TurningTables Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I am so mad and hurt right now, so forgive me if I dont make total sense. I am in week 4 of NC. Something blew up in my face this past weekend. Apparently, someone at xMM's work has been gossiping about me and xMM. When he was working nights, I had brought him dinner. Now, it has reached someone in my family ear's and I was basically confronted with the whole thing. I came clean. Now here is the kicker: xMM contacted me about it. I told him I told the truth and he said not to worry because he had already talked to his W about me and not to "worry" about him. Either she is a doormat or he ball faced lied to her. Here is where Im pissed. He comes out of this smelling like a rose. It was as if he didnt take ANY responsability for what he did. Im "tainted" in the eyes of my family and who knows who else. Im left out in the cold, trying to pull the pieces back together. I thought I was moving on and putting this whole stupid thing behind me. How do I face things now? Talk about a all-time-low. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 There isn't much you can do except focus on yourself and trying not to worry about whether or not he's accountable and owned up to his part in the affair. I know you're pissed off, just don't react (to him) to give him the satisfaction. Your family might be disappointed with your choices, but they ARE your family and should have your back. If you want to, or feel the need to, explain yourself to them? Did any of them directly say something to you about this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurningTables Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 In the middle of our conversation: he actually asked me to remind him of the name of an author of a book I introduced him to. He wanted to get the book. I was thinking: I havent spoken to you in almost a month, this rumor was going around about us and he could ask me something like that? I was like WTH? Yeah..I sure picked a winner! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurningTables Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 There isn't much you can do except focus on yourself and trying not to worry about whether or not he's accountable and owned up to his part in the affair. I know you're pissed off, just don't react (to him) to give him the satisfaction. Your family might be disappointed with your choices, but they ARE your family and should have your back. If you want to, or feel the need to, explain yourself to them? Did any of them directly say something to you about this? Yes, I was confronted about it directly. Someone in my family works with him, so that is how it reached my family's ears. I didnt get to tell them the whole story, but I feel like Im a homewrecker in their eyes now. I guess the bitter truth of the matter is its true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurningTables Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Or he is lying to you and he told his wife nothing. Something to think about because by telling you this, he thinks he will keep you nice and quite because he doesn't want you freaking and calling the wife. If I were you, I'd be cautious about believing anything he tells you, after all you know he is a liar. It is something to think about. I havent thought about that, that he really didnt talk to her. If he did, I am seriously doubting now that he told the truth about HIS part in all this mess. He has my emails and could have easily twisted things his way. If she does contact me, I will hold nothing back. It will be the truth and nothing but the truth. And you are right, he is a liar. I never thought Id say that about him after all this time. You think you know someone..... Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Don't assume that his wife doesn't know. Sounds like the couple are trying to get past this and put their marriage back together. News of the affair was bound to leak out eventually, if you were bringing the MM dinners to the office, and one of your relatives works there. Nothing surprising there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurningTables Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Don't assume that his wife doesn't know. Sounds like the couple are trying to get past this and put their marriage back together. News of the affair was bound to leak out eventually, if you were bringing the MM dinners to the office, and one of your relatives works there. Nothing surprising there. It wasent in the office. He was working out in the "field". Yes, I know it was stupid and my fault. I am owning everything I did and said. Not as an excuse, but you may want to read my backstory. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurningTables Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 That doesn't sound like a man who is upset because of a d day, does it? No, it dosent unless they are working to get past it. Im starting to doubt it. How could it pass that quickly? I just checked my cell: Missed calls. He is on damage control. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Why would you assume his wife does know? Also what has been said that gives you the impression that they are trying to get past it? All the op has is the mm word. MM LIE you know......... I don't assume she knows. But the OP can't assume that she doesn't know. It's quite possible that she does know and is trying to move past it. And yes, MM lie. Maybe he is pretending that she knows so the OW wouldn't tell her. None of us really knows, including the OP. My post is starting to sound a bit goofy. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Or he is lying to you and he told his wife nothing. Something to think about because by telling you this, he thinks he will keep you nice and quite because he doesn't want you freaking and calling the wife. If I were you, I'd be cautious about believing anything he tells you, after all you know he is a liar. I agree with BB. A man going through the marital hell of DDAy isn't usually requesting a book's author, IMHO. But if the gossip continues, and his wife starts questioning or is being informed by someone else, well, then you will have calls to your cell from him in the guise of damage control. What do you intend to do TT? Will you take his calls so he can get his story straight with her? Or the office? Or your family member? I think you need to speak with your family first. Get the story straight with them, so that they CAN take your back should the need arise. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 The bolded was my point. It doesn't make sense that if a d day had happened, the mm would calmly be talking about wanting to know the author of a particular book, nor would he be telling the OP that he had it handled. So based on what the OP has told us, it's not hard to conclude that he is lying his azz off to the OP in order to cover his azz and keep her quite. Well, maybe she should tell the BS, just to make sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurningTables Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 I agree with BB. A man going through the marital hell of DDAy isn't usually requesting a book's author, IMHO. But if the gossip continues, and his wife starts questioning or is being informed by someone else, well, then you will have calls to your cell from him in the guise of damage control. What do you intend to do TT? Will you take his calls so he can get his story straight with her? Or the office? Or your family member? I think you need to speak with your family first. Get the story straight with them, so that they CAN take your back should the need arise. Im angry right now,but I havent taken his calls. After he told me he had spoken to his W about me, I never answered back. Im wondering if in his eyes, we didnt do anything wrong because it didnt go into a PA, but close enough to it? Therefore, he has nothing to to be "worried" about. I do need to talk to my family about this. My family member that talked to me about this orginally, said they didnt judge me and that they are here for me to talk to them. I still felt like I POS in their eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurningTables Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 Maybe she should. Most say they would want to know, no matter who it comes from. Or perhaps you are just joking? She was already suspicous back at the end of May. The cell phone bill came into play....So she had to already know something was up. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Maybe she should. Most say they would want to know, no matter who it comes from. Or perhaps you are just joking? No, not joking. I'm a firm believer in the wife's right to know. So I'd suggest telling the BS. And apologizing to her for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurningTables Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 No, not joking. I'm a firm believer in the wife's right to know. So I'd suggest telling the BS. And apologizing to her for it. Honestly, what do you say to someone in that kind of situation? Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Honestly, what do you say to someone in that kind of situation? The truth would be good. You know that she has at least seen the phone bills, maybe start there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurningTables Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 The truth would be good. You know that she has at least seen the phone bills, maybe start there. I dont know what I am going to do at this point and time. I am too angry and need to cool off before I do anything that I will regret later. In the mean time: its nice to know he is afraid ..he should be. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Honestly, what do you say to someone in that kind of situation? I would say this: My name is Kathy. There's something I need to tell you. You may already know this, but it needs to be said. I've been foolish enough to get involved with your husband on an emotional level. There was nothing physical (assuming that is the truth), but I'm very ashamed to say I fell for his advances, and I really regret that. I'm calling to apologize, because I owe you an apology. What I did was wrong, and I'm deeply sorry for it. It's something I will have shame for the rest of my life. I thought you deserved to know the truth about the situation. And you deserved an apology on my part. I will never be allowing myself to be sucked into this again with John (or whatever his name is). I will never be contacting him again or seeing him again. I was a fool for ever getting into anything with him, and I am deeply sorry for the harm that I caused in this situation. I thought you deserved to know the truth. And you deserved an apology. I'm very sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Nice move Kathy. Not sure why you felt the need to add your little dig. TT has made it crystal clear that their relationship was E not P. I don't get you. Or maybe I do. And TT- I think you're absolutely correct. This loser xMM is on damage control. I doubt he's told his wife anything. It wasn't meant to be a dig. I thought I read in the thread that it was an emotional affair and not a physical one, but I wasn't sure, so I thought I should add that to clarify. No need to read something into my post that wasn't there. I don't always read all of the posts in a thread, and I can't always remember everything that everyone said in the thread. I wasn't sure if it was just emotional or had a physical aspect to it, which is why I added the parenthetical phrase. Link to post Share on other sites
TurboGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Im angry right now,but I havent taken his calls. After he told me he had spoken to his W about me, I never answered back. Im wondering if in his eyes, we didnt do anything wrong because it didnt go into a PA, but close enough to it? Therefore, he has nothing to to be "worried" about. I do need to talk to my family about this. My family member that talked to me about this orginally, said they didnt judge me and that they are here for me to talk to them. I still felt like I POS in their eyes. MM lie. I think he is lying to you, do NOT resume contact with this SOB! And seriously... don't worry about your family member and please do not feel pressured to "confide" in your family member. That is not anyone's business. Let it go. *YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE!* Let things settle down, and whatever you do, do not take Kathy's advice - above. Bad move. Let it all die a natural death. Link to post Share on other sites
TurboGirl Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 No, not joking. I'm a firm believer in the wife's right to know. So I'd suggest telling the BS. And apologizing to her for it. Oh, right... it was alll the Op's fault, wasn't it? The MM had nothing to do with it, correct? :laugh: That is absolute BS, and OP... please don't identify yourself to the MM's wife, you will open doors you may regret later. She might come after you. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 MM lie. I think he is lying to you, do NOT resume contact with this SOB! And seriously... don't worry about your family member and please do not feel pressured to "confide" in your family member. That is not anyone's business. Let it go. *YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE!* Let things settle down, and whatever you do, do not take Kathy's advice - above. Bad move. Let it all die a natural death. They all work together! C'mon. Someone is going to put "their" version out there first. That's human nature, especially in the workplace. If TT wants her family to have her back, and her family works with TT and the OM also, I do not believe it is against her interests at all to confide her version to her family member. I do not want to see TT, in addition to everything else that may fall out now, be again victimized by office gossip too! In this economy, we all need OUR jobs. I do not think it could hurt. And I am a little concerned that so far, the ONLY fact that was mentioned, is that TT brought the OM dinner one night on a work shift. That tells me that Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 she really, really could be seen as the....ahem, agressor in this EA and painted accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Oh, right... it was alll the Op's fault, wasn't it? The MM had nothing to do with it, correct? :laugh: That is absolute BS, and OP... please don't identify yourself to the MM's wife, you will open doors you may regret later. She might come after you. She might come after her anyway. Wouldn't it make a difference if YOU were contacted first with the truth? Or if you heard a lot of half-truths about TT, and then came after her? Big difference, IMO. But cooling down until you can make rational decisions is always a wise course of action. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TurningTables Posted July 27, 2011 Author Share Posted July 27, 2011 she really, really could be seen as the....ahem, agressor in this EA and painted accordingly. OMG. Can I hide now? Link to post Share on other sites
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