Re: no one

[Tony T]

It is my opinion that you suffer from a great deal of depression, suppressed anger, and you have some obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I actually think a few visits to a qualified psychiatrist who can put you on and guide you to the proper dose levels of medication could get you quickly on track.

 

You are also very angry at yourself for not being able to effect the changes you desire...and my bet is that you are probably pretty angry at one of more dieties (Gods) for subjecting you to this hurt and pain.

 

Your control and self esteem issues appear to go way back in time. I don't get the feeling that these behaviors just started. There also seems to be a drastic conflict between the adult you who wants very much to change and the very hurt child you who is frozen in time inside your subconscious mind who wants to continue these unproductive and useless behaviors.

 

My guess is that your family of origin was highly dysfunctional and you were subjected to a great deal of harassment, pain, abandonment and abuse from one or both of your parents and from your siblings.

 

The way we acquire, continue and memorialize various human behaviors is a complex science that only the most highly qualified can begin to delve into. Your situation, though, is very clear and an excellent psychiatric physician will be able to help you and the changes won't take that long once the proper treatment regimen is established.

 

I think there are just some neurotransmitters in some parts of your brain that have to be manipulated chemically through medication to allow the impulses of change to cross. I know that sounds hokey but that's the way I feel and I want you to get over all this and be happy.

 

Print this out and take it to the doctor with you. Let me know how close I came.

[billy the kid]

Hey no one, first You are some one. ok? second every one in this world who is sane finds things that they do not like about them selfs.... now I would follow tonys advice about mental help cus you sound so depressed, and while you are pursuing that avenue, try looking on the good things. we are all human and so we all have faults, and and that is so great that you can see that you do cuz some of us won't admitt it to the world that we do...now realize that you DO have good points too..you will be fine, good luck and a prayer for you this evening.

thank you tony, your advise was very helpful, i will look into a mental health counselor cause i think my insurance will cover that. i actually really don't feel too depressed unless something seems to trigger it like right now it is PMS. the control does go back as far as i can remember and i have been diagnosed with OCD tendencies years ago but more with obsessive thinking then anything, i have no rituals. the conflict between me and my inner child is maybe the key here, i never thought of it that way. i will try to keep that on my mind next time i feel and or act like i did today. God forbid.

 

dysfunctional family, abandonment, harassment by sisters and brothers? all the time. only verbal abuse from siblings with little protection from mother, some but not enough to make them stop.

 

father? what's that? don't have one, never did, never will, he died long before i came along, or so i was told. i don't know how antidepressants can help change my hokey behavior, but i think at this point i will try anything, all though i don't feel depressed just pure raw frustration and anger, yes anger at the world and those around me at times for seeming to have it all together and that makes me feel even more deficient and warped and just not normal at all. i pray i can be helped, i am so so so tired of "me" that i want to kill me at times, not suicide, but just kill that person inside me that has such control over me, and who has control over her? no one right now, or so it seems, but i'd like to ring her neck for making me act like i do, but maybe i should befriend her instead and see what she needs and what she wants when she/her/i get that way. God i hope i don't have multiple personalities, this one i live with is more then enough. thank you tony thank you very much! from no name.

[Deejette]

Because you so desperately want to change and know that you need help, I have great hope for you. It is the people who do destructive things to themselves and others but think they are perfectly all right doing those things, that are hopeless. You need love and try to control the situation to make sure you get it, but in the process, you actually destroy love, with insecure behavior and neediness.

 

I agree with billy-the-kid. You are somebody and you can create a great somebody that is really loveable so you don't have to feel so much jealousy and anger.

Hey no one, first You are some one. ok? second every one in this world who is sane finds things that they do not like about them selfs.... now I would follow tonys advice about mental help cus you sound so depressed, and while you are pursuing that avenue, try looking on the good things. we are all human and so we all have faults, and and that is so great that you can see that you do cuz some of us won't admitt it to the world that we do...now realize that you DO have good points too..you will be fine, good luck and a prayer for you this evening.