said, the real moving on will bring an attitude of indifference. A wise saying: If her suffering brings you joy, her joy will bring you suffering. Be well! Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 If her suffering brings you joy, her joy will bring you suffering. So unbelievably true!! Link to post Share on other sites
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