Therapy

[threebyfate]

Perhaps it might help this site to understand that therapy isn't a miracle cure. It's a combination of openness with therapist, the calibre of therapist and positive, trusting dynamics between the therapist and their client.

 

Therapy can be a safe haven to open up, to de-stress and also to learn coping tools for issues that they're struggling with. Where it can fall down is if the therapist isn't very good, the therapist and the client aren't suited, the client is untrusting or dishonest or the client isn't willing to do the hard work towards applying the coping tools provided which might simply be tools created by the client themselves, during sessions. The worst therapists will tell you what to do and how to go about doing it.

 

Anyways, I went to therapy during my separation and divorce with a cheating ex-husband. It really helped a great deal to begin with but the beauty of it all was that a couple of years later, a time bomb went off, where the things we discussed during sessions came back and clicked like the sky burst wide open and the angels sang! They still continue doing so, here and there.

 

If you can afford it or you have extended insurance that will cover it and you're having problems addressing issues, don't let the old fashioned stigma of therapy stop you from going. Just be very, very careful who you go to by doing your homework on credentials, experience and discussion with other people who highly recommend this person to you. Even after all that due diligence, don't be afraid to change therapists until you've found the one you click best with, one where you feel safe to be wide open with. Also, even then, don't be afraid to call the therapist out if what they're saying makes no sense to you. Most often, this will cause the therapist to back off or try to explain the misunderstanding.

[carhill]

Our MC was/is a clinical psychologist who specializes in MC and forensics adjunct to rape and abuse, so was perfectly suited to our situation. My exW had such in her past and he was sufficiently intelligent and experienced from his forensic work for court testimony to go at it with me each week and, boy, did we go at it, for over a year. Learned a lot in there. Happily wrote him a check each week. No insurance coverage for us, though our insurance did lower his substantial hourly rate a bit. If I ever get close to a woman again, close enough to want to marry her, and he's still counseling, I'll be back for some PMC. Hope the lady is up to it

[threebyfate]

carhill, have you experienced any of this time bomb stuff that I was mentioning where something clicks retroactively?

[betterdeal]

How many sessions and how frequently did you go? I've worked with three therapists, two for about 6 sessions each; one for a couple. The two I got on with gave me some neat new ways to think about particular issues I wanted to address. One helped me make a major breakthrough with my problems with sex (as well as emotional issues, I had phimosis which made erections painful so sex was scary).

 

Regards those sort of retrospective epiphanies, I think I know what you're talking about. I get them from time to time, but they can be from discussions with other people I have shared with. The benefit of the therapeutic relationship is it's a sort of fast-track to the deep-tissue sort of conversations that plant those kind of seeds.

[threebyfate]

My sessions were over four years ago, so I can't remember whether it was 6 or 8 sessions. It was over a couple of months though, that much I recall clearly.

 

My epiphanies happen in discussions, thinking about something or writing about it to someone or posting on LS. They literally come out of nowhere and bam, even though it's something you've known intellectually, it finally sinks in on a conceptual level. You feel like facepalming yourself sometimes!

[betterdeal]

Hah hah, I know that feeling. You ever get moments where lots of thoughts, ideas, memories, concepts all occur at the same time in a massive moment of realisation, where it all makes sense and there's no start or end to it all? Like a great big intricately woven ball of understanding and meaning?

 

Or is that how women think all the time and it's just novel for us men to experience that?

[threebyfate]

Had to really think about it and can't think of a time where it's happened to me to the degree of being overwhelmed like that.

 

But it does sound like a cool experience.

[betterdeal]

Meditation helps.

[carhill]

carhill, have you experienced any of this time bomb stuff that I was mentioning where something clicks retroactively?

Yes, on a number of occasions. However, it's difficult to discern whether that was strictly a function of the therapy or the result of participation on LS or a combination of both. Regardless, the clarity that those 'time bombs' bring has facilitated the recovery process IMO. Further, in my own case, I don't think such clarity could have happened without 'alone time'. For another person, it perhaps could have happened while in a relationship but I believe my relationship style, one of immersion, would not be compatible with the process of recovery and achieving new clarity. YMMV on that one.

 

Regarding frequency of therapy, IIRC my data point is about 35 MC sessions over 14 months.

Edited July 26, 2011 by carhill