coastbeachbum Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 My wife and I have been separated for a month and a half, we have had some problems over the last 6 months. Now she tells me she wants a divorce. I got her to go to see a marriage counselor, but after we went the first time she refused to go back again. I have tried to talk to her and let her know how much I love her and want her back but she will not talk to me or see me. I feel like I'm dyeing inside and I can't get through this. We have been together for six years and I don't want to loose that, what can I do Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 I have tried to talk to her and let her know how much I love her and want her back First, my sympathies. I can see this is extremely painful for you. Second...right now, you should NOT be talking, you should be listening. You should not even be emphasizing how much you love her and want her...you should be asking what SHE wants and needs. See the difference? If you switch the emphasis from YOUR experience to hers, you will have at least a bare chance of fixing this. I have to say it doesn't sound good if you can't even get her into counselling beyond one session. There must be something REALLY wrong...what is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author coastbeachbum Posted April 26, 2004 Author Share Posted April 26, 2004 Well we did not communicate, and small things got really big, we fought all the time, she says that she loves me but not like she used to. I don't know for sure if she's been with anyone else but i know i havent. I feel so down and wish I could go back and change it all. Link to post Share on other sites
reggio Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 Sorry to heat about your crisis. At this point you should leave her alone and push your feelings onto her. She obviously has developed some resentment towards. You need to listen very carefully to what she says to you. If you want any chance with her, give her space and let her know that you respect her feelings. Put yourself in her shoes, would you want her to pester you if you had mixed feelings? Take this time and make good use of it, you might want to consider getting one on one counselling for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coastbeachbum Posted April 26, 2004 Author Share Posted April 26, 2004 I know I need to give her space and let her figure out what she wants, but its just so hard to not call and try to see what I can do...... Link to post Share on other sites
reggio Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 There isn't really much more that you can do at this point. Remember this, you can't changed the past and you can't make the future but what you do today will have an impact on tomorrow and can also replay the past. Be patient and understanding, I know it hurts now but in time you will feel better and only you can make this happen. Give yourself a break! Link to post Share on other sites
KirkCamp Posted May 16, 2004 Share Posted May 16, 2004 I am sorry to hear you're going through this. I am divorced myself and know that even though I wanted marriage counseling, my ex wife realistically never wanted to give it a chance (although in my case, it was financially related to not going because she went from job to job to job to job...but I digress ) Listening would be best and just being there for her if you can be. Ultimately, you might have to look at ways to help yourself, which is never fun to hear but is true. Realistically, she has to be the one who wants to go to counseling. Just be the man you are and let her know you're there to talk to her if she needs it. In the meantime, worry about your own needs and do what you can to take care of yourself. Don't know if you're religious or not but I'll say a prayer for you Link to post Share on other sites
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