duhduhduhdan Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 (edited) I've always felt really ugly... and it hasn't gotten any better really. Whenever I go out, i'm always paranoid about what people think about me, I'm always paranoid that when I meet new people, that they're going to base me on my looks. No girl really gives me much attention, I never have girls smiling at me at a party ect. I've tried to boost my self confidence and all that, but nothings worked. So, how can I increase my self confidence, self esteem ect Also, I want your opinion on my looks, and if you think I could improve my looks in certain places and stuff. How do I add pictures to this thread? Because then you can judge me -.- Edited July 25, 2011 by duhduhduhdan Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 There's a couple of things you can do. You can add photos to your profile and we can look at them there. Or, you can upload your photos to a centralized place online (like Photobucket) and paste a link to that location in a post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhduhduhdan Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 There's a couple of things you can do. You can add photos to your profile and we can look at them there. Or, you can upload your photos to a centralized place online (like Photobucket) and paste a link to that location in a post. I added a picture of myself as my profile pictue thing... Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 The picture is a bit blurred but I don't see anything wrong with you, dan. In fact, you're rather tall (it appears) and dark haired (something the majority of women prefer). I'd say that's already two things in your favor! What have you tried by way of boosting your self esteem? I don't want to suggest things that you've already attempted. Link to post Share on other sites
hew Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I have to agree, women often like dark hair boys! it can bring out your eyes. Its hard growing up with the society we live in because society's idea of beauty is what you see on commercials. Its nonsense. Your still so young (as am i) and your still growing. So many nerdy boys in highschool (not saying you are at alll, just in general) grow up to be so goodlooking and alot of women want them! There are times when i feel ugly too, and i know how it can make you feel depressed. Just accept yourself and dont look to see how many girls are looking at you. When the right girl comes along, she will look at you in an insight you have never seen someone see you in before. Goodluck! ps. a smile is always attractive, try that too! Link to post Share on other sites
Katzen Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 You look normal. Nothing wrong. I believe it's more of a selfsteem thing. You might be making big issues of small things that don't matter. Looked at your older posts and really, In a few things I'm the same at you. Well, I'm your very same age more or less (1994). For example, GFs, kisses and virginity. You're worried about them. I got no GF, no kisses or sex. But don't want it for now. For what I've seen, pressure. Infact, I've gotten compliments from 3 girls because I wasn't a dickhead. They told me they hate guys only thinking about them and sex. Oh, and think about this: Things fix themselves. Sometimes I've found myself obsessing and getting sick thinking about something and later I saw it really was nothing important. And there's the teenage thing, we're still not really adults and have some built in imbalance, seems like. I'm a balanced guy, but I've had times where I've found myself unstable, depressed, for no reason triggered by one small thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhduhduhdan Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) I am 6'3 and now have short dark hair, got it cut the other week. I'm going to sum it all up quickly. I have tried literally everything, writing down all my cons and pros then ripping up the cons. Looking in the mirror and telling myself one good thing about myself each time. I can't think of anything I haven't tried (I've tried more than those two) And I know i'm only 16, but, I look at other people my age or around my age, they all are good looking, have confidence, get attention from girls ect ect, so basically they have everything I don't. And yeah, it is really depressing... but I still don't know how to get past it all. And many woman may like tall people with dark hair... but I consider myself to be fat, or at least really chubby. I don't really look it from the picture though. I'm english, and I have a size 44 waist and have to wear xl tops ect.. And teen age girls my age do NOT like fat people. Edited July 26, 2011 by duhduhduhdan Link to post Share on other sites
Katzen Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Today visited a friend and his dad recieved two shirts he just bought. They were marked as size 44 (XL I guess). He is a tall (1.85m) middle aged man, he's got a bit of belly but the shirts don't seem that big at all. I'm not an expert about sizes, though. But XL don't seem that gross. You have some pros, but probably you might not even have discovered them or you overlook some subtle ones. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 (edited) I am 6'3 and now have short dark hair, got it cut the other week. I'm going to sum it all up quickly. I have tried literally everything, writing down all my cons and pros then ripping up the cons. Looking in the mirror and telling myself one good thing about myself each time. I can't think of anything I haven't tried (I've tried more than those two) And I know i'm only 16, but, I look at other people my age or around my age, they all are good looking, have confidence, get attention from girls ect ect, so basically they have everything I don't. And yeah, it is really depressing... but I still don't know how to get past it all. And many woman may like tall people with dark hair... but I consider myself to be fat, or at least really chubby. I don't really look it from the picture though. I'm english, and I have a size 44 waist and have to wear xl tops ect.. And teen age girls my age do NOT like fat people. Hmm... Well, I certainly hope you put "Being English" down as one of your pros. Tall and dark-haired, should also be on your list. As to the things you don't like, your weight can be changed with effort. Watching your body slim and strengthen gives a great sense of achievement! Plus, as you're doing it, you feel optimistic and excited about the future. You'll WANT to go clothes shopping. Most importantly, it will do WONDERS for your self confidence. The good news is, it's quite do-able! It happens all the time! People transform their bodies and you can too. Need inspiration? Google things like "weight loss Before and After photos men" or "men weight loss stories." For exercise, if you don't like the gym, have you thought about things like martial arts? Sometimes taking up an activity of interest, takes the burden out of exercising. From what you've written, it seems your weight is what troubles you most. Do you feel ready to change it then? If not, why not? Edited July 28, 2011 by cerridwen Link to post Share on other sites
Hakuryu Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Do you initiate conversations? I have girls that tell their friends that I'm hot/good looking (then I hear it from their friend.) However they don't approach me because I have a serious face (that just how I am Dx) or think that I am already in a relationship. Guy should approach girl first in my opinion, it show that you are confident, and interest in them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhduhduhdan Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 Hmm... Well, I certainly hope you put "Being English" down as one of your pros. Tall and dark-haired, should also be on your list. As to the things you don't like, your weight can be changed with effort. Watching your body slim and strengthen gives a great sense of achievement! Plus, as you're doing it, you feel optimistic and excited about the future. You'll WANT to go clothes shopping. Most importantly, it will do WONDERS for your self confidence. The good news is, it's quite do-able! It happens all the time! People transform their bodies and you can too. Need inspiration? Google things like "weight loss Before and After photos men" or "men weight loss stories." For exercise, if you don't like the gym, have you thought about things like martial arts? Sometimes taking up an activity of interest, takes the burden out of exercising. From what you've written, it seems your weight is what troubles you most. Do you feel ready to change it then? If not, why not? You're right, my weight is my biggest problem. And I would love to lose it, but there are a few things getting in my way that makes in generally really hard. I put on weight from medication when I was thought to have had cyanide poisoning. Turns out it was something else, can't remember what, but my medication that I stopped taking maybe 2 months ago made me put on a lot of weight. I also have a hole in my right shin and damaged left hip. I'm not sure how to explain it, but where the joint is between my leg and hip, there is a small crack and a few chips in my hip bone, which means everytime I move my leg, run, jump ect... the joint hits the crack and chips, and although I don't feel pain very often. After 10 or so minutes or running (I have tried weight loss) my hip hurts like hell and I have to take pain killers. But there is nothing the surgeons or doctor can do, they said I just have to wait for it to heal on its own. Link to post Share on other sites
ilikesunita Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 If you're truly confident, you wouldn't obsess about how you look. What others think is their own business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhduhduhdan Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 If you're truly confident, you wouldn't obsess about how you look. What others think is their own business. But my point is.. I HAVE NO CONFIDENCE Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Try swimming exercise wise. Don't you have a physiotherapist to help you get better? I would have thought they would be the best to advise exercise wise? On the dating score I think it is a case of fitting into different groups, following various interests at home, school/college and work and just enjoying your life.. someone will come along. You look ok to me from your picture. Our boys are tall and have the dark hair thing going on too and it works for them. I don't believe that you have to be really confident to be attractive to the opposite sex. A bit of honesty and knowing how to have a laugh is enough. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 But my point is.. I HAVE NO CONFIDENCE The best approach to gaining confidence is a holistic approach. Sure, it's important to tackle the emotions, but all too often the physical is overlooked. So, let's focus on that. We agree losing weight and gaining strength would do wonders. You have some limitations right now. Let's see if we can find some ways around those. I second Eve's suggestion to ask you physician for input. Tell him/her your concerns. Ask about physical therapy. If he or she is not helpful, start researching fitness for limited mobility. It might be a challenge to do any kind of aerobic activity, but others kinds of exercise exist. If you start them now, it'll be a good foundation upon which to build. Next, start scrutinzing your diet. Mercilessly. Do you see room for improvement? Are you doing things that just make matters worse? Yes, the medication put you behind the eight ball, but are you keeping yourself there with bad habits? Start reading up on nutrition if you don't already know much. Ask for advice in the Physical Fitness, Health & Weight Management forum. We have some great regulars in there. Some wonderful news is you're 16. With youth on your side, you can drop some serious weight and make some major gains, IF you apply yourself. Lastly, consider finding some pictures of guys with builds you want to strive for. It helps to know what you're aiming for. Use it as visual inspiration. You can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
ilikesunita Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 But my point is.. I HAVE NO CONFIDENCE Because you base your confidence on being good looking, when there must be other traits you can focus on. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 I've always felt really ugly... and it hasn't gotten any better really. Whenever I go out, i'm always paranoid about what people think about me, I'm always paranoid that when I meet new people, that they're going to base me on my looks. No girl really gives me much attention, I never have girls smiling at me at a party ect. I've tried to boost my self confidence and all that, but nothings worked. So, how can I increase my self confidence, self esteem ect Also, I want your opinion on my looks, and if you think I could improve my looks in certain places and stuff. How do I add pictures to this thread? Because then you can judge me -.- I would suggest changing the hair style and the clothes to something more masculine. They are not becoming on you. Those two things are easy to fix. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhduhduhdan Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 I had a physio therepest but he just made me spend money on stuff that he said would help but never did so I never went back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhduhduhdan Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 Because you base your confidence on being good looking, when there must be other traits you can focus on. I don't see myself as having "other traits" I'm not funny, I'm not smart, I don't have a 'special talent' like dancing or whatever.... Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 I had a physio therepest but he just made me spend money on stuff that he said would help but never did so I never went back. Then if they weren't of help, start researching on your own. I don't see myself as having "other traits" I'm not funny, I'm not smart, I don't have a 'special talent' like dancing or whatever.... Work with what you have. As my shrink was fond of saying "Stay on solutions." Do you feel up to tackling your physique through limited mobility exercise? How do you feel about KathyM's suggestions of a hairstyle and clothing change? Link to post Share on other sites
ilikesunita Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I don't see myself as having "other traits" I'm not funny, I'm not smart, I don't have a 'special talent' like dancing or whatever.... A good or bad trait is relative. you must have something positive? Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhduhduhdan Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 Work with what you have. As my shrink was fond of saying "Stay on solutions." Do you feel up to tackling your physique through limited mobility exercise? How do you feel about KathyM's suggestions of a hairstyle and clothing change? I do feel up to it, but I just find it hard to change. Change has always been a bit hard for me... I will go out some time in the week and get a haircut and new clothes, that can be my first step Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhduhduhdan Posted July 31, 2011 Author Share Posted July 31, 2011 A good or bad trait is relative. you must have something positive? Nope... honestly, I don't hace anything... You could probably list 100 things and I won't be them or be good at them, did that make sense? :s Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 I do feel up to it, but I just find it hard to change. Change has always been a bit hard for me... I will go out some time in the week and get a haircut and new clothes, that can be my first step That would be a good start. Be sure to get a good consultation beforehand from the hair stylist on what style would look best on you, and also ask the store clerks for some help in selecting some cool clothing styles. The more advice you get from people who are in that business, the better. I would also suggest working on your self esteem issues. If you are coming across to people as really down on yourself and with low self esteem, you are not going to appeal to women. They like a man with confidence and a high self esteem. You should consult with a dating coach or counselor to work on projecting an image of confidence. That really is the most attractive quality in people is a high self esteem and a positive upbeat attitude. If you come across as having self esteem issues, women will pick up on that and won't be interested. You need to work on that, preferably with a counselor or dating coach. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladygator Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 You're so young. I promise it gets better as you get older and grow into yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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