Brooke24 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Ok, to start off my husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 4. We have a 3 year old daughter together, we own our own home and have 2 cars etc. etc. My husband and I have separate bank accounts and pay bills separately. I have a baby boutique online and work from home, and my husband is the main bread-winner. I make enough money to buy the groceries, pay for car insurance, my cell phone, and pretty much anything that my daughter needs. After I finish paying my part of the bills though I don't have very much left. My husband makes a great deal more than I do and he pays for most of our household expenses and beyond that he has plenty of money left to be put away in the bank. I also must mention that I do all of the cooking/cleaning/laundry/taking care of and raising of our 3 year old. My wonderfully selfish husband seems to think that his only job in life is to go to work and come home and thats it! He also seems to think that I am not entitled to having anything for myself beyond what I can afford to provide. He has 20+ guns that he collects and is constantly buying himself junk! He has never even bought me an engagement ring. I have an engagement ring but it is not really mine, it is my aunt's that she had from a failed marrige that she lets me wear. I have recently been shopping around for MY OWN engagement ring because we have an anniversary coming up and I told my husband that I would like my very own ring... he just told me that he is willing to put $400 dollars toward it and I can pay for the rest! I failed to mention that just last week he spent $1000 dollars on a new handgun for himself. I hope I don't come off as selfish for getting upset about this (there is nothing wrong with a $400 dollar ring it is just the principle of it) Any advice on how I should handle hime would be greatly appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 'Sorry hun, can't afford to buy steak this month' (true). Pay yourself first. Welcome to LS Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 I would suggest stop shopping around for the ring. I would say that a nice hint to him that you would love an anniversary ring would be sufficient. And tell him to spend whatever he is willing. You never know, he may head to the store and remember how much he spends on himself, and actually do the mature thing... I would tell him that you're leaving it up to him, and that you trust his judgement to do the fair thing, as the loving husband you married. A ring that he actually picks and sacrifices for will hold a lot more meaning 5, 10 years from now compared to a ring that you put up most of the cash for. I think you may actually end up resenting the ring, as it will forever be a symbol of his selfishness, in a way, if you end up paying for it. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 i think you could benefit from marriage counseling... to deal with the resentments you have about your partnership. Link to post Share on other sites
blueeyes11 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 you and your husband are living like two people who are not Married yet. In marriage whats his is yours and what yours is his. It should not be a his and mine tug of war. Your husband doesn't sound like he wants to let go of any control of his money. Does he fear you will blow it? Are you a financially responsible person? If he has no reason to fear then perhaps a nice talk together will solve your problem. If not you may need some professional help. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brooke24 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 Thanks everyone for your advice, I have suggested MC but my husband doesen't believe in that... I suppose I could go on my own and possibly get some advice though. I am more responsible with money than my husband so he is definitely not afraid that I will blow it all lol. I think he might be afraid that I might try to put him on a budget! Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I don't think I could be married to someone whose view of finances is "what's mine is mine and too bad for you" like your husband. It's very controlling, very "me" and not "us." My H and I combine all of our income and pay for everything jointly; how much each of us makes is irrelevant because we consider everything to be household income. (We give ourselves equal side pots of play money to do with as we please, such as getting gifts for each other.) I don't know what to suggest for you other than individual counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 It seems to me when a couple have a large income gap between them, they tend to have more issues than a couple with equal income. I think its because in a couple with large income gap, the one who has more money is more insecure of that his wife might be with him for his money so he is much more watchful of how much money he spends on her. On the other hand, a couple with equal income have nothing to worry about each others motive so they are more willing to share freely. This is why Im never going to be with someone poorer. I dont care about someone's money. But I cant know what is in someone else's mind and I dont want to have to worry about that in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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