StoneCold Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 . I've seen this as a law enforcement officer as well many times. Attempts to reconcile end up just more miserable down the road. . Buddies of mine who are cops tell me the worst calls are the domestic disputes....things get really hairy and you have no idea what you are walking into. One incident that was in the news here recently...the cops had to smoke this guy because he stabbed his wife Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Buddies of mine who are cops tell me the worst calls are the domestic disputes....things get really hairy and you have no idea what you are walking into. One incident that was in the news here recently...the cops had to smoke this guy because he stabbed his wife Same here. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Human emotion is most volatile over matters of love, sex, infidelity, betrayal, etc. It can be very difficult to deal with and their emotions can change on a seconds notice. Buddies of mine who are cops tell me the worst calls are the domestic disputes....things get really hairy and you have no idea what you are walking into. One incident that was in the news here recently...the cops had to smoke this guy because he stabbed his wife Link to post Share on other sites
gallop30 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 your wife WILL HAVE SEX with that guy no matter what the PI will find. i know this 100% i feel sorry for the kids...would you take somebody like that back, after she was used by some worthless c..k? listen to all the advice here and prepare for divorce. i met women like your wife,and i even had some beg me to have sex with them. they will do anything to get f..d...it does sound weird but it's the truth Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 What's wrong with the teenagers today that have absolutely no respect for anyone? Hang in there, Vanhandle. Make sure your plan is in place, and that you're set to pull the trigger when you're ready to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
2011aug Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 - Her vibrator and lube and all (FYI, she's one of those women who has never been able to have a full orgasm. Believe me I tried and I'm no slouch in that department. Therefore we always used it as a supplement to our sex in search of that elusive orgasm) I have been reading thru the thread and the quote above stuck in my mind. And with the other comments made by Vanhandle: - this current trip to Cuba is a followup - she outright defied his request for her not to go - she is a very sensual person One possibility came to mind. On her previous trip she had that full orgasm. And with this trip she wants to see how far she can go with that. (No matter, what she did is still wrong.) Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Does it matter if she did or she didn't? Orgasm's aside, she's in the presence of another man and is no doubt being actively sexual with him. It's less about her orgasm and more about the fact that she's attempting to satisfy this man sexually when she has a loving husband at home! She may fake orgasm with this guy for all we know. She may have emotions for him that aren't even sexual as much as they are misplaced romantic feelings. But like all women in a newly-formed romantic relationship, she's going to be sexual with a man she wants to hold onto. I have been reading thru the thread and the quote above stuck in my mind. And with the other comments made by Vanhandle: - this current trip to Cuba is a followup - she outright defied his request for her not to go - she is a very sensual person One possibility came to mind. On her previous trip she had that full orgasm. And with this trip she wants to see how far she can go with that. (No matter, what she did is still wrong.) Link to post Share on other sites
2011aug Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Does it matter if she did or she didn't? Orgasm's aside, she's in the presence of another man and is no doubt being actively sexual with him. It's less about her orgasm and more about the fact that she's attempting to satisfy this man sexually when she has a loving husband at home! She may fake orgasm with this guy for all we know. She may have emotions for him that aren't even sexual as much as they are misplaced romantic feelings. But like all women in a newly-formed romantic relationship, she's going to be sexual with a man she wants to hold onto. I am trying to understand her motivation. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I am trying to understand her motivation. Mid-life crisis Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Mid-life crisis Maybe, but while some women start behaving in ways that are characteristic of a MLC, there's little to explain motivations for behaving that way. I frankly don't think there's an explanation to be found, and that attempts to discover explanations just sucks the husband into a world that makes absolutely no sense and impedes healing. I understand the need to understand the reasons these things are happening, but I think trying to do so is merely heading down a deadend tunnel. Link to post Share on other sites
Tech_E Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Her motivation is that she is a SELFISH, SELF-DESTRUCTIVE POS! That's her G D motive. The minute she carts her arse back in the door drop the hammer on her! She thinks she can fly off to her latin stud while her hubby stays home watching the kids? Um no, Umm HELL NO! Motivation, good god. To hell with her motivation. How are you doing Van? Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Her motivation is that she is a SELFISH, SELF-DESTRUCTIVE POS! That's her G D motive. The minute she carts her arse back in the door drop the hammer on her! She thinks she can fly off to her latin stud while her hubby stays home watching the kids? Um no, Umm HELL NO! Motivation, good god. To hell with her motivation. How are you doing Van? Let me guess Tech...having a bad day? You're usually a bit more evened out Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Her motivation is that she is a SELFISH, SELF-DESTRUCTIVE POS! That's her G D motive. The minute she carts her arse back in the door drop the hammer on her! She thinks she can fly off to her latin stud while her hubby stays home watching the kids? Um no, Umm HELL NO! Motivation, good god. To hell with her motivation. How are you doing Van? ITA She's crossed a line. It's one damn thing to hide and sneak, quite another to practically tell vanhandle to his face she's going to do what she wants to do and if he does not like it, he will be the one "in trouble". She's bold, brazen, and needs to be taken down a peg or three if this marriage has any hope of being saved. (I understand that is not what he is intending to do right now, but people sometimes change their minds and if he DOES change his mind, better he does it from a position of strength.) He needs to put the smack down on her HARD so she finally understands. Link to post Share on other sites
Tech_E Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Let me guess Tech...having a bad day? You're usually a bit more evened out A bit yes... Is it obvious... It's more that I take offense to the notion that there must be some sort of justification for her actions. Perhaps the reason is just that she is an uncaring b___h? Or perhaps she just doesn't give a flying ___ about her husband. Does that really make a difference? In either case this woman ABANDONDED her family, left her children behind while she went off to have an affair with this latin *********. I personally hope that Van nails her a$$ to the wall and grinds his boot into her. I really do. This woman needs a dose of reality and FAST. Oh yah, still right in the middle of that bad day Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vanhandle Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Well I got confirmation from the PI that she has seen them together. He was intentionally cryptic due to security reasons. It is a dictatorship after all and he doesn't want the correspondence to be intercepted. All he said was that he has "seen them toghether since Sunday and to please NOT call her". In other words he doesn't want me to flip out and call her to confront. Its tempting but also foolish coz it will give her ample time to prepare a story...not that it will help her, but it will prevent me from surprising her. @Tech_E - believe me I am as livid as you expressed in your post. I keep remembering the good things we did together and what we have achieved and I get sad and pissed at the same time. Today was not a good day for me. After I got confirmation I noticed that I was shaking uncontrollably adn my heart beat was very elevated. Doesn't help matters that I went back to smoking again. At least I don't drink. Link to post Share on other sites
Severely Unamused Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Perhaps the reason is just that she is an uncaring b___h? Or perhaps she just doesn't give a flying ___ about her husband. Does that really make a difference?Yeppers. You aren't going to find many rational answers if you question your wife's motivations, Van. You did suggest that she wasn't in the most mentally stable mood. It seems like a non-issue at this point. Stick to moving forwards, not backwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vanhandle Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Yep, it looks like a non-issue, even though I know what makes this woman tick. Apparently, not well enough Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vanhandle Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 I cannot wait for this ****ing week to end! Time is moving so SLOW! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vanhandle Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Sorry people, I'm just venting coz I am not stable right now...so just ignore me if you find it annoying I am so damn confused and shattered, its not funny. To suspect it is one thing, but when you actually get confirmation....****ing devastating!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Severely Unamused Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Sorry people, I'm just venting coz I am not stable right now...so just ignore me if you find it annoying I am so damn confused and shattered, its not funny. To suspect it is one thing, but when you actually get confirmation....****ing devastating!!! Nah, it's fine. Better to let it all out on LS, than at your family and friends. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Nobody here is going to judge you Van. Hang in there! Contact any of us privately if that's what you need to do! Sorry people, I'm just venting coz I am not stable right now...so just ignore me if you find it annoying I am so damn confused and shattered, its not funny. To suspect it is one thing, but when you actually get confirmation....****ing devastating!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tech_E Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Don't worry Van, vent away. I cannot imagine what you are going through. How are things coming with the lawyer? What is the plan? Link to post Share on other sites
Miky Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Hi Van First just let me say, I have followed your thread since started, and I cannot express in words the sympathy I feel for you at this moment, I had some hope that this may be ending differently, although I had not been in your shoes (yet) I have my own marital issues which I am trying to resolve prior to getting to the common situation prevailing so much on this forum. The only thing I can offer again is an outside advice from someone same age as yourself, Married same number of years with teenagers at home, who is trying desperately to work my marriage from getting to the point of no return. Your wife had made her decision, she does not see you any more as her mate, I know these are harsh things to be told especially at this time, but it is the reality, she has very little respect for you at this stage and I suspect for some years now, I am somewhat in the same boat, the difference is that I caught this rather early and trying hard to stabilize things before she will start looking else ware. I know it must be painful but there is very little you can do to get her back, in fact, the only way you can get a chance to actually save your family is to let her go, admit to her and mostly to yourself that you can no longer provide her emotional needs and set her free, there is a good chance that after all this will be over with and you are both on your separate paths she will get out of the fog and some rational thinking may be exhibited by her at that time, you may be in a position to reconcile but most likely you will, by that time, moved on, I have seen it happen to a close friend of mine, by the time the his ex realized her mistake, he was already engaged to his second wife, I honestly felt sorry for his ex at one point in time, she was genuinely devastated. you need to stay strong, you have 2 kids that need you now more then ever, you need to show them example on being a decent and moral person as opposed to their mom, remember one thing, at this stage, your wife is no longer your friend nor the same person you married 17 years ago, a true friend and spouse will not do something like that to their SO, she gave up on the both of you and the kids and you need to realize that and protect yourself and your kids at this stage, PI evidence or not is just a symptom, I know it is hard, but you need to start the process to get yourself and the kids protected, this is going to be hard, this process is not a walk in the park but remember one thing, she is no longer the person you married, she is no longer your friend, you need to change your mindset and prevail this "war" that was forced upon you and being on the defence is not going to serve you well. I wish you well and keep posting Good luck from a fellow Canadian Sorry people, I'm just venting coz I am not stable right now...so just ignore me if you find it annoying I am so damn confused and shattered, its not funny. To suspect it is one thing, but when you actually get confirmation....****ing devastating!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Vent away dude!!!! I mean the gall of this woman. Being with this guy and texting you all the while. Makes me sick. Show the level of disrespect for the family. You realize that once you present her with the evidence that the PI provides she's probably go ballistic and blame you, " How dare you have me followed." "how dare you invade my privacy." Yeah...buy a clue, you're supposed to be married, there isn't supposed to be any privacy. When is she due back and when do you get the final report from the PI?Hopefully, before she gets home I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
lordWilhelm Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Clearly she isn't thinking about you at all, and you thinking about her right now isn't going to do you any good, other than to obsess and consume you. Better to keep yourself busy at home -- with the kids or maybe you need to hang out with some friends... and do talk to the lawyer again. Link to post Share on other sites
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