Sunshine2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 So my ex boyfriend and I broke up last year in December. We never really stopped talking after we broke up. We remained "friends" and kept in touch. Well he started seeing someone new in January. I think she was the reason we broke up, but he says that wasn't the case. Well I know they definitely were dating in January and they currently are still together. Problem is that my ex and I have kept that contact this entire time, and over the past several months, it has been a lot of sexual contact. From flirty photos to phone sex to intimate videos together and actually having sex. We've had sex probably 6 or 7 times in the past 3 months. All of this activity has taken place at his house. I know that what we're doing is wrong. I do not claim to be innocent in this and neither is he. I tried to break off our Friends w/ Benefits situation about a month and a half ago and he went mad. Acted like a big baby. Said that we had an "agreement" and I didn't give him advance notice. Kept asking for "one last time". Well we've slept together a few times since then and he doesn't think it's wrong, because while I told him I wanted "out" so I could find a healthy relationship of my own, he says what we're doing isn't wrong, because I'm still single. I don't understand how he got so mad that I wanted out. I let him know that by me removing myself from the equation, doesn't leave him alone. If he wants sex, he has a girlfriend. It's gotten to the point now that I feel really bad for his girlfriend. We had sex early July and he had a UTI or some kind of infection. He didn't tell me about this before we had sex. Well about 5 days later, I contracted an infection down there, went to my girl MD and she thought I had an STD. We had an adult conversation about this, we both had to go for tests, etc. Turns out it wasn't an STD (thank God!!), but I want his girlfriend to know the kind of man that she is with. She's younger than he is, quite naieve and I'm sure doesn't have ANY clue that her so called "boyfriend" has not been faithful to her the entire relationship she's had with my ex. Again, I'm not proud of what I've done, but he and I had a connection and he still means a lot to me. He always gets mad when I bring up his gf and says that I don't have the right to ask questions, that "Friends with Benefits" is a no strings attached scenario. Although I don't think we're friends with benefits. I think he's cheating and I'm just the other woman. I want her to know about all the sexual activity that he and I have had as of recent and about the STD scare. Please offer any advice. I'm not the bitter ex girlfriend who wants to ruin their relationship. I would not ever get back with him. We did have a strong sexual chemistry and it was comfortable to still be with him. But she's a young girl with what seems like a good head on her shoulders, but I think she is blinded and is so in love with him, that she has NO IDEA what he's doing / had done. Link to post Share on other sites
WeatherMe Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I think she should know. There's no need to go into graphic detail, or tell her how often you've been doing the nasty. But you're right, she does deserve to know that she's dating a pos. Just tell her that you guys haven't quit things, that you're really sorry but felt she deserved to know. Also tell her about the scare. She DEFINITELY deserves to know about that. I don't understand why some people are so against people calling the cheater out. Even if it's from the OW, if my girlfriend was cheating on me I would want to know. IDEALLY I would like to hear it from the horses' mouth, but you can't always get what you want. Good luck to you... Just out of curiosity, this shows a lot about him, and you for that matter since you know of the innocent one who's going to be crushed - that aside, would you want to be with him after all this? Really? To me it sounds as if this guy cares NOTHING about anyone but himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 Like I said, I'm not proud of myself, but I guess I really only understood just recently how "serious" their relationship was. Well "serious" on her end. I tell him often that he isn't in love with this girl, because if he was, he wouldn't be seeing me. He made a comment to me last week during the "health scare", when I said, "If these results come back positive you will have to tell her and if you don't, I will". Now I don't know this girl personally, but I know who she is and I do have means to contact her. His response to my comment about me telling her was, "Oh real nice. That really shows the kind of person you are". I have been cheated on before. With a previous ex. He and I lived together and I found out through the computer we shared that he had been seeing someone for about 3 weeks. He stupidly left his email up one day, I went to check my email and that was what was on the screen. Yes, I would have liked for someone to tell me that he was cheating. Hell, I would have liked for him to tell me he wasn't happy, so cheating wasn't necessary. I think my most recent ex, the one that I initially wrote about is happy with this girl and I know now that she is over the moon for him. I just want her to know what he's doing, because even after the STD scare (when I told him we were completely over), he still would want to hook up again. How do I tell this girl though? Call her? Email her? I don't want her to immediately to run to him. I want to show / tell her about what's been going on and be able to show her proof so she knows that I am not lying. Link to post Share on other sites
WeatherMe Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Well, that may be tricky... Calling her would be good. Do it when you know he's at home, or at least not with her. Let her know who you are, see if there's a reaction. Since you already told him that you would tell (if there was an STD) he may have panicked and told her about you. Not about the cheating, but he could have made up some stories, so be prepared for that. Do you have her number? Is she on his FB? Are you? Possibly arranging a meet up before you tell her could work too. It will be awkward for you, but may show more character and showing how awful you feel will make her probably more receptive. It could also mean a big fight, hard to judge, people react differently to situations. When you say things are getting serious, how? Are they planning on moving in together? Obviously they aren't yet. You know SHE'S really serious, but how? Link to post Share on other sites
couplehundred Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Why don't you just stop sleeping with him? You can rip him for cheating if you want but basically you are an enabler. I am not going to condone his cheating (or your participation in it) but you should just put the dude in your rear view mirror. You don't even know this girl he is with. You dont have an STD thankfully. All you are doing is creating a drama factory. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 I am not on his fb. But as of today, I am on her fb page. Obviously, not under my real name. Reading through her profile and seeing the pictures of them together made me realize that she thinks she's in this for the long run. He is divorced, his divorce was actually finalized the day that he and I broke up, irony? I also found that the day that he and I broke up is the day that his gf became friends with him on fb. I know he wouldn't tell her who I am. As a friend, an ex, or anything. I mean, I have photo's he's sent me, videos of himself that he's sent me. Text messages going back to February. Very detailed text messages. Last time we were together, we made a sex video, which only exists on my camera. I know he deletes stuff off of his phone after every conversation we have, so the odds of her finding anything on his phone would be slim to none, but I still have everything on my phone. And I can't make this stuff up. I've got emails, etc. If this were a court case, he'd be condemned to prison, lol. What I have would completely end their relationship. I'm not going to lie, the STD scare literally scared the hell outta me. Thinking that I may have a very serious std that would stop me from entering into another relationship just broke me apart. I saw myself being single for a long time. I also don't see him telling her about any std and not having to explain any story behind it. In the past 6 yrs, I've been with 2 men. My ex that I lived with and this ex that I'm writing about. I don't sleep around, I'm very self sufficient, I don't need a man to make me happy. But I don't want the health of this girl to be compromised. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 Why don't you just stop sleeping with him? You can rip him for cheating if you want but basically you are an enabler. I am not going to condone his cheating (or your participation in it) but you should just put the dude in your rear view mirror. You don't even know this girl he is with. You dont have an STD thankfully. All you are doing is creating a drama factory. You don't think she shoud know? Considering the health scare? The health scare part isn't really completely over. Like I said, went to the girl MD and had my annual exam done. Had "abnormal" results come back and have to go for a biopsy in August. I've always been clean. While I don't have a serious STD, I know that HPV came back in my results and that can lead to cervical cancer if it becomes serious. So I'm having a biopsy in a couple of weeks to see what's going on. HPV is transmitted very easily and I could be safe to assume that she may have that too. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Why don't you just stop sleeping with him? You can rip him for cheating if you want but basically you are an enabler. I am not going to condone his cheating (or your participation in it) but you should just put the dude in your rear view mirror. You don't even know this girl he is with. You dont have an STD thankfully. All you are doing is creating a drama factory. why are YOU doing this to YOURSELF? it's creepy. it's degrading for you to sleep with him and totally stalk her - especially under another name on her FB page. stop sleeping with him, have some self respect. Should I tell my ex's new girlfriend that we're still having sex? no! just stop seeing him - never again - he's using you and you're allowing it! that way you will focus on moving forward in a HEALTHY manner. there's no reason to see him when she is his top priority - he's chosen you second... and you are letting him! stop that. Link to post Share on other sites
couplehundred Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 You don't think she shoud know? Considering the health scare? The health scare part isn't really completely over. Like I said, went to the girl MD and had my annual exam done. Had "abnormal" results come back and have to go for a biopsy in August. I've always been clean. While I don't have a serious STD, I know that HPV came back in my results and that can lead to cervical cancer if it becomes serious. So I'm having a biopsy in a couple of weeks to see what's going on. HPV is transmitted very easily and I could be safe to assume that she may have that too. Theres a big difference between a scare and an STD. I dont know you or him and dont want to place judgement on any of you but I cant help but think you have other intentions here. Why werent you using protection when you were sleeping with a guy with other partners? Link to post Share on other sites
WeatherMe Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I'm sorry I don't agree couplehundred, EVEN IF Sunshine's motives were selfish I think she should know. I wouldn't show her the proof unless absolutely necessary, that would be rubbing salt in the wound. She should know though, and if he is this cool with screwing around on her then chances are he's doing it more than you think. I personally would want to know. Most of my friends would want to know. Better to find out now than a year or more down the road. Perhaps save her the trouble of ending up with him living with her, or god forbid children, or an STD (if it isn't already too late for that) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 why are YOU doing this to YOURSELF? it's creepy. it's degrading for you to sleep with him and totally stalk her - especially under another name on her FB page. stop sleeping with him, have some self respect. no! just stop seeing him - never again - he's using you and you're allowing it! that way you will focus on moving forward in a HEALTHY manner. there's no reason to see him when she is his top priority - he's chosen you second... and you are letting him! stop that. I have stopped sleeping with him. The last time was early July. That's over. I will never sleep with him again. He's a very persuasive man. And each time we were together, it was like we were still together. I know it was wrong, I'm not playing the innocent one. The FB page isn't stalking. I wanted to see just how serious they were and now I know. The page will be deleted, I have no use for it going forward. I just want to tell her about everything that has happened because I know he never will and when you have health issues come up, how can I keep that from her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 Theres a big difference between a scare and an STD. I dont know you or him and dont want to place judgement on any of you but I cant help but think you have other intentions here. Why werent you using protection when you were sleeping with a guy with other partners? I appreciate the not passing judgment comment. We used protection the first few times, but old habits die hard. To repeat, I'm not proud of myself, but things happen in the moment. No, I don't have the serious STD I was tested for. But HPV did show up in my annual exam results and while 80% of the population probably has HPV, it can cause cervical cancer, etc. I know he won't open admittedly tell her this so she can get tested, or even tested for anything else. I get tested every year and like I said, I've never had a bad result before, and I've only been with him in the past several years, so I'm pretty sure that what came back on my results was a result of sleeping with him. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I have stopped sleeping with him. The last time was early July. That's over. I will never sleep with him again. He's a very persuasive man. And each time we were together, it was like we were still together. I know it was wrong, I'm not playing the innocent one. The FB page isn't stalking. I wanted to see just how serious they were and now I know. The page will be deleted, I have no use for it going forward. I just want to tell her about everything that has happened because I know he never will and when you have health issues come up, how can I keep that from her? do not contact her - that is mean. you put yourself at risk having sex with him - you knew it - she can worry about herself. you are stalking - it's terribly creepy!!!!!!! keep everything from her - and leave them alone. what you are doing isn't normal - he's NOT your guy. stay away from them. your negativity and the pain you intend to inflict on her is visible from here. mean spirited... at best. you went to great lengths to spy on them - it's really not one bit nice. tell him YOUR truth - that you spy on them... and you made a fake fb profile to do that too! tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 I have stopped sleeping with him. The last time was early July. That's over. I will never sleep with him again. He's a very persuasive man. And each time we were together, it was like we were still together. I know it was wrong, I'm not playing the innocent one. The FB page isn't stalking. I wanted to see just how serious they were and now I know. The page will be deleted, I have no use for it going forward. I just want to tell her about everything that has happened because I know he never will and when you have health issues come up, how can I keep that from her? One other thing, it's not about "revenge" or anything like that. I would never enter into another relationship with him again. Our recent hookups were nothing more than sexual. I had that need and he certainly took advantage of that. It's not going to benefit me in any way for her finding out, so I'm not doing this for anything to work out to my advantage. I just know the reaction that I had at the MD's office when she was talking about STD's and colposcopy's and biopsy's and HPV and I cried and cried. Nobody should have to deal with that. I don't want to portray myself as some evil ex girlfriend, that I am not. I have a genuine concern for this girl right now and I'm trying to do the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
couplehundred Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I'm sorry I don't agree couplehundred, EVEN IF Sunshine's motives were selfish I think she should know. I wouldn't show her the proof unless absolutely necessary, that would be rubbing salt in the wound. She should know though, and if he is this cool with screwing around on her then chances are he's doing it more than you think. I personally would want to know. Most of my friends would want to know. Better to find out now than a year or more down the road. Perhaps save her the trouble of ending up with him living with her, or god forbid children, or an STD (if it isn't already too late for that)maybe you are right. I still think its BS that she was an enabler. Cheaters are lame. I have never cheated in my life and I have been cheated on. Never really forgave them. The lesson learned here is that you should not screw other peoples boyfriends. Then when you go on the internet describe the tail as something that you have compiled enough evidence to have him convicted in court you look vindictive. I really question the integrity of somebody who does that. I would love to have her go get the the guy and link him to this thread so he can give us his side of it. I bet were not getting the whole story here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 do not contact her - that is mean. you put yourself at risk having sex with him - you knew it - she can worry about herself. you are stalking - it's terribly creepy!!!!!!! keep everything from her - and leave them alone. what you are doing isn't normal - he's NOT your guy. stay away from them. your negativity and the pain you intend to inflict on her is visible from here. mean spirited... at best. you went to great lengths to spy on them - it's really not one bit nice. tell him YOUR truth - that you spy on them... and you made a fake fb profile to do that too! tell him. I am not being creepy. The intent of the fb page was to see just how serious they were. I know now that he lied about the seriousness of their relationship and she seems like a sweet girl. I know she's the innocent one and I have no intention of inflicting pain in the manner you describe. It's not mean spirited at all. It's not like I'm trying to break them up, if that was the case, I could have found a way to contact her after the first time I slept with my ex a few months ago. It's a health issue right now. I've been her friend on fb for all of like 12 hours, and I haven't been home all day, so I wouldn't protray myself to be a stalker. It's not like he was going to be open with me about it. I mentioned earlier, when I said if he didn't tell her about the health scare that I would, that she deserved to know and he said it wasn't necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
couplehundred Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Our recent hookups were nothing more than sexual. I had that need and he certainly took advantage of that. Yea. it's all his fault you made a porno with him? I have a genuine concern for this girl right now and I'm trying to do the right thing. Call her up! "Hi, I am the girl who has been doing the guy you are in love with. Just wanted ya to know you might have herpes because I have a genuine concern for you." Link to post Share on other sites
couplehundred Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I am not being creepy. Um, yes you are... http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=facebook%20creeper Link to post Share on other sites
WeatherMe Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 maybe you are right. I still think its BS that she was an enabler. Cheaters are lame. I have never cheated in my life and I have been cheated on. Never really forgave them. The lesson learned here is that you should not screw other peoples boyfriends. Then when you go on the internet describe the tail as something that you have compiled enough evidence to have him convicted in court you look vindictive. I really question the integrity of somebody who does that. I would love to have her go get the the guy and link him to this thread so he can give us his side of it. I bet were not getting the whole story here. I agree, and have never cheated but I have been cheated on. I don't condone it, and the idea of KNOWINGLY screwing someone who is married or in a RL makes me sick. Whatever though... Far as I'm concerned - this girl should know. It will suck and hurt but wouldn't you rather know before things got REALLY serious? Perhaps approach a friend of hers with the info instead of her? A friend could maybe break it to her better? I don't know how to handle such a situation but I feel like this poor girl has every right to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 The convict in court was just an analogy, that in the event that he denied anything or tried to say I was lying is that I don't ever delete anything from him for some reason, and that I could just prove that he would be lying if he denied it. If he were on this thread, he would say, "She knew what she was getting into. It was a friends with benefits situation and she has no right to ask questions about my relationship with my girlfriend". He is very defensive anytime I've ever brought her up. I am not an evil person. Like I said, I don't want him back. I think some on here may think that I'm this evil vindictive cheating whore or something. It's not that at all. I just got caught up in the games of an ex who clearly has some sort of sexual addiction or something. Why would he need to have sex with me if he has a girlfriend? He would never answer that question. He would just get defensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 Um, yes you are... http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=facebook%20creeper I disagree that I'm a fb creeper. She added me literally at noon today. I did see pics of them together, no big deal. I've seen them together before. The profile I created will be deleted. I did it for 2 reasons. To see how far back they were together, to see if he cheated on me with her and to see just how serious they are. She lists them as being in a relationship. He doesn't. She has a bunch of pics of them together, he doesn't. I think he's an ******* for telling me that it's not "wrong" for he and I to hook up while I'm single. I have no reason to "stalk" this girl. My intentions right now are to let her know what he's doing and that she should be tested. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
couplehundred Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 The convict in court was just an analogy, that in the event that he denied anything or tried to say I was lying is that I don't ever delete anything from him for some reason, and that I could just prove that he would be lying if he denied it. If he were on this thread, he would say, "She knew what she was getting into. It was a friends with benefits situation and she has no right to ask questions about my relationship with my girlfriend". He is very defensive anytime I've ever brought her up. I am not an evil person. Like I said, I don't want him back. I think some on here may think that I'm this evil vindictive cheating whore or something. It's not that at all. I just got caught up in the games of an ex who clearly has some sort of sexual addiction or something. Why would he need to have sex with me if he has a girlfriend? He would never answer that question. He would just get defensive.he would say it was a friends with benefits thing probably BECAUSE IT WAS A FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS THING! I'm sorry but yo have acted stupidly on your own and called it his fault. I just don't agree with that. This whole problem is as much your fault as it is his. Time to accept some blame I bet in the end nobody has and STD and all this drama is over nothing. Go and save this poor girl from his toxic penis and then go look in the mirror..... Link to post Share on other sites
WeatherMe Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I have no reason to "stalk" this girl. My intentions right now are to let her know what he's doing and that she should be tested. That's all. Then do it and don't worry about what us virtual floating heads think. There is NO way of doing it that will make her feel good. This is going to break her heart, for REAL. So long as you know that and are prepared for it then ok. We don't know you, all the details and in the end what we think about you personally really doesn't matter. You are intent obviously on doing it anyway. I am on the end that agrees she should know, but if she finds out from someone who is drooling over the opportunity to tell her then this is going to be MUCH more painful than need be. If you're not then it will suck and it will hurt but, she will have dodged a bullet and will move on eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
couplehundred Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I disagree that I'm a fb creeper. you have a fake face book profile and sought out a total stranger but yea, yer not creeping? whatever... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sunshine2011 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 he would say it was a friends with benefits thing probably BECAUSE IT WAS A FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS THING! I'm sorry but yo have acted stupidly on your own and called it his fault. I just don't agree with that. This whole problem is as much your fault as it is his. Time to accept some blame I bet in the end nobody has and STD and all this drama is over nothing. Go and save this poor girl from his toxic penis and then go look in the mirror..... I never claimed innocence in this, believe me. We both knew what we were doing. But a Friends w/ Benefits situation is normally when one isn't involved in a serious relationship. When I wanted out for my own sanity, he said that until I met someone new, that he didn't see anything wrong with what we were doing. That's what bothers me. He doesn't see anything wrong with it and still wanted to continue. Yes, I was wrong for partaking in it, but I never really knew the seriousness of his relationship with this other girl. Now I know and I feel bad for her. Link to post Share on other sites
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