Soo discouraged

[Crapdiem]

Background: married 12 years, together 15. 2 sons, aged 8 and 9.

 

In feb, dh and i discussed divorce. Marriage rocky for months. Begged him to stay, he daid no originally, so i packed his stuff, which seemed to shock him and he stayedf. Found out he had been texting/emailing another woman. He claimed then just emotional affair. I agreed to reconcile. Rough couple weeks in April, he went a guys night but in reality stayed w her. I found out and he begged to stay. Still maintained it was emotional. We went on vacation, did date nights,and unbeknownst to me he kept talking w her, seeing her, screwing her. I met her a few times even. End of May found his secret email and proof they were sexual. He begged me to stay, cried ( and he is a soldier so seeing him xry was hard). Agreed to counseling, said would do whatever it takea for as long as it takes to make our marriage work. He confessed details, I know he said he loved her. He really did seem remorseful

 

But now, 2 months later, feels like not much has changed. We did counseling twice, he isnt a big talker and didnt like the counselor. We do talk more to each other, about our lives. He holds.me when I cry, apologizes over and over, says he is sorry. I know he cut off all contact w her. He and I sit w each other now, and I try to touch him more. But I dont feel better. I still feel anxious all the time. I am HUGE on physical touch. He is still very selfish in bed and although I have told him over and over howuch being kissed means to me, he still doesnt touch me much like that.

 

And those things are big to me. I have told him this. It seems so small but for me it is huge. It is like he didnt change at all. And I hurt still, so much.

[whichwayisup]

Tell him to leave and mean it, don't let his crocodile tears make you bend and cave. He is manipulating you! If he wants the OW, tell him to GO to her. Infact, pack his bags and call her! (if you can get her name and number) Tell her she can have him.

 

Until he actually SUFFERS consquences, he won't change..He won't show you any remorse. He is in a total affair fog and is selfish. He doesn't care that he's hurting you, and chances are, he's been pulling the wool over the OW eyes, telling her certain things that are exaggerated and lies to suit him best, giving her hope... I think your H is just a cake eater, (wants two women) wants to stay married and have someone on the side.

 

Get him OUT and keep him OUT until he shows you genuine remorse. Until he is ready to work on things and that the OW is out of his life forever.

 

you don't have to make any final decisions now, but he doesn't need to know that.. Let him think that you're going to divorce him.