determined Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 Well, my ex broke up with me in October last year. We've had sporadic contact since then and we text each other every week. Last week she even said she loved me when mentioning my family and little cousin miss' her. She has a new boyfriend now, I've been told by her and her friends that this isn't emotional but because she has stated she is too weak to be by herself??? Anyway, I'm in London finishing my placement year and she is in Newcastle where I will be returning in September to finish my final yearb at uni. My question is this, I love her dearly and want to try and get back with her, how should I go about this when I move back up north. Do I start to pursue her, or do I act aloof like IO am now and see if she comes to me. I'm very close with her family as I live with her uncle (we both moved down and lived with him, we broke up just before she went back to uni which was in Jan, I then moved back in with her uncle as we get on really well). Man I wish I didn't love her like I do, I still think about her every day and its 6 months down the line. I want to fight for this to work as the new bf is a complete loser, he stacks shelves in a diy store and his a heavy druggy etc!!! Is it possible to get back together with someone and forgive them for emotionally destroying me and then going with another? I still consider her the most wonderful person I have met as the good times we had were awesome, I just don't know how to play this Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 If you really love her then you would respect her new life and not interfere with it, except by trying to be her friend, and nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsay Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Go get her back! Don't let your love just go to waste, give it another shot. I split with my ex 2 years ago and to this day I wish he'd come after me and tried to make it work. Give it another chance, what have you got to lose? Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 Go get her back! Don't let your love just go to waste, give it another shot. I split with my ex 2 years ago and to this day I wish he'd come after me and tried to make it work. Give it another chance, what have you got to lose? Wow that's like 1% of the women population. Link to post Share on other sites
determined Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 well we spoke yesterday, we've "chatted" before but since we broke up 5/6 months ago we haven't seen each other or discussed what happened. well after the normal chit chat about this and that the conversation ended and I left the conversation completely unfullfilled. So I rang back...no answer...oh god I thought she's not picking up my calls now!! 10 mins later she rings back saying did you try to call "err...umm...yes i did....look Jo....I never want to lose contact with you" and basically it snow balled from there why we broke up, why we needed timr apart so we could both change and develop outside interests, how we were too young at the time, but she's excited about me moving back up to our uni town in sept. I said I didn't know how I would feel seeing her with her new guy, she said she very much doubted that I would see her with him when I went back (is that a hint she's intending to break up???). She told me that I am her perfect husband and that she thinks about me nearly every day still and that she misses how we used to talk about everything and that she wants to hang out and see what happens when I go back to uni in sept. She also said she's happy I still live with her family (i'm currently staying with her uncle and speak to her mum and dad alot who i get on with amazingly, I'm staying with her uncle because I'm on a work placement in london and we both lived there, we then broke up as she needed space and couldn't handle the forever thing as we were still realy young 21/22 and she was moving away up north). Anyway, my point being that we had a break through conversation where we actually spoke about how we feel for the first time in 6 months. My point is what do I do now, we wouldn't be able to get back together now as she is seeing some shelf stacking goon and we are about 300 miles apart until Sept. I love her dearly and have pretty much thought about her all the time, what would be the best way to go around this. Any help or previous experience with getting back with an ex would be really really appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
mandrews1119 Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Hello Determined, It sounds as if you are headed for a reunion, best of luck. If she has let you in and communicated to this degree she seems like she wants to at least communicate further, and that is an important first step. Don't push or rush it, let it happen. Don't let the fact that she is "dating" get in your head too much. If it were that serious, you wouldn't have had the type of contact that you did. It is probably a rebound, and in any case at least she has told you not to fret over it. Do what you need to do to make your contact with her the best you can make it for the two of you and go from there. Again, best of luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 I think you're in a messed up situation, that's what I think. It's messed up because you're living with her family while she's out dating someone else. That makes the whole thing awkward for both of you. She's out dating someone else, but what about you? How would she feel if you picked up another girl? Be careful here. She knows you want her back, and she knows she's already got a boyfriend, so she knows she's the one holding all the cards. Meanwhile, you're left to guess her intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
determined Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 I understand your point. However, I'm like best friends with her uncle and he pretty much thinks she's a bit stupid for what she's done/doing. I date other girls and her uncle actually encourages it for my self preservation. The situation isn't really that mixed up, I've been close to her family for 2.5 years so it would be more messed up if I just severed contact. I know the she's holding the cards argument. I haven't contacted her since and she is the one that usually comes forward first. Thank you for your advice about keeping the contact going etc. I intend to however I'm very cautious of her and I'm not going to let her just stroll in if we did decide to reuinte. This was a very intense and loving relationship in its day, we lived together for 2 years and we were very young 21/20. Would you agree that I should maintain distance and let her come to me or should I be more proactive, if so how? Quite confused how to act Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Thanks for the clarification and I now have a better understanding of where you're at. Maybe you don't need my helpful advice afterall I think you'd best take it slowly with her. Since she's the dumper and you're the dumpee, you've got to let her initiate the action. Sounds like you're making some progress, though. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
mandrews1119 Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Determined, Keep your distance and continue to do the "right" things. She will move toward you. She knows she has made some stupid moves, and like any human, is not just willing yet to own up to them. Just don't be too harsh or judgemental when she does approach you. Link to post Share on other sites
yellowrose Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Since she's the dumper and you're the dumpee, you've got to let her initiate the action. Sounds like that Matthew Ryan song "Return to Me". "I can't return to you, you must return to me". It's a hard and sad place to be. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
mandrews1119 Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 Dear YR, Loved your quote!! You are recently separated. Could or would you forgive him or try to work things out? Link to post Share on other sites
meanttolive4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 if its meant to be then she'll be back...the only thing i can say is wait things out..to see what happens Link to post Share on other sites
yellowrose Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 I have been going to counselling with him for a few months now. We've gone from not speaking to each other except through our lawyers, to having TV nights at each other's places, having dinner together as a family once a week, and even a little hanky-panky from time to time. Our divorce papers are still out there. No one has called it off. We'll have to see what happens. He's done so many hurtful things, it's going to take a lot of work on my part to get past it all and a lot of change on his part to make sure this stuff never happens again. But we're trying... -Yr Link to post Share on other sites
mandrews1119 Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 Good for you YR!! I hope it all works out for you. It takes a lot to try and work it out, that's why so many folks just cut and run. Just goes to show there really ARE people who try. Best of everything to you both. Link to post Share on other sites
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