do you ever fully get over your ex without meeting someone new?

[lifeispain]

people say you fully recover/ get over someone after you meet someone new that you're more attracted to. is that true?

[Philosoraptor]

I think unless you are fully over your past relationship you will somehow or another sabatoge a new relationship.

[carhill]

Sure, no problem. Done it every time. It's taken a bit longer for my former M but the process is the same. I can't imagine burdening someone else with the job of 'getting me over' an ex. I've been that beast of burden a few times and it didn't endear me to the person using me that way.

[flitzanu]

a new person gives you a distraction, and often may keep you from fully healing since you're only masking the true healing problems.

[chuzzbug]

If you meet someone that meets or exceeds the qualities of your ex, then you can learn from it. Learn that there *are* indeed other people in the world who can offer a rich and rewarding set of experiences. That your ex was a quality individual (one hopes!) but that quality can be found elsewhere. Finally, that ultimately your ex was one of many quality experiences in your life, of which there were some (or many) and of which there will be more (many more).

 

On the other hand, if you meet someone that doesn't compare well to your ex, is lacking and whom you attempt to mold to your ex shape, things will end badly. Instead of a distraction, they become a reminder of all that your ex was, and that they are not. They actually push you back into a state of dependence on your ex that you worked so hard in achieving. I know - I am there right now.

 

So, to answer your question: it depends.

[radiodarcy]

this is a fallacy. the new person may offer a distraction. but if you're not over your ex then the distraction is going to be short-lived.

 

not to mention you've now added another casualty to the break up - - the person you rebounded with.

[0hpenelope]

Yes, it's possible to fully get over an ex w/o meeting someone new.

[thelovingkind]

For me, yes and no. Yes, you absolutely can and should move on to a place where you are happy, content and can acknowledge that the relationship ended for the best, etc. without meeting someone new in order to validate the necessity of a break up.

 

But I get what this question is trying to imply, and I agree with the premise. When you're single, you're going to get lonely and frustrated from time to time. The very fact that you were once in a relationship suggests that you have needs (intimacy, companionship, meaningful sex) that friendship, casual dating and one night stands don't fulfill entirely. So I don't care how happy you are single, you can't say you won't get lonely.

 

And when you get lonely, and you start to think of what it would be like to have someone, I do think that it's entirely normal for your mind to drift back to being with your most recent ex, even if it was a year or two years ago. Because that's your most recent memory of having those needs satisfied - those memories are freshest in your memory bank. And, basically, those memories - and the associated fleeting relapse of romantic feelings for your ex - will always be the ones you turn to until someone new comes into your life.

 

The thing for me is that, none of this means you aren't "over" your ex. Being "into" someone post-break up for me means still being emotionally invested in them to some degree. Moving on is when we wrench ourselves away from that attachment, day by day. You can move on and still think of your ex, and still miss your ex. So long as you're not emotionally invested in your ex and his or her life and decisions, then you're over it.