My Girlfriend Has Molded A Useful, Sometimes Bitchy Tool When Needed.

[Mower Issa]

.I have been in a relationship for over a year now and I -- once a confident handsome young man who was never trapped, has become a needy, annoying, housemaid and financial supporter who is not respected by his girlfriend. I invaded her life and we agreed on being roommates but then I began to repair so many of her problems, forcing solutions that were not my business because I wanted to help, and soon became a useful tool that, as we entered into a relationship, was cheated on, lied too over and over, threatened by her boyfriends, let to do all housework, disregarded when I had important things to do, demonized behind my back, often ignored in my face, left alone on the Holidays, blamed, used as a scapegoat, laughed about, and disrespected by every man that came within three feet of my girlfriend.

 

She is very sexy, great in bed and wanted by many guys. She never stands up for me when other men "man up" to me in front of her (not that she needs to but come on . . . ), desires their attention even at my expense, establishes easy friendships with men and has brought them into the house. She lies about her whereabouts and has brought me to the level of tracking her on the internet but will never admit anything even when I show her. I have begun to doubt myself, my mind, my ability as a boyfriend. She spends hours upon hours on the internet, no sex, then apologizes and does it again the next night. Her facial features and body language tell me she is annoyed with me but then becomes sweet when I may have caught her at an address she secretly went to. I have taken it, never been able to get her to consider me unless she tires of my complaining.

 

She defends even those who have never come to her rescue and downs me when I ask for recgonition in solving emergencies. There are so many signs and I am losing it. I know I am being used and I continue to try and let it all go so I will not feel affected by the great disrespect I have allowed. One of her lovers threatened to kill me by leaving a voice-mail and it came from a cell phone she had in her possession. She would not help me discover who it was. I love her very much and am very attracted to her. But she is not too interested in discovering deeper things about me sexually and I am embarresed to tell her. I wonder if she does those with other men.

 

I have lost all trust but am a fighter and will not sleek away, beaten. I want her and we have awesome sex but I am at a lost as to whether she will ever respect me as a man or if I will just be the necessary tool that needs some polishing from time to time and placed back in the shed. I don't think she is attracted to me because she only says it when she senses my mood about our relationship. I feel confused and am unsure of what to do. I try and talk to her and tell her the reality of how I see things but she only gets defensive and it is useless. I have accused her so many times of things -- a number of them not true -- that she may not truly even like me. But I am here and needed . . . does she truly want me or am I just Canon Fodder.

 

She dresses hot when she goes out, gets annoyed when I ask her to dress for me, does not want me to look at certain clothes she buys, leaves for "family functions" for two days and returns saying the new clothes were too big. I find travel size Axe body shampoo and body spray in her bag and she says her 6 year old boy uses them. I have found other men's clothes around the house we moved into (I moved us out of the old house all by myself) and she says they are her overweight daughter's. She leads me on a string knowing I need the truth so desperately. She delays sex, waits till I get angry and then becomes defensive. I buy her sexy clothes all the time and she rarely wears them. I clean the house, the floors, drive the Wal-Mart and then do the dishes and she receives sex texts from other guys and she sends them texts about my paranoid behavior. She only brought up the idea of a threesome in Seattle when a former fling she had there asked her about "what she liked". She only offers new sexual experiences when after speaking with another man.

 

I think she is secretly seeing other men or "hanging out" with them. She goes on errands but never actually gets anything done but is gone for a while. She borrows money from ex-boyfriends constantly and once had to tell one she was no longer involved with me and he gave her $600. I think he bought her the Valentines Day clothing for women don't buy that for themselves.

 

Even her daughter and 6 year old son join in deceiving me. I cannot believe I continue to stick around. What is wrong with me? I am a tough and educated man but cannot believe I have been such a punk. She gets defensive whenever I ask her about texts, calls, gone for hours or a day and her stories don't add up. Sometimes they do but only half the time. SHe runs all these errands that would use a tank of gas but only half a quarter tank is gone and a ex-boyfriend lives only two miles from here. She denies the GPS tracking but I know. I have lost respect for myself and she, I am sure, is no longer attracted to me as my manhood has been weakened and I have let myself be abused out of my own fears or failure and the inability to accept emotional defeat.

 

We do not even have any pictures of us. She emails other men who talk terribly to her and agrees with other men in front of me that my personality and way of being is weird and annoying. She spends more time with strange men who come to the house, talking and flirting with them, than she does me. We went to her parents house and there was nowhere for me to sleep because she never told them I was coming. Her bad memory is her excuse and she has pulled me in and made me her maid, cook, banker, worker, caretaker and brought me a smashed turkey sandwich after she spent Thanksgiving holidays with a 23 year-old drug court kid. She then hugged me when she returned as we went to pick up my check. I fell in love with her and she took that and laughed at it. Her ring tone for me was White and Nerdy.

 

My self-esteem is hammered, my humiliation has peaked and I no longer feel wanted by any woman and dont even feel that I deserve to be wanted or respected. What do I do? Am I really a loser or did I just fall prey to . . . what?

 

Please help.

 

I almost dont want her to know of this writing for knowledge she will feel sorry for me and once again try to tell me I am hot and sexy . . . but the words fall thin for I know they are just some band-aid for her and she may not actually believe that. Someone please help me figure out where I have gone wrong. It has taken over my life. I do not really believe she is actually interested in knowing about any fantasies I have or maybe even sex with me . . . I am just here. I do know she is tired of my bitching because we never spend any time together.

[Mower Issa]

Joe:

 

Interesting. I recently asked her to have sex with another man in front of me so I could truly see what she wants. Pathetic or sick or . . . confused or kinky or . . .what?

[stillafool]

Why on earth are you still with her? She is your girlfriend, not your wife (with kids). You should be packing your sh-- right now and moving out tonight. Why are you staying?

[temporaryvisa]

LOL is this a freakin joke?

[carhill]

Welcome to LS

 

Help? Sure, no problem...

 

Go to Craigslist. Look in the apartments and houses for rent section. Find three which are affordable and properly located. Contact the owners. That's it for today.

 

Healing is a day by day process. Take one step per day.

 

I've walked your path many times. Freedom is a step by step process.

 

So, thanks for the heartfelt missive; now, take some time to peruse those want ads.

[Mower Issa]

I stayed because I want to hear the confirmation of all the truths I know. They have come slowly over the year and I think she has used this. Confess to one lie but continue another, to confuse me and keep me where she wants me. I became so desperate for the proof of what I knew -- her actions vs. her words -- that any and all other logic was second to knowing that it was not in my head. I dont blame her for becoming uninterested and wanting more confident and respected men . . . I just needed to hear it from her. That was her power. Maybe still is but I have to end the relationship for none other than to prove that . . .what, I dont really know. I did it to myself but need her to throw the truth in my face so I can stop wondering what is real and wat is my own lack of esteem.

[Mower Issa]

I have been. A cabin deep in the woods. Its hard for this Ex-Bering Sea Fisherman to have become so "owned" and needy to the point that i will humiliate myself just for some attention from someone who really does not want me sexually or emotionally.

[Mower Issa]

No, its no joke. Well, it seems the joke is on me and maybe I am the joke. But a strange behavior indeed.

[Mower Issa]

You might be right. That part of me that wanted to be abused and used and humiliated in order to find what I might have never found. What is OneGoal? I am beginning to feel a thin emptiness as I read these and other posts. Did I really let this happen? Was I even aware it was going on?

[April72]

RUN!!!!

 

I have stayed longer then I should in relationships that make me feel bad about myself. Almost got off on it in some weird way. Quit!!! you will heal and find many other women that will like you for you and not make you feel that way.

[Mower Issa]

Thank you for your responses. Everyone. Its got a strange hold over me . . . as if I need --no, have -- to see just how far I can be taken down before I do not even recgonize myself any longer. It is as if I am justifying and continuing to allow my depletion of self-respect and general core sanity in order to play some eerie psychological game with myself. Testing the waters of how much I can stand. Its not working, I don't think.

[temporaryvisa]

Can I see a photo of her?

I can put a curse on her if you want.

[azsinglegal]

I stayed because I want to hear the confirmation of all the truths I know. They have come slowly over the year and I think she has used this. Confess to one lie but continue another, to confuse me and keep me where she wants me. I became so desperate for the proof of what I knew -- her actions vs. her words -- that any and all other logic was second to knowing that it was not in my head. I dont blame her for becoming uninterested and wanting more confident and respected men . . . I just needed to hear it from her. That was her power. Maybe still is but I have to end the relationship for none other than to prove that . . .what, I dont really know. I did it to myself but need her to throw the truth in my face so I can stop wondering what is real and wat is my own lack of esteem.

 

You will never know the truth. She will never admit using you or deceiving you. I got back together with an EX hoping to hear him say he cheated on me several times, but he denied it until the end. Even when I had GPS knowledge of where he was when he said he was somewhere else.

 

Get out while you can salvage some sort of dignity and respect for yourself. Find a woman who actually LIKES you and doesn't use you.

 

If you are bound and determined to stay...you must be a masochist.

[stillafool]

Mower, I think you should invest in independent counseling. I think at this point only a professional can help get you back on track. You will never hear the truth of her true intentions part her lips. The truth is in what you are seeing, feeling and experiencing. Please get help before you destroy yourself.

[Mower Issa]

I want to. Know that I have to... but can't shake the feeling and self -reflection that it only furthers the weak and self- deprecating laugh I have turned into. As if she had the power to emotionally destroy me and make me require help. Real sexy and desirable, right?

[Bryanp]

If you do not respect yourself then who will? Nobody and I mean nobody respects a doormat. You were a whole person before you met her and you will be a whole person afterwards. Is she really the only woman on the entire planet that you wish to be with? One more time: if you do not respect yourself then who will? Enough is enough!!!!

[Mower Issa]

How could I have the power to make my bf feel so ****ty about himself when in beginning after we met he kept telling me over an over I'm free to do what I want an we never openly discussed a relationship other than having great sex, he didn't want to live alone, save money an move in with me? I should of seen the signs but never asked him to as he puts it be the maid, chef, bank, for my kids an I. There's so much more an yes I messed up in beginning an should of been honest an did finally admit other person an we got everything out last year I thought an in December decided to be in a relationship. I'm sorry I didn't have the balls back then an have been trying like hellish to show u differently since. U keep accusing me of horrible things an acts like being w/ other men secret calls, texts, I don't hide a dam thing or go or do anything. I get accused for being across the street when I went to fill out application for a job cuz on Google earth a "white" car was parked in driveway across from where I was at. He comes from a very abusive mother, sister, and grandma. I've never been violent back until he gets in my face an won't back the hellish off. This has been hard on both of us an unfair that he writes that or gives idea that I am sleeping around sex talking to people all the time etc. I have not lost respect or my sexual animal for him ever. I have not been in a relationship to like this degree before so ya I'm at a loss also on how to help him. I'm still here though by his side but my words an actions mean nothing. At a loss.....