Re: why can't i settle down in one place?

[Tony T]

The fact that you grew up in a highly dysfunctional family explains your inability to settle down, your inability to achieve stability in life, your constant desire to leave where you are, and your inability to find a man with an even temperment. My guess is that you have NEVER been a part of a healthy, stable and fulfilling relationship because of the types of men you tend to attract. Those from dysfunctional families tend to bring into their lives the types of people that will most closely replicate the kind of life they experienced as children.

 

You grew up in a family where the highs and lows were extreme and often. That is sort of normal for you. As an adult, you continue to try subconsciously to achieve that in your life. That's why you're with a guy who is sometimes very nice and sometimes a real jerk. Alcoholics are like that (FYI).

 

You want to go back to your small town but once you get there it's highly unlikely you'd be happy there for long.

 

You need to embark on a journey of healing from the psychological injuries you sustained as a child growing up in such a chaotic environment. This will either require massive doses of psychotherapy or attendence at workshops and seminars on family recovery.

 

I also recommend you start going to bookstores or libraries and reading up on dysfunctional families and codependence. My guess is that you have a lot of repressed anger that needs to be worked out. You may not even be aware of it but that anger will cause all kinds of problems including instability, depression, problems in relationships, etc. There are books that will tell you how to discover and recover from repressed anger, anger that you internalized as a child because you were not allowed to express it...anger at the grownups who inflicted phsyical and psychological pain on you for so long.

 

There are many sites on the Internet that deal with codependence, adult children from dysfunctional families, etc. and you can find them by using a good search engine such as Yahoo.com or Lycos.com

 

Your life will not stabilize and you will not achieve true happiness and a sense of stability and content in life until you peel away the layers of hurt and pain and deal with them. Good luck on your journey if you choose to take it.

 

Thank you for shortening your post. I hope I have been of some help to you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[jeleane: o.k. i'll try this again, only shorter...]

tony, can i tell you something tho, i didn't start the moving around thing until 1992 when my died then i couldn't settle down anywhere but i don't know why. i understand the rest of what you are saying tho and i don't know if that makes any difference. i just want to stop the insanity i feel in my head, my thinking and my heart. i think there could be alot of anger, but i don't know. i never new or had a dad, and today i had to go to the social security office and it asks fathers name and i had to leave it blank, yes i did this before, years ago but today my daughter was with me and altho she knows my life story i still felt ashamed then angry then i just wanted to cry. do you think that not being this way until my mom died has something to do with everything? i don't get why it happened in that time frame, i never seen my mom get hit, but her boyfriend did drink. thank you for your help and i could definitely use the prayers. thank you!

The fact that you grew up in a highly dysfunctional family explains your inability to settle down, your inability to achieve stability in life, your constant desire to leave where you are, and your inability to find a man with an even temperment. My guess is that you have NEVER been a part of a healthy, stable and fulfilling relationship because of the types of men you tend to attract. Those from dysfunctional families tend to bring into their lives the types of people that will most closely replicate the kind of life they experienced as children. You grew up in a family where the highs and lows were extreme and often. That is sort of normal for you. As an adult, you continue to try subconsciously to achieve that in your life. That's why you're with a guy who is sometimes very nice and sometimes a real jerk. Alcoholics are like that (FYI). You want to go back to your small town but once you get there it's highly unlikely you'd be happy there for long. You need to embark on a journey of healing from the psychological injuries you sustained as a child growing up in such a chaotic environment. This will either require massive doses of psychotherapy or attendence at workshops and seminars on family recovery. I also recommend you start going to bookstores or libraries and reading up on dysfunctional families and codependence. My guess is that you have a lot of repressed anger that needs to be worked out. You may not even be aware of it but that anger will cause all kinds of problems including instability, depression, problems in relationships, etc. There are books that will tell you how to discover and recover from repressed anger, anger that you internalized as a child because you were not allowed to express it...anger at the grownups who inflicted phsyical and psychological pain on you for so long. There are many sites on the Internet that deal with codependence, adult children from dysfunctional families, etc. and you can find them by using a good search engine such as Yahoo.com or Lycos.com

 

Your life will not stabilize and you will not achieve true happiness and a sense of stability and content in life until you peel away the layers of hurt and pain and deal with them. Good luck on your journey if you choose to take it. Thank you for shortening your post. I hope I have been of some help to you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.