4Me Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Has anyone heard of a "taken in hand" marriage and what are your thoughts? I've been reading up on it a lot lately and I find it quite interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 4Me Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Has anyone heard of a "taken in hand" marriage and what are your thoughts? I've been reading up on it a lot lately and I find it quite interesting. For some that have never heard of this, both the husband and wife agree and actively want the husband to have the upper hand of control. This is consensual. The control is for the benefit of the relationship and both spouses. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Sounds like the way marriage used to be, and for some women it still is. Gross. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 do you mean "hand-fasted" or "hand-tied," where a couple pledges themselves as married to each other for a certain amount of time? From what a friend once explained it's not like going before the JP or a priest or any other religious figure, but the couple officiate themselves. Roots in Celtic tradition, I believe ... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 For some that have never heard of this, both the husband and wife agree and actively want the husband to have the upper hand of control. This is consensual. The control is for the benefit of the relationship and both spouses. sounds completely subservient. since you didn't ask any further specific question - i guess there's no need to answer anything... by the way - i will never give control to any man ever again... too much power placed in a man's hands isn't what good, healthy balance looks like for me. consensual or not - one has to give away all their power to allow the other to control it all - seems like a recipe for extreme resentments. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 do you mean "hand-fasted" or "hand-tied," where a couple pledges themselves as married to each other for a certain amount of time? From what a friend once explained it's not like going before the JP or a priest or any other religious figure, but the couple officiate themselves. Roots in Celtic tradition, I believe ... Nope - completely different things. A "Taken in Hand" marriage stems from the BDSM community with Doms and subs getting married. It is entirely consensual where the sub finds enjoyment and fulfillment in having her (or his!) way in the relationship dictated. 99.9% of these marriages are Men as the Top or Dom with the woman as the sub or bottom (note that to emphasize the capitalization of Men versus the non-capitalization of women - this is often the case in TiH relationships). The Man actively controls the woman, but she is one who delights in that subjugation. It may sound like hell for the majority of equal-minded females, but for many, it is a delight. It is all about open communication and often mimics a 1950s lifestyle. Having been in a number of D/s relationships, I understand the Taken in Hand concept, but am not a proponent for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Sounds like the way marriage used to be, and for some women it still is. That was my reaction, too. It's certainly not for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Crabbies Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 A "Taken in Hand" marriage stems from the BDSM community with Doms and subs getting married. Having been in a number of D/s relationships, I understand the Taken in Hand concept, but am not a proponent for myself. Forgive me, Miss Carrie, but according to the site, the above absolutely untrue. It claims no affiliation w/the BDSM community... http://www.takeninhand.com/node/164 it's completely different... Unlike others I would definitely have a relationship like this... not for everyone, but it would suit my character... Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Forgive me, Miss Carrie, but according to the site, the above absolutely untrue. It claims no affiliation w/the BDSM community... http://www.takeninhand.com/node/164 it's completely different... Unlike others I would definitely have a relationship like this... not for everyone, but it would suit my character... I disagree because that is just one person's opinion. Read the site; it is full is "I" statements and it is my belief that it is because the person who created that site is trying distance him/herself from the BDSM community. On all the BDSM sites which I frequent (collarme, alt, fetlife, et al), there are a number of TiH factions just as there are Goreans and other groups with different philosophies. Link to post Share on other sites
Crabbies Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 I disagree because that is just one person's opinion. Read the site; it is full is "I" statements and it is my belief that it is because the person who created that site is trying distance him/herself from the BDSM community. On all the BDSM sites which I frequent (collarme, alt, fetlife, et al), there are a number of TiH factions just as there are Goreans and other groups with different philosophies. Although I understand that many BDSM types would happily relate to and adhere to some TIH philosophy, It doesn't necessarily follow that it's roots are in or it stems from BDSM. Taken in Hand, from what I've read, is much less about the labels, sexuality & specific rules and roles; It's more about the comprehensive order aspects within a monogamous marriage. It covers everything, appearing to have more in common with the New Testament Biblical view of marriage than the BDSM community. It's not about dominance of one partner. It's specifically about the wife willingly giving control of the marriage to the husband. And the husband being trusted to take charge. I the site editor comparing it to her grandparents' marriage. Where her grandmother was a happy beautiful spirited lady who was treated with absolute kindness and respect by her husband who was the boss of their marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 sounds completely subservient. - seems like a recipe for extreme resentments. He ruled the roost, so she flew the coop.... It's only fun for so long, eventually this set up will smell like a chicken coop. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Forgive me, Miss Carrie, but according to the site, the above absolutely untrue. It claims no affiliation w/the BDSM community... http://www.takeninhand.com/node/164 it's completely different... Unlike others I would definitely have a relationship like this... not for everyone, but it would suit my character... I'm sorry but if it isn't about BDSM and the link you provided proves it then why all the talk about spanking and punishment, control, subjection? Why is the author of the link suggesting the following articles like "don't forget the whip" and "I want to be possessed"? Why do these marriages have contracts that list what you promise to endure so that later, I'm guessing here, you don't wan to comply with something, your owner can pull it out and remind you of your promises? Link to post Share on other sites
Crabbies Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 I guess we are all entitled to our own views, no? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 I guess we are all entitled to our own views, no? It doesn't rest on opinion that the necessity of physical punishment hinges on the resistance of the one not in control. If someone is happily in their situation - what is there to resist? And if they want to be physically punished and only resist to create a situation where they can be punished, then absolutely and without it qualifying as opinion, it is a BDSM situation. You might not want to refer to it as BDSM, but the author of the link you provided clearly does. Link to post Share on other sites
Crabbies Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 It doesn't rest on opinion that the necessity of physical punishment hinges on the resistance of the one not in control. If someone is happily in their situation - what is there to resist? And if they want to be physically punished and only resist to create a situation where they can be punished, then absolutely and without it qualifying as opinion, it is a BDSM situation. You might not want to refer to it as BDSM, but the author of the link you provided clearly does. I think it would take its own thread to get into the psychology of wanting punishment for crossing boundaries. It's quite common... There are a lot of links and a lot of authors... the one I posted was explaining the differences and as i read it, distancing itself from that scene. There are similarities and if you want to put TIH into that box, that's cool... I see it as something very different. TIH I could do easily, BDSM doesn't appeal to me.... well, maybe some aspects, a tiny bit, but most of it sounds, looks too rigidly defined; too much lingo, too much of a "club" to appeal to me... Clubs bore me rigid... but that's just me, that's just me, that's just me.... Link to post Share on other sites
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