zlatnapolja Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 This guy is so mean, now he has just plannen a vacation for the 16th of august, while I'll be getting surgery around that time... there's a growth of some kind (probably-hopefully not a tumor) growing around my large intestine. On thursday they're going to tell me what it is, but it's allready 99,9% sure that they're going to operate this... He just called me he plannend a vacation for the 16th... I didnt get angry with him, but I feel like crap... Is it weird for me to feel sad about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I would be upset. How long have you dated, and how often do you typically see each other? Is the vacation to go see his grandmother in Poland or something like that, or is it to go hang out in Miami or somewhere just for fun? Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlatnapolja Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 I would be upset. How long have you dated, and how often do you typically see each other? Is the vacation to go see his grandmother in Poland or something like that, or is it to go hang out in Miami or somewhere just for fun? It's a trip with his neighbours for 10 days for fun. We've been toghether over 1,5 years, I was pregnant with him and he says he want to marry me. It really sucks... I mean its not like I'm making up some kind of disease... I actually almost died from this (according to my doctors). Seriously I-m done with this, I need someone to support me. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Eclypse Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Wow this really sucks. He sounds like he just doesn't respect you or the relationship. What a jerk. I'd suggest you dump him, but you probably aren't feeling the best right now. Are you pregnant still, or did something happen? Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I believe the scientific term for what your boyfriend is being is "a jerkface." I wish I had good advice for you. Talk to him about it? I'm not sure what good it will do, but that's the best I have. I personally wouldn't want to be with him, but it sounds like you're in a rough spot all around. I hope your surgery goes well. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 If the relationship is generally a good one, I would ask him about it to see if he remembered the date of your surgery, and tell him how important it is to you that he is there for support and post-op care. If the relationship has generally been full of fighting and drama and jerkedness, then tell him this is the last straw and that you need to put your energies towards healing and your health and for him to not contact you again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlatnapolja Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 Wow this really sucks. He sounds like he just doesn't respect you or the relationship. What a jerk. I'd suggest you dump him, but you probably aren't feeling the best right now. Are you pregnant still, or did something happen? I lost the baby:( But knowing what I know now... Its probably for the best that I lost the baby... I wouldnt want him to do this to his child. I'm so disappointed in him. Things havent been going well between us lately and I'm starting to think I'm better of without this guy... It breaks my heart. A few weeks ago, I was hospitalized for the same thing.. He didnt even return my phone calls until late at night... On wednesday he told me he wanted to come on thursday, but I told him not to, because I was upset. however i agreed to him coming on thursday. he said he had an apointment at his gym first and he would come afterwards... So the next day, I waited and waited... finally at nine o clock in the evening he calls me and tells me he will be there in an hour..... It reall upset me, and he told me to shut up. And now this... what am I doing wrong... Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlatnapolja Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 If the relationship is generally a good one, I would ask him about it to see if he remembered the date of your surgery, and tell him how important it is to you that he is there for support and post-op care. If the relationship has generally been full of fighting and drama and jerkedness, then tell him this is the last straw and that you need to put your energies towards healing and your health and for him to not contact you again. Thanks... I posted a thread yesterday 'Am I being manipulated' , because of another thing he did... It seems like he really doesnt care about me... He says he does, he says I am exactly what he looks for in a woman, and that I am everthing to him and that he wants to marry me. Zengirl you're right, I just want to forget about him, but I wouldnt even know how to end the relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
OhSynapse Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 And now this... what am I doing wrong... What you're doing wrong is not dumping this guy and find someone else who respects and loves you. This is a big surgery, and you need his support. If he's not willing to be there for you in these situations at this point in the relationship, he definitely won't later! Get out now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlatnapolja Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 What you're doing wrong is not dumping this guy and find someone else who respects and loves you. This is a big surgery, and you need his support. If he's not willing to be there for you in these situations at this point in the relationship, he definitely won't later! Get out now! How do I break up with him? I dont know how to... And he still has pics of me on his computer, I want him to delete them before I break up with him. I just dont know... Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 (edited) You boyfriend is insensitive, thoughtless and doesn't care for you enough. It's pretty simple really. No decent guy would do that if his girlfriend was ill, unless perhaps there was some misunderstanding and you haven't told him about the surgery or something. If you have, then why on earth are you keeping this guy on? Having read the other responses, the fact that he's turning up late for things that are really important to you and making pathetic excuses suggests to me he's seeing someone else. I mean what guy puts going to the gym before seeing his girlfriend in hospital? The kind of guy who would be seeing another girl instead of going to the gym! Edited July 27, 2011 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Did you ever consider that possibly him taking a vacation is to AVOID having to deal with you being hospitalized? Him taking a long time to call you back, not coming to see you till late, etc. as a means of simply not wanting to be around you when you're ill? Some people are uncomfortable when people they care about are sick. It's can be frightening. For example, being an RN, I can be around sick people all the damn time. Dieing, in pain, etc. But when it comes to family and friends, even just TALKING about illnesses makes me uncomfortable. Especially when they want me to say something, I simply don't know what to say. It's awkward. Why not see it from his point of view. Maybe he can't deal with the fact you're sick? Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Some people are uncomfortable when people they care about are sick. It's can be frightening. Yes, is this a possibility? I am an RN, too, and have observed this. But I don't know the relationship history either. I think that since you are going through such a rough time now, don't break up or rock the boat at all until you are home and physically healed. If you still feel like breaking up, you will have had the time to observe his support of you during this difficult time AND you may have a chance to delete pictures from his computer (or take a sledgehammer to it). I would definitely want private pictures deleted whatever it would take. Hugs to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dionysus Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 (edited) It reall upset me, and he told me to shut up.Oh lawd...An RN? I doubt that is the problem. And if he does have *ahem* compromising photos of you on his PC, you'll want to sneak in before the breakup. Unless you want to be all over the internet. Of course, he might have backups. Edited July 27, 2011 by Dionysus Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Did you ever consider that possibly him taking a vacation is to AVOID having to deal with you being hospitalized? Him taking a long time to call you back, not coming to see you till late, etc. as a means of simply not wanting to be around you when you're ill? Some people are uncomfortable when people they care about are sick. It's can be frightening. For example, being an RN, I can be around sick people all the damn time. Dieing, in pain, etc. But when it comes to family and friends, even just TALKING about illnesses makes me uncomfortable. Especially when they want me to say something, I simply don't know what to say. It's awkward. Why not see it from his point of view. Maybe he can't deal with the fact you're sick? This is possible...my grandpa would not visit his best friend in the hospital when he was dying, my grandpa just couldnt take it Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Oh lawd...An RN? I doubt that is the problem. And if he does have *ahem* compromising photos of you on his PC, you'll want to sneak in before the breakup. Unless you want to be all over the internet. Of course, he might have backups. If you have a way to delete the pictures, then that is good, but its very unlikely he'll post your pictures all over the internet. My ex has pictures of me naked and even a video and its been a long time since I've been with him and so far, none of them showed up online. Link to post Share on other sites
Dionysus Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 If you have a way to delete the pictures, then that is good, but its very unlikely he'll post your pictures all over the internet. My ex has pictures of me naked and even a video and its been a long time since I've been with him and so far, none of them showed up online. Eh, who knows? OP's bf might be a d*ck. In fact, she kinda thinks that he is one. How do you know that your pics aren't on the net anyway EG? Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Eh, who knows? OP's bf might be a d*ck. In fact, she kinda thinks that he is one. How do you know that your pics aren't on the net anyway EG? I can't say with one hundred percent certainty, but since I've viewed sites that you can do this on, never been told someone found pictures of me (a lot of people find out about this thing from others gossiping about them), and look porn regularly and never come across it . . . . . I think its very unlikely and even if they are out there somewhere, it must be on some teensy weensy site that no one looks at. It's very unlikely that this will happen to her and it's a stupid reason to stay in a relationship. It's not worth it for the SLIGHT possibility that her pictures might be posted online. Most men, even among *******s, do not do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 (edited) Eh, who knows? OP's bf might be a d*ck. In fact, she kinda thinks that he is one. How do you know that your pics aren't on the net anyway EG? BTW if you believe every site that claims to have "ex-girlfriend" pics on it is real, then you are delusional. XD Don't believe everything you see posted on the internet. If those sites really worked that way, they'd have HUGE lawsuits on their hands. Edited July 27, 2011 by Enchanted Girl Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlatnapolja Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Did you ever consider that possibly him taking a vacation is to AVOID having to deal with you being hospitalized? Him taking a long time to call you back, not coming to see you till late, etc. as a means of simply not wanting to be around you when you're ill? Some people are uncomfortable when people they care about are sick. It's can be frightening. For example, being an RN, I can be around sick people all the damn time. Dieing, in pain, etc. But when it comes to family and friends, even just TALKING about illnesses makes me uncomfortable. Especially when they want me to say something, I simply don't know what to say. It's awkward. Why not see it from his point of view. Maybe he can't deal with the fact you're sick? Well that could be part of the reason! His mom died when he was 17, and he's not that good with sick ppl. But still, telling me to shut up or just not showing up... That not cool. How do i find out if this is the reason? Any Ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
Author zlatnapolja Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 I can't say with one hundred percent certainty, but since I've viewed sites that you can do this on, never been told someone found pictures of me (a lot of people find out about this thing from others gossiping about them), and look porn regularly and never come across it . . . . . I think its very unlikely and even if they are out there somewhere, it must be on some teensy weensy site that no one looks at. It's very unlikely that this will happen to her and it's a stupid reason to stay in a relationship. It's not worth it for the SLIGHT possibility that her pictures might be posted online. Most men, even among *******s, do not do this. Yea I dont know if he'd post them on the internet, but I wouldn't want any of his friends seeing it either. I think I'll do what nursing girl said. I'll wait until after I've healed... I'll know more tomorrow about what it is exactly.. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
NursingGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Yea I dont know if he'd post them on the internet, but I wouldn't want any of his friends seeing it either. I think I'll do what nursing girl said. I'll wait until after I've healed... I'll know more tomorrow about what it is exactly.. Thanks! Good luck and I hope it's great news for you. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 What you're doing wrong is not dumping this guy and find someone else who respects and loves you. This is a big surgery, and you need his support. If he's not willing to be there for you in these situations at this point in the relationship, he definitely won't later! Get out now! I don't care if he does have a hard time with sick people. He could say as much and that still doesn't give him a pass on the shut up comment. He's a d***. Personally, I'd be done. But do please, get those photos. And next time don't let the guy take any at all. Too compromising. Or if you do, take them on YOUR camera so you can delete them. I hope your surgery goes well. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 That sucks. If my boyfriend was getting surgery, I would not feel comfortable AT ALL, leaving him to go on vacation. I recall a time I was very ill for two weeks, and this guy I was dating, visited me not once. It didn't bother me at the time, but looking back, it's kind of shi*ty. Sorry OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Enchanted Girl Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Yea I dont know if he'd post them on the internet, but I wouldn't want any of his friends seeing it either. I think I'll do what nursing girl said. I'll wait until after I've healed... I'll know more tomorrow about what it is exactly.. Thanks! Don't stay in a relationship where you are treated like crap just for pictures though. It's not worth it. My ex showed pictures to his friends of me even though he didn't post them online and you get over the embarrassment after awhile and everyone winds up thinking he's an ass. And its your life, so you can do what it what you want, but just know . . . . people stay in abusive relationships because they are always making excuses for the other person or they're scared of the unknown, what it would be like without the person and so they'll keep putting it off and putting it off. I was in an abusive relationship because I was scared of being single and scared no one would ever love me again and I'm so happy and so FREE to be out of one. No, he may no physically abuse you, but your relationship does sound like emotional abuse and I don't know how putting off breaking up with him will make it any easier for you. You don't have to do what I say, It's your life and you're more familiar with the situation than I am, but I had to add my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
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