sticks.26 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I have not posted here much - but several months ago I posted a thread about what I was finding out via a monitoring program on the PC at home. The behavior is still happening but not as frequently as a month or two back. In some ways I can understand her behavior as I am still working the second job and putting in long hours, financially I am starting to see the rewards of it and the credit card debt is slowly being cut down. Onto matters now - and I will mention it in two parts. Just this weekend my wife went for a "girls weekend away" with two of her single friends. She was away from 11.30am on Saturday and finally returned home on around 5.00pm on Sunday evening. Perhaps I am taking the moral high ground here, but I thought I would have heard from her when she checked into the hotel with her friends, instead I find out on facebook that she had arrived (pictures posted of the hotel room), and she rings me 3 hours after check-in to say she's arrived. I have no doubt at all that she went with her friends as both of her friends are reputable and I can trust them to let me know if something was happening. Fast forward to Sunday (yesterday) and I went to my mother's birthday lunch alone as my wife was still in the city enjoying her weekend. I actually felt quite relaxed and happy that I went by myself and spending Saturday night in the house (with my/our dog) was actually fun, able to do as I please and not have to answer to anyone or anything... So today I am here at work - and here is where it gets interesting... My father calls me up to give me some contact numbers of companies (as I am looking for a new job) and then asks me if I am alright. I blow it off and say to him that I'm fine but he says that both me and my mum are concerned about me and they say I look 'withdrawn' or 'keeping to myself'. He then mentioned that they are always there if I need someone to talk to - instantly I felt a warmth come over me and I really feel like I should approach my parents and tell them what I know my wife is up to. They are not that familiar with technology and I have thought to tell them in a cryptic way what is happening. To let them know that I feel that I can't trust her, that I know something she does not and that I am very upset and hurt by her actions - I presume they could fill in the blanks... But here is where my mind is split in two - should I approach and confide in my parents to get their advice... or should I confront my wife directly and tell her exactly what I know? My wife is due to have 2 weeks annual leave from work (in her words, she feels 'tired' and needs a break from working full-time), I have wondered whether to wait until this time next month and see what she has been getting up to on the PC while I'm at work during the day to then confront her about what she has done. At the moment I am really confused and unclear as to what path I should take and who I should be telling about this at first. Nobody knows except myself and in many ways it is tearing me up inside - I just wish I knew what to do and how to go about it!! Thanks for reading and look forward to some replies... Regards, Shaun (sticks.26) Link to post Share on other sites
keepsmilin74 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Yes, tell your parents. You should have gotten support ages ago! Ideally, if you can afford it, you'd see a counsellor to get therapy asap, and a lawyer to inform you of you choices if you will separate. Goodluck to you, sorry for your situation Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 1st----you working long hours, and 2 jobs, is NEVER a reason for your wife to get upset----you are working for the family, so that things will be good down the line Your wife seems pretty immature, in that she would not be there to go to your mothers B'day with you, nor call you to let you know she was OK, and had arrived safely----how much does she really even think of you, and is it with respect, or disrespect.----what kind of a wife ignores family obligations. You may have enjoyed the alone time---but I am getting from your post, all kinds of signals that something is not right Are there problems in your mge, is your gut telling you things----if answer is yes to either, start investigating quietly on your own, and start communicating, and do so even if you have to force her to talk---but start talking to each other, about what you both think is wrong You want to try to stop anything before it happens-----communicate, and investigate One other thing---as you investigate, you should be able to check anything----cellphone, computer etc---if your wife tries to play the privacy card----that doesn't fly----there is no expectation of privacy in a mge---you took vows to that effect---if she wanted privacy she should have stayed single Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 What do you want to accomplish here? If you want to end your marriage and ruin the relationship that your parents have with your wife, then tell them about the online activity. If you want to repair your marriage, then talk to your wife about what you have found. I don't get why you said in May that you thought the relationship was hopeless, yet you are still in it and are still looking for evidence that she is doing something wrong. It's almost like you WANT her to progress in her activities. I would think that confronting her with what you know and discussing it and trying to work it out (or not) would be a whole lot healthier than sneaking and being tense and resentful and (depending on your interactions at home) possibly encouraging her to take her behavior to another level. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts