Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Oh, ES, when you do have your next date, don't tell this whole saga on this relationship to your date. Keep it light and fun to start off. Infact, I would not even share this dating saga of the this guy who is in europe now....just move on and don't share this because guys don't want to sit and listen to your past dating dramas. Just a tip! Not saying you will do this, but resist the temptation and make the conversation about him and you and your interests and stuff like that, not heavy relationship stuff about when you dated a loser, etc. and don't make comments like "When will I learn to trust again" etc. That is basically the kiss of death with new guys and you won't get a second date. I agree with this. It's great to make yourself vulnerable insofar as opening yourself up and allowing yourself to love and be loved, but I think it's unnecessary and often detrimental to a relationship to share all of your past relationship experience and relationship insecurities on a new SO. First, they end up carrying the burden of holding up your self-esteem - that is your responsibility, not theirs. Second, they could use what they know to emotionally manipulate you - all the more reason to share those pieces of yourself slowly, and after a significant, stable, truly trusting relationship has been established. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I'm not being the least bit fake. And ES doesn't owe it to you to learn your grand lesson. I think you're being fake when you say you're rooting for her. Because you never attempt to help her. I cant remember you saying anything to or about her that was either nice or helpful. Or the least bit understanding. Any anger you feel is your responsibility, not hers. Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Why do you believe the story is real, when the rest of us (sans TBF, for some other reason) do not? Speak for yourself SG!! I believe ES ...You're a bully!! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Speak for yourself SG!! I believe ES ...You're a bully!! I hate to say that I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I'm not being the least bit fake. And ES doesn't owe it to you to learn your grand lesson. I think you're being fake when you say you're rooting for her. Because you never attempt to help her. I cant remember you saying anything to or about her that was either nice or helpful. Or the least bit understanding. Any anger you feel is your responsibility, not hers. Well then, the post I quoted contradicts a ton of stuff you've said in the past. I guess I mistook your inconsistency for fakeness. I've said plenty of things to help her over the five or so years she's been here. She chooses to ignore it. All of it. And it's your choice not to believe me, just as it's my choice not to believe lots of things I read here (including many things in this thread), but I know that I'm being sincere. But you're right that my annoyance (anger is far too strong a word, bad word choice on my part) is my responsibility. I take responsibility for my feelings. Every single one of them. But I still don't know why this thread has devolved into a criticism of how or why people choose to post in ES's infamous threads. How about y'all FOCUS ON ES for once! Criminey! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I hate to say that I agree. Wow. Duly noted. Link to post Share on other sites
bittersweet memories Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Where's the contradiction? Did I say I'm never condescending? I'm sorry Hokie didn't like you "in that way," but seriously, it's time to stop following me around and start criticizing someone else's posts. It's getting annoying. Follow your own advice. Seriously! It's getting annoying... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Follow your own advice. Seriously! It's getting annoying... Umm, why don't you? Seriously. I comment on the substance provided by the OP, not the manner in which others respond to the substance provided by the OP. It's amazing to me how folks - yourself included, apparently - choose to focus on HOW other people respond to a thread, rather than the OP's actual problem. Can you get back to that? The OP's actual problem presented in in this threads OP and her follow-up posts updating the facts of the situation? Or is focusing on that just too difficult? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Well then, the post I quoted contradicts a ton of stuff you've said in the past. I guess I mistook your inconsistency for fakeness. But I still don't know why this thread has devolved into a criticism of how or why people choose to post in ES's infamous threads. How about y'all FOCUS ON ES for once! Criminey! I'm happy to stand by anything I have ever said to or about ES. I've never once judged her. Only her behavior. Like I'm doing with you here and now. And I think people who know me here, including you, know I'm never fake. People are calling you out on your behavior here in this thread, because that's where it is occurring. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I don't think that SG is consciously trying to be a bully, even though it might seem that way because she comes across in a very strong way. I think she wants ES to realize 'something', but she feels that there's a lot of resistance from ES in realizing that 'something' and that TBF then enables ES in that resistance. She probably finds that frustrating as she actually wants to help. But perhaps it's more complicated than I think, because I haven't been around on these forums long enough to fully grasp the dynamics here, but that's the way I've interpreted this whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I'm happy to stand by anything I have ever said to or about ES. I've never once judged her. Only her behavior. AS HAVE I. I never judged her as a human being. Only her behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I don't think that SG is consciously trying to be a bully, even though it might seem that way because she comes across in a very strong way. I think she wants ES to realize 'something', but she feels that there's a lot of resistance from ES in realizing that 'something' and that TBF then enables ES in that resistance. She probably finds that frustrating as she actually wants to help. Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner. Spot on. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I don't think that SG is consciously trying to be a bully, even though it might seem that way because she comes across in a very strong way. I think she wants ES to realize 'something', but she feels that there's a lot of resistance from ES in realizing that 'something' and that TBF then enables ES in that resistance. She probably finds that frustrating as she actually wants to help. But perhaps it's more complicated than I think, because I haven't been around on these forums long enough to fully grasp the dynamics here, but that's the way I've interpreted this whole thing.Considering how wrong SG has been about ES's relationship and the sheer abuse she's heaped onto ES, why would ES want anything to do with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Considering how wrong SG has been about ES's relationship and the sheer abuse she's heaped onto ES, why would ES want anything to do with her? Are you able to focus on ES, for once? Or will you just continue to focus on me (and anyone else who criticizes ES's behavior)? Sincere question. I did not start a thread about ES's relationship, and my opinion is consistent with MOST of the people here. So I'm curious about why your focus is on my commentary, instead of the subject of the thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Considering how wrong SG has been about ES's relationship and the sheer abuse she's heaped onto ES, why would ES want anything to do with her? I'm not the person to answer that question. I think only ES and SG have a good grasp of why they want to or don't want to interact with each other on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I'm not the person to answer that question. I think only ES and SG have a good grasp of why they want to or don't want to interact with each other on this forum. You actually have a good grasp on why I do. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I'm not the person to answer that question. I think only ES and SG have a good grasp of why they want to or don't want to interact with each other on this forum.Considering how you mentioned me in two of your posts, it appears you have an opinion that needs to be addressed. How dysfunctional can any relationship be between two individuals when one is constantly beating up on the other one, where the one enacting abuse can't control her own temper? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Are you suggesting I can't control my "temper"? That's the first time I've received that accusation...ever. On LS, or in real life! How dysfunctional can any relationship be between two individuals when one [TBF] is constantly beating up on the other one [sG]... That's a question you can answer yourself using the above clarifications. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 (edited) Ariadne, now way in hell I am taking him back. As a couple you are going to face a lot of hurdles, and the only way you are going to last is if you overcome them. But you have to be open to it and forget the pride. Edited August 1, 2011 by Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 As a couple you are going to face a lot of hurdles, and the only way you are going to last is if you overcome them. But you have to be open to it and forget the pride. Now that is funny. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 (edited) Considering how you mentioned me in two of your posts, it appears you have an opinion that needs to be addressed. The first post I mentioned you was a joke. I just saw several forum members going at each other for several pages and I thought I'd make a joke about it, no other motive behind that. The second post where I mentioned you was a description of how I thought that SG saw the situation. That doesn't necessarily mean or imply I share her view. If you really want to know my opinion, here it is; I think a lot of people are taking this all waaay too seriously, because let's summarize what happened here: 'A woman got into a relationship with a man, the relationship was shaky, the boyfriend broke up with the woman in a way that can be considered a d*ck move, the woman got hurt.' I don't wan't to belittle ES, her feelings or what happened. But that summary is basically what happened here, we're not discussing the aftermath of World War III here. A proportional perspective on things would be healthy in my opinion. How dysfunctional can any relationship be between two individuals when one is constantly beating up on the other one, where the one enacting abuse can't control her own temper? I think abuse is a very strong term here. If ES really couldn't cope with SG's posts, then she can use Loveshack's block function. Edited August 1, 2011 by Nexus One Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 The first post I mentioned you was a joke. I just saw several forum members going at each other for several pages and I thought I'd make a joke about it, no other motive behind that.I see. The second post where I mentioned you was a description of how I thought that SG saw the situation. That doesn't mean or imply I necessarily share her view.Well that's good if you don't share her view. To be constantly angry at someone because they're not taking your advice, to the degree of abusive behaviour in almost every thread, would be an emotionally unhealthy view to enable. If you really want to know my opinion, here it is: I think a lot of people are taking this all waaay too seriously, because lets summarize what happened here. A woman got into a relationship with a man, the relationship was shaky, the boyfriend broke up with the woman in a way that can be considered a d*ck move, the woman got hurt. I don't wan't to belittle ES, her feelings or what happened. But that summary is basically what happened here, we're not discussing the aftermath of World War III here. A little perspective can't hurt.If you believe this, why are you so involved in this thread? To me, ES is someone who's looking for support on LS which includes compassion when she's experienced a break up. I think abuse is a very strong term here. If ES would suffer psychological damage from SG's posts, then you might have a point. However if ES really couldn't cope with SG's posts, then she can use Loveshack's block function.After years of belittling, anyone, particularly someone who's just experienced a horrible break up won't be on their A-game. Instead of support, she's basically told that she's nuts and a liar. How bad is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 (edited) I see. You understood that was a joke right? (about locking you three up in a room and the hair pulling and scratching) I see. Well that's good if you don't share her view. To be constantly angry at someone because they're not taking your advice, to the degree of abusive behaviour in almost every thread, would be an emotionally unhealthy view to enable. What you interpreted as anger I interpreted as frustration. And what you interpreted as being abusive in every thread I interpreted as being frustrated repeatedly after having tried to help so many times with (in her eyes) seemingly little or no results. If you believe this, why are you so involved in this thread? ES is a regular poster. Posts from regular posters tend to capture my attention for some reason and her endeavors are interesting. I'd be lying if I said I didn't learn anything from her threads. To me, ES is someone who's looking for support on LS which includes compassion when she's experienced a break up. I agree. But compassion is also to tell a person what he or she needs to hear. The problem with that is that not everyone agrees on what ES needs to hear, hence the discord in her threads. After years of belittling, anyone, particularly someone who's just experienced a horrible break up won't be on their A-game. Instead of support, she's basically told that she's nuts and a liar. How bad is that? That's hardly the only way to interpret it, because you could also rephrase that to: "After years of giving advice with seemingly little or no result, out of frustration and distrust she concluded she's nuts and lying about certain things." Another way to look at it is that SG takes time out of her day to advise someone else on an internet forum with the intention of helping them and persisted in that for 5 years. Don't get me wrong here. I don't have the intention to defend SG. Everything I said up to now about this is merely pointing out that there are different interpretations possible of the situation. Edited August 1, 2011 by Nexus One Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 Don't get me wrong here. I don't have the intention to defend SG. Everything I said up to now about this is merely pointing out that there are different interpretations possible of the situation.Actually, you are defending and enabling abusive behaviour. Whatever the reason might be, perhaps fun or malice, it's abusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 (edited) Actually, you are defending and enabling abusive behaviour. Whatever the reason might be, perhaps fun or malice, it's abusive. That's one hell of an accusation you're throwing at me there. After explicitly having pointed out that there are more interpretations of the situation possible. If you think I'm defending/enabling abuse, which is a very strong term to use and on top of that think I do it out of fun or malice, then I think you have an extreme point of view. Edited August 1, 2011 by Nexus One Link to post Share on other sites
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