Bf's trip and lack of contact are starting to get to me

[Eternal Sunshine]

OK, now I am even more pissed off.

 

Bf has just sent a long e-mail from his brother's place (his brother is in Europe too). Which means that his brother has had internet this whole time and bf just refused to go there and Skype, even once every few days. It's even worse that during our last Skype conversation, when he mentioned that he is moving to a place without Internet access - he OFFERED himself to check if his brother had internet and Skype me from there. I asked him to let me know. Well, he never did let me know that brother in fact has internet access and even worse in his e-mail, he never asked me to set up a Skype date.

 

His e-mail was long but it's only detailing what he did. He never once says that he loves me and misses me which is really off. He is the type to write about feelings at length. He signed it off with a "kiss".

 

Something is just not right....

[Enchanted Girl]

OK, now I am even more pissed off.

 

Bf has just sent a long e-mail from his brother's place (his brother is in Europe too). Which means that his brother has had internet this whole time and bf just refused to go there and Skype, even once every few days. It's even worse that during our last Skype conversation, when he mentioned that he is moving to a place without Internet access - he OFFERED himself to check if his brother had internet and Skype me from there. I asked him to let me know. Well, he never did let me know that brother in fact has internet access and even worse in his e-mail, he never asked me to set up a Skype date.

 

His e-mail was long but it's only detailing what he did. He never once says that he loves me and misses me which is really off. He is the type to write about feelings at length. He signed it off with a "kiss".

 

Something is just not right....

 

Wait, he's moving where exactly? Is this turning into an LDR or is it just a vacation???????

[Eternal Sunshine]

As for deleting his number, I did this a few times during our relationship. It's usually when I feel that I am giving more and he is being distant. That way, I can only contact him if he contacts me first. It doesn't mean that I don't want to talk to him or that I want to break up with him. He also doesn't know that I have deleted his number. It's just for my benefit.

 

P.S. Yes, he will be gone for a month, 18 more days to go.

[Ruby Slippers]

Something is just not right....

Hmmmm. I wonder what that could be?????

[sm1tten]

I just caught this and literally lol'd:

Bf's trip and lack of contact are starting to get to me

 

How many threads is this on essentially this topic by this OP? Three? Four?

 

Ya'll are not gonna make it.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Wait, he's moving where exactly? Is this turning into an LDR or is it just a vacation???????

 

No, it's just a vacation. He is visiting few different cities/countries. He has currently moved to another rented apartment from his previous rented apartment. His previous rented apartment had internet access, his current one doesn't. His brother is currently staying in yet another rented apartment (with internet) in the same city (within few kms of bf). So he could have easily Skyped from his brother's place any time he wanted to. That's what pisses me off.

Edited July 25, 2011 by Eternal Sunshine

[zengirl]

OK, now I am even more pissed off.

 

Bf has just sent a long e-mail from his brother's place (his brother is in Europe too). Which means that his brother has had internet this whole time and bf just refused to go there and Skype, even once every few days. It's even worse that during our last Skype conversation, when he mentioned that he is moving to a place without Internet access - he OFFERED himself to check if his brother had internet and Skype me from there. I asked him to let me know. Well, he never did let me know that brother in fact has internet access and even worse in his e-mail, he never asked me to set up a Skype date.

 

He's on vacation!

 

You are exhausting. Perhaps he forgot among all your other needs to get back to you on the result of this one or his brother has internet access but Skyping at his brother's house would be an intrusion or any number of things. At any rate, what you're asking for is kind of unreasonable and he's been ridiculously accommodating.

 

And he just sent you a long email. Which is contact and not of a "hey, what's up?" lame-o variety.

 

His e-mail was long but it's only detailing what he did. He never once says that he loves me and misses me which is really off. He is the type to write about feelings at length. He signed it off with a "kiss".

 

Something is just not right...

 

He's trying to keep you up to date with his experiences. He doesn't know you're having an emotional tizzy over it, likely. And what's wrong with signing it with a kiss? (I think it's cheesy, but if he writes emotional stuff, sounds like an emotional touch.)

 

As for deleting his number, I did this a few times during our relationship. It's usually when I feel that I am giving more and he is being distant. That way, I can only contact him if he contacts me first. It doesn't mean that I don't want to talk to him or that I want to break up with him. He also doesn't know that I have deleted his number. It's just for my benefit.

 

P.S. Yes, he will be gone for a month, 18 more days to go.

 

Yes, we know he doesn't know.

 

It's the fact that you have to do it for your benefit that's worrying.

[temporaryvisa]

Seriously an annoying girlfriend, I was kind-of like this when MY ex-boyfriend left on vaca--but he was gone for 4 months. lol I actually loved every convo we had and missed him, and I was hurt--not pissed-- when we didnt have a convo for a few days on MSN, but I knew he loved me.

 

Sounds like y'all have 0 trust, you sound really ...well, like a desperate girlfriend and you aren't even taking anyone's advice.

 

How are you going to work through life's REAL problems when your boyfriend's apparent lack of email ettiquette bothers you this much?

 

HE IS ON VACATION.

YOU DON'T OWN HIM.

HE DOESN'T OWE YOU WHAT YOU EXPECT FROM HIM.

 

God.

[lemonlegs]

OK, now I am even more pissed off.

 

Bf has just sent a long e-mail from his brother's place (his brother is in Europe too). Which means that his brother has had internet this whole time and bf just refused to go there and Skype, even once every few days. It's even worse that during our last Skype conversation, when he mentioned that he is moving to a place without Internet access - he OFFERED himself to check if his brother had internet and Skype me from there. I asked him to let me know. Well, he never did let me know that brother in fact has internet access and even worse in his e-mail, he never asked me to set up a Skype date.

 

His e-mail was long but it's only detailing what he did. He never once says that he loves me and misses me which is really off. He is the type to write about feelings at length. He signed it off with a "kiss".

 

Something is just not right....

 

Man, I thought I was a worry wart!

 

I really hope you didn't express your concerns in a demanding or harsh manner because that would probably really turn him off and make him realize how selfish/needy you're being. There's nothing wrong with maybe asking him if he could call you for 20 minutes every couple of days, but to expect him to Skype 3 hours? A phone call might be more expensive but at least you can still talk and it's a little less inconvenient for him.

 

If you DID act pissed off towards him and he sensed that, that could very well by why he's continuing to act more distant. I would just try and get better and go out with friends and take advantage of the time you have by yourself.

 

Just don't pester him because it's NOT going to help your cause.

[temporaryvisa]

I bet she IS acting pissed off.

She doesn't even want advice from here--She's not reading anyone's posts, I bet. Or she's probably ignoring 'em. I bet you the poor guy has no idea why you're getting so pissed, I'm sure you're being all passive aggressive...

Jeez.

 

You should've gone with him, if anything.

[Star Gazer]

You are beyond needy and clingy, you are straight up controlling, not only HIS life but now you expect him to use OTHER PEOPLE's apartments to Skype with you for hours?!? While he is on VACATION?!

 

Why can't you just let him enjoy his VACATION?! Why must he check in with you so frequently?

 

Man, I'm EXHAUSTED of this relationship and I'm not even in it!

 

So he could have easily Skyped from his brother's place any time he wanted to. That's what pisses me off.

 

How do you know it would be easy and he could do it any time he wanted to?

 

How about the fact that it's his BROTHER's apartment, and it would be rude to use his BROTHER's apartment and Internet connection to Skype with you for hours? Using his connection to send a discreete email is a lot less intrusive.

 

I sure hope you're Skyping with him when it's time for HIM to go to bed or when HE wakes up, and not on YOUR schedule, otherwise he's running home in the middle of the day sightseeing just to chat with you.

 

Ugh.

[temporaryvisa]

^ So true. Holy ****ting Christ.

[threebyfate]

I'd ignore him and go on with my life.

[Damien]

Question: How old is ES? - I know it may sound rude to ask. But the reason being is that I used to act somewhat like this during the first few months with my ex (first real relationship) - I was 17 at the time; thank god I grew up.

[Star Gazer]

Question: How old is ES? - I know it may sound rude to ask. But the reason being is that I used to act somewhat like this during the first few months with my ex (first real relationship) - I was 17 at the time; thank god I grew up.

 

She is 32, almost 33, if not already.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Eh, none of you are getting it. That's why I am not taking any advice.

 

Yes - we Skyped on his schedule. I NEVER asked him to Skype with me for hours. The thing is, when we Skyped for 3 hours - it was HIM and not me that initiated it. The weather was bad, he was bored, he had nothing to do. I kept telling him that I need to go at perhaps 1 hour mark and he kept asking me not to hang up. So there was only one day of 3 hours Skyping. Other days we Skyped for 1 hour or so. I fully accommodated his schedule at the expense of my own. Then, when he moved out of that place and I asked him to Skype every few days - he completely ignored my request. It's simply not convenient for him.

 

He has no idea that I am pissed off. How could he when we have only communicated by text in the last few days? I was/am perfectly pleasant in text, tell him that I am thinking of him and that I miss him, am minimizing my own sickness, I keep telling him to enjoy himself etc etc.

 

His distance (and yes he has been emotionally distant in the last week or so - I am not imagining it - the last time it happened was when he was considering breaking up) - anyway his distance has nothing to do with anything I did recently.

 

I see that you have all jumped to your own conclusions according to your false perception of me. This thread is pointless, I am stupid for having started it. Some poster even accused me of creating drama because I am taking antibiotics for a f-ing BACTERIAL tonsil infection - this is truly getting beyond ridiculous

[Eternal Sunshine]

I'd ignore him and go on with my life.

 

Thanks, that's what I plan to do.

[zengirl]

Eh, none of you are getting it. That's why I am not taking any advice.

 

Yes - we Skyped on his schedule. I NEVER asked him to Skype with me for hours. The thing is, when we Skyped for 3 hours - it was HIM and not me that initiated it. The weather was bad, he was bored, he had nothing to do. I kept telling him that I need to go at perhaps 1 hour mark and he kept asking me not to hang up. So there was only one day of 3 hours Skyping. Other days we Skyped for 1 hour or so. I fully accommodated his schedule at the expense of my own. Then, when he moved out of that place and I asked him to Skype every few days - he completely ignored my request. It's simply not convenient for him.

 

He has no idea that I am pissed off. How could he when we have only communicated by text in the last few days? I was/am perfectly pleasant in text, tell him that I am thinking of him and that I miss him, am minimizing my own sickness, I keep telling him to enjoy himself etc etc.

 

His distance (and yes he has been emotionally distant in the last week or so - I am not imagining it - the last time it happened was when he was considering breaking up) - anyway his distance has nothing to do with anything I did recently.

 

I see that you have all jumped to your own conclusions according to your false perception of me. This thread is pointless, I am stupid for having started it. Some poster even accused me of creating drama because I am taking antibiotics for a f-ing BACTERIAL tonsil infection - this is truly getting beyond ridiculous

 

Technically, he was thinking when you said flu, you meant influenza. And taking antibiotics for a viral infection is an issue that is an actual global health problem. I don't think that was personal.

 

He may be emotionally distant for all we know, but since you cannot relax and not analyze every part of the relationship, we will never know what's really going on. Or even close. What you know/notice/experience in such a state of panic is not reliable. I have no doubt that he will, at some point, in perhaps the very near future, break up with you if things continue this way, and you'll likely justify all your anxiety here by saying, "Well, he did break up with me!" But you'll be missing the point.

[OliveOyl]

You've said in the past he tends to go "hot and cold."

 

This is probably just one of his "cold" periods.

 

Sadly, it corresponds with your "flu."

[vsmini]

She is 32, almost 33, if not already.

 

painful to be heading to mid-thirties and be this selfish and clueless about life and relationships.

 

I see that you have all jumped to your own conclusions according to your false perception of me. This thread is pointless, I am stupid for having started it. Some poster even accused me of creating drama because I am taking antibiotics for a f-ing BACTERIAL tonsil infection - this is truly getting beyond ridiculous

 

I completely agree - you were acting like a lunatic WAY before antibacs even made their way into your hands.

 

I fully accommodated his schedule at the expense of my own.

 

Well that's what couples sometimes have to do for each other. Like he didn't accommodate you for that 12 hour drama session you gave him a month or so ago? And if you're going to make room for him only to resent him for it later (because he doesn't wait on you hand and foot from another country) then stop doing it.

 

Get a clue. You're not a victim.

[lemonlegs]

Eh, none of you are getting it. That's why I am not taking any advice.

 

Yes - we Skyped on his schedule. I NEVER asked him to Skype with me for hours. The thing is, when we Skyped for 3 hours - it was HIM and not me that initiated it. The weather was bad, he was bored, he had nothing to do. I kept telling him that I need to go at perhaps 1 hour mark and he kept asking me not to hang up. So there was only one day of 3 hours Skyping. Other days we Skyped for 1 hour or so. I fully accommodated his schedule at the expense of my own. Then, when he moved out of that place and I asked him to Skype every few days - he completely ignored my request. It's simply not convenient for him.

 

He has no idea that I am pissed off. How could he when we have only communicated by text in the last few days? I was/am perfectly pleasant in text, tell him that I am thinking of him and that I miss him, am minimizing my own sickness, I keep telling him to enjoy himself etc etc.

 

His distance (and yes he has been emotionally distant in the last week or so - I am not imagining it - the last time it happened was when he was considering breaking up) - anyway his distance has nothing to do with anything I did recently.

 

I see that you have all jumped to your own conclusions according to your false perception of me. This thread is pointless, I am stupid for having started it. Some poster even accused me of creating drama because I am taking antibiotics for a f-ing BACTERIAL tonsil infection - this is truly getting beyond ridiculous

 

I did not mean to attack you or accuse you of anything. I had assumed that you expressed your discontent with his actions. I think it's best that you don't and if he continues to not even text you for days at a time, I would just wait and talk about it when he gets back. There's no point in you worrying about it now when you could be using this time to do your own things with friends, and also perhaps making him feel guilty while on vacation. Then you'll just end up both resenting each other and/or your own actions.

 

As someone else said, just try your best not to focus on it. I know how you feel because I used to hate when my ex-boyfriend did that (until I realized we spent WAY too much time together and broke up), so just try to do your own thing and see if he comes around.

[nyc_guy2003]

The thing is, when we Skyped for 3 hours - it was HIM and not me that initiated it. The weather was bad, he was bored, he had nothing to do.

 

The fact that the only reason he took time to communicate with you was because he was bored and had nothing better to do tells you everything you need to know.

[Arasae]

These threads go far beyond the border of ridiculous. I can't be the only one thinking that ES (and onegoal for that matter) aren't for realsies.

 

...Can I?

[vsmini]

The fact that the only reason he took time to communicate with you was because he was bored and had nothing better to do tells you everything you need to know.

 

No - ES wants him to SKYPE her for 3 hours when there is lots to do and see and when he should be spending time with his own FAMILY - that way it proves to her how much he really loves her. Because if he's calling her on downtime it shows her how he's just talking to her out of convenience.

 

So sick. So twisted. Toxic vampire of a woman.

[utterer of lies]

It's not even funny any more...