Resisting Temptation to do The "Right Thing"

[Hockeyplaya44]

Me and my friend met 2 friends at a bar the other night and we connected to each of them very well right away. When I was dancing with the girl I had met, we had a very intense physical chemistry and I wanted to take her home right then and there, but resisted trying because I am now looking for a relationship, am done with hookups and this girl showed lots of girlfriend qualities when we had talked beforehand.

 

At the end of the night she got very awkward and became in a huge rush to find her friend and leave. She explained that her best friends boyfriend was picking them up, she didn't know him too well and didn't want to make him wait.

 

When we parted ways, I tried to kiss her goodbye and she sort of pulled back and was very reluctant and it confused me. I assumed she was just being the 'wing girl' for her friend and let it go.

 

When I talked to my friend afterwards, he said that the girl he was with said my girl had a boyfriend, but they're are basically breaking up and I should pursue her, but he was picking them up that night.

 

As far as my ego went, I was relieved because it never feels good when I feel a connection and the other girl doesn't. It sort of all clicked because she waited til we were out of range of the friend before being overly physical on the dancefloor or flirty etc. (Even though it turns out her friend supports her leaving her bf)

 

I texted with her briefly and eventually never got a reply to a couple texts so I assumed she had patched things up with her boyfriend and was happy for them and glad to be rid of the situation.

 

However, after a hockey game last night I came in the dressing room to find a text from her apologizing that she had forgotten her phone at home and that she was happy to hear from me and basically wrote a 4 page text. I couldn't help but feel excited and that leads me to this dilemma.

 

I have a strong urge to pursue a relationship with this girl whether I feel like I should or not. I don't want to ask about it because she obviously doesn't want me to know. I was thinking of maybe asking her in person.

 

The obvious caution is that if she does it to him she will do it to me, but honestly all relationships are hard when they come to an end. Every relationship ends until one eventually sticks so what if this one does?

 

I would like to hear some of your thoughts on this. I have little to no experience regarding a situation like this. Normally I walk away when pursued by a taken girl but this one is making it difficult.

[nyc_guy2003]

What does she look like.

[PegNosePete]

The obvious caution is that if she does it to him she will do it to me

Indeed. Even if the story about a breakup being imminent is true, I would regard it as a serious red flag and not a mature person's way of handling things. Her BF clearly does not think the relationship is about to end since he is picking her up from a club in the small hours. Do you want that guy to be you next time? Your GF acting inappropriately with other guys and telling them that she is about to break up, while you play taxi driver? She has no respect for her BF and there's no reason to think she'd have any respect if you were her BF.

[betterdeal]

I would like to hear some of your thoughts on this. I have little to no experience regarding a situation like this. Normally I walk away when pursued by a taken girl but this one is making it difficult.

 

I think she'd be good for sex and emotional connection, but it'll probably fizzle out after the 3 month honeymoon period, and that there is a real chance you chasing her could be just enough extra juice to keep the relationship between her and her other half alive. In short, it's a bit messy.

 

My advice would be to say you can see things are complicated for her right now, and suggest she gets in touch with you when she's sorted that stuff out if she's interested in you still. Then get on with the rest of your life.

 

By putting her on a back-burner, you've made your interest clear and not taking ownership of anything that isn't yours to begin with. If she can leave a relationship with this guy and leave it properly, and then calls you, you'll be on much better starting ground. If she can't, you haven't lost a big investment.

[make me believe]

Do you want that guy to be you next time? Your GF acting inappropriately with other guys and telling them that she is about to break up, while you play taxi driver? She has no respect for her BF and there's no reason to think she'd have any respect if you were her BF.

 

Yep, I totally agree. Even if you ignore it in the beginning, eventually the way that your relationship began will come back to haunt you. You will remember how she acted with you while she had a boyfriend and wonder if she is doing the same thing behind YOUR back. And in all likelihood, she probably will do it to you, especially when you go through a rough patch or if she decides she wants to break up with you but is too cowardly to do it without a backup guy waiting in the wings. This kind of behavior is totally unattractive to me. I would never be attracted to a guy who would do something like this, and I think you should take this as an insight into her true character.

[Trojan John]

What does she look like.

 

Lolz plus twenty characters.

[Space Ritual]

Me and my friend met 2 friends at a bar the other night and we connected to each of them very well right away. When I was dancing with the girl I had met, we had a very intense physical chemistry and I wanted to take her home right then and there, but resisted trying because I am now looking for a relationship, am done with hookups and this girl showed lots of girlfriend qualities when we had talked beforehand.

 

At the end of the night she got very awkward and became in a huge rush to find her friend and leave. She explained that her best friends boyfriend was picking them up, she didn't know him too well and didn't want to make him wait.

 

When we parted ways, I tried to kiss her goodbye and she sort of pulled back and was very reluctant and it confused me. I assumed she was just being the 'wing girl' for her friend and let it go.

 

When I talked to my friend afterwards, he said that the girl he was with said my girl had a boyfriend, but they're are basically breaking up and I should pursue her, but he was picking them up that night.

 

As far as my ego went, I was relieved because it never feels good when I feel a connection and the other girl doesn't. It sort of all clicked because she waited til we were out of range of the friend before being overly physical on the dancefloor or flirty etc. (Even though it turns out her friend supports her leaving her bf)

 

I texted with her briefly and eventually never got a reply to a couple texts so I assumed she had patched things up with her boyfriend and was happy for them and glad to be rid of the situation.

 

However, after a hockey game last night I came in the dressing room to find a text from her apologizing that she had forgotten her phone at home and that she was happy to hear from me and basically wrote a 4 page text. I couldn't help but feel excited and that leads me to this dilemma.

 

I have a strong urge to pursue a relationship with this girl whether I feel like I should or not. I don't want to ask about it because she obviously doesn't want me to know. I was thinking of maybe asking her in person.

 

The obvious caution is that if she does it to him she will do it to me, but honestly all relationships are hard when they come to an end. Every relationship ends until one eventually sticks so what if this one does?

 

I would like to hear some of your thoughts on this. I have little to no experience regarding a situation like this. Normally I walk away when pursued by a taken girl but this one is making it difficult.

 

RUN......this chick has 90 miles of bad road written all over her.....

 

and yes, she will do it to you as well....