crzynluv Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 I've known this guy for about 6 months. We've always had a friendly and somewhat flirtatious relationship, but I've noticed lately that our flirting has intensified even to the point that other people have made comments. We joke around a lot, so it's difficult to tell if we're "transitioning" or if we're just really comfortable flirting with each other. Lately he's been complimenting me on my appearance and touching me more frequently. A few weeks ago, I thought I might be moving. When I told him this, he looked into my eyes like he's never done before and said he really didn't want me to go and that he didn't know what he would do without me. But we tease each other so much that I wasn't sure if he was for real or just playing. However, he has said the same thing to me again and seemed to be genuine about it. He's made comments to me before like "we make a good team" which may or may not mean anything. If he goes out to get lunch, even if I tell him I don't want anything, he'll bring back something for us to share. On a couple of occasions when we've been teasing each other he's asked me for a hug, but I've sort of been playing a little hard to get with him so that hasn't happened yet. I think I may be developing feelings for this guy, and am curious as to whether he's feeling the same thing. I like where we are right now and don't want to screw it up, so I'm definitely not going to ask him out or anything even though some people seem to think I should. My style is just to let things happen naturally and go with what feels right. I guess my bottom line question is would a guy do these things if he wasn't interested in a girl? I mean we do have a very playful relationship, so I don't want to read into things too much. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 You just can't tell without asking. I had a friend once who took me out - and insisted on paying. He bought me presents and spent much of his free time with me, including calling me every single night before bed. We were close and everybody thought we were a couple, but that wasn't the case. Some men seem to go into 'courtship mode' with every woman they meet. So, really, without asking, or him stepping up and saying something, you'll never know. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 I agree with Moimeme~ without asking or being told, you will never really know what he feels or thinks. Some guys are just that way, to everyone and others reserve it for the ones they are interested in. If you really want to know, ask him out. If you want to wait it out and see, then I hope you continue having fun and playful flirting. Good luck to you, I will keep my fingers crossed Link to post Share on other sites
krbshappy71 Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 I wouldn't ask him out. Let him do it when he's ready. He's probably testing with baby-steps so he wont be risking toooo much rejection when/if he does ask you out. Enjoy the attention, the friendship, and see where it goes. If he suddenly turns his attention elsewhere then you'll know he just enjoys this behavior with women in general. He sounds pretty focused on you, for now, so why not let him take the initiative, what's the hurry? There's no clock ticking that I can hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crzynluv Posted April 26, 2004 Author Share Posted April 26, 2004 Thanks for the feedback. I understand what you're saying, and I agree that the only way to know 100% is to hear it from him. I just have a really hard time letting a guy know that I'm interested because I've done that before with other guys and it backfired on me. I guess that's why I'm more comfortable with keeping things flirty for right now even though I do like him. It's sort of like a security blanket for me because if he really is just having fun, then I can just play it off like I am too, ya know? But then again, he could be thinking the same thing about me? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 It's sort of like a security blanket for me because if he really is just having fun, then I can just play it off like I am too, ya know? But then again, he could be thinking the same thing about me? Yep. The theme of many very popular romance novels - two people who care deeply about each other; each afraid to say something. In the best stories, it ends in a happy-ever-after. Hope it does for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbie Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 Some men seem to go into 'courtship mode' with every woman they meet. Yup. I had this happen to me lately, fortunately I'm about ancient and saw through the smarm. However Lately he's been complimenting me on my appearance and touching me more frequently. A few weeks ago, I thought I might be moving. When I told him this, he looked into my eyes like he's never done before and said he really didn't want me to go and that he didn't know what he would do without me. resonated because those love-looks about burned through me & when I told him that my ex wanted us to have a baby and try again he was aghast and hintng at our future.... Didn't stop him running around with other women when I turned him down for sex though. Take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crzynluv Posted April 27, 2004 Author Share Posted April 27, 2004 Thanks everyone. I really do appreciate all the feedback. So far it looks like only the ladies have been responding. What do all of you guys out there think? I'd like to hear a man's point of view on my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 Well, I'm a guy...in fact. I'm just your average guy ...and I think that if you are interested in more then YOU should make a move. Why does it ALWAYS have to be the guy that makes the first move??? I think women should take more control (and responsibility) for their sexuality by being assertive and making the first move. Why give men the power by having to wait for them to make the first move? Why release yourself from the responsibility (and possible rejection) of not being assertive and asking yourself on your terms? Just some questions in general ... but if I were you, I would just do something that l have suggested and I have seen others suggest in similar situations: say something that is suggestive but that you can talk your way out of if it is inappropriate. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author crzynluv Posted April 27, 2004 Author Share Posted April 27, 2004 Originally posted by average guy Why does it ALWAYS have to be the guy that makes the first move??? Everyone knows that guys like "the chase." If a girl shows too much interest too soon, he will up and move on to another challenge. Everyone is different, but I personally would never make the first move unless I knew for sure that the guy was interested and was just too shy to do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 Originally posted by crzynluv but I personally would never make the first move unless I knew for sure that the guy was interested What if guys only ever made the first move if they were sure that the girl was interested? Do you know how many times the average guy (not just me gets rejected? Take a chance. Live a little. Go for it! Cheers A.G. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crzynluv Posted April 28, 2004 Author Share Posted April 28, 2004 A.G. (or any guy for that matter), I'd still like to know what you think about how this guy is acting around me. You haven't really answered my original question yet. Have you or would you ever do these kinds of things if you weren't interested in a girl. I mean, obviously he is not totally repulsed by me or he would be avoiding me and not act so flirty. But do you think his actions show interest or just a flirty nature? I know you can't read his mind any more than I can, but judging from how you (and your friends) act around girls, what do you think he's up to? Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbie Posted April 28, 2004 Share Posted April 28, 2004 Have you or would you ever do these kinds of things if you weren't interested in a girl. I don't know that many guys are going to come out and say 'right, yes, I'm a player' though there are websites eg. http://www.becomeaplayer.com/ & http://www.fastseduction.com/ ( check out http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/03_Approaching/10_Additional_Patterning_Skills/binding.shtml for some real love-cynicism ) so maybe it's something some men are proud of? Recognising a player: http://www.datingdoctor.com/old/columns9.html How does he behave with other women ? Check that out. If he flatters and flirts with other women too, and he never actually asks you out or makes plans with you or calls you, though he hints at the sexual chemistry between you and continues to flirt...then he's a player. Link to post Share on other sites
DJ Dave Posted April 30, 2004 Share Posted April 30, 2004 I'd still like to know what you think about how this guy is acting around me. Have you or would you ever do these kinds of things if you weren't interested in a girl.? I mean, obviously he is not totally repulsed by me or he would be avoiding me and not act so flirty. But do you think his actions show interest or just a flirty nature? I know you can't read his mind any more than I can, but judging from how you (and your friends) act around girls, what do you think he's up to? He's definitely interested. He finds you attractive and would like to prove it to you. He's aroused when he's around you. Even if it didn't cause the behavior, flirtation arouses him as well as you. That doesn't clarify, however, if he's interested in a monogamous relationship, or in adding you to the harem. Perhaps he's considering being convinced (by you) to settle down, so he's putting his foot in the door, a sign on the lawn . . . staking a claim. A flirty guy like this DOES NOT need you to risk the rejection for him, it sounds like he knows exactly what he's doing, but is not sure where he wants to take it. It could be (from experience) he likes you a lot ("Maybe this is the girl I'd come off the market for!"), and is not sure if he should risk the friendship by going for more. He may be not testing to see if you like him, but testing to see if he can give up a great friendship with a woman he likes a lot (rare and hard to come by) for the dynamic 9-act rollercoaster that a relationship is guaranteed to be. How does it risk the friendship? 1 – it works. You become girlfriend rather than friend and have a great deal more demands on him than you did before. All the flirtation changes into dating routine. As GF you aren't as much fun – you want (and deserve) to know what he did last night, you need (and deserve) for him to put you above golf with the guys for a Saturday morning plan . . . 2 – it works. Outta sight. Nothing, hardly, changes. The relationship is even better than before – fun, flirty, sharing activities you both love, you're the toast of the office (you obviously work with this guy, right?) . . . then you realize that you don't like his comic book collection, or lite FM or whatever and you suddenly realize that you LOVE him, but you want a different life, you dump him and friendship dies the fire fueled death. 3 – it doesn't work. Everything gets weird now and embarrassing - for both of you. AG: In answer to "How come it always has to be the guy . . .?" How come it always has to be the girl who gets pregnant and has the baby? Because that's the way God intended it is all. Yes, some women are so tired waiting for a real man that they end up asking some wimp out, but facing rejection is a MAN's job. Why guys are more willing to part with their money on a date with a gold digger than part with their pride by stepping up to the plate with a wonderful friend is not part of this discussion, but suck it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crzynluv Posted May 2, 2004 Author Share Posted May 2, 2004 Originally posted by DJ Dave (you obviously work with this guy, right?) . . . DJ Dave, to answer your question...yes, he's a co-worker. Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment about my situation. My work schedule has temporarily been changed, so I haven't had very much interaction with him lately. Hopefully things will get back to normal soon. Link to post Share on other sites
krbshappy71 Posted May 2, 2004 Share Posted May 2, 2004 Dave, that was great insight about the friendship vs. relationship scenario. I am in a similar situation. I walked into a relationship thinking I would just hang out and nothing more. No commitment, no worries, friends with benefits perhaps....oh yah I thought I knew what I was doing. Less than a month later I was going crazy wanting commitment from him, although I was the one who had said I wasn't interested in a relationship!! Lucky for me he was willing to take it to the next step. It is, as you say, a gamble. During my insercure times I fear that I messed up...that I have now risked my heart again and why didn't I just leave things the way they were. I have the girlfriend-stuff that I go through. I admit I start feeling "ownership" over the person and I fight it but its there. I think I am pretty good at letting him have his time to himself, time with his friends, etc. but sure enough, I thought I was so strong and would not get all "girl-friendish" on him and I have. I just try my best to keep it in check, you know? Thanks for an excellent insight into the "other side" of the story, how the guy may be feeling. It really helped. Link to post Share on other sites
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