Wife is about to make it physical.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

when you have the proof and then there is no more denials, arguments, "you're making this up", "it's all in your head".

 

As for taking the high road, I agree and disagree. While not flaunting it in everyone's face, people need to know what happened and how (running off to Cuba and cheating).

 

Maybe she won't listen to you and the marriage is definitely over, but maybe too you save her from a further mistake and also there is nothing wrong with others knowing the truth. Did Van not also say this OM is much younger, which again indicates this is a mid-life crisis and will look ridiculous to those close to her.

 

An interesting note in Van's last post is the stress showing on his wife. I think it may be a good sign.

[Tech_E]

The next move is entirely up to her. Period. You cannot control it in any way shape or form. I can only imagine how this must be mental torture.

 

Are you 100% sure that she 100% KNOWS that if she sets foot on that plane it is instant divorce? In my opinion that is the only thing that needs to be discussed at this point.

 

A martial line in the sand, she crosses it, the marriage terminates.

[reboot]

I have to agree with the people advocating exposure. You know the old saying, affairs are like mushrooms, they die in the sunlight.

[Richard Friedman]

While she's gone feel free to get some strange on the side? No one can blame you for it. Is prostitution legal in canada btw?

[Tech_E]

While she's gone feel free to get some strange on the side? No one can blame you for it. Is prostitution legal in canada btw?

 

No it isn't.

 

Are you kidding me? What possible advantage would there be to this sort of behavior? This man has children at home to protect and care for. The least of his concerns will be to get a 'bit' while his wife is out of the country banging some other guy.

 

Cripes man, this poster has shown tact throughout this ordeal thus far, this is the last thng he needs.

[Vanhandle]

@Toodamnpragmatic – Damn, you’re too pragmatic! J And I mean that in a good way. You are articulating exactly what I feel and plan to do. I told myself not to prepare the papers until I see the proof. Leave her no ammo like her usual argument against me – “You’re too paranoid!”

 

Her immediate family and very close friends need to know what she did to cause this divorce. You are absolutely right regarding the midlife crises angle. The woman I married and know (knew?) is smart, level-headed and very well grounded. So for her to behave this way is totally, totally out of character and thus will make it all the more embarrassing for her if people knew why I divorced her. The OM is the same age as my little brother, for heaven sakes!

 

And yes, she is stressed out of her mind. I know her and what I see is genuine anguish. Ah well, sucks to be you.

 

@Tech E – Mental torture is an understatement. There is nothing to discuss coz she left for the airport already. From this point onwards, whatever happens happens.

 

@reboot – I love that saying.

 

@Richard Friedman – Truth be told, that thought did cross my mind but then I decided it would just lower me to her level. Besides wouldn’t it be hypocritical of me to whine about being cheated on and then turn around and engage in similar behaviour? Naah, I'll pass but I appreciate the sentiment though.

[StoneCold]

@Richard Friedman – Truth be told, that thought did cross my mind but then I decided it would just lower me to her level. Besides wouldn’t it be hypocritical of me to whine about being cheated on and then turn around and engage in similar behaviour? Naah, I'll pass but I appreciate the sentiment though.

 

 

Well I wouldnt really see it as the same because at this point I'd say your marriage is pretty much done save for some technicalities like paper work.

 

Its like leaving the Air Canada Centre with 5 minutes left in the 3rd period so that you can beat the crowd..... Theres 5 mins left in the period, the Leafs are getting hammered yet again and theres no hope of a comeback....so what the hell

 

Not that this is number one on your "to do" list......I'm just say'n

Edited August 2, 2011 by StoneCold

[Toodamnpragmatic]

At least now she is gone and you will have your answers soon enough.

 

It will be a rollercoaster week, but stay strong and try to do stuff you usually can't when she is home.

 

Best of luck.

[Tech_E]

vanhandle, I didn't realize she had already left. Well she gave you her answer then.

 

Will you be in contact with your PI on an ongoing basis?

 

I apologize if I have missed it, but have you gotten in contact with a lawyer yet? You mentioned you were in the GTA correct?

 

As soon as she sets foot on that plane your marriage is effectively over. When she comes back she'll try and trickle-truth, blameshift, you name it. Get all that proof. If for anything else it'll keep her trap shut when she tries all that garbage.

 

What is it with these women? Do they really expect they can get away with this sort of behavior?

 

Damn man, I feel awful for you.

[Mimolicious]

vanhandle, I didn't realize she had already left. Well she gave you her answer then.

 

Will you be in contact with your PI on an ongoing basis?

 

I apologize if I have missed it, but have you gotten in contact with a lawyer yet? You mentioned you were in the GTA correct?

 

As soon as she sets foot on that plane your marriage is effectively over. When she comes back she'll try and trickle-truth, blameshift, you name it. Get all that proof. If for anything else it'll keep her trap shut when she tries all that garbage.

 

What is it with these women? Do they really expect they can get away with this sort of behavior?

 

Damn man, I feel awful for you.

 

 

Not for nothing (the bolded) and don't mean to sound sexist but men have for centuries!

 

I do agree but people in general act as if they can just walk all over the other person. The audacity! Then again, you always have the choice to not allow them to treat you in such way.

[Owl]

I'd say that her choice to get on that plane was all the "proof" you needed. At this point, you should be talking with an attorney about your next steps for divorce/protecting your assets.

[nyrias]

What is it with these women? Do they really expect they can get away with this sort of behavior?

 

If a WS (and not just women) does not care if the marriage is going to end, i don't see why they cannot "get away with this sort of behavior"?

 

The BS has only three things holding over a WS:

1) The marriage

2) can do some financial damage if divorced, and

3) take kids away (if there is any)

 

Power comes from leverage. If the BS has no leverage (and in many case, they don't), the WS can get away with it.

 

In fact, didn't there a post about a WS, left the BS, and flaunted his new R a while back?

[Kidd]

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry to hear she left. I think your list of options was as good as you could have possibly done.

 

I'm amazed at how people can just throw away their own lives and destroy the lives of those that have been the most committed to them.

 

Know that you didn't deserve this and did everything you could to fight for the marriage. At the end of the day, you can't control her. You can only control yourself. Keep making decisions of which you will be proud.

[jnj express]

Even if nothing happens---which who knows, I know you have P I in place, but that doesn't mean they will be on her every minute---so who knows what actually will happen, YOU will never know. but all that aside

 

You asked her not to go, in order to save the mge., ---there was absolutely no reason for her to go, and still she has gone---that in itself should tell you---she thinks very little, or next to nothing of her mge., and of you-----she is just sticking it right there in your face-----right now you are not a married couple---there is her, and there is you---its like your roommates, or even singles, rooming together!!!!!!

[StoneCold]

What is it with these women? Do they really expect they can get away with this sort of behavior?

.

 

 

Maybe she doesnt expect to get away with anything. Shes made her choice after receiving air warning. So I'm sure shes ready for the outcome....maybe its her own little exit out of the marriage. Exit by instigation.

 

who knows

[SoulStorm]

She is making a very bad decision. She will regret it, I am confident of that.

She is crazy to be going to Cuba anyway... Tropical Storm Emily (on it's way to becoming hurricane Emily) is headed straight for it

[Severely Unamused]

She is making a very bad decision. She will regret it, I am confident of that.

She is crazy to be going to Cuba anyway... Tropical Storm Emily (on it's way to becoming hurricane Emily) is headed straight for it

 

Van's wife is named Emily?

 

I can hear the collective groans already.

[Tech_E]

Not for nothing (the bolded) and don't mean to sound sexist but men have for centuries!

 

I cannot disagree with this, but it was wrong when men did it and it is wrong when women do it.

[Tech_E]

Maybe she doesnt expect to get away with anything. Shes made her choice after receiving air warning. So I'm sure shes ready for the outcome....maybe its her own little exit out of the marriage. Exit by instigation.

 

who knows

 

Maybe you are right also.

 

However, I don't think she is ready for the outcome, in fact I don't think she has a grasp of the outcome at all. Especially since she is so deep inside the affair fog that she cannot see out of it.

 

It definitely signals an exit though, you are most definitely correct. Given the situation and the clearly defined boundaries he laid out, the marriage is now null and void. The decision was one SHE made that's for sure.

[MusicMan1234]

I'm am sorry to hear that she left. It dumbfounds how she could still go even when you made the consequences clear to her. It's you vs her now, have no remorse because she essentially just spat in your face.

[Richard Friedman]

Does she really think a young up-and-coming singer would want a 42 year old mom for anything more than a **** and chuck? It just boggles the mind that she would throw away her family for this pipe dream. Must be delusional...

[sparten]

For the most part, we are real people with real experience in these manners. Watching your posts is leaving me to believe you still don't believe what is happening. That is understandable for some time to come. You need to find your own home. That is a big step. The first step.

 

Separate and find a place for you and your kids.

[Sh0t]

Came back to this thread hoping to hear things ended better, but I see she has gone on the trip anyway.

 

Luck and power to you OP, hopefully you'll be all ready for when she returns

[Vanhandle]

She just landed in Havana. I checked the flight tracker website.

 

I think she understands the consequence (financial uncertainty, kids distressed and confused) but deep down she doesn't believe it will come to pass. I guess my track record of not being firm has given her the false sense of confidence. Well, she's in for a wake up I guess.

 

Richard, that's what's been driving me nuts since I first uncovered this. The really odd thing is that every time we argued about this she had all the logical statements which contradicted her actions. She would say "What? you think I'm one of those cougars who go to the Caribbean for some young latino action?" or "Seriously, who would take me, a 42 year old mother of two?" (well dear, apparently YOU do), etc....I honestly believe something got f**ked up in her head that is making her believe that she can play this two-timing gig for as long as she can.

 

Her problem is that she's so into this fog that she has become sloppy. For example, when she returned from her previous trip (the catalyst if you will) she bought a new really nice fragrance called "Ange ou Demon - Le Secret" by Givenchy. However, in the last few days she started wearing the old one so yesterday in the evening I asked how come she stopped wearing the new fragrance. She said "Oh, it finished and besides I got tired of it". I asked what was it called. "Oh, I don't remember". Little does she know that I saw the bottle (unfinished) a day earlier in our washroom. Now you may be wondering why the hell am I rambling on about her fragrance. Its because I have access to her facebook and I saw old messages between her and her infamous travel friend from March. The friend was complaining to my wife about a coworker she has the hots for, but he's having cold feet. My wife comforted her and said "Its ok. He has nothing to offer you and besides we have to be prepared for any outcome when pursuing relationships outside the family". The other one responds "well at least we know what "perfume" to use". My wife says "My perfume, I will test on [the guy] only!". Fast forward to today after work. I see the old bottle is still in the washroom and the new one "le secret" is gone. Guess she'll be testing that perfume after all

 

Sparten, No I cannot believe this is happening. I really don't. This evening has been hell for me. Really hell. I feel empty inside. I can't put it into words. I took the kids out for dinner, did some small item shopping, drove around, anything to keep me busy but I can't f**king concentrate on anything. Maybe tomorrow will be better. we'll see. Thanks everyone for your support.

[Richard Friedman]

Sparten, No I cannot believe this is happening. I really don't. This evening has been hell for me. Really hell. I feel empty inside. I can't put it into words. I took the kids out for dinner, did some small item shopping, drove around, anything to keep me busy but I can't f**king concentrate on anything. Maybe tomorrow will be better. we'll see. Thanks everyone for your support.

 

Which is why is suggested the prozzie. At least you won't feel like a powerless cuckold, eh? At this point it can't be call cheating because your marriage is dead. Like someone said, it's like leaving the arena when your team is down 30 points in the fourth. Don't listen to the do-gooder posters on here, and do whats best for yourself and your sanity. These guys have good intentions but have been programmed to think in a very black and white way. Some would probably even advise you to stay celibate when you're 8 months separated and the wife is banging every tom dick and harry in town becaue its cheeaaaatiiinnnggg. Is it really, and do you owe a wife who flaunts an affair in your face honesty at your own expense?