Kuite09 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Hey LoveShack, Ive posted a couple of threads before and wanted to ask "the guys" something. My ex of 7 yrs told me he has been wanted to call but doesnt because he knows the break up hurt me a lot and he doesnt want to lead me on. When he stated he doesnt want to lead me on it made me feel like hes really trying to move on? but yet during the same phone call convo he tells me the feelings are still there and that he doesnt want to burn his bridges with me becuz our history of 7 yrs and becuz he loves me and cares for me. Plus that now he only thinks about the positive memories of our relationship and if things are to change for the good in the future he wants us to go by those good memories and start again from there. Its been limited contact since memorial weekend (we broke up in March but stayed in contact due to family issues and we kept talking)In May which is when i decided to stop contacting him due to drama on my end (begging,crying etc). I have reached out to him by text and he always replys and I sent him a card for the anniversary date that we met 7 yrs ago and he called to say thanks and thats when he told me the above. How should I take this? Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 he doesnt want to lead me on it made me feel like hes really trying to move on? he doesnt want to burn his bridges with me becuz our history of 7 yrs and becuz he loves me and cares for me. Plus that now he only thinks about the positive memories of our relationship he doesn't want to lead you on, he doesn't want to burn his bridges with you... sounds like he's keeping you as an option. It's also normal to only think of the good times of a past relationship which may or may not cause him to come back. he didn't say "I want to get back together" so don't look into it to much. keep doing what you are doing and heal. if he comes back then great and if not you won't be set back any further. If possible I suggest you go full NC, it will make the healing process much shorter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 he doesn't want to lead you on, he doesn't want to burn his bridges with you... sounds like he's keeping you as an option. It's also normal to only think of the good times of a past relationship which may or may not cause him to come back. he didn't say "I want to get back together" so don't look into it to much. keep doing what you are doing and heal. if he comes back then great and if not you won't be set back any further. If possible I suggest you go full NC, it will make the healing process much shorter. Hey Heartofaphoenix, THanks for your reply on my thread. I have been on NC since the day he called to say thanks for the card that I sent him. He did sound super happy to receive the card etc but honestly he has not made one attempt to contact me the past months since May. The only reason he was calling in May was because I was driving him nuts aruging etc. Let me ask you something......the fact he hasnt called or made attempts does that mean its completely done or there might be a chance he can still call? He told me if will call me up and stuff, he even said who knows maybe one day i'll get a lil suprise from him out the blue like I did by sending him the card. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Its pretty obvious he is trying to move on huh? he hasnt attempted contact not once.......its so strange cuz all he kept saying when we were post break up arguing in May was...I don't want it to be like this, I dont want us to be at odds, this is not how I wanted the break up to be. I hate arguing with you. I want to be able to be cool and we can be civil and talk from time to time but hellooo its been weeks and nothing whats so ever. Is this guy completely done? Im getting to the point where I feel like I dont even know this guy anymore due to the fact on how hes acting. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I am on the same boat as you at this point. NC for a month and no initiation of contact on either side. The truth is, you don't know this person anymore. Something in him changed. If he does come back, you would have to fall in love all over again, its not the same person anymore. It's a sad thing but both you and I have to rethink if we even want these men back after being treated so badly. If they loved us, they would cherish us and not be so willing to lose us and hurt us beyond repair. They knew what they were doing when initiating the breakup and they were still willing to risk it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 I am on the same boat as you at this point. NC for a month and no initiation of contact on either side. The truth is, you don't know this person anymore. Something in him changed. If he does come back, you would have to fall in love all over again, its not the same person anymore. It's a sad thing but both you and I have to rethink if we even want these men back after being treated so badly. If they loved us, they would cherish us and not be so willing to lose us and hurt us beyond repair. They knew what they were doing when initiating the breakup and they were still willing to risk it. Hey Calibabe, The part that messes with my head the most is everything he told me and we spoke about the last time we spoke which was 2 weeks ago becuz I sent him a card on our anniversary (the day we met) and he called to say thanks but he told me everything from... The feelings are still there and strong... I don't want to burn my bridges with you... You mean a lot to me.... I only think of the good memories and hopefully if one day things change for good we can start with that... Maybe one day things can be different..... ETC ETC.. Its so fustrating why would you tell me all this and not do nothing whats so ever. My ex is 35 (about to turn 36) he aint no kid, hes a grown man! I know he doesnt talk just to talk but damn its so fustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Your best bet is to just move on, ex's seem to have a sixth sense on the dumpee's and if they do come back they come back after the dumpee has healed completely. unfortunate for the dumper but in most cases it's what they deserve. Maybe his age has something to do with him saying that. He might be scared that he won't be able to find someone else so he's stringing you along just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 Your best bet is to just move on, ex's seem to have a sixth sense on the dumpee's and if they do come back they come back after the dumpee has healed completely. unfortunate for the dumper but in most cases it's what they deserve. Maybe his age has something to do with him saying that. He might be scared that he won't be able to find someone else so he's stringing you along just in case. Ugh who knows whats going thru his mind. Thanks for the reply Heartofphoenix. Link to post Share on other sites
immitable Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I guess men are more prone to the GIGS, as a guy myself I would say that he wants his "freedom" to chase other women. I would also say that he is keeping you as an option. If I were you, I would polish up my looks (change something) men in general are suckers for the visual. Play hard to get and see where it goes from there he might come back crawling ... might Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 i'd agree that you should drop the whole thing and move on. he's giving you breadcrumbs to make sure you stay hanging on. and obviously he is going to say "oh i only thing of the good times." what is he gonna say, "wow the only memories i have of us are of you being a total bitch." duh. he's saying what he knows you want to hear...and he most definitely KNOWS you'd come crawling back to him in a moment's notice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted July 29, 2011 Author Share Posted July 29, 2011 I guess men are more prone to the GIGS, as a guy myself I would say that he wants his "freedom" to chase other women. I would also say that he is keeping you as an option. If I were you, I would polish up my looks (change something) men in general are suckers for the visual. Play hard to get and see where it goes from there he might come back crawling ... might How can it be that he wants to keep me as an option if he hasnt attempted contact or nothing? It just makes me feel like hes really trying to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 why does he need to attempt contact with you when you've been texting and mailing him cards? you've made it clear to him you want him, and he's likely going to keep just enough contact to make you stick around. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 I've been in his shoes. When you have spent a lot of time with a person (7 years) you still want to be friends because of your history together. You do still love and care for that person (even though you are no longer in love with them). You hope that someday you can be friends again. Him telling you he doesn't want to lead you on is telling you he has and is moving on. Don't try to read more into it than that. Start dating others and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted August 6, 2011 Author Share Posted August 6, 2011 Here is an update.......... So after 3 weeks that I sent him the card and he called to thank me, he actually decides to call on Monday. I missed his call but called back 30 min later. We spoke for about 15 min and he said he just wanted to hear my voice and see how I was doing. It was a normal convo about how u been and hows the family and stuff like that. Once we were about to hang up he said he said we'll talk soon. There was no convo about the relationship or anything like that it was just a civil hello, how you doing convo. I know I shouldnt make much of it because it doesnt mean nothing but atleast he decided to call and that makes me happy. I kept my cool as much as possible becuz I know hes use to be always bringing up the relationship/break up. At this point like I said I am not going to read too much into but is this some type of little sign? If you read the begining of this thread he stated "he hasnt called me because he doesnt want to lead me on" but now all the sudden he calls. My ex is a nice guy, hes good hearted and I know he doesnt want to hurt me. What do you guys think about this???? Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 he doesn't want to call you and lead you on....and now he calls you? that means he's leading you on. doesn't call = not lead you on. call = lead you on. simple logic based on his own words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted August 6, 2011 Author Share Posted August 6, 2011 he doesn't want to call you and lead you on....and now he calls you? that means he's leading you on. doesn't call = not lead you on. call = lead you on. simple logic based on his own words. I understand what your saying but hes not the type to just play with my emotions or anything like that. I think he was just being honest when he said he wanted to hear my voice and see how I am doing. If you read my previous threads he continued to tell me that he doesnt want to burn his bridges with me and the feelings were still there. I don't think hes just trying to be a jerk and mess with my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kuite09 Posted August 6, 2011 Author Share Posted August 6, 2011 (edited) Your best bet is to just move on, ex's seem to have a sixth sense on the dumpee's and if they do come back they come back after the dumpee has healed completely. unfortunate for the dumper but in most cases it's what they deserve. Maybe his age has something to do with him saying that. He might be scared that he won't be able to find someone else so he's stringing you along just in case. Hey Heartofaphoenix, So monday he decided to pick up the phone and call me, how should I take this? He said he just called to hear my voice and see how I am doing. Its been 3 weeks with no contact since the day I sent him a lil card on the day we met. What you think? Edited August 6, 2011 by Kuite09 error Link to post Share on other sites
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