Bf's trip and lack of contact are starting to get to me

[threebyfate]

That's one hell of an accusation you're throwing at me there. After explicitly having pointed out that there are more interpretations of the situation possible.

 

If you think I'm enabling abuse, which is a very strong term to use and on top of that think I do it out of fun or malice, then I think you have an extreme point of view.

I see. So you're attempting to avoid the enabling abusive behaviour label?

 

The part about fun or malice wasn't describing you or your comments.

[Nexus One]

I see. So you're attempting to avoid the enabling abusive behaviour label?

 

You seemingly say that as if it's up to you to put labels on me. I don't condone abuse, ever. I think you throw that term around too lightly.

 

Like I said, it would be healthy to keep things in an appropriate and proportional perspective. Right now, you're not giving off that vibe.

[Eve]

OP, I don't think I have read any of your posts, so I am looking at this with fresh eyes.

 

In total, I would advise linking in with a Womens Group in your locality. I know you probably have work commitments but please consider this. They usually have meetings on some evenings too. All in all, I think you need female company while you unwind from past experiences.

 

I am not really bothered about who is right and who is wrong in this story, rather I think that it was a case of two people exchanging like for like behaviour. I see this as being caused mainly by defensive behaviours on both sides.

 

So, I think your instincts needs to be reset by just being in the company of other women. I fear that if you don't face your insecurities and build on your strengths, you will end up end up alone. In fact, I hear this as an underlying fear of yours that needs addressing in a group context as well as within individual therapy... for no other reason than to free your own sense of well being so that it can shine through again.

 

Personally, I think you are suffering from being too attractive and you need to become more selective in who you permit to view your beauty. You are getting signals too late because of this.

 

Do something completely different for a while, otherwise you will keep doing the same old same old stuff and people are often more harsh than useful when you are down.

 

Chin up.

 

All the very best,

Take care,

Eve x

[threebyfate]

You seemingly say that as if it's up to you to put labels on me. I don't condone abuse, ever. I think you throw that term around too lightly.

 

Like I said, it would be healthy to keep things in an appropriate and proportional perspective. Right now, you're not giving off that vibe.

So you're saying that calling someone a liar and nuts when they've just experienced break up isn't emotionally abusive behaviour?

[Emilia]

You seemingly say that as if it's up to you to put labels on me. I don't condone abuse, ever. I think you throw that term around too lightly.

 

Like I said, it would be healthy to keep things in an appropriate and proportional perspective. Right now, you're not giving off that vibe.

 

A lot of people have given up on responding to TBF in an shape or form because she is very aggressive and takes herself very seriously. Just for your own peace of mind you may wish to do the same. You will never get anywhere, she will go on forever.

[Nexus One]

So you're saying that calling someone a liar and nuts when they've just experienced break up isn't emotionally abusive behaviour?

 

No I'm not saying that. Neither is that a logical conclusion from what I've been saying. However SG and anyone else are free to question parts of ES' story, this is after all a public discussion forum.

 

Keep in mind this is an anonymous forum visited by random strangers, therefor an appropriate and proportional perspective is warranted. If someone that posts here, or anywhere else on the internet, is going to take the replies from other members so seriously that they'd experience it as emotional abuse, then in my opinion you may justly question if that person is keeping things in an appropriate and proportional perspective.

[Nexus One]

A lot of people have given up on responding to TBF in an shape or form because she is very aggressive and takes herself very seriously. Just for your own peace of mind you may wish to do the same. You will never get anywhere, she will go on forever.

 

I read that after having posted my previous post. I will keep that in mind.

[threebyfate]

No I'm not saying that. Neither is that a logical conclusion from what I've been saying. However SG and anyone else are free to question parts of ES' story, this is after all a public discussion forum.

 

Keep in mind this is an anonymous forum visited by random strangers, therefor an appropriate and proportional perspective is warranted. If someone that posts here, or anywhere else on the internet, is going to take the replies from other members so seriously that they'd experience it as emotional abuse, then in my opinion you may justly question if that person is keeping things in an appropriate and proportional perspective.

If you take that tact, I too can take the tact of questioning motivation, reasoning and challenging unacceptable behaviours like SGs and her enablers.

 

For example, prove to me that there's no emotional impact on ES. And using the same tactic, if you can't prove to me that there's no emotional impact on ES, I can discredit you by calling you a liar. And if you defend yourself, applying the same logic, I can say you're nuts.

 

Don't you see how insidious and manipulative this can get, where people are preying on others who are in pain and looking for compassionate support? The entire scenario is beyond emotionally unhealthy and really reflects some seriously dysfunctional behaviours.

[A O]

If you take that tact, I too can take the tact of questioning motivation, reasoning and challenging unacceptable behaviours like SGs and her enablers.

So, Nexus is an enabler because.....

 

And he supports abuse of ES because he said/did what exactly again?

 

 

.

[zengirl]

I don't always agree with Nexus One, but I think he's one of the best male posters on LS. I'm not sure what foul motive can be attributed to him in this thread. (Or why we're suddenly ascribing huge motives to each other here.)

 

SG talks like a lawyer is all (which makes sense). I don't see how she's abusive. She's just presenting a case.

 

TBF believes it's all about meeting the right guy. That's because she seems to feel her life turned around when she met her husband (from what I can tell -- I could be wrong).

 

But I can ascribe all the motives I want, and I don't really know what anyone was thinking when they posted. I don't even know if y'all are real.

 

If you really want to know my opinion, here it is; I think a lot of people are taking this all waaay too seriously, because let's summarize what happened here: 'A woman got into a relationship with a man, the relationship was shaky, the boyfriend broke up with the woman in a way that can be considered a d*ck move, the woman got hurt.'

 

Interesting summary. I would add some steps in there, particularly the fact that the woman was going to break up with the man anyway and had doubted the relationship herself. The text ES got sucked. But it would've sucked a lot worse if she felt secure and awesome and happy in the relationship and had never had any "temptation, temptation" or doubts herself or decided to break up with him. She was never really invested in the relationship (or wasn't for at least a few weeks before that and was sporadically invested at best). I guess I just don't think being jilted is the same if the woman is also thinking about jilting the guy. That's kind of like a race to see who's jilted first; it becomes all about ego.

Edited August 1, 2011 by zengirl

[Untouchable_Fire]

Seriously, what a giant waste of time. Why do you people even bother reading OP's threads? It's all the same crap.

 

If she met a decent guy, her crazy emotional abuse would drive him to abnormal behaviors anyway. Plus the entire relationship you read about is from her POV... which is to say it's completely crazy and potentially untrue.

 

Yet you still carry on a 40 some page snipefest fighting over who is giving genuine advice. Who is crazy now?

 

Just walk away and ignore her!

[Star Gazer]

So you're saying that calling someone a liar and nuts when they've just experienced break up isn't emotionally abusive behaviour?

 

Please stop saying things that aren't true. I never called her those names. I never called her a liar or nuts. I, like MANY MANY PEOPLE HERE, merely said I don't believe the entire story of how the breakup occurred.

 

YOU on the other hand are saying I respond to ES out of malice. That's pretty twisted.

[2sunny]

Thinks to self

 

"****,where is my damn popcorn when I need it?"

 

man - oh - man

 

what happened here?

 

 

ES - stay strong and true to yourself! you deserve to be treated kindly and with respect... settle for nothing less... hugs

[Mme. Chaucer]

Actually, you are defending and enabling abusive behaviour.

 

Actually, there is no "abusive" behavior on this thread, and nobody is defending and enabling abusive behavior.

 

There is discourteous behavior on this thread.

 

If one is taking a stand against "abuses," then the OP and her constant snooping on the ex, for just one example, should be chastised. That would be an "abuse of trust" and an "abuse of privacy." Wouldn't it?

 

I can't fathom the approach that apparently claims that if THIS person does X, it's terrible, but if THAT person does X, it's justified, not a problem, whatever.

 

People who seem to be coming from a place like that on these fora, or in real life, I just don't take seriously.

 

I ask, why do some of you think it's fine for several posters to band together to call SG a "bully," but it's wrong for several posters to concur that ES's story sounds highly suspect?

 

Is this because SG chooses to present herself as strong, while ES chooses to present herself as a victim? So what?

 

In my opinion, these fora are like VIRTUAL peer group therapy. The "virtual" is very key, because people can lie, dissemble, reinvent history, and even make up complete personae and never be caught out. (This is a generality, not a point I am making now about this thread or this OP).

 

As in real therapeutic peer groups, members are allowed and even encouraged to call out one another on their BS, or perceived BS.

 

It's not abusive to do so. It's part of the process.

 

If the character here on LS currently known as "ES" does not want to be called out if other members question her integrity, her version of events, or even her existence (which is not what I am aiming to do in this post, btw), she is under NO compunction to continue to have such a gargantuan presence here on LS. She knows that people who do NOT see her as any kind of a victim, but rather as the engineer of all of her scenarios (like me), will be here every day, making their opinions known on her threads.

 

ES, just like the rest of us (except with far more frequency) comes here by choice and in full knowledge about what happens.

 

She doesn't need any "defenders" here. Almost all of us can be counted upon to use our manners when posting OUR PERSPECTIVES. Manners don't include kid gloves, or pretenses.

[eerie_reverie]

I'm glad the women of LS haven't lost their spark.

[IrishCarBomb]

The best way I deal with break-ups is to cut the other person out from my life completely. Like they never existed.

 

Cough*Ahem*Cough