Boyfriend just planned a vacation, while I'm getting surgery

[Dionysus]

BTW if you believe every site that claims to have "ex-girlfriend" pics on it is real, then you are delusional. XD Don't believe everything you see posted on the internet.

 

If those sites really worked that way, they'd have HUGE lawsuits on their hands.

 

I'm referring to sites like 4chan. Anyways, we are getting sidetracked.

 

Z, it's really up to you. Take all of his behaviour into consideration and decide if this is the man for you. And yeah, good idea to rest up before making a move.

[Enchanted Girl]

I'm referring to sites like 4chan. Anyways, we are getting sidetracked.

 

Z, it's really up to you. Take all of his behaviour into consideration and decide if this is the man for you. And yeah, good idea to rest up before making a move.

 

True . . . . . . are those images up forever though in an archive? Or only up for a short time?

 

And I'd still say that the majority of men don't post pictures there, just look at them.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks... I posted a thread yesterday 'Am I being manipulated' , because of another thing he did... It seems like he really doesnt care about me... He says he does, he says I am exactly what he looks for in a woman, and that I am everthing to him and that he wants to marry me.

 

Zengirl you're right, I just want to forget about him, but I wouldnt even know how to end the relationship...

 

I am sending you lots of hugs and positive energy/prayers, I do hope all goes well with the results and the surgery.

 

Forget him right now. You MUST focus on yourself and surround yourself with positive people! Friends and family! Since he's proven to be unreliable and is making you feel bad, don't rely on him for anything. Detach and again, focus on you. Spend more time with your women friends right now!

 

How do you end the relationship? When he comes back from his vacation and calls you, just tell him it's over and that he made a big mistake choosing to go away when you needed him most. He is unhealthy for you, especially now since he's not showing you any support or love.

[Enchanted Girl]

I am sending you lots of hugs and positive energy/prayers, I do hope all goes well with the results and the surgery.

 

Forget him right now. You MUST focus on yourself and surround yourself with positive people! Friends and family! Since he's proven to be unreliable and is making you feel bad, don't rely on him for anything. Detach and again, focus on you. Spend more time with your women friends right now!

 

How do you end the relationship? When he comes back from his vacation and calls you, just tell him it's over and that he made a big mistake choosing to go away when you needed him most. He is unhealthy for you, especially now since he's not showing you any support or love.

 

Yep, I agree and more likely than not, he was probably thinking of breaking up with you already. People start treating their partners like crap when they are thinking about breaking up with them and pulling disappearing acts as well.

[Dionysus]

True . . . . . . are those images up forever though in an archive? Or only up for a short time?

 

And I'd still say that the majority of men don't post pictures there, just look at them.

 

You have to assume that pretty much anything that is uploaded onto the internet, is up there forever.

 

Even if any data isn't archived (and most data is archived), somebody could've just copied it when it was first uploaded, and re-upload it.

 

This isn't even specific to 4chan btw. Just the nature of the beast.

[zlatnapolja]

Thanks guys.. I just asked him:

Me: 'Can I ask you something'

Him: 'Sure'

Me: 'Why did you plan that vacation?'

Him: 'I didn't plan it, it just happened'

Me: 'We had promissed each other we would go together, and you promissed me you'd wait until I was better'

Him: Am I not aloud to see my family (his father lives there, but we supposed to go together and he is definetly NOT close with his father and besides... He had promissed me!)

Me: Of course you can see your family, but is a hard time for me now. You didnt even tell me, you just booked it and told me afterwards. Of course you can go, I'm not going to forbid you.'

 

Well whatever, apparently I don't deserve any support. I'm just a nagging, ugly, boring person:(. Honestly I wish I never met him...

[whichwayisup]

Well whatever, apparently I don't deserve any support. I'm just a nagging, ugly, boring person. Honestly I wish I never met him...

 

Fact that he makes you feel this way just shows this isn't a healthy relationship to be in, even if you do love him. There's no reason why he can't tell his family now isn't a good time to come visit, my girlfriend is about to have surgery and I want to be there to help her through it. I'm sure his family would totally understand too and not hold it against him for not going on that trip.

[whichwayisup]

You could ask him how he would feel if you had an opportunity to go away around the time he was scheduled to have surgery! I'm sure he would be hurt and pissed off, feel like you were abandoning him when he needs you most!

 

Well, if he can live with his choice (which IS the wrong one!) by going away when the timing is so wrong, then DO end it with him when you are on the mend.

[grkBoy]

This guy is so mean, now he has just plannen a vacation for the 16th of august, while I'll be getting surgery around that time... there's a growth of some kind (probably-hopefully not a tumor) growing around my large intestine. On thursday they're going to tell me what it is, but it's allready 99,9% sure that they're going to operate this...

 

He just called me he plannend a vacation for the 16th... I didnt get angry with him, but I feel like crap... Is it weird for me to feel sad about this?

 

Geez...what a guy.

 

If my GF was in surgery I'd CANCEL any vacation to be with her...or take the time off to keep her company, watch movies in the hospital, etc.

[zlatnapolja]

Geez...what a guy.

 

If my GF was in surgery I'd CANCEL any vacation to be with her...or take the time off to keep her company, watch movies in the hospital, etc.

 

Thats so sweet! Wish my BF would do that:( I feel so low right now, I'm so emberassed... Why am I nt worth it? Well anyway you sound very sweet!

 

Whichwayisup: your words really make me feel better! However he's the best manipulator on the planet and probably I'll end up saying 'I'm sorry for nagging you'. However Im done with it... I feel like I'm dying inside (also because of some other sh*t he did), but i know I'll have to end this. I'm usually an extremely happy person, but lately I'm so insecure... I want this to change again!

[whichwayisup]

Thats so sweet! Wish my BF would do that:( I feel so low right now, I'm so emberassed... Why am I nt worth it? Well anyway you sound very sweet!

 

Whichwayisup: your words really make me feel better! However he's the best manipulator on the planet and probably I'll end up saying 'I'm sorry for nagging you'. However Im done with it... I feel like I'm dying inside (also because of some other sh*t he did), but i know I'll have to end this. I'm usually an extremely happy person, but lately I'm so insecure... I want this to change again!

 

Start by not allowing him to make you feel bad. you've done nothing wrong!

You know he's manipulative and is selfish, right? You know he's not putting you first, your needs above his own. So, please, keep posting, reading positive and encouraging words from us (you're welcome! I am glad that I'm making you feel better) try your best not to feel insecure. He isn't worth it.

 

You can change things, don't be afraid of feeling sad, or crying. When the time comes you DO break up with him and once the sadness goes away, I promise you, YOU WILL feel better and most of all, happier again. He brings negativity into your life and when one makes you feel bad about yourself..It's time for them to GO away and get out of your life.

[Equinox]

However he's the best manipulator on the planet and probably I'll end up saying 'I'm sorry for nagging you'.

 

The only way to "win" in the manipulation game, is to not play. As in, emotionally stonewall him.

 

Smart of you to break up with him. I'd recommend that you focus on rebuilding your confidence before dating again.

[Fondue]

I'm still supporting my initial opinion on the subject. He simply can't deal with you being sick. It is making him uncomfortable. Regardless of whether or not he cares much about you is not the point. Some people do not do well when people they now are struggling with health.

 

I do think it is unfair for people to just assume that "they'll be there for me" without taking that person into consideration. It's a selfish society we live in. If he is your only support system, then that sucks. Either A) You simply have to deal with it, or B) Explore other options for support.

 

I too, do really poorly with other people being sick. When I'm working, I can be around sick people all day long. They are not connected to me, and it is my job. But when it is around people I know, or worse yet, friends/family, I simply cannot deal with it. Not at all. I avoid the situation like the plague.

 

For example, my brother (whom I consider to be one of my best friends), had a really risky operation and post-op hospital stay... And you know what? It was the most uncomfortable experience to see him. Both prior to, and after the event. It was so difficult to talk about. I tried to avoid it for the longest time. Do you think that is selfish of me? Would you consider me a bad person because I cannot deal with that situation and be it uncomfortable? Am I somehow an evil individual for trying to not get involved?

 

Like I said, it's selfish to think he MUST be there. Maybe it's also selfish of him not being there, who knows? Regardless, this MEMEME attitude isn't helping anyone. My opinion, if you still want to be with this dude, then be with this dude. Simply find another support person to "help you through this." You can't always look to your boyfriend as a person you can lean on. A significant other can't always be a super hero.

 

Just my two cents.

[whichwayisup]

You know what? Life is shi.t sometimes. It is hard and we all get sick and scared to be alone, we want to rely on the ones we love and are close to.

 

It's called sucking it up and doing something that is uncomfortable and awful FOR the sake of just being there for someone else. I wasn't exactly happy sitting by my dads side during his chemo treatments, nor was it fun to be by his bedside while he was dying of cancer in the hospital.. There are just some things in life that we ALL have to do, even if it is upsetting, hard to deal with.

 

It wasn't easy for me at all to help my husband a few months ago while he was in and out of the hospital with kidney stone pains, which made him violently ill to his stomach from the awful pain.. I have a HUGE barf phobia..Guess what? As awful as it was, I sucked it up and dealt with it because he needed me to support him and be there for him.

 

What if you have kids some day? Are you going to avoid them too if they are in the hospital going through something scary all because you can't deal with it? Imagine how you would feel if you were the one in the hospital and everyone you knew couldn't deal with it, so you were alone and scared.. I bet it would feel awful.

 

Anyway, if this guy can't deal with things, fine, but HE has to live with his decision and be okay with the fallout of his choices.

[Els]

Did you ever consider that possibly him taking a vacation is to AVOID having to deal with you being hospitalized? Him taking a long time to call you back, not coming to see you till late, etc. as a means of simply not wanting to be around you when you're ill?

 

Some people are uncomfortable when people they care about are sick. It's can be frightening.

 

For example, being an RN, I can be around sick people all the damn time. Dieing, in pain, etc. But when it comes to family and friends, even just TALKING about illnesses makes me uncomfortable. Especially when they want me to say something, I simply don't know what to say. It's awkward.

 

Why not see it from his point of view. Maybe he can't deal with the fact you're sick?

 

That may well be. But that doesn't mean that she should put up with this sort of behaviour from him nevertheless, nor that it is a valid excuse. Often, people don't do crap to their spouses on purpose, simply for the sake of being spiteful. Often, it is because they 'don't know how to deal with stuff'. A woman could cause lots of drama in her relationship, simply because she doesn't know how to deal with a healthy relationship. A guy could cheat on his woman with newfound female attention because he doesn't know how to deal with a sudden influx of attention. I hope you see where I'm going here.

 

Bottom line being, not knowing how to deal with something doesn't automatically get someone a full pardon for their actions. I'm sure the OP wants someone who will take care of her in times of great need, instead of going off on a trip with his buddies. It's one of my highest criteria as well. When we're married 30 years down the road and I'm diagnosed with terminal cancer, I'll want him by my bedside instead of going on a trip with friends. No person with a spouse, should have to deal with huge medical stuff like major surgery or cancer alone. And neither should the OP.

[2sunny]

it is him and HIS inadequacies - not you.

 

since he can't consider your feelings and offer support - he's not worth considering as any sort of friend - at all.

 

i can tell you - this sort of man will NEVER be capable of giving you support - he's only considering himself - and NO ONE needs "friends" like that - because that isn't what real friends do.

 

so - if you stayed with him - and got sick or old - and needed him for anything - he'd be true to his general nature and disappear every time things got slightly uncomfortable for him - or if anything might be expected of him in the compassion arena. it TOTALLY sucks to be with a man you KNOW has shown evidence that he's incapable of considering how YOU feel - or what YOU might need.

 

believe me - i was married to a man like that for 20 years - and when i needed him most - he did NOTHING to comfort or help me... he called my Mom to do things for me after i had my kids (NEVER even changed ONE diaper or ever bathed my kids) and then a few years later major surgery. he stood there and watch my tiny Mom carry me to the bathtub and wash me down- never offering to help!

 

he was consistent - he ONLY thought of himself at every turn!

 

don't stay a minute longer. you deserve WAY better than that kind of man. it definitely makes a gal feel as though she's alone - even though he's present. it gets very old and very depressing! life is too short to have selfish, self serving people sucking up all our positive energy!

 

call a few friends - tell them what you need - ask for help... people are happy to help others. but they won't know you need them unless you tell them what you need.

[zlatnapolja]

Guys thanks you!! Last night I called him and asked him to leave me alone.

 

I listened to the words of a wonderful Italian singer called Laura Pausini: 'Mi dispiace devo andare via, questa volta l'ho promesso a me, perche ho voglia di un amore vero, senza te..' Translated this means: I'm sorry, but I have to go, I promissed myself, because this time I want a real love, one without you..'

 

This wasnt the first thing that had happened between us... Everything is always about him. Its really sad because I dont think he knows how much I love him, but well...

 

Today he texted me like nothing had happened and he called me 2 times, I didnt answers the phone and didnt respond to the textmessages.

 

Fondue: I've considered what you said, I thought about it for hours, but I finaly realized that this really isnt the first time he is uncapable of doing something for me. Last week I found out he had been calling his ex GF, after he made a promiss he would never do this again. He still keeps pictures of some of his exes on his computer after he promissed he would delete them. He has a habbit of ignoring me, or making me do things for him. Whenever I get upset about anything, he almost NEVER apoligizes. The few times that he has apoligized for braking promisses or lying, he didnt mean it because withing a few weeks he'd do it again.

 

Honestly, I just want to forget about him... When I think about him, it feels like im dying... I love him so much... Well anyway, I guess this is the NC part of the process. Hope I can do it!

 

2sunny: your story is horrible! I dont ever want to go through that. I'm sorry you had to go through it...

 

Elswyth: wise words...

[2sunny]

woot! your courage and strength is awesome! so good to see someone taking action on what is best for themselves!

 

know now - that you have cleared room for a man that will love you the way you deserve to be loved - and settle for nothing less than that!

 

good work! stay strong... you are worth it!

[zlatnapolja]

woot! your courage and strength is awesome! so good to see someone taking action on what is best for themselves!

 

know now - that you have cleared room for a man that will love you the way you deserve to be loved - and settle for nothing less than that!

 

good work! stay strong... you are worth it!

 

Thank you so much! That incredibly sweet! I hope I'll stay strong. Time will tell!

[Els]

I'm glad you did what you had to. {{hugs}} It must be incredibly difficult to do so during such a time, and you're terribly strong!

 

Kudos, girl, and stay strong.

[zlatnapolja]

I'm glad you did what you had to. {{hugs}} It must be incredibly difficult to do so during such a time, and you're terribly strong!

 

Kudos, girl, and stay strong.

 

I love all these sweet words!

 

He just send me a message, asking me if I want to come with them on vacation:confused: I didn't respond, since I think its retarded. He also called me a couple of times, I didnt answer. I dont think he takes me serious. I asked him to leave me alone. I dont want to talk to him, because I know that if I do I'll end up feeling horrible.

[dispatch3d]

if I were playing do dump or date...

 

dump!

[dispatch3d]

just read your other thread. Breakup with him, he isn't in a happy place.

[zlatnapolja]

just read your other thread. Breakup with him, he isn't in a happy place.

 

O dear God.... his sister called... she says she's worried about me. We talked for about 10 minutes... She's pretty intuitive because she knew something was going on. She said: please promiss me that you will tell me if somethings wrong. Finally I told her I wont go into detail about it, but that he doesn;t keep his promisses. And than she said: 'yeah I know that! and he'll even blame it on you'. So she knows her brother pretty well. I told her I cant deal with that. I dont know what to think... She obviously feels bad about the whole thing, but then again: She's great!!!! He just isn't:mad:

 

What do I do? I wasnt counting on this to happen... I caught me off guard and now I promissed her I'd think about everything... Well.. I'm NOT going to forgive him just because of this phone call... I'm done. It will have to take a whole lot for me to take him back, but his ego is too big for that.

[FitChick]

There is no reason why you can't be friends with his sister. When she tries to interfere, however, tell her nicely that you know what you are doing, you've made a decision, there is nothing she can do so she shouldn't waste her time even thinking about it. If she persists, tell her you are sorry but you can no longer be her friend.

 

If you go back with this jerk, it's because you believe you don't deserve anyone better. Why don't you go online now and start "window shopping" to see all the wonderful men out there who are available, and plan to follow-up when you are healed after your surgery. Good luck with the surgery. Hey, maybe you'll meet a cute intern!