2011aug Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Ouch! That really hurts. I can feel the pain, the hurt and the betrayal she caused you. That just sucks. Just remember, take it a day at a time. Tomorrow is just another day that will pass. Have a clear goal in mind and stay on track. Eventually your pain will pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 I would get your legal ducks in a row then go to war against her. Expect anything because women like this get really mean when they are held accountable. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 How the heck did you sit there and not blow up, throw the pictures in her face and tell her to pack a bag and get the F out, is beyond me! I'm pissed just reading your words. Not sure how old your kids are, but maybe send them off to the grandparents (or someone else in your blood family) for a weekend? When this blows up, the kids shouldn't be around. Get a lawyer and file. Immediately, do not pass go. (Go Leafs go!) Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Crap, Van. I know how betrayal hurts. It is one of the worst pains in the world. I admire your ability to wait this out. I tried and could not do with my H. I am afraid I became a raving lunatic...but it did feel good to get it out. You must be a strong person. Get what perspective and strength you can get from your children. I am always so grateful when I think of my son. How long will you have to wait before confronting her? Yes, as whichway says, get the kids out, cause unless you are just too cool for words , I am sure there will be some yelling. Be strong, you will get through it all. We survivors always do. Link to post Share on other sites
Richard Friedman Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) OMG!! What a ****ing fool and coward I was!! I just received still shots of her cavorting with the mother****er in the hotel pool. Just like real lovers, caressing, fondling each other under water, loving looks, you name it. My wife in love like I have never seen her. She was practically worshiping every inch of his body! He was sucking her stomach/breast (not clear shot but leaves nothing to the imagination) while she arches her back with a satisfied grin. I could go on but you get the picture. These are stills, so imagine what story the video will tell. He also confirmed that the guy spent three nights in her room. Must have burnt a lot of midnight oil! :mad::mad: Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why?!!!! God Almighty this is so painful!! If I disappear you'll know that **** has hit the fan. First I have to compose myself, prepare what I'm going to say and then confront with DEFINITE divorce. Even if she cries, begs and ask for forgiveness....I can NEVER, and I mean NEVER forgive such deliberate, malicious, evil deception. Knife in the heart. She is dead (figuratively) to me. My head is reeling! I'm sorry man, but this extra pain you brought on yourself. It was clear as day what she was going to cuba to do. Getting visual proof was just self flagellation. Hopefully now you have the resolve to do what you must.. Good luck. P.S. see what her mom and dad have to say about the stills. ****ing humiliate her. And don't torture yourself further with the vids. Edited August 14, 2011 by Richard Friedman Link to post Share on other sites
Bugz Bunny Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 So now you have the evidence...make a copy of it for your lawyer and make a copy and confront her and then expose her to her family and friends... embarrass her like she embarrassed and humiliated you and your children with her behavior and actions... and yes she will be distant until you expose her because right now she thinks 24/7 about the OM... P.S. and you are not alone because you have your children and you always can post here for advice or just write here your feelings or whatever you want as a journal because sometimes it's easier to write something then to keep it in yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
Kidd Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Sorry, Van. You sound decisive. That's something. I hated limbo more than anything. I think it was an important crossroads for you to see if she actually would follow thru with this man. Sorry to see she chose wrongly. I secretly hoped the trip would just fall apart somehow. This does damage to you. I suggest you make decisions of which you are proud so you don't lose yourself in all of this. Standing up for yourself doesn't mean lowering yourself. Stay honorable (leave all the blame to her) and you'll recover more quickly and end up with a better life (which should be your ultimate goal). I also agree that you can come here and vent anytime. Link to post Share on other sites
Miky Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Van Seems like the guilt is eating her away when are you planning to confront her ? Very quiet, sullen, withdrawn, distant, and always looking at me....coz I'm always checking her out. Each time I look at some part of her body and then look away with inner disgust imagining what that part did. Then from the corner of my eye I see how uneasy she becomes and starts checking herself as if to see if there is something revealing. Basically I put her on edge. I think. I'm not sure coz sometimes her look seems as if she wants to escape. Today she's been very distracted and irritated with everyone and everything in the house. AS if she wants to run away. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Damn dude that's sick! you're a better man than me to keep it so calm, good luck to ya! Link to post Share on other sites
MusicMan1234 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Van, i'm sorry for your loss. The important thing now is to stay strong and remain calm. 1. Make three sets of copies of the photo's, send one set of copies to your lawyer, send the other copy to her parents. Keep the last copy for yourself and hide the originals. When you receive the video, post it on the internet and send a link to all her friends. But do this AFTER all the legal stuff blows over, since this could put you at a disadvantage 2. Send your children away to stay with someone, not someone obvious like their grandmother but someone your wife would not expect. There's a slim possibility she may try to run away with the kids. Purchase a tape recorder or even better, set up a hidden camera in the room where you plan to confront her. 3. Confront her, be calm and ask her 'Is there anything you want to tell me about your trip that I should know' or something to that effect. She's lied non-stop so far so I don't think she'll say anything. 4. If she doesn't confess, fetch your copy of the photo's and present them to her and tell her to get out of your house. At this point she'll start screaming 'You had me followed!' or start begging 'Please, i'm so sorry it was a mistake, I was confused', et cetera. Don't even react, don't act angry or hurt or scared. Just tell her that you told her not to go on the trip and to get out of your house. Don't let her speak to her children, this is a betrayal of the FAMILY, not just of you. Let her know that she's not allowed to see them. 5. Systematically and legally destroy every facet of her existence. 6. Find someone better and move on! Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Damn Van. I`m so sorry you had to see that but man it was obviously unnecessary. You should have simply stuck to your ultimatum of not going on the trip. She should have been served papers right when she got home. I`m going to give you advice I`m not sure I could take myself were I in your shoes. Don`t watch the videos Van. It`ll destroy whatever is left of you. I don`t know if I could resist looking at them myself but I do know it would be a bad thing if you did see them. You`ve had enough, don`t do that to yourself. I`m truly sorry Van. Link to post Share on other sites
Washburn Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Very quiet, sullen, withdrawn, distant, and always looking at me....coz I'm always checking her out. Each time I look at some part of her body and then look away with inner disgust imagining what that part did. Then from the corner of my eye I see how uneasy she becomes and starts checking herself as if to see if there is something revealing. Basically I put her on edge. I think. I'm not sure coz sometimes her look seems as if she wants to escape. Today she's been very distracted and irritated with everyone and everything in the house. AS if she wants to run away. You gotta hurry up with this. make copies of photos, give some to lawyer (I also liked the idea of some to her parents...hehe!!), take the kids somewhere, get a recorder for when you confront. I am talking within next two days. IF you plan too much on how to do this you will always change your mind on what to do and always say,.."I will confront tomorrow" and keep putting it off. Trust me Ive been there. (and no not in regards to cheating but another confrontation). How are you to her? Do you two kiss? Sleep in same bed? I dont know if I could at all if my wife were to do something like that to me. Link to post Share on other sites
moonlight4 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 I have been following your story since the beginning. Although I don't post much on the site, I have to say a few things.....I'm having so much trouble understanding what she has done to you, and how anyone can just be so curel to another human being. No matter what her mental state, whether it's a mid life crisis or what not, this is totally unacceptable. And yes, she is in a fog, or whatever you want to call it. The only satisfaction you'll get from this horrible ordeal is that you know it'll never last, and that there will come a time where she will beg you to take her back, and give you all sorts of excuses for her behaviour. Bottom line, there are none, and she will live with the guilt of what she has done to you and her family forever. This guy will dump her, and then what, let's be realistic these flings never last. And when you move on and she sees how happy you have become without her, it will kill her. I wish you all the best, and I can't wait until you show her all the evidence, and how she responds....at that point I would not hold back on vengence, let her suffer as you have. Link to post Share on other sites
ver13 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Hate to hear it...Now it's time to act for all of those in your family that deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Now you have photo, video and eyewitness proof of what you already knew. I know you had a plan and had to know, but from here on out you're better off with not really knowing. Translation: the less you know the better. Only after you heal will you have the proper frame of mind to digest these details. Until then, this 'inside information' will hurt you more than anyone. If she tries to involve the kids in her travels this info might be very useful in helping you protect them. But, there's little to no chance of that. The last thing she wants is kids in the way of her good time. You're allowed to grab onto something and hold on until the world stops spinning. Again and please; resist the urge to blow her up...resist the temptation to disgrace her to family and friends. As I've said before, if they back her it won't matter what kind of proof/evidence you have. They'll just accuse you of being controlling slime, justifying her actions. If you just allow it to unfold (and self destruct) on it's own, that'll be the most telling of all. You not having anything to do with it will expose her even more. I know it's not fair and it's anything but right, but she sees you and her family as the roadblock to her romantic interests and happiness. It's time to remove yourself from her personal circle and rebuild. Your marriage is over and has been for quite some time. Time to stand up. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 I guess we can officially rename the title thread - "Wife MADE it physical!"....f**K! Van I am so sorry. I hoped against hope for the sake of you and your children that this would not play out the way that it appeared it would. I am so sorry man. Please get support to help you deal with this. We are here but we are a group of invisible people for the most part. You need someone who can be there physically. Family, friends, counselor...someone. Please, please find someone. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 (edited) Van... You have to cool out man...seriously; remain clam. I know its easier said than done but if you dont relax you wont be able to think clearly; and think clearly is exactly what you will have to do because you're going to have to stay on your toes. You knew this was going to happen..... you knew this had already happened based off of the information you already got. Only difference is now you got pics....Big whoopty-do. You already knew this stuff dude You're marriage is finished....but you knew this too. All of this is nothing new so it would make no sense to kick yourself in the head over it Forget about "right", "wrong", "justification", "moralities"....They are concepts that will do absolutely nothing for you. All you need to do is accept that the marriage is no more; act on your plan that you said you would execute, how you said you would execute it.... and learn from its failures..ultimately. You will forever be linked with kids but you will go your way and she will go hers. From here on in do not worry about her...you worry about yourself (the kids are a given of course). Who knows what life holds for you in the future....look forward to creating a strong future. I dont want to tell you "I'm sorry" because I'm sure you've heard it a thousand times already. Not to mention they are empty words of sympathy and I'm sure the last thing you need right now is the pity of others. But what I can offer you is a little advice and say ...keep perspective. Edited August 14, 2011 by StoneCold Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 I don't understand why some people are telling him not to expose her to family and friends. Ridiculous. Sorry Van, I know how bad it hurts, but you knew deep down what you were going to see before you saw it. Keep your head up, you'll get through this. Lean on your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Lean on your kids. For god sakes DON'T lean on your kids. Dont make the burden of your failed marriage a further unnecessary burden for the kids. Its not their merriag its yours... I would say....take pride in your kids Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Van will do nothing because he is a cuckold. Dont under estimate the ability of the human being to change...we all do it; sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad but most times its debateable Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Van told his wife that if she left on this trip he would divorce her. This has probably been going on for the entire marriage--he tells her not to go to Cuba all those other times, she laughs in his face, he swallows it down, she goes and cheats. This time is no different from all the other times that happened before when she cheated on him. Van will do nothing because he is a cuckold. Come on! This isn't necessary. Let him get to where he needs to be in his own time. I will. He does have obligations he needs to consider for their best interest. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Wow, your comment in this thread are sooooo helpful to the situation:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
zsu234 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Van is going thru hell right now. What may seem to some as inaction is actually Van processing this horrible sitch. Just back off and give him support and guidance, that's what he needs right now. Good luck buddy! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Then let him pretend if you are so set in believing that. Your "observations" don't change anything if that's the case and that would mean you are just parading around going "look how right I am about everything, you're a loser and I am so the ego-boosted-right-all-the-time guy." Have you considered a career in taxation or bylaw enforcement? Link to post Share on other sites
Tech_E Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 I don't understand why some people are telling him not to expose her to family and friends. Ridiculous. Precisely, expose what this woman has done to everyone and anyone. Don't hold back. Hang in there Van. Link to post Share on other sites
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