bikinibeach Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) my ex used me for sex. Then when i broke up with him for it, he had the nerve to ask if i wanted to be f buddies. This guy thinks he's one of the good guys, sensitivity central and gods gift and could NOT, i repeat NOT be further from the truth. he has left a wide swathe of women he has hurt in his wake. He hasn't stopped either based on the fact that hw claims to have found some other poor unfortunate soul to drag into his three ring circus gongshow of a life. I have thw blueprint for an email outlining all of the things he did and everything that us wrong with him. Every hurtful thing i ever wanted to say. No i don't care how it will be perceived by him, trust me, he has extremely little common sense and will not act the way youd assume. Also,i don't care. I'll be home in 6 hours. I will re-read some advice from geegirl and if i'm still feeling the evil, i'm sending it and will post on here Edited July 26, 2011 by bikinibeach Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Did he actually admit that he "used you for sex"? or is this your perception? Link to post Share on other sites
chuzzbug Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 if i'm still feeling the evil, i'm sending it and will post on here Don't send it. Post it here, but don't send it. It might feel better in the moment, but shortly after you will realize that by sending it you are maintaining emotional dependance on him. You need him to act (read it, think about it, perhaps ignore it) to make yourself feel better. The only way to really feel better is to do so yourself, counting on yourself only for action to make it happen. It may seem to take longer, but ultimately it is the shortest path. I don't believe that you don't care whether he ignores it, is changed by it, or comes back weeping and claiming to be reborn due to your words. You want to lash out, make him feel bad, reconsider his personality and, if you're lucky, cut himself to little pieces. You want to cause him pain by demonstrating how much pain he has caused you. Unfortunately, people who cause us pain do so already with disregard to our pain. Mentioning it later won't retroactively change their motivation, nor change future actions. They are insensitive, self-centered and lack sufficient empathy to be considered kind and good partners. Be better than that. Act better than him and attempt to act better than you think you are capable of. You'd be surprised. It's the best gift you can give to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 Don't send it. Post it here, but don't send it. It might feel better in the moment, but shortly after you will realize that by sending it you are maintaining emotional dependance on him. You need him to act (read it, think about it, perhaps ignore it) to make yourself feel better. The only way to really feel better is to do so yourself, counting on yourself only for action to make it happen. It may seem to take longer, but ultimately it is the shortest path. I don't believe that you don't care whether he ignores it, is changed by it, or comes back weeping and claiming to be reborn due to your words. You want to lash out, make him feel bad, reconsider his personality and, if you're lucky, cut himself to little pieces. You want to cause him pain by demonstrating how much pain he has caused you. Unfortunately, people who cause us pain do so already with disregard to our pain. Mentioning it later won't retroactively change their motivation, nor change future actions. They are insensitive, self-centered and lack sufficient empathy to be considered kind and good partners. Be better than that. Act better than him and attempt to act better than you think you are capable of. You'd be surprised. It's the best gift you can give to yourself. agreed! bikini you've been doing so well! you know this guy - - all an e-mail like this is going to do is feed his already over-inflated ego. don't give him the satisfaction. remember the lame e-mail response he sent you? the guy clearly doesn't get it. another email is going to be a waste of your time, energy and headspace. save it for the boards. you'll still get it out and you'll get plenty of confirmation from us on what an assclown he is. Link to post Share on other sites
amethyste Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 ^^ I agree with everything wrote above. Darling, take a moment and look at your bunnies - they're so pwetty, why giving them away for your assclown ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bikinibeach Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 wow....never thought i could gain so much support from people over the internet. i read these in the thick of my fury and they made me smile, chuckle (the BUNNIES!!!) and change my mind. i DO remember the lame emails! and yeah, he didn't get it! what a waste. i also discovered this article and ....wow. this is for you too radiodarcy http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/telling-them-all-about-themselves-why-its-not-your-job-to-list-their-flaws-and-crimes/ sending warm fuzzies and xoxo's to you all Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 glad we could help aaand glad to hear you didn't go through with it!! :bunny: it's normal to feel the anger. and sometimes it can be a motivating factor in sticking to NC. but yeah - - it can drive really drive you over the edge sometimes. especially when you're dealing with an assclown but like the article says (thanks for posting it ) - - it would have said more about you than it would have about him. assclowns are inherently clueless and we're not doing them any favors by telling them about themselves. we're better off saving that energy for ourselves and putting it towards out own healing and growth. Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Just read thru all this- SO glad you didnt send it! As someone who has tried to make her ex "get it", for about 3 months or so post breakup, since we were in contact due to friends, so I TRIED making him "see" my side. Never worked. He had no ability to talk to me like an adult about why we broke, nor would he even have the respect to talk boundaries (boundaries in terms of the fact that we are in the same social circle, and how thatll all work out, etc). He, no matter what I said, couldnt really acknowledge all the crap he put me thru since the day we broke up, nor could he acknowledge how terrible he hurt me. So it def isnt worth it- as bad as that hurt or rage inside of you wants to just vent it all to them (I still have things to say to him, but it is useless!)- it only feels worse when you see they STILL dont give a hoot!! Link to post Share on other sites
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