Hakuryu Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) I finally decided to let everything end. We text (she's on a vacation) and I told her I want to talk to her in person probably for the last time. It'll end then, I'm sure. I really loved her, and I believe she really love me. But it's a shame that she can't get over a crush for a guy that fit her description of her "dream guy". She told me that one day she hang out with him and he tried to kiss her. She push him away, she won't cheat on me. But she said afterward she was curious what it would be like. It just sound like she want to try to have a relationship with this guy. That hurt me and ultimately the breakdown of the relationship. That's all well and done, I don't blame her, I believe that you can't help how you feel. I don't know the guy, but some of my friends know him. One of my close friend were his ex, and she told me he play with girl feeling and only want to get in her pant... Well this the part where it bother and hurt me the most in this break up...that I know that she'll be hurt...I feel like I want to be there when she's hurt, but if I do that she'll never learn that she can't just run back to me and I have to pick her back up again. I've pick her up when she's down because she has been raise with a family that talk down to her and make her believe she is trash...I don't believe she is, I really believe she's a good and sweet girls that just need to be steer in the right direction. Yet must she learn to appreciate someone good instead of getting attract to bad boys the hard way? I want a clean break up, no attachment, because it isn't fair to the girl I'll date in the future. Nor it fair for the guy she'll date. Yet...I just feel bad and want to be there to make her feel better when she's down. So I'm really conflicted... I'm 19, my friends and my sister telling me that I can do a lot better than her...somehow I know that...yet all relationship are precious to me, she even more precious. She's 16 and doesn't know what she want. She want me to stay as her friend, because she'll always have feeling for me. So... I think I'll break off this relationship cleanly. Its hurt too much to watch her... Is that the right choice? Edited July 26, 2011 by Hakuryu Link to post Share on other sites
chuzzbug Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Yes it's the right choice. A good one. Be civil, kind and respectful, but firm and clear. You will respect yourself, now and later, and one day she might grow up and think back and realize she was treated well, regardless of how emotionally self-centered she was. Even for a 16-year-old, there are consequences. Emotional immaturity may not be used as an excuse, only a cause. In her confession of having fantasies about a *real person* she placed herself first, and you last, and you must always feel that you deserve better than that. Of course you want to make her feel better when she's down. That is what partners do. But when one partner goes against the emotional value system of the other, relationship strain and end, putting an end to this rule. You sound mature and level-headed. Take this experience, learn about yourself from it, learn how to better identify people that are likely to put you last, and take this knowledge and pick those who put you first. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hakuryu Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) It just so sad, she hurting because of the feelings she can't help. But I really feel like the feelings will never go away unless she date him. A lot of friends tell me to not keep in contact with ex even if they want to. That just mean she just want to keep me close so one day she can possibly go out with me again, so basically a backup. I have too much pride and self-respect for that. Thanks for your comment chuzz, I believe I know what to do now. P.S. Is it normal for someone to have a crush on another person while in a relationship? Should I even tolerate that at all? I did tolerate for a while, thinking that it'll be a passing crush. And because I trust her that she wouldn't cheat on me. Well, it's time to move on to bigger and better things. At least now I got no attachment holding me back from putting my all into the AF. xD Edited July 26, 2011 by Hakuryu Link to post Share on other sites
chuzzbug Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 P.S. Is it normal for someone to have a crush on another person while in a relationship? Should I even tolerate that at all? It's normal to have a crush, an attraction, or vague interest. This is something we can't always control directly. It's yet another thing to tell your partner about it. This is something we *can* control, and should. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hakuryu Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) Well I told her that if I were in her shoe and there was a girl I suddenly found interest in, I would make it clear to that person that I'll stop contact with them, as to not further reinforced the feelings. Eventually it'll go away right? Oh and just because she didn't tell me, doesn't that mean she will still have interest and it'll possibly be growing? I'm just asking for the future Edited July 26, 2011 by Hakuryu Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hakuryu Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 (edited) So I told her that until that day when I cut the tie...we can still talk...well she realized that she has someone good. She said she know she want me...She know that guy isn't a good person to date, and said she don't even think she'll date him if we don't get back together. That guys told her that he been sleeping around because it just easier. But said that he really want to change, I guess she believed that. But honestly, what kind of guy, even if he want to change, would purposely try to kiss someone else girlfriend, after only a week or two after he broke up with his girlfriend? She said she want to help him change. And they're going to hang out again this week... If you have a crush on a person while in a relationship, what are you suppose to do with those feelings? It seem like she's confuse about how to handle it. She's depressed over our situation and been crying every night. I know its hurt her and she'll be in even worse state when I break it clean. She have suicidal past before because of her family and I don't want that to happen again I told her that after she hang out with him and it still haven't been clear to her, I not giving her a second chance. Its driving me insane...should I even give her a second chance? Edited July 27, 2011 by Hakuryu Link to post Share on other sites
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