How Much Do Women Rely on Their Sexuality?

[RepairMinded]

The question is "How much do women rely on their sexuality" to get by in their relationships, doesn't matter if it's a marriage, bf/gf, affair, whatever.

 

I am talking about reasonably or at least somewhat averagely attractive women who know that if push comes to shove they can "turn it on" to get what they want.

 

It can also take the form of withholding, the promise of sex, tantalizing, but never giving it....as in so many "sexless marriages" we read about here. Holding out a false hope.

 

The fact of the matter is an attractive woman, if she wants to, can ALWAYS find a guy to lean on and even to financially support her if she plays her cards right. I'm not saying all or even most actually do this--but they KNOW they can if they HAD to.

[Mz. Pixie]

I will bite.

 

I do not use it in my relationship with my husband. At all. I don't withhold or manipulate with it. Make promises I don't keep. None of that.

 

I did in my first marriage because it was the only card I held in our tragic game of resentment we had going.

 

I have never used my sexuality to manipulate a man for money or things like that but I do have the knowledge that if I wanted to I could. I just never have. I have always worked hard and supported myself. I have had girlfriends and family members who have done it though.

[Stung]

It's probably true that most attractive women could lean on some man for financial help in return for sexual availability. I'd even say it's fairly common for younger girls, just coming into their sexual power, to experiment with the parameters of this to some extent, not so much with actual sex but with flirtation.

 

Most of the women I know well don't overtly use their sexuality to get what they want inside of their relationships, since that's what you asked specifically.

 

There are times when I'm unhappy with my husband, and sexual frequency slows down because I'm hurt or angry and I don't feel romantically and sexually connected, but that's really not the same thing as withholding sex for some calculated purpose. We both recognize that it means we need to sit down and talk things out, figure out what kind of misunderstanding is muddying the waters. Sometimes we end up fighting more, but that can be part of the process.

 

I can't imagine 'rewarding' my husband with sex, either. He and I both have strong libidos and sex for us is something shared, part of our connection and the intimacy in our marriage, not just friction to be earned like some kind of mega gold star sticker. I can "turn it on" and get him aroused and get laid like nobody's business, but I would lose some respect for him and for our relationship dynamic if I was "turning it on" to get something I wanted that he didn't want to give me, that just seems so fake and weird. I don't think he works that way either, he would just be annoyed and disappointed with me if he thought I was trying to manipulate him like that.

 

I have at least semi-consciously used my attractiveness for things like trying to get out of trouble for minor infractions in the past, or forge quick connections with "superiors," and sometimes it's worked and sometimes it hasn't. I have found that just being nice to and direct with people works just as well, honestly, and I've seen it work for all "types" of people about as reliably as the looks thing.