reboot Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Great first step. And now it really begins. I hope you like roller coasters. The next few weeks/months are not going to be fun. You can expect a lot of your marital history to be re-written now. You're probably going to wonder who in hell is this alien that took over your wife. Just please remember this, she is the one in the wrong. No matter what problems you've had in your marriage, your fault, her fault, nobodies fault, she is the one in the wrong. No matter what she says, no matter how much she gas lights you, no matter how much blame shifting she tries to pull, SHE IS THE ONE IN THE WRONG. Whatever you decide to do next, don't let her or anyone else convince you that you have any blame for what she's done and/or intended to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vanhandle Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 I highly doubt she will cancel, because she said she will go just to spite. But you never know. She is a very proud and stubborn woman so I'm not holding my breath that she will back down. Her lose. As for rewriting our history, she's done that already right after I confronted her about the emails back in April. She claimed that we grew apart and that she felt like I didn't care, yada yada yada. Look don't get me wrong, I wasn't the perfect husband but I DID NOT do anything to deserve being cheated on like this. I thought that after catching her with the emails that she would be remorseful and do everything possible to regain my trust, but Nada! She even said that because I got into her email that she doesn't feel guilty. Weird logic. Anyway, she's still pouting and doesn't want to discuss family matters that need tending to right now. We just moved into a new house and a lot of things need to be done. I told her to let me know when she's done pouting/sulking so that we can have an adult conversation about what comes next. So far? silence. Let her sleep on it, but I have a feeling she's gonna do it just because. @Soulstorm, aasdf and Reboot - Thanks for the encouragement. I will try to hold fort. I'll keep you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
manup Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Judging by her actions I would begin plan B. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Thanks for the encouragement. I will try to hold fort. I'll keep you posted. You certainly need to hold your ground... But what if she doesnt go? what then? nothing will be fixed...you still have a long road ahead.....and theres a good chance it may head to a split up same way...just so long as you know this Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I highly doubt she will cancel, because she said she will go just to spite. But you never know. She is a very proud and stubborn woman so I'm not holding my breath that she will back down. Her lose. Well here's her choices. A) Go be with Latin lover and get divorced. B) Stay and repair her marriage. As for rewriting our history, she's done that already right after I confronted her about the emails back in April. She claimed that we grew apart and that she felt like I didn't care, yada yada yada. The correct ADULT response should have been to engage you and figure out how to re-connect, not go bang some Latin lover boy. Look don't get me wrong, I wasn't the perfect husband but I DID NOT do anything to deserve being cheated on like this. I thought that after catching her with the emails that she would be remorseful and do everything possible to regain my trust, but Nada! She even said that because I got into her email that she doesn't feel guilty. Weird logic. This is what the cheater does. They claim you are the villain in this story because you snooped. That is their ONLY defense for what is indefensible. You got into her email Vanhandle because you wanted to protect YOUR family from an outside influence. You got into her email because she wasn't being honest with you. You got into her email because she was emotionally cheating on you with a guy in Cuba. You had to do what you had to do because she did something that threatens your family. Anyway, she's still pouting and doesn't want to discuss family matters that need tending to right now. We just moved into a new house and a lot of things need to be done. I told her to let me know when she's done pouting/sulking so that we can have an adult conversation about what comes next. So far? silence. Let her sleep on it, but I have a feeling she's gonna do it just because. Ya, let her pout. Institute the 180 on her. What happens in your marriage is a 50-50 split. Her affair is 100% her fault. Unless she is saying that when you have issues in your marriage the correct answer is to go bang other people. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Weird logic. Cheaters logic. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Is WW going to smoke her Cuban cigar on her dime or your's? Do not finance her trip. Cut off the money. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I highly doubt she will cancel, because she said she will go just to spite. But you never know. She is a very proud and stubborn woman so I'm not holding my breath that she will back down. Her lose. As for rewriting our history, she's done that already right after I confronted her about the emails back in April. She claimed that we grew apart and that she felt like I didn't care, yada yada yada. Look don't get me wrong, I wasn't the perfect husband but I DID NOT do anything to deserve being cheated on like this. I thought that after catching her with the emails that she would be remorseful and do everything possible to regain my trust, but Nada! She even said that because I got into her email that she doesn't feel guilty. Weird logic. Tell her while she's away you'll be speaking to a divorce lawyer and not to be surprised to see her stuff in boxes when she comes back. No, you don't deserve this, whatever problems in the marriage are both yours and hers, but her choice to cheat is ALL ON HER. No one held a gun to her head and said 'cheat!'. Since she has shown no remorse nor does it seem like she is ready to say goodbye to the OM, she needs a reality check, and needs to suffer consquences. When you speak to her, it'll only be about the kids, the house, finances.. Anything outside of that realm, ignore and don't get into it with her. Be strong, be detached, don't EVER show her your pain. Anyway, she's still pouting and doesn't want to discuss family matters that need tending to right now. We just moved into a new house and a lot of things need to be done. I told her to let me know when she's done pouting/sulking so that we can have an adult conversation about what comes next. So far? silence. Let her sleep on it, but I have a feeling she's gonna do it just because. Life goes on, without her then. Do what you can and document everything! So again, if she chooses to go away, let her know there's no need to come back, she can live elsewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 WOW! your wife is very confident and cocky. The advice you received about protecting yourself and your children is dead on. I would also add VAR in the places that she hides to make phone calls do her Cuban dodo boy. Stand your ground. You are the only one looking out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Tech_E Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Atta boy! The ball is in her court right now. Personally I'd be talking to a divorce lawyer anyway, just for advice on how to proceed. She needs to 100% get it, that if this behavior continues, or if she sets foot on that plane then she'll come back to divorce papers. What is with these women? Do they really think we'll sit around like old dogs while they are out there banging whomever they please? Hell NO!, Hell NO! Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 I need reasons for your actions OP they just do not make sense. He doesn't owe you any explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
Tech_E Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 no tbh what you "old dogs" need to be doing is divorce/break up thats it, anyone who cheats will cheat again. Anyone who says otherwise is delusional. Really? Is that all you can offer? Here's a thought why not learn how to post in a way that is at least reflective of our wonderful English language. Perhaps you had better go back to childrens table and allow the adults to talk. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 You do not know this man, you do not live his life. You cannot possibly be in a position to tell him what he should or should not do. Helpful advice would be advice on how to accomplish whatever goal HE has decided on, not to tell him WHAT he should decide on. That isn't our place here. Link to post Share on other sites
Tech_E Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Precisely reboot, for heavens sake this 'poster' accused the OP of being a troll. I still weep for our wonderful language. Oh well, that's a personal gripe and has no bearing on this thread. OP please let us know how she reacts next. Be VERY careful and watch her closely. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 And what about people who create additional accounts after being banned? Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Maybe he loves her. Wow, what a novel concept. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 That was not sarcasm. If you truly love someone, you don't just turn that off like a spigot, despite all the opinions to the contrary here. I didn't stop loving my wife when she cheated, hell, I love her still. I probably always will. We can make a conscious decision that we can no longer have a person in our life, but we can't just decide to stop loving that person. That takes time, sometimes a very long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Maybe he loves her. Wow, what a novel concept. yup, and he is probably so in love up to his eyeballs that he is blinded. which is why she will be able to walk all over him and get away with it again later. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 yup, and he is probably so in love up to his eyeballs that he is blinded. which is why she will be able to walk all over him and get away with it again later. This is true, but nothing you or I can say here will change that. Link to post Share on other sites
nyrias Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 This is true, but nothing you or I can say here will change that. It does not prevent you from trying though. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 It does not prevent you from trying though. Sure, but helpful is outlining some plan for him, not telling him something silly like, "well just stop loving her stupid". Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 Okay dude, first thing. NEVER REVEAL YOUR SOURCES! If she knew you found out through her e-mails and still says that she's going to spite you. Well, she now knows you're monitoring her e-mails. She's going to learn to hide everything better from you. And I love how she's re-writing your entire marriage to make it look like everything is your fault. I would record any conversation you have with her.A lot of states and Canada have laws about recording someone without their knowledge. However, IF she leaves and she calls you, let it go to voicemail. If she leaves a message, she knows she's being recorded and that could possibly be used. Talk to a lawyer, and talk specificly about the possibility of filing under abandonment. Might be a reach but who knows. Still, talk to a lawyer to know where you stand. IF she leaves, before she goes, I would tell her that if she does in fact go, she might as well stay in Havana and don't come back. She WILL be served, you WILL divide up and joint accounts that you have, cancel credit cards and put the house up on the market. and you will move out with the kids. So, basically, if she goes she walks out of the door, she walks out on the marriage and the family. THEN, I would still have the PI tag her in Cuba, it only helps your case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vanhandle Posted July 28, 2011 Author Share Posted July 28, 2011 This morning while getting ready for work I said “Today brings a new dawn to this family” and she was kind of perplexed/confused. She played stupid and said “What do you mean?” I’m like “For real? You don’t understand that we are about to make a monumental decision regarding this family?” She’s like “yeah, but you’re the one with the ultimatum”. I said “Listen, you lied about being alone on this trip because I now know that you are going to be alone the last 5 nights of your trip. So now YOU decide whether you’re destroying this family or saving/repairing it by cancelling this trip”. She then started the blame shift crap by saying nonsense like: - You give me an ultimatum and expect me to cancel? (nice excuse) - I will be alone the last 5 nights because there was a change of plans (Riiiight!) - When you found my emails in March, you didn’t fight to keep me (If I didn’t give a sh*t, would I be agonizing over this? un-***in-believable!) - You don’t love me; it’s a possession thing for you. I said “Whatever! The decision is yours. If you are set on going then let me know ASAP so that I can work out the details regarding selling the house, finances, children, etc...” At this point she had a somewhat bewildered look on her face. I can’t quite put a finger on it, but I think it was a look of confusion, fear or disbelief. Or it could easily be the look of “F**k him! I need to figure out how to screw him before I get screwed legally” For those of you who advocate kicking her out, changing the locks, etc. that’s a no go coz here in Canada you cannot kick out the spouse from the shared home. Secondly, when filing on grounds of adultery, the onus is on the BS to provide irrefutable evidence (i.e. video/photos of her getting nailed) in order to win. Other wise it’s a “No fault” divorce. @manup – Looks like its heading that way… @StoneCold – You’re right, I don’t know what will happen if she cancels. But I am prepared for whatever happens…I think. @YellowShark & reboot – absolutely true! @road – No she always pays with her credit card, but it still comes from the family budget. @bentnotbroken – She is definitely a confident and cocky person but it was always in a positive way. But now, its bringing out the worst in her. It’s like an alien has taken over her body. I do not recognize the woman I married. I can’t record those calls coz she does it from work or payphone. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 This is true, but nothing you or I can say here will change that. not true. someone here may just get him to open his eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted July 28, 2011 Share Posted July 28, 2011 For those of you who advocate kicking her out, changing the locks, etc. that’s a no go coz here in Canada you cannot kick out the spouse from the shared home. Secondly, when filing on grounds of adultery, the onus is on the BS to provide irrefutable evidence (i.e. video/photos of her getting nailed) in order to win. Other wise it’s a “No fault” divorce. . I figured you were canadian... What part of Canada are you from? Link to post Share on other sites
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